Chapter 18
The day of her wedding dawned bright and sunny with nary a cloud on the horizon, but Flora woke feeling chilled. Out of habit, she reached for the solid warmth beside her but felt only empty space and cold bed linens. She experienced a sharp moment of panic before remembering. Theyd made love last night, but in deference to the presence of her cousin and brother, Lachlan had returned to his own room. It was the first time they hadnt spent the entire night together since shed agreed to marry him. It was strange to realize how much she missed him and how alone she felt without him.
Hed been so tender last night, drawing out every moment of pleasure. Hed cradled her against his body as he moved inside her, looking into her eyes with an intensity that made her heart squeeze.
After today, they would be bound together forever. Excitement for the day to come made her eager to begin. She tossed aside her coverlet, she slipped from bed and scampered to the windowimmediately regretting her lack of footwear as her bare feet hit the cold wooden planks.
Bright sunlight spilled through the glass, filling the room with a gentle heat that warmed the chill from her skin. From the height of the sun on the horizon, she realized that shed slept later than she intended. The short ceremony would take place at midday, followed by a feast that would last long into the night.
She didnt have much time to get ready. Knowing that Morag would be up soon to help her dress, she started toward the stack of half-emptied trunks that still littered the room, intent on finding the silk stockings shed misplaced in yesterdays frenzy of sorting through her clothes for Mary and Gilly.
She smiled, thinking how splendid the girls had looked last night. Lachlan had been moved by her gift to his sisters, but shed never forget the look on Allans face when he saw Mary. A year would not come soon enough for those two.
The evening meal had gone well enough, though Lachlan seemed distracted. She hoped her brother and cousin had not questioned him too harshly. He didnt relish lying to them, she knew, but would do what was necessary. It was one of the things she admired about him: He always kept sight of the goal and would do what he had to do to achieve it.
As she walked toward her trunks, her foot scraped against something that crinkled. Looking down, she noticed a folded piece of parchment on the floor near the door.
She wrinkled her brows. Where had that come from? Curiosity roused, she bent to pick it up and instantly recognized the sealthe Maclean of Duart. Hector. What did he want? Knowing there was only one way to find out, she broke the wax and read.
I apologize if my rescue attempt frightened you. My only thought was your safety. I know what Coll is planning, and you must not marry him. He is deceiving you. My men will be watching the castle gates should you have need of them.
Your brother, Hector
She scanned the letter again, not knowing quite what to make of it. Obviously, the enmity between Lachlan and Hector was strong. It saddened her to think that by marrying Lachlan, she would most likely lose a chance at getting to know one of her brothers. She didnt give credence to his vague warnings, but something did disturb her. How had this letter been slipped under her door? Did Lachlan have a spy in his midst?
Flora glanced outside again to check the time and made a decision. It was growing late, but this couldnt wait. If she left right now, she just might catch him. He and Rory were supposed to be signing the contracts this morning. Quickly, she donned Marys old dress, as it was the easiest thing to put on, and went in search of her soon-to-be husband.
Lachlan breathed a sigh of relief as Rory MacLeod signed his name on the roll of parchment beside his. It was done. The contracts had been signed, and after what had happened last night, the ceremony was a mere formality. Though Flora might not know it, by Scottish law and tradition, they were already married.
Not only had he assured his brothers freedom, hed become a very wealthy man in the process. Hed achieved what hed set out to do, but his pleasure was tempered by the knowledge that Flora would be hurt by her cousins involvement in their marriage.
The moment of reckoning was drawing near. Tonight after the celebration, he would explain everythingthough he knew that making her understand wouldnt be easyor pleasant.
After offering his congratulations, Rory excused himself to attend to some matters before the ceremony and feast got under way, leaving Lachlan alone with Argyll.
It was just the opportunity hed been waiting for. Without preamble he said, Wheres my brother?
Argylls mouth curved slightly. I imagine the same place hes been for the last two months.
Lachlans eyes narrowed. Today is my wedding day.
Argyll took a leisurely sip of claret. So it is.
Knowing Argyll was toying with him, Lachlan held his anger in check. He would never give Argyll the satisfactionit would only make him smell blood. But the earl had a well-earned reputation for wiliness. Gods blood, Ill kill him if he tries to wheedle his way out of our bargain. Lachlan studied the man opposite him. A Highlander, but you would never know it. Argyll dressed and spoke like a Lowlander, with his refined manners and fine silk slops and doublet. But he was no delicate courtiernot like Lord Murray. Argyll hadnt gotten where he was without considerable strength and acumen.
