CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

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Preparing To Heal

Logan

Walking around the second floor with Leddie, looking at the makeshift tables, I look down at her.

“There are good people in the world. You’ll be one of them. I’ll be sure of it.”

I laugh, looking at what we threw together when everything started coming in. We used plywood and saw horses to create the assembly line of tables to hold it all. I’m in awe of how generous this community has been.

The university donated season tickets to both male and female basketball games next year, and season tickets for football, as well. Some of Dad’s old NFL contacts have donated trips with tickets, hotel rooms, and airfare. Maddox and Brody have Steel Total Destruction coming to open and close out the show with them, as well as at least a hundred travel packets to concerts donated from record labels and individual artists themselves.

I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and pull it out. I see the picture of Mom and I and hit decline. I just can’t allow her in my life, and I sure as hell can’t stay angry at her. She made a choice, and it wasn’t us.

I look up when I hear laughter from the elevator. It’s not London or Keeka, but it is female.

When I see a few familiar faces, I realize it’s London’s theater crew.

“How can we help?” I hear a male voice. I know this one. It’s Fletcher.

He walks around the group, and I force myself to be grateful that they want to help, and not annoyed that he’s here. Hell, I invited the guy here last week.

“Thank you for coming, I’m not sure what else needs to be done.” I walk to the boardroom table that’s been pushed to the other side of the room. “I know there’s a list over here somewhere.”

I look around the mess, hoping to find it, when Fletcher clears his throat.

“This it?” He holds up a clipboard.

I nod. “Appears so.”

“All right.” He smiles as he looks down. After a moment, he nods and looks up. “It appears these baskets need to be taken to the Dome.” He looks over at the tables as he hands me the clipboard then scratches his head. “That’s a lot of Ubers.”

“We can walk,” one of the girls suggests.

“It’s twenty degrees outside and windy as hell.” I chuckle. “I thank you and appreciate the offer, but I suppose I could take a few trips myself when London and Keeka get back.”

“We have four vehicles here,” I hear my dad say and look up. “A couple trips should do it.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Maddox says as he and Brody enter the room.

It goes silent, then a few giggles erupt.

I look at Fletcher. “I’ll grab the diaper bag.”

“I’ll help them gather their wits.”

I nod. “Good luck.”

Four trips in four vehicles loaded with college girls who love music and are no doubt swooning over Brody and Maddox, and the room is empty of over one hundred baskets to be given to people who spend one hundred dollars to spend the day celebrating Each Moment. Fletcher rode with me and Leddie each trip, and surprisingly, we are still alive.

When we return from the final trip, Dad orders pizza and wings to be delivered for everyone.

Twenty minutes from that time, all hell breaks loose when a tall, dark-haired girl walks into the room and asks who’s in charge.

“We are,” I tell her, and she looks around.

“Aw, Brody and Maddox Hines.” She smiles as she shrugs off her coat. Then she quickly walks to them, holds out her hand, and says, “I’m Isabella Steel, my uncle Xavier manages Steel Total Destruction. They’re checking into their hotel and would love to come over after they get settled.”

“No way,” one of the girls whispers.

Brody nods to her. “Of course.”

“How is security?” she asks, pulling out her phone.

“Tight,” Maddox assures her.

“And these people?” she asks, looking around.

“They’re my daughter’s classmates and volunteers,” he answers.

“Have background checks been conducted on them?” she asks, eyeing them suspiciously.

“Of course they have,” Maddox answers.

“They have?” one of the girls whispers to another.

“Oh God, I hope not.” She giggles.

“Alexandra Sanford,” Maddox says, and her head spins in his direction, her mouth agape.

“You know my name?”

“He knows everything.” Dad laughs, trying to make light of the situation.

“Wow,” she says.

“Are you security for STD?” Maddox questions Isabella Steel.

She shakes her head. “I’m public relations for all of Steel Incorporated. Their last PR rep is...on vacation, and I thought it would be a fun trip.” She hits a few more buttons on her phone then looks at London’s classmates. “Do you suppose you could keep your shit together and help me sell this event out?”

“They’ve kept their shit together thus far,” I answer for them.

Isabella Steel looks at me and cocks her head. “I know you. You’re the one who ran through the building in that bad-ass truck.”

“There was something inside I needed to get to.”

She smiles. “London Fields.”

I shrug.

“Did someone say my name?”

I look toward the door, seeing London and Keeka walk in.

Her hair looks different. I like it. Fuck, she could be bald and I would like it.

Her eyes lock on me, and she smiles.

“Okay. We can use you two. How damn cute is that?” Isabella Steel smiles.

London walks around and hugs her peers. “Thanking them all for coming.”

“She’s precious,” Isabella says, standing next to me.

“She’s something all right.”

She laughs. “So, have you done a ton of interviews and—”

“No.”

