After the incident with TMZ and the ice cream, Paige and Dash made the executive decision that I could not be left around a television, especially when the fridge was now stocked with self-pity breakup food.

“We’re going out, and we’re going to have fun,” Paige told me sternly as she helped me pick out an outfit to wear.

But I didn’t want to have fun. I wanted to wallow. I wanted to refill my stomach with ice cream and cry and cry and cry. Instead, I was being forced into my sparkly blue heels and one of the few dresses in my closet that had not been given to me by Jax—as all of those were in a pile on the side of my bedroom. I was secretly hoping that one day I’d wake up and they’d be gone—along with all the other remnants of my time with Jax.

Somehow, I managed to put on a happy face and leave the apartment, with Dash and Paige flanking me as if they were worried I would bolt back to my room if given the opportunity. They weren’t wrong.

The bar they found was a couple of blocks away. It was crowded and loud, pop music filling the place up while people danced on the tiny dance floor. Even though I wanted to wallow, I still couldn’t help smiling at some of the ridiculous moves dancers were showing off. It was a Saturday night, so people were drinking and having a good time.

I didn’t want to be there, but for the sake of my sister and Dash, I did my best to pretend. I didn’t want them to worry about me, so I accepted their offers of drinks and made sure to nurse my martini while urging them to go out and have fun on the dance floor.

“I don’t want to leave you here by yourself,” Paige kept insisting.

“It’s fine,” I told her, holding up my drink. “I’ve got this, remember?”

She frowned at me. “Why don’t you come dance with us?” she offered.

I made a face at her. “I think I’m already at peak third wheel,” I said. “You guys go have fun. I mean it.”

Giving me a backwards look, Paige finally let Dash drag her onto the dance floor. The minute he pulled Paige into his arms, both of them looked as if the entire world had disappeared around them. They stared into each other’s eyes, and the love radiating off of them was so powerful that I had to look away.

I didn’t want to be jealous, but suddenly I couldn’t help myself. I was miserable, and while I was happy that my sister was so happy, I couldn’t deny that I was in pain watching other people being so in love. It made everything that had happened with me and Jax feel all the more raw and painful.

I was still nursing my drink when Paige and Dash took a break from the dance floor. Both of them were flushed, and I could tell that they were already looking forward to the end of the evening when they could be alone.

“Having fun?” Paige asked when Dash went to get us another round of drinks.

“Yep,” I lied.

Paige gave me a look. “Was this a bad idea?” she asked.

I patted her hand. “It was made with good intentions,” I told her. “And those are never really bad ideas.” I took a breath. “But I think I really need to be by myself tonight. Besides.” I gestured towards Dash. “The two of you look like you’re ready for your own private party.”

Paige flushed. “Well, it is kind of our anniversary.”

I threw up my hands. “And you decided to spend it babysitting your bummer of an older sister?”

“No.” Paige took my hand. “We decided to spend it with my awesome older sister, who I love and worry about.”

I smiled at her.

“Don’t worry about me,” I told her. “I know things seem pretty rough now, but I’ll get over it. I always do.”

I was hoping desperately that it was true.

Paige gave me a searching look. “Are you sure?”

“Yes!” I gave her a gentle push in the direction of Dash. “Go spend your anniversary with him. Have fun.”

She gave me a hug. “Don’t watch TMZ,” she told me.

I crossed my heart. “Promise,” I told her, even though I wasn’t sure I could be held to that promise.

“Love you,” she said.

“Love you too,” I told her, and watched as she disappeared into the crowd towards Dash.

It was only once I was in my cab, heading back to my apartment, that I allowed my sadness to seep back in. I slumped back against the seat, both eager for and dreading the quiet silence of my apartment.

At the very least, I was happy for Paige. She had found someone who loved her completely and unconditionally. Dash wasn’t the kind of person I would have ever expected her to fall for, but seeing them together made it clear how perfect they were for each other. They just seemed to like spending time together. They had fun.

It was what I had thought I’d had with Jax.

Because it wasn’t just the red-hot attraction or mind-blowing sex. I actually liked spending time with him, just hanging out, doing nothing much at all. Besides his obvious good looks, he was funny and clever and genuinely interested in what I had to say. He had always listened to me, and I had thought that he understood me. That we got each other.

I had never really felt that before. I had thought I had, but when I compared all my past relationships to what I’d shared with Jax, they all came up short. Way, way short. Which is why it hurt so much that it had been taken away.

I missed him so badly.

Pulling out my phone, I considered calling him. But I put it away, realizing that it would just be too painful to speak to him again. I needed to move on.

Except, when the cab pulled up in front of my apartment, the one person I had been hoping to move on from was standing right on my doorstep.

At first I thought I was hallucinating. That I had somehow conjured him up from the power of my heartbreak. But my cab driver seemed to see him as well.

“Holy shit, is that Jax Hawthorne?” he asked as we idled on the curb.