He met Argylls gaze. You heard Flora for yourself. She has agreed of her own volition. Ive done my part, do not try your games with me.
The other man quirked his brow. Are you threatening me?
Take it how you will. I kept my side of the bargain, and you will keep yours. My brother will be released today, as you promised. This time, there was no mistaking the threat.
Despite Lachlans much larger size, Argyll didnt appear overly concerned. Though perhaps hed impressed him, because he stopped his pretense. From inside his doublet he withdrew a roll of parchment. Even from a few feet away, Lachlan recognized the royal seal. He stilled, knowing what it was: Argyll held Johns freedom in his hands.
I have a writ ordering the release of your brother. After the ceremony, it is yours.
Lachlan felt as though an enormous weight had been lifted from him. And the rest of our bargain?
That will take awhile longer. The king must be assured of your cooperation before he decides on the disposition of your castle.
Hed been patient long enough. Nor was he confident in the kings justice. Once he and Flora were wed, he would seek Rorys helpin the form of fighting mento recover his castle. Argyll could smooth things over with the kinglater.
Argyll was watching him, a calculated gleam in his eye. I must say youve impressed me, Coll. I didnt think you could do it.
Flora heard her cousins voice, and something made her stop outside the door without alerting them of her presence.
My little cousin has been resistant to any man Ive brought before her, but you managed to persuade her. How did you do it?
Its none of your damn business, Lachlan replied. I did it. Without force. Thats all you need to know.
Does she know of our bargain?
Bargain? Flora froze.
Of course not. But she will, as soon as my brother is safe.
Are you sure that is wise? Flora will resent being manipulated; perhaps it would be better if you kept the details of our arrangement to yourself.
Blood drained from her face, and her heart faltered.
She loves me. Shell understand.
Her cousin laughed. You have an overabundance of confidence. I hope it serves you wellyoull need it.
Hearing the sound of a chair scooting back and steps moving toward the door, Flora slipped around the corner out of sight just as her cousin left the room.
She couldnt breathe. Her chest constricted, and her breath strangled in her throat. Taking large gulps of air, she forced herself to stay calm. There had to be an explanation for what shed just heard. Please let there be an explanation.
Her hands were shaking as she slipped the folded piece of parchment shed so summarily dismissed into the folds of her skirt. There has to be an explanation, she repeated, though it lacked conviction. Taking a deep breath, she walked through the door and closed it firmly behind her.
Flora, what
He must have seen her face, because he stopped mid-sentence. She drank in the sight of him, wanting to hold on to what she knew. The rugged lines of his handsome face, the hard-muscled body, the dazzling blue eyes, the soft wave of his dark hairso powerful and unabashedly masculine. He was dressed for the ceremony, she realized with a pang. Wearing a fresh linen shirt and a plaid belted at his waist and secured at his shoulder with his chieftains brooch. A jewel-encrusted dagger that shed never seen before hung at his side. Her chest squeezed just looking at him.
Whats wrong? he asked uneasily.
What were you talking about with my cousin? He looked at her blankly. What bargain did you make with him?
His eyes shot to hers. You heard, he said flatly.
Tell me what I heard was wrong. Tell me our marriage has nothing to do with this bargain. Tell me you did not plan this with Argyll.
He met her gaze unflinchingly.
Say something. Deny it! her heart cried. But he didnt say a word, not one single word.
Emotion balled in her throat. What have you done? He took a step toward her, but she jerked away. I dont need your comfort, I need the truth.
He swore and then dragged his fingers through his hair. Hell, Flora, its not what you think. Dont jump to conclusions before you hear me out.
Then tell me. Explain to me what I heard was wrong.
You only heard part of it. The least important part. Argyll has nothing to do with how I feel about you. He searched her face, hoping for any sign of yielding, but she looked as hard as ice. A few months ago, the king ordered me to Edinburgh to appear before the Privy Council. I knew that as soon as I left Breacachadh, Hector would attempt to take the castle, so I sent my brother to court in my stead. His jaw hardened. But instead of hearing the merits of the case, the king had John tossed in prison to try to force me to accede to the will of the Privy Council.
That stopped her. But you said that John was She stopped herself. Another lie. Why didnt you tell me?
I thought you would ask too many questions, questions I wasnt ready to answer. I figured you would realize that because of our bond of manrent I would go to your cousin for help.
Which you apparently did.
He nodded. I sought his influence with the king to release my brother. I happened to be there when word of your elopement with Lord Murray arrived. As you can imagine, he was furious. He agreed to help free my brother and use his influence in getting my castle back if I put a stop to the elopement and convinced you to marry me instead.
