JERK-OFF SOCKS
Jordan
Everyone was here.
The housewarming costume party had been my idea. Come as your favorite superhero.
I was Kylo Ren and Lacey was Rey. She’d given me a stern look when she said she “shipped them.” I didn’t understand what shipping was, but I liked Star Wars, so that worked. I thought it was weird this was her choice since I’d mistaken these characters for brother and sister, twins. But she’d gotten pissed when I said that and insisted that I didn’t really know anything about sci-fi/fantasy after all.
“How’s Dad?” I asked Stephen as I munched on some nachos and watched the party.
“He has been sober for a bit. He’s been running every day again. He’s retiring, making Grandpa happier than anyone I’ve ever met. And he’s in therapy.”
“No shit.” I was genuinely shocked.
“No shit. I think you should give him another chance to say sorry. He doesn’t say it, but I can tell he wants it.”
“Maybe.” I nodded. “I’ll give him a couple of more weeks and then see if he wants to meet for lunch.” I’d agreed to reach out, but I hated it. I had already made amends with the fact that it would be me moving on. I might never get an apology. I needed to be okay with that.
“What—who’s that?” Stephen asked, staring like his eyes might bug out of his Batman costume.
“Who?” I played along like it was no big deal. “Where?”
“Is that fucking Wonder Woman?” He sounded like he might die any second. He had rules about random girls wearing a Wonder Woman costume. Specific fantasies that had to be respected.
“Oh, yeah. One of Lacey’s friends, I think.” I nodded, staring at how amazingly that fucking costume fit the girl I’d hired. She was one of five. The costume hugged every curve and accentuated her stunning face.
“Oh my God.” He twitched a little, like he might either faint or get a boner. “Batman and Wonder Woman had a thing,” he whimpered like a little bitch.
“What’s that?” I asked, acting the part perfectly, like I didn’t know who the woman was getting food and chatting with my mom.
When she turned, he clutched my arm. “Who the hell—is that?” he whimpered.
Another Wonder Woman came out of the kitchen eating a huge corn dog. I’d made sure some of the food was kinda sexual: corn dogs, chocolate-covered bananas, taquitos. She winked at Batman—Stephen—and sauntered over to the other Wonder Woman.
A third one smiled wide and strolled over, looking amazing in her costume. “Hey, Batman.” She stood next to me, acting like this was normal, and took a deep bite off her chocolate-covered banana.
His eyes narrowed. “What the fu—?”
A fourth Wonder Woman, also looking identical to Gal Gadot with Lacey’s magical makeup skills, came walking over to the food.
All four of them laughed and chatted.
“Hey, honey.” Cynthia came up to him. “You okay?” She felt his forehead with the back of her hand. She was Catwoman and rocking the bodysuit. “You look weird.”
“Fine.” He swatted her away.
His eyes locked on my girlfriend in her Rey costume as I slipped a hand around and placed it on her lower back. “You did this.”
“Me?” Lacey scoffed. “No way. You look amazing in your costume, Cynthia.” Lacey changed the subject.
“Thank you. You do too.” Cynthia smiled along nicely as well. It was so normal to just be standing here, hanging out, like nothing was happening to my brother.
And yet it was.
He was dying.
It was just how I always pictured it.
Of course I’d always imagined there only being one I had to pay to wear the costume. It was Lacey’s idea to get five.
When the fifth Wonder Woman came into the living room, Cynthia nodded at Lacey. “Let’s get a drink.” They left, sauntering maybe a little too.
“Sweet Jesus.” Stephen watched the Wonder Women eating. “How could you do this to me? It’s a sea of them eating dick-shaped food.” Each one more perfect than the next. All models. All gorgeous girls in the costumes that were exact replicas sent over from California. Monty had a friend.
“Well, now, I think I might have owed you. Let me check.” I pretended to think. “Yup. I did.”
“This is horseshit. You know the rule,” he shouted, drawing attention from the party like he was a child, which he was. A big baby.
“Maybe.” I smiled coyly.
“I hate you.”
“I know.” I grinned; this was my moment. Twenty-two years in the making.
“Why did you do this?”
“No reason.”
Wonder Woman was forbidden fruit for him. And now here he was, in his Batman suit, surrounded by the hottest Wonder Women I’d ever seen. And he was married.
“Why would you do this to—”
“Jerk-off socks.” I nodded. “And many other things, but mostly jerk-off socks.” I flipped him off and strolled into the kitchen to find my girl. Stephen stood in the living room, staring, and likely getting hard in his cup.
“Ladies.” I nodded at Lacey, Cynthia, Marcia, and Carmen. “Monty.” I nudged him.
“Hey, man, no need to shout. This is a tiny house. I think our guesthouse in Martha’s Vineyard is bigger than this.”
“It’s all I need right now.” I laughed and glanced to where my mom was chatting with her friends. “It’s just me and Mom.”
“And if you’re lucky, you might get the odd sleepover from me.” Lacey grinned.
“And that.” In the time we’d been official, she’d been away in France but came home tired of hotels. But she also didn’t want to sleep here if Mom was around, which I could get. It was awkward. But her living at home for one more year was also awkward. So we were stuck with quickies when Mom wasn’t around.