“Yep,” I muttered, fumbling to pull out money from my wallet.

Jax walked over to us, and my cabbie rolled down his window.

“Dude, I fucking loved you in Black Hawk Remembers,” he said in his thick New York accent. “You were the bomb.”

“Thanks,” Jax told him, handing over some cash before opening the door for me. “I really appreciate it.”

“I really appreciate you, man!” My cabbie was obviously a big fan.

Jax gave him a grin, but I could tell that it was a little strained, his eyes darting over to me. He was holding out his hand, and I was still sitting in the cab, debating whether I should take it or shut the door and tell the cab driver to take me to Staten Island.

In the end, I decided I didn’t want to go to Staten Island, but I climbed out of the cab without taking Jax’s hand and slammed the door behind me.

“Thanks for the ride,” I told the cab driver, and walked right past Jax, pulling out my keys.

“Oh shit,” I heard my driver say. “Is that her? The broken engagement girl?”

I didn’t hear Jax’s response, because all I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears as I struggled to get my key in the lock of the front door. I felt him before anything, and then his hand was on mine, taking my keys and opening the door for me.

“Thank you,” I said, more out of habit than anything else.

“Penny—” Jax tried, but I pushed past him and practically ran up the stairs.

Unfortunately, I had left him with my keys, so I had to wait by my door for him to follow me. I said nothing as he opened the door to my apartment and I hurried inside, hoping that I could shut the door in his face.

But when I turned to do so, getting the first good look at his face since I’d spotted him on the sidewalk, what I saw there made me pause, mid-door swing.

He looked miserable. Even more miserable than he had looked in the photos. And still he was the most beautiful man I’d ever seen.

“Hi,” he said.

“What are you doing here?” I asked, looking away quickly.

Because it was like looking into a solar eclipse: I knew I’d just get hurt if I looked for too long. Already, all of my feelings for him were rushing back. Not that I had even really gotten a chance to get over them, but any progress I had made was immediately undone, as I was filled with love and affection for him. I wanted him. I wanted him so badly.

“I just needed to see you,” Jax said, sounding awkward and uncomfortable and completely unlike himself.

“Well, you’ve seen me.” I couldn’t miss how his eyes darkened a little when he glanced down at my shoes. He’d always been fond of these heels, it seemed.

But when I tried to close the door again, this time, his arm came up and stopped me.

“I lied,” he said. “I didn’t just want to see you.”

My heartbeat was getting louder and louder in my ears. But I didn’t say anything. I just waited.

“I thought about doing this in a million different ways,” Jax said, his eyes full of emotion. “Thought that maybe I’d stage a big romantic scene, but then I realized that we’ve had too much of that already. What I needed was just the two of us, alone.”

He was so handsome that it hurt to have him this close and be unable to kiss him. But I knew that would just make things worse, so I kept my hands curled at my sides.

“So talk,” I told him, not making a move.

Whatever he had to say, he could say from the hallway. Because I didn’t think I could control myself if I let him into the apartment and he closed the door behind him.

“I was a moron,” he finally said, his eyes finding mine. “A bloody moron. And I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I got caught up in all my ambition and the potential fame, and I’m sorry that I let you get caught up in it too.”

He took a deep breath.

“I thought that the movie was what mattered. My whole life has been focused around my career. I guess I told myself that if I made it to the top, that everything else would be fine. My parents would finally approve of me, and I’d feel like all my hard work had paid off, that I would have accomplished something I could be proud of. And then you came along.”

He gave me a rueful smile. My heart caught in my throat.

“It took a while for me to figure it out, but I realized that it’s nothing without you, Penny. What I really want—what I’ve always wanted—is someone to share my life with me. ”

Jax reached out and tucked my hair behind my ear. His touch ricocheted through me, but I was hanging on his words, not believing what I was hearing.

“And for a brief moment, I had it all. But I was too stupid to see it for what it was. The reason everything was good, and I was happy and fulfilled, was you. Not the movie, or some part, or any of the fame. Just you.”

I was speechless.

“You’re what matters, baby,” he said. “You’re the world to me. Everything else is just noise.”

I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to do.

Jax took my hands.

“I’m sorry, Penny. I’m sorry I let you get away. I love you.”

His words washed over me. the words I’d been longing to hear. I wanted so badly to kiss him and believe that everything was going to be OK.

Instead, I pulled my hands from his grasp.

“I’m sorry, Jax,” I told him. “But I can’t.”

His face fell.

“When I left you in London, I felt like I was breaking into a million pieces,” I confessed. “And now I’m just starting to put myself back together. I’m afraid that if I let you back into my life—back into my heart—that you’ll break me all over again. And I can’t take that risk.”

Jax’s disappointment was written all over his face. But he quickly hid it from me and stepped back, out of my doorway.

“I understand,” he said, even though he clearly didn’t.