His words spun in her head. She felt dizzy, trying to sort through the damning words of his betrayal. So I was a bargaining chip. You and my cousin planned all of this from the start. The kidnapping, the wooing, everything. Her chest squeezed. Why didnt you just force me? It would have been easier than going through this whole charade.
He gave her a stark look as if he couldnt believe she would think that of him.
Argyll knew Rory would never force you to wed. And your cousin cares for you; he did not want to see you hurt.
Cares for me? Surely you jest. Neither of you thought of me at all. I was just a means to an end. Argyll wanted to get rid of me, and you wanted his influence. Im sure a rich wife only sweetened the pot.
Hed never wanted me. It wasnt what she thoughtit was worse. Shed been bartered and sold like a prized heifer. Flora felt as though her heart had been ripped from her chest and everything that she thought was good and beautiful had been twisted into something black and ugly.
She didnt want to believe it. How could she have been such a fool? How could she have forgotten the one truth that had defined her life since the day she was bornshe would always be seen as a prize. Always.
His eyes narrowed, and she could see the muscle in his jaw start to tic. Youve got it all wrong. The bargain with your cousin has nothing to do with the way I feel about you. It might have started out as a means to free my brother and help my clan, but I fell in love with you along the way.
Isnt that convenient? Of course youd say that, your plan was to make me fall in love with you. He took a step toward her, but again she flinched away. She didnt want to listen to anything he had to say. Just looking at him hurt. The hard square jaw, the wide mouth, the gorgeous blue eyes that had once held the promise of a future set in the darkly handsome face. My cousin chose well. Too well. How easily shed succumbed to his rugged masculinity. Flora felt her heart shatter at her feet like a dropped pane of glass. God, how could you lie to me like that? How could you be so cruel?
His face darkened. I didnt lie.
You didnt tell me the truth, its the same thing.
I told you everything that matters. My feelings for you are the truth; the bargain with your cousin does not change that.
But the two are inexorably tied together. How could I possibly believe anything you say?
He gripped her arm, not letting go when she tried to wrench away. Listen to me, he said in a low voice. I needed your cousins help. I did what I had to do for my brother and my clan. But that does not change how I feel about you or how you feel about me.
It changed everything. Lachlan had used her. Manipulated her in the worst way and made her love him. Shed been his pawn and nothing more. Even after he must have realized how much he would hurt her, he hadnt told her the truth. You could have told me.
I wasnt sure you would listen. She heard the censure in his voice, but nothing he could say would change the fact that hed used her. Would you have agreed to marry me if I had? he challenged.
I guess well never know, since you never gave me the chance to decide.
I always intended to tell you the truth.
When it was too late for me to change my mind?
I couldnt take the chance that you would. He gave her a long, penetrating look. I know how you feel about arranged marriages, and I didnt want to lose you.
She laughed, a sharp sound bereft of humor. How unfortunate that your plan didnt quite work out.
But it did, he said quietly.
Youre an even bigger fool than I am if you think I will marry you now.
She didnt like his expression. It made her feel he knew something she didnt. What? Why are you looking at me like that?
It doesnt have to be like this, he said with a note of warning. We can go through with the ceremony
No! I wont marry you.
His mouth tightened. Its too late.
Dont be ridiculous. The ceremony hasnt even begun.
The ceremony isnt necessary.
Flora felt a prickle of alarm. What do you mean?
He took a deep breath. The contracts have been signed, and last night we agreed to marry.
She blanched. His strange pronouncement of their intention to marry before her cousin and brother suddenly became clear. You tricked me, she whispered, though why she was surprised, she didnt know. Hadnt he done so from the start? Her next thought cut her to the quick. Raw emotion tore at her throat, making her voice ragged and tight. Is that why you came to me last night? Not to make love, but to consummate their agreement. Consummation following their words of intent to marry would be all he needed to make a valid claim of marriage.
I would have come to you anyway.
Yes, but this time there was another purpose. She could feel the pain erupting in her chest. Wasnt there?
I hoped it wouldnt be necessary, but I could take no chances in case Rory tried to put a stop to the wedding. I did it for your protection as much as mine.
Flora made a sharp sound of disbelief. My protection? You cant really expect me to believe that.
Its the truth.
No, the truth is that youve lied to me since the day we met. The truth is that you stood before my cousin and brother and proclaimed our intent to marry, and then you sealed your treachery by using my body. God, the thought that he could hold her so tenderly, make love to her like that, all the while knowing how he was betraying herit made her ill.
