CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
MARCUS
Marcus sat in his room in darkness, mulling over their conversation at dinner. Surely, Katy hated him by now. Throughout his litany of rude actions, he hoped she had more self-respect than to accommodate such abuse. If she didn’t do it herself, he would do it for her. He’’d have to drive her away so he wouldn’t need to beat her back.
With that thought firmly squared in his heart, he felt safe enough to venture back out, in case he happened to stumble upon Katy.
He found her bundled up in a blanket against a stiff breeze along the pool. Alone. She faced the lagoon, and moonlight left a trail of kisses on her face.
She was no Amanda, yes.
Katy was her very own.
Stars freckled the heavens in a glorious swath. Marcus had never seen such a night sky. Even the previous evening, as he lay out in the open in that silly hammock, clouds had obscured the stars. In New York, he couldn’t see them, not in the city at any rate.
Whether he liked it or not, Katy burned bright as a star in the heavens, hard to ignore.
He moved to leave her in peace, but he was too late, and she looked over her shoulder right at him. Then she turned back toward the lagoon.
Giving him permission to go.
Or to come to her.
In the last five years, he’d been good at dodging intimacy and tenderness, and he wanted to do so now.
An overwhelming need to connect with Katy drove him to the brink of despair. She stirred feelings he’d tried to stamp down since Amanda’s death so he didn’t have to suffer loss again someday.
It was late; he should go inside. He should leave her alone. He should—
His feet moved toward her, twin devils stirring trouble.
He stopped some twenty feet away.
“Hello,” she said softly over her shoulder.
Even after his parting words with her today? What exactly had he said?
Love. He had spat it out like it was a four-letter word.
She still greeted him with warmth. He had never met anyone who accepted another as unconditionally.
Since he lost Amanda, his life had meandered aimlessly. Unwittingly, he’d been on his own posada. With Katy, it was as though he was closer to finding a home.
He approached her. She looked lovely as the evening, the breeze playing with her hair. Her perfume reached his nostrils, and it was all he could do to not reach for her.
Clenching his fists at his side, he looked up at the heavens. “I would never have seen this if it weren’t for you.”
“Maybe you would have come here anyway.”
He heard the smile in her voice.
“Maybe, but I doubt it.”
“I didn’t see this,” she gestured toward the courtyard, “until you brought me here.”
“Then we’re even.”
“I didn’t know we were keeping score.”
“Not in a combative sense anyway.”
In the darkness, he could pretend to be something else. A person who was whole who could give love where it was needed, but he knew that wasn’t true.
“Look!” she said, pointing at the sky. “A shooting star.”
Marcus caught the tail end of it.
“Make a wish,” she said, closing her eyes, “and it shall be granted.”
He studied her profile, his gaze tracing her delicate features.
You.
The thought came unbidden, unwelcome as an interloper.
No.
Marcus didn’t have room for Katy in his life. She was too idealistic to want to be part of the bitter darkness he plunged into on a regular basis. She was too young to be saddled with a husband who would only compare her to his first wife all the days of their lives.
Husband.
Was he daft? Was he really thinking of marriage when he could have a fling and exorcise his demons with her help?
He knew Katy was not a lady to trifle with…a fling. He was past that anyway. If he were to settle down once again, he would want something more permanent and lasting.
He thought he had something permanent and lasting with Amanda.
Funny how life throws a wrench and then crushes you under its heel.
“Well?” Katy intruded upon his thoughts. “Did you?”
“Did I what?”
“Make a wish.”
“Not yet,” he lied. “It’s hard to come up with one wish.”
“There will be other shooting stars,” she said. “No pressure.”
Her optimism was sometimes contagious, and sometimes tiresome, and in this case, it was the latter. He didn’t want to be happy and cheery all the time. That job was for the Katys of the world. The rest of them had to deal with real problems and heartaches.
He spoke again, his voice distant. “What did you wish for?”
She hesitated. “That you could find happiness again.”
For a long moment, Marcus couldn’t speak. This slip of a girl had given away her wish so he could have happiness in his life.
“That’s a waste,” he blurted out.
Her head swiveled. “I have plenty for myself. I don’t need anything, but I knew you needed something.”
His fists clenched tighter at his side. “What do you know about what I need?” he growled.
“I just guessed at it, granted…”
“Well, stop, just stop.” His voice was icy.
She did. She stopped talking and kept her face averted.
“How did I get lucky and become your pity project?”
Her whole body turned toward him. Even in the dark, he could feel her eyes on his face. “You know, I could just walk away right now. Is that what you want?”
“Maybe,” he muttered.
“But I won’t.”
“Well, you’re crazy to stick with me.”
“First of all, I committed to showing you Conchilla. Next, I know you’re running scared.”
“Oh?”
“It can’t be easy to lose your wife and child and want to go on.”
He didn’t answer. Didn’t want to.
“But you’re alive,” she said softly. “Wouldn’’t Amanda want you to keep living?”
The gall of the girl, for presuming. Anger made him livid, just positively livid. No one dared talk to him about what Amanda wanted.
But he knew, deep down, Katy was right.
“And you,” he lashed back. “You’re running scared too.”
She fought back a sob. “I trusted you with my secret.”
“And you, mine. So we’re even,” he ground out through his teeth.
He stepped closer, until they were just inches away and her face was right in front of his. He could feel her breath on his cheek, coming out in shallow spurts.
Her eyes grew wide. Fear lurked in them.
Part of him knew he needed to stop this madness. She was just an innocent bystander caught up in his need to exorcise his demons.
“You hide behind your charity work. You help people in Guatemala, but what can you show for it?”
“Is that so bad?” she asked, her voice strained.
“Only if it keeps you at arm’s length from real people.” He tipped her chin up and searched her eyes.” I’m real, Katy.”
“You?” she said. “You just said you don’t need anyone——”
“I don’t,” he said. “But I’’m still a man!”
And with that, he kissed her.