But it wasn’t until I had shut the door on him and walked numbly through my apartment, kicking off my shoes, my dress, and all the fancy trappings I had wrapped myself in to go to the bar, that I realized I had just made the biggest mistake of my fucking life.

Had Jax Hawthorne, my childhood crush, my adult woman crush, just come to my door to tell me that I was everything in his life? That I was the thing he wanted more than anything else?

And had I just shut the door in his face?

Scrambling to get dressed, I grabbed a pair of jeans and a ratty old T-shirt and shoved my feet into sneakers. Racing downstairs, I prayed that I was in time.

But Jax was gone.

Yanking my phone out of my pocket, I called his number. No answer. I tried again. Nothing.

Immediately I flagged down a cab. I remembered the hotel he had stayed in the last time he had been here, and the name he had stayed under. But when I got to the hotel, even though the people behind the desk confirmed he was staying there, they also told me that he wasn’t currently in his room.

I felt like screaming and crying at the same time. How had I fucked this up so badly and so quickly? I put my head in my hands.

How in the hell was I going to find him? Then I realized there was one person in the world who would know exactly where he was going at this moment. I searched through my contacts until I found her number.

“Stella!” I practically shrieked when she answered. “Where is Jax? Where is he right now?”

“Who is this?” she demanded.

“It’s Penny,” I said, trying to call another cab. “And you need to tell me where Jax is. It’s important.”

“He’s on his way to a premiere,” she told me. “Red carpet.”

“I need to know where it is,” I demanded.

She gave me the address and when I finally grabbed a cab, I told the driver to step on it. I wasn’t even thinking at this point—just operating on auto-pilot. All I knew was that I needed to find Jax. I needed to tell him that I had made a mistake. That he was worth the risk. Because he was.

I’d spent my life playing it safe. Jax was the first one to push me out of my comfort zone. And sure, that had brought me heartache and pain, but it had also brought me amazing adventures and friendship and love.

A love that was worth fighting for.

The traffic got worse and worse the closer we got to the event. No doubt streets were being closed off, so after not moving for fifteen minutes, I paid my driver and got out, setting out to go the rest of the way on foot.

I was still ten blocks away, but it didn’t matter. I sprinted the whole way, weaving through people and shouting apologies as I zoomed past pedestrians and across walkways about to turn red.

Up ahead I could see the crowds and flashing lights that indicated the presence of the paparazzi. People had lined the streets, held back from the red carpet by metal fences, crowded together to shout at their favorite celebrities and hope for the opportunity to get an autograph or a selfie.

It wasn’t easy, but somehow I got to the front of one of those fan sections. With my stomach pressed against the metal rail, I strained to get a glimpse of who was walking the red carpet. I didn’t recognize anyone, but I knew I needed to get closer.

So, without thinking, I climbed over the fence.

Immediately security surrounded me.

“Ma’am, you need to step back,” one of them told me.

“I just need to see Jax Hawthorne,” I begged, immediately hearing how crazy I sounded. “Don’t you recognize me?” I asked, hoping that one of the security guards was a fan of the tabloids.

But all I got were blank looks.

“Ma’am, we need you to leave,” they told me.

Just as they did, I saw a familiar face step out of a limo.

It was Jax.

“Jax!” I shouted, but my voice was lost in the crowd that was cheering his name.

He stepped onto the red carpet and waved at his fans. I didn’t know how he had managed it, but he had changed out of the jeans and shirt he had come to see me in and was looking unbearably handsome in a tux. Only I could tell that his smile was faded and didn’t reach his eyes.

“Jax!” I shouted again, trying to run towards him, but I was stopped by the security guards, who looked ready to physically remove me from the premises.

Before they could, I stuck my fingers in my mouth and let out an ear-piercing whistle. The same whistle that Jax had taught me when we were kids. It cut through the noise of the crowd, and I saw the moment it reached him.

He spun on his heels, his eyes going immediately to me.

The security guards were pulling me away when he ran over.

“Stop,” he told them. “She’s with me.”

They released me, and I fell into his arms.

“I’m so sorry, Jax,” I told him. “I shouldn’t have let you walk away. Because, because you’re my everything too.”

A wide smile spread across his gorgeous face, full of relief—and tenderness too. “Does this mean you’ll give me another shot?” he asked. “A real one this time?”

I nodded.

“But what you said, about hurting you again . . .”

“You’re worth the risk,” I told him, tears beginning to well in my eyes.

“You have no idea how glad I am to hear you say that.” He swept me off my feet. “Because I am completely and utterly in love with you, Penny Pollack.”

Tears were now freely running down my cheeks. “I love you too,” I said.

All around us cameras were going off, capturing every second of my ugly crying. But I didn’t care who was watching. I was in Jax’s arms, where I belonged.

“Just one more thing,” Jax whispered in my ear. “You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

“Oh, Mr. Darcy,” I sighed. “You say the nicest things.”

And when Jax lowered his lips to mine, the entire world disappeared, and it was just the two of us. And everything was perfect.