He seemed to be fighting to control his patience. I have never used your body. You gave yourself to me willingly, Flora. More than once. He pulled her a little closer and lowered his voice dangerously. Bargain or not, I would never let you go. We belong together, dont you see that?
Tears burned in her throat as she looked at the man shed thought she loved. At the man shed given her heart. She couldnt stand it. It hurt so much. The walls closed in around her. She felt as if she were being backed into a corner. Her darkest fear had come true: She was being forced into marriage.
Dont do this, she pleaded.
He looked at her stonily. Its done.
It doesnt need to be. Not if you dont say anything. They were the only people who knew of this irregular marriage. If neither of them chose to press the claim, no one would ever know. Please, let me go.
His eyes softened. Flora, I He hesitated, but only for an instant. I cant. I want this marriage, and not just to free my brother. I love you. I know you are hurt, but it will passand you will see that this is for the best.
His face was racked with torment, but she was immune. It was all an act. He was every bit as ruthless as shed first thought. A coldhearted chief who would do anything to win his prize.
She took a step away from him, seeing him clearly for the first time. His betrayal cut like a knife, eviscerating her love for him as cleanly as if it had never been.
She was killing him. Lachlan felt as though hed taken a whip and lashed it across her back. Hed hurt her, splayed her open, and made her bleed. Even knowing that this was how it had to be did not lessen his feeling of responsibility. The pain that swam in her eyes and trembled in her voice was infinitely worse than hed imagined. He knew how much she hated being forced into anything, but hed hoped that she would at least try to understand his predicament.
Hed tried to stay calm in the face of her wild accusations, but it was becoming increasingly difficult since she stubbornly refused to listen. His instincts not to tell her of his bargain with her cousin because of her reaction had proved correct, but knowing that he was right didnt make this conversation any easier.
Please, she begged. The soft plea tugged at his heart. If you care for me at all, dont
Care for you? he exploded, wanting to grab her and shake the truth into her. Have you been listening to anything Ive said? I love you. Do you think I want to hurt you? This is tearing me apart. Since the day you slipped the dirk into my side, nothing else has been more important than making you mine.
Thats possession, she said dully. Not love.
Youre wrong. Ive done nothing but try to prove my love to you since the moment I realized what you meant to me.
Youve proved nothing except that you are an accomplished liar.
His mouth tightened as he fought to keep a tight rein on his control when he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and force her to listen to himin the way she could not deny. She was slipping away from him, and hed never felt so damn helpless. He had to make her understand. He grasped her by the shoulders and stared deep into her eyes, forcing her to listen. I love you. Ive never said those words to another woman in my life. Im not one of your eloquent courtiersif that isnt enough for you, I dont know what more I can say. I did what I had to do to save my brother and my clan. I wish that you had not been involved, but you were, and I cant change that.
You didnt love me enough to give me the truth. I thought Id found someone who wanted me for myselfnot for what I could bring them.
I do want you, Flora.
But I can never be sure. She looked at him, her heart breaking in her eyes. God, I trusted you. I thought you were different.
He was tired of her inability to see past her own blind fears. It wasnt simply her happiness that was at stake here. Do you think I wanted to lie to you? You dont know how badly I wanted to tell you the truth.
But you didnt.
Damn it, Flora. You are so stuck in the past and caught up in your own romantic fantasies that you cant see the real world. You see everything as black and white, but its not so simple. Sometimes you have to make hard decisions, thats what I doIm chief. But you have no concept of duty or what it means to be in charge and responsible. My brothers life is at stake. What would you have me do? She looked at him blankly, and he continued, John is in the pit prison now because I was so damn scared of losing you that I tried to make a last-ditch effort to free himjust so I wouldnt need your cousins help. So you couldnt accuse me of ulterior motives like you are doing right now. But the rescue failed, John was tossed in the pit, and I had no choice but to rely on your cousin. Dont you see that my brother is suffering? Every minute John spends in that hellhole could be his last. Argyll has the writ that will set him free. Would you see him die for your pride?
She flinched as if hed struck her. His brothers plight had penetrated her hurt and anger in a way his declarations of love could not. He knew her compassion and her tender heart. She would not jeopardize his brothers life, not even if it tied her to a man she despised.
He knew hed won, but there was no satisfaction, only despair, in his victory.
She stood stiffly before him, her face a waxen mask. But it was the hollow look in her eyes that sent a trickle of alarm running through his veins.
You will have your writ, she said dully.
Relief swept over himfor only a moment.
But Ill never forgive you for this.
The cold certainty in her voice chilled him to the bone. Shed cut him off. He reached for her, but she recoiled from his touch. His chest twisted at her rejection, and he dropped his hand to his side. He would make it up to her. She just needed time.
