I’d thought the world was completely on its axis before Luis’ accident. But now, that axis had disintegrated into nothing and the world was just floating around in a perpetual limbo with no promise of stability or normalcy anytime soon. For starters, Knox had taken on Luis’ clients so he wouldn't lose the contacts. Thankfully, all of them had been more than understanding, reworking their schedules to align with their new trainer, but that didn't make the situation any easier. Not for me anyway. Taking on those clients meant my man was hardly home. He'd leave for work the crack of dawn and wouldn't make it back until almost midnight, leaving me to my own devices, day in and day out. Sure, I had company at all times, but I missed him. It was hard, and while I was trying to play the supportive girlfriend part without protesting, I wasn't adjusting to his new schedule very well. But we’ll get to that in a second.
As for Luis, he was still in the hospital. It'd been two weeks since his wreck and there was no word on when exactly they'd release him because of the pain he was experiencing. Doctor Jennings hinted it would be once they were able to take him off morphine, but no one knew when that would be. He’d also advised us that Luis’ impending discharge didn’t mean he’d be free to go home. From the hospital, he’d be transferred straight to a rehabilitation center where his time there was also indeterminable. It was, as he’d stated on the first day, going to be a long and hard road. The bright side to it all was Luis’ attitude. For someone who was bedridden with two broken legs, and in substantial pain throughout the day, he was always in good spirits whenever I went to visit. Seeing him smile and hearing him joke around gave me hope that perhaps the road to recovery wouldn’t be so long and hard after all.
Unfortunately, Luis wasn’t the only Fonseca to worry about. Reyna was barely coping with her brother’s condition and I didn’t know how to help. Neither did Liv, who’d voiced to me she felt like Rey was pushing her away. In my heart, I knew Reyna wasn’t doing it purposely, but Liv didn’t. Their relationship was still too new and up until now, it'd been all hearts and flowers. So, I decided to step in and be the middleman while they figured this thing out, but Rey went ballistic when I brought it up, saying she'd done no such thing and that it wasn’t any of my business. I tried not to let it get to me, writing it off as mountains of stress and countless sleepless nights finally catching up with her, but it still stung. Aside from the cage, she and I had never fought before, much less held a grudge, which she was steadily holding like the plague. No matter how many times a day I called and texted her, she wouldn’t respond, and if I showed up at the hospital while she was there, she’d get up and leave until I was gone.
That’s not all though. Oh no. The elusive and untraceable Dimitri was still on the loose. A month had come and gone since he left the You can’t hide note in the mailbox and nothing more had been said or done on his part. We were way past the point of confused and one-hundred percent unsure of what to do moving forward. As a result, Manny reduced our cavalry from eight men to two on a spur of the moment decision because he felt, and I quote, we were wasting their time. Not that any of them had ever said that, but Manny didn’t find it necessary to have an army when the war wasn’t even in sight anymore. Personally, I thought letting them go was a big mistake, seeing as Dimitri was so unpredictable, but fighting with him would’ve been futile. He was the expert in this field – we all knew it – and regardless of any reservations we had, each one of us respected and trusted the man with our lives.
So now you’re all caught up...well, almost anyway. Let's rewind back Knox and myself for a second...
As I mentioned earlier, this new schedule of his was taking my emotions, and my sanity, on a wild fucking ride. We had very little alone time together, and when we did, he'd pass out on me from exhaustion within minutes. We hadn't been intimate other than the ‘bye, babe, I'll see you later’ kiss, and if you tied that in with the fact we hadn't been training either, and I'm sure you can imagine it was really starting to wear me down. In more ways than one too. It’d gotten to the point I felt like one those crazy reality TV girlfriends. You see, I knew damn well my man was working his ass off, not only to provide for us, but also to help his best friend, and still my mind wandered off to What if he’s with Brie? She hadn’t let up in her feat to reclaim him, and although he’d been ignoring her through and through, my newfound insecurities kept wondering if perhaps something was rekindling between the two. A year ago, the idea would’ve been an absurdity I wouldn’t even have entertained, but nowadays, it didn’t seem so farfetched. I hated doubting him; hell, I hated myself for doubting him.
But then he dropped a massive bomb on me, and that bomb was the atomic straw that broke the camel's back.
Despite the fact I hadn’t been preparing for my fight with Nuñez, there was no way in hell I was backing out. Ready or not, I was taking my ass to Miami and I was going to give it all I had. I wasn’t expecting to go without a coach, though. Yep, brace yourself, my friends… Just two days before our flight, Knox announced he wouldn’t be going. Because of his schedule. Apparently, he couldn’t work it out, and he didn’t want to risk losing any clients, whether they be his or Luis’.
He’s lying…
That’s what I’d thought to myself the minute he finished uttering the words. But could you blame me? It all just seemed so...convenient. Especially with it being so last-minute. Why did he wait until then to sort his schedule? Shouldn’t that have been something to do from the moment he’d tacked on Luis’ contacts? It’s not like he didn’t know we had the tickets for Miami paid for. Was any of it really the case, or did having me in another state, hundreds and hundreds of miles away, give him the opportunity to act on feelings he might’ve been trying to subdue because of me?