“How have you avoided that?”

“As Maddox said, security’s tight.” I look over and smile at her. Up close, I can see she’s not much older than London. “Excuse me please.”

I walk over to Maddox. “Could I have a minute?”

“Is there a problem?”

“No, but your sister’s birthday is next week, and I’d like to plan something. Figured I’d ask for some help.”

He smiles. “Of course.”

An hour later, there are pizzas, wings, drinks, and bags of chips completely covering the tables that the baskets once sat on. Everyone has eaten, and aside from the obvious excitement for the live interviews with STD, Isabella Steel has the girls from the drama department posting live interviews using the hashtag, #Everymoment.

London sits next to me, beaming as she watches her peers. “They’re having such a good time.”

“They are.”

“I’m so glad, because they’ve definitely been out of sorts since, well, you know.”

Annoyed, because I should have asked her more about classes and how things have been since she was outed, I reply, “No, but you could fill me in.”

She glances over. “The whispers are not like high school, but they’re there. I think it’s more out of concern for all we went through, you know. But if it gets to that point, then there is always Ithaca College, and I could change my name again.” She laughs.

“I think you’ll be fine, pretty.” I pull on a strand of her hair, and she looks at me. “Highlights?”

She smiles. “Low lights.”

“They look nice,” I tell her.

“I’m glad you like them.” She grins then looks back at her classmates. “So, you really think it’s going to be okay after all this has quieted down?”

“I do. If not, I’ll make it better, because this is home, London.”

She looks over at me and smiles.

“I’m gonna head up; give you time to actually get in there and chat with your friends.”

“You’re fine,” she says, standing when I do. “Stay.”

I shake my head. “You need to show them that, regardless of all this, you’re still you.”

She giggles. “I can do that with you here.”

I bend down and kiss the top of her head. “Go show them that you’re the same girl that you were before Chaos. Show them you can stand on your own and shine.”

As I walk toward the door, Maddox calls after me, “Where are you going?”

“Heading up.” I look at London. “She’s got this.”

He nods, and then I walk out, Dad following.

As we wait for the elevator, he asks me why I’m leaving.

“My girl needs to shine, and fuck if I’ll ever dull her light.”

I look back when I hear someone clear their throat. Brody and Maddox are behind us.

“I couldn’t agree with you more.” Brody runs his hand through his hair.

“Tough pill to swallow, isn’t it?” Dad looks at Brody.

“It’s starting to go down a little easier.”

§

With Dad, Maddox, and Brody staying the night, I know London won’t chance coming in here, so I shoot her a text.

Meet me at midnight in the greenhouse.

Is it finished?

No.

Then, why didn’t you say the roof?

I flop back on my bed and chuckle as I realize, a few months ago, I would have engaged just to prove I was right, even if I wasn’t. Realization hits that she was right with the Lord London shit, but then, I needed her to listen to me, for fear she would fuck up and get hurt, or fuck up with the wrong guy. I briefly think, Well, she’s grown up, but that brief thought dissipates when I realize we both have.

See you then.

When the door opens onto the roof where someday there will be a greenhouse, I stand up from the double chaise and hold out my hand.

“It’s really cold out here,” she says, teeth already chattering.

“Cuddle season,” I remind her as she hurries to me.

I grab the blanket I brought and wrap her and me up in it.

“What are we doing out here?” she asks, pushing her freezing cold hands up my shirt, and I swear I hear a sizzle.

“We’ve gone on a date, danced, but we’ve never looked at the stars,” I tell her, walking us to the chaise.

I sit down and she follows, wrapping her body around mine. I throw the blanket over us and tuck it in behind her. Her hands, again, end up on my abs, and even though they are cold, it feels like they should be there.

She smiles at me and shakes her head.

“What?”

She grins. “Romantic.”

I simply shrug. “Just want to experience things with you.”

“Like looking at stars?” She pushes her head under the blanket and lays it on my chest. “I can’t see them anymore.”

I laugh as I pull the blanket down, uncovering her eyes. “Better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Anytime.” I kiss the top of her head and take a deep breath of her, of calm. Then I laugh at myself when I realize I find her, London Fields, calming.

She looks up. “What’s so funny?”

“The fact that you make me feel calm.” I laugh again at the irony. “The girl who used to make me insane and irritable and—”

“Slash Colby Stanford’s tires?” She laughs at me.

“I will never confirm the accuracy of that allegation,” I tell her.

She pouts. “Well, I know it was you.”

“Sorry I may have ruined your big date. Tell me; did you have plans to give him those lips first?”

She shakes her head, still locking eyes with me.

“Why?”

“I always wanted my first kiss from the boy who made me crazy, mouthy, and say things my mom would lecture me about for a good hour afterward.”

I smile and nod. “Good answer.”