Im sorry, he said.
She didnt look at him again, but turned on her heel and left himalone and emptier than hed ever felt in his life.
The ceremony and feast passed in a haze. Sitting at the dais that had been set up for the celebration, Flora watched the festivities taking place before her, but they sped by in a blurred whirl of color.
She was detached, an observer. She felt cold and empty, like a marble statue on display.
Not once did she give a hint of the bitterness and heartbreak churning inside. Shed plastered a serene smile on her face and weathered the storm of congratulations from the seemingly endless stream of well-wishers that passed before the table. Only Rory and Mary had sensed there might be something wrong. But shed dismissed their concerns with a plea of exhaustionfrom all the excitement.
Sitting next to him was excruciating. Her unrelenting awareness of him seemed yet another betrayal. That her body could still crave him after what shed learned was shameful. Every word of their confrontation seemed branded on her consciousness. Hed arranged their marriage with her uncle, tricked her, and then lashed out at her, accusing her of being selfish and not seeing reality. Had he actually thought she would understand that hed used her?
Shed avoided his gaze all day, not daring to look at himher husbandbecause then she might fall apart. Might give way to the agony shed bottled up inside when shed realized that she had to go through with this. What should have been the happiest day of her life had turned into a slog through hell. A cruel farce of what might have been.
But it wasnt over. Not yet. She would do her part, but that was all.
So shed suffered through the agony of her own wedding feast, waiting for the moment when she could leave.
The sounds of revelry seemed smothering: the laughing, the dancing, the lilting sound of the pipes. It was too much. She couldnt bear another moment.
She stood up, legs unsteady. The strain of the day seemed to overwhelm her at once. It had taken every ounce of her strength to make it to this point, and she felt she might crumple to the floor in a sobbing heap at any moment. Shed lost everything.
I find the excitement of the day has gotten to me, she said to Lachlan on her left and her cousin on her right. I think I shall retire for the evening.
Argyll frowned. You look a little pale and have seemed a bit subdued all day. Is something wrong?
Everything. After what hed done, her cousins concern seemed laughable. Argyll had played just as much a part in this as Lachlan. The difference was that from him, shed expected the manipulation.
Im fine, she said a bit too harshly. Then, seeing Lachlan stiffen at her side, she said more evenly, Nothing that a good nights rest wont cure. Ill send for the healer and see if she has something that might help me rest.
Argyll gave Lachlan a knowing look. Rest? She heard the amusement in his voice. Im sure your new husband will ensure that you are well rested.
Lachlan ignored Argylls suggestive remark and gave her a meaningful glance. I will send for Seonaid and join you soon.
She bit back the angry retort that sprang to her lips. If he thoughtShe stiffened. Never.
Aware of their audience, she forced a brittle smile to her face. No need to rush.
From the angry flicker in his eyes, she knew he understood.
It was a few hours later when Lachlan made his way up the tower stairs to Floras chamber. It had been one of the most difficult days of his life. The only bright spot was the moment Argyll had handed him the writ. Even now, Allan and a group of guardsmen were preparing to ride to Blackness. If all went as planned, John would be back at Drimnin by sunrise. Only the fact that it was his wedding night prevented him from joining them.
Watching Flora float through the day as if she were a ghost had been hell. Each time shed forced a shaky smile to her lips was like an arrow darting in his chest. All he wanted to do was enfold her in his arms and soothe the hurt, but he was the last person she wanted comfort from.
Shed looked heartbreakingly beautiful, like a faerie princess in her golden gown and jeweled headpiece. But never had she looked more fragile. As if she were a piece of decorative glass that might break if touched.
And she hadnt worn the shoes. The rejection of his gift stung because he knew it was not the slippers she rejected, but him.
Hed expected anger, but not this haunting cold resolvecold resolve that was infinitely more worrisome because he didnt know how to break through it. Hed never felt so damn helpless. It was almost as if shed cut him out of her heart.
He wouldnt believe it.
Once he held her in his arms again, it would all come back. She would never be able to deny what was between them. She was angry, hurt, and stubbornnot a promising combinationbut he would make her understand. Theyd taken vows, after all.
He stood before her door. For a moment, he hesitated. Perhaps he should give her some time and let her rest tonight?
No. No matter how it had happened, they were man and wife. The sooner she realized there was no changing that fact, the better. He couldnt take the chance that she would slip further from him. This was their wedding night.
He rapped firmly on the door and grabbed the handle to push it open. It didnt budge. Anger surged inside him.
His new wife had barred the damn door.