I couldn’t stop thinking about it, no matter how hard I tried. For two days straight, it was constantly there, always at the forefront of my mind. Distractions were few and far between, and I had no one to vent to. No one. Reyna was still pissed at me, Maya was still dealing with her own relationship issues, and the only other person I trusted with secrets of this nature was the very one I was certain was lying to me.
Regardless of it all, I kept my poker face on strong. Looking at me, you’d never think I was dying a little inside. Even when Knox dropped us off at the airport, I was the girl who didn’t wanna leave her man behind, clinging to him with tears, tight hugs, and meaningful kisses. But the point was, I was dying...and no one fucking noticed. For the first time in a long time, I was alone again, and all I wanted to do was crawl under the sheets and flip the switch to autopilot. My world was steadfastly crumbling into pieces right before my very eyes and I didn’t want to be conscious when the last piece finally hit the ground.
“Hazel,” Maya called out from somewhere in the hotel suite.
I heard her, but I didn’t answer. I’d been playing with the same lock of hair for last twenty minutes, staring out at the ocean in a daze. The last time I’d been in this hotel was with Knox, when he’d left L.A. without looking back to finish off the season with me. When losing contacts wasn’t so important. When our relationship, though still new and delicate, seemed like the strongest force in my life. Now, between my uncertainty and temptation knocking on his door, I didn’t know that we were strong enough.
Idly, I saw Maya appear at the mouth of the hallway from the corner of my eye, but again, I didn’t say a word. She padded toward where I sat and dropped whatever she held in her hand on one of the white modern chairs. Then she plopped down beside me and stared until I turned my head.
“What’s wrong?” she asked, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
“Nothing, I’m just worried about the fight, that’s all,” I lied, because as much as I wanted someone on my side, it wouldn’t be fair to burden her with this when so much was shaking up her world too.
“I know you didn’t get to train the way you wanted, but I really don’t think you need to. You’ve got the skills, Hazel. You were made for this. Look back at all you’ve accomplished and give yourself some credit. You’ve done a lot more than most people could say. Take me, for example... What the hell have I accomplished in my life, other than picking up on the Russian language?”
“You have a point, no offense or anything.”
“None taken.” She smirked.
“I guess I’m just second-guessing myself after the last two fights. Pops, uh, I mean, Bernie, didn’t teach me what to do if I lost. Yeah, sure, I lost some during the time he coached me, but he never let me dwell on it. It was always, ‘onto the next one,’” I said, in my best Bernie voice.
Her smirk widened to a smile and she nodded almost nostalgically. “Typical. He was the same with me during dance competitions. Whenever I lost it was, ‘you’ll get it next time’ and that was that. He didn’t let me drag my feet over it or hang up the pointe shoes. And just for the record” – she reached out for my arm – “don’t ever feel weird about calling him Pops in front of me. If I could’ve handpicked anyone in the world to share him with, it would always be you.”
My face split in two and I couldn’t help but swallow her in a hug I knew Bernie felt from the pearly gates. Even in death, he was still my constant good. And now I had Maya too, a woman I never truly thought I’d get to meet, who I’d judged when I only knew one side of the story. Agreeing to help her so blindly was the smartest thing I did because she’d made my life richer.
“Believe in yourself, Hazel, okay?” she murmured, squeezing me a little tighter. “I know you can do this.”
“Thanks, M,” I whispered back.
“How about we get your mind off the fight for a while? Manny and I are going down the pool. Wanna come?”
Not too long ago, I’d been the one asking her almost the very same question, and I had to admit it was a teensy bit disturbing. Not in a bad way, more like weird. Had Knox been right them about them after all?
Naaah...
“I’ll pass.” I eyed her curiously, thinking back to all the times I’d been alone with them lately. “I just wanna veg out and do nothing. You know, clear my mind, without roasting like a pig.”
Maya rolled her eyes and stood to her feet, collecting a towel and sunscreen from the chair she’d dropped them. “Fine, stay. But if your ‘doing nothing’ gets boring, you know where to find us.”
“That I do,” I said, just as Manny emerged into the living area, his brown eyes shining when they raked over Maya from across the room…
Doing nothing quickly turned into a glorious two-hour nap I hadn't known I needed. When I woke up, the sun was just starting to set, flooding the all-white room in pink and gold hues. Rolling over, I stretched out and reached for my phone charging at the end of the bed; a bed that was far too big for just me. Three missed calls and two texts from Knox greeted me as I clicked on the screen.
My King: Did you make it to the Delano?
My King: Baby?
My King: I’m starting to get worried, please call me.
And the last one was five minutes ago.
My King: Okay, I’m seriously worried. Manny isn’t answering either…
What?