“Hey, did you guys hear, speaking of sleepovers, that Maya’s mom and Mr. Sandu moved in together?” Carmen whispered. “I saw Maya with that cute Canadian yesterday, and she said her mom seems really happy.”
“Weird.” Marcia’s eyes narrowed, which made her look like an anime character. She had something called Sailor Moon on. Something she forced Lacey to do the makeup for.
“Because I saw Mr. Sandu at the club in the Hamptons yesterday, and he was getting tennis lessons and they looked awfully cozy.”
“That guy must be snorting rails of Viagra. Who has that kind of energy?” Monty shook his head.
“Speaking of Viagra, how’s the Test Dummy doing?” Carmen asked Lacey.
“I don’t know,” she pretended. “I just got back from France. I haven’t heard.”
“Shares are way up.” I winked, earning a scowl from Lacey.
“Did you buy shares?” she asked as she and Marcia wrinkled their noses.
“We all did.” I laughed. “When it went public, we got smart and bought. It’s going to be the next ‘chat a fish.’” I mocked Marcia’s dad.
“Yeah, we are gonna make bank on that.” Monty pounded my knuckles.
“Oh my God.” Lacey rolled her eyes. “How could you?” she asked.
“How could I not? We all had to be supportive. You made that, baby!” I laughed; most of us did. Lacey didn’t.
She sighed and walked out of the kitchen, leaving me hanging.
“Good luck with that one,” Marcia smirked.
“What?” I asked, as if I didn’t know it was still a really sore spot.
“You know what,” Marcia said.
“Shit.” I turned and headed up the stairs where she’d gone, to the loft where the terrace was.
“Hey, don’t be mad.” I pulled her out into the night air, noting how crisp it was.
“Seriously, Test Dummy?”
“No.” I laughed. “Not the Test Dummy. Frederick. I always follow him. He knows his shit. When he goes public with something, it makes money. Every time.” I pulled her into me. Kissed her softly. “I have a serious question for you.” I loved messing with her. Her commitment phobia was amazing.
“No. I already told you I’m not moving in, I don’t care how much closer to the campus you are.”
“Will you—” I dropped to my knee and lifted a teal ring box.
“Don’t do this. Please don’t do this. You’re going to make me have a heart attack. I refuse to say yes. You’re going to hurt us both.”
She sounded desperate, so I laughed and stood up, opening the box to reveal a dog collar.
“Since you ruined apartment shopping and made me go with my mom, I thought maybe you’d like to help me pick a dog.”
“What?” She smiled wide. “Hell yes. I’ve always wanted a dog. I mean—it’ll be your dog, but I’ll totally help.” Her eyes glistened with the emotion left over from the ring box. “What was the box for?”
“A joke. I stopped by Tiffany’s and grabbed it to mess with you,” I lied. I hated lying to her, but this one was an important lie. She’d freak out if she knew I’d bought a ring yesterday and was keeping it safe.
She thought love took huge amounts of time and effort and was built on a foundation akin to the one the Vatican was built on. She didn’t understand that true love or soul mates happened when eyes met and hearts beat against each other’s chests.
But I did.
From the moment I’d seen her staring at the city, all by herself in the glow from the lights, I’d known.
I had a ring and house, and soon we would have a dog. And in the year it would take for her to finally admit we were madly in love, I would be finished with school and live in New York as well, and she would sleep here instead of her parents’ place, and my mom would be strong enough to find an apartment of her own. One day the ring in my pocket would be on her finger. And buying it so soon wasn’t for her; it was for me.
I was playing the long game with her, trying to make magic to turn Winters into Somersby.
Frederick La Croix had bet on her once a long time ago.
And I never bet against him.
He had an uncanny ability to pick a winner every time. Some called it sorcery. He called it luck. I called it instinct.
Whatever it was, he was willing to bet his company’s future on her.
Just like I was already betting my heart.
I cupped her face, smiling wide and free, and whispered, not just to her but to the universe, “I adore you, Lacey.”
She blinked and pressed her lips together, forbidding herself from saying anything back. She didn’t have to. Her eyes said everything she didn’t. “I hate you,” she whispered back.
“You love me and you know it.” I laughed, throwing Martin’s words back at her.
“Anyway.” She avoided saying it and hugged me, gripping that dog collar tightly. “What about while you’re in college in Boston?”
“You and my mom can help take care of him or her. I’ll come back weekends and holidays and breaks.”
“I guess I could handle having an adorable part-time cuddle buddy and best friend. Marcia wouldn’t get too jealous. Can we go tomorrow? I’d want a pound dog. I want to rescue some poor animal and give it a better life. Pay it forward.”
“That sounds like a good idea.” I kissed her forehead and slung my arm around her neck, leading her back inside where all our friends were.
“I think we should make sure it’s already spayed or neutered, because otherwise we have to do the aftercare, and it’s a whole thing.” She rambled on about the dog as we got downstairs. “Maybe we could get one that’s a couple of years older, looking for a home. That way a puppy won’t get separation anxiety while you’re away.”
My mom’s eyes darted to my pocket. She didn’t miss a thing anymore. Her eyes flashed on Lacey’s hands next, smiling when she saw the dog collar.
I wanted to tell my mom she didn’t have to worry. I hadn’t made the same mistake as her. I chose with my head and my heart at the same time. And Lacey had them both.