I tossed the phone onto the mattress and scrambled out from underneath the sheets, racing out the door to the living room in alarm. Where could he be? He and Maya should definitely have been back already.
Oh, they were back alright, and the sight I walked in on was not at all what I was expecting to see.
Holy shit, I thought to myself, screeching to a halt as quietly as possible. Maya and Manny were passed out on the couch with the TV playing some rerun of Cops. She was snuggled into the corner and he was splayed out on top of her, his head on her stomach. My hand shot up to my mouth as I retreated back the way I came and shut my door in complete shock. I stood there, pressed up against the wood for I don't know how long with my mind running in circles, until my phone began buzzing away.
Knox.
I knew it was him. Pouncing onto the bed, I hit the green button on my screen and lifted the phone to my ear. “Hello?”
“Jesus Christ, there you are. I was having a panic attack,” he exclaimed, and I could all but see him raking a hand through his hair.
Laying back into the pillow, I set the phone on speaker and dropped the volume a few notches. “I’m sorry, I was napping.”
“And Manny? He hasn’t been answering either.”
“He’s napping too.”
Napping with Maya...
“Manny? Napping?” he asked dubiously. “Okayyy, well, I’m assuming you all made it to the hotel then?”
“Yeah we got here around three. There was major traffic on 95.”
“Not surprising.”
“Mhmm.”
“I miss you already,” he murmured.
My response came delayed because all I could wonder was how he had the time to talk on the phone if he as busy as he claimed.
Sifting my fingers through my hair, I sighed. “...I miss you too.”
“That sounds promising…”
‘What are you talking about?”
“You,” he said simply. “You seem so far away.”
“I am far away. Miami, remember,” I quipped, hoping to lighten his thoughts.
I failed though, obviously.
“Haha, funny. You know that's not what I meant. What's going on?”
“I really don’t know what you’re talking about. I’m fine.”
“And ‘I’m fine’ usually means you’re anything but fine. Tell me,” he pressed.
“Seriously, I’m fine.”
“Why are you lying to me? Don’t think I haven’t noticed how quiet and tight-lipped you’ve been since I said I couldn’t go. Is that what this is about? Are you mad at me?”
“I’m not mad, Knox…” I paused, unsure of whether I really wanted to open this can of worms right now or not. “I’m just...disappointed. Confused.”
“What are you confused about?”
“Where you stand in our relationship.”
I guess we were doing this...
“Where I what?” He sounded slightly outraged. “Are you kiddi-”
“Are you fucking Brie?” I blurted out, unable to hold it back any longer.
A hiccup of silence passed and then he asked, his question drowned in disbelief.
“What did you just say?”
“Are. You. Fucking. Brie? It’s simple question.”
“No, I’m not fucking Brie, Hazel. What the fuck would make you think that?”
Though he hadn't said it with a sneer, I could feel it. He was angry and he was trying his best to remain in control. But you know what? I was too. I was angry I even had to ask him this question.
“I don’t know, maybe how she just can’t seem to leave you alone, despite my warning. I know you’ve told me you’re ignoring her, but how do I really know that?”
“Because you should trust me in the same way I trust you,” he said simply.
“Well, it’s hard to trust you when you’re out until almost midnight every night, and then suddenly you can’t work your schedule out to come to Miami with me as planned. You’re my coach, Knox. If anyone should be here with me, it’s you.”
“Baby, are you serious right now?” Clearly, this was killing him as much as it was me. “You know I’m working like an animal, hence the late hours, and I should be there, but I can’t let these clients slip away. I promise you with everything I am that there’s nothing going on with Brie.”
“I don’t believe you…” I whispered.
“Why?”
“Because the entire situation is just too convenient. I mean, who the hell really works out at eleven o’clock at night?”
“People who have busy schedules. Hazel, I swear to you, on my own damn grave. Aside from the night at the shop, which I told you about, and the night she showed up the arena, I haven’t seen Brie,” he avowed, and still I shook my head, regardless of the fact he couldn’t see me.
“You may swear it, but it seems hard to believe. Too many dots can be connected in this picture for it to be some sick coincidence.”
I could hear him growing frustrated. Not in an angered way, but in a desperate way. I was almost certain I could hear him pacing.
“Do you love me?” he asked wildly.
“With my life,” I confessed.
“Then just trust me, baby, please. I beg you. I would never do anything to hurt you.”
Tears filled my eyes at the ache in his voice. My heart was breaking. I draped an arm over my face just as they spilled over my cheeks, hating everything and everyone against us.
“Kitten?” he asked after a beat.
“Yeah, I’m here. I’m, uh...I’m gonna hop in the shower.”
“Don’t do this, Hazel. Don’t push me out again. Talk to me, tell me what you need me to do for you to believe me. I’ll show you every text, my call log. You can speak to my clients if need be. Whatever you want, baby. Please…”
I wiped my face and a took a deep, shaky breath. I couldn’t do this, not now.
“Goodbye, Knox…”
“Baby, do not han-”
Click.