“It’s the truth,” she asserts, staring at my lips.

“So, you fantasized about me being your first kiss—”

Her laugh interrupts me.

“I wouldn’t say fantasized. I just knew you would.”

“I won’t even ask how you knew because I realized I always knew you’d be my first crush,” I tell her honestly.

She rolls her eyes. “You never had a crush on any of those girls you slept with?”

I shake my head.

“You’re so full of it, Logan Links.”

“I knew from the moment you stuck your tongue out at me all those years ago and it sent a pain here that I never felt before.” I put my hand over hers and pull it to my heart. “I knew every time I looked at you that you were nothing like anyone else was to me. I knew, London, that no one else on this planet would ever have the ability to crush me, so I did my absolute best to push you away. Yet that pain in my heart worsened every fucking time something happened to you. That pain worsened every time someone like Matthew or CJ, or fucking Trucker, warned me away from you. I swear it was because they thought you were too good for me. Hell, I felt the same. I tried to fucking dislike you, but that made it even worse. When...” I pause and close my eyes. “I don’t even want to talk about the single most horrific night of my life, but damn, London, that fucking hurt like hell. And still, I couldn’t leave it alone.”

“I’ll never, ever, ever do that to you again. Ever, okay?”

“I know that, I do. Jesus L., look what we’ve been through and look where we are. Your first kiss, my first crush. And I am going to be one hundred percent real with you right now. You’ll never have anyone inside you besides me. And yeah, that sounds fucked up and demanding, but I can promise you that I’m never going to let anyone”—again, I press down on her hand that’s still over my heart—“inside me either. Never.”

She closes her eyes and wraps her arms around me, pushing herself up so her head rests over my heart.

“I know you’re ready for the next step, pretty, but you need to know I’m ready for forever.”

“Well, I’m very well-prepared for both.” She smiles as she looks up at me, eyes dancing, and I know damn well she is.

We sit and look at the stars, neither of us too terribly cold, and neither of us wanting to go in. Just like that, we fall asleep.

§

We wake up to, “What the hell are you two doing? It’s fucking freezing out here!” Brody burst out of the door and onto the rooftop.

London smirks before she opens her eyes. “Still a virgin, Dad.”

“Well, I’d rather you just fuck and get it out of the way than die of goddamned hypothermia! So, you can stop doing whatever the fuck it is you two are doing up here and get inside.”

“We fell asleep watching the stars,” she says, smiling at me and holding back her laughter, but none of her sass.

“And we’re not ready to do so yet,” I tell him, hoping she laughs that belly laugh that I love so much.

She does.

As we walk past him, she says, “He keeps telling me not yet, Dad. Not. Yet.”

“Okay. Jesus, London, I really don’t need to know, okay?”

She smirks at me as she looks back at him and smiles bigger. “Love you more, Dad.”

The entire day, she is steps from me as we watch Maddox and Brody do the soundchecks at the Dome. I try to push her toward her friends, knowing damn well it’s important to her.

“Stop doing that.” She laughs at me.

“Doing what?”

“Why not just tie a pork chop around my neck so the other dogs will play with me?”

“That’s not even funny,” I scold her.

“Would it be weird if I ask you why you aren’t playing with your football buddies over there?”

“No, but I’m not a freshman in college. Hell, I’m not in college. I thought I had a best friend in high school. Turns out he’s a dick. But I got Mitch, so maybe you should be more receptive to the idea. Maybe you should find your Mitch.”

“I found my best friend when I was seven.” She sticks her tongue out at me and crosses her eyes. “I win.”

Can’t say shit about that. Can’t even try to be mad. Can’t do a damn thing but kiss her.

With my bottom lip between her teeth, she says, “I have other friends, too. No pork chop required.”

When she lets go, I catch her lip between mine and suck on it before letting go and telling her, “I don’t want a pork chop. I want you prepared for what forever means.”

“I’m all set.” She giggles as she walks toward Keeka. “Preparation completed.”

When I see London stop and tense up, then hug her sister, I walk over to them.

“Is Leddie okay?”

“She’s fine.” Keeka wipes away a few tears. “She’s got to be fine, okay? You have to promise that—”

“Links.”

I don’t even have to look behind me.

“You get her home,” I say, handing London my keys.

“Yeah, of course.”

When they hurry out the door, I look at Maddox, who is looking at me from off stage. When he gives me a nod, I know he’s got it. Then I turn around and am eyeball to eyeball with Trucker Cohen.

He smiles and shakes his head, glancing to the side. I glance to make sure he’s not looking at Leddie, Keeka, or London. He’s not. It’s Isabella Steel.

“Hello again.” She smiles.

I watch as he looks her over like a fucking meal.

“Isabella.” I nod. “What can I do for you?”

“Well, I won’t take up much of your time, but I wanted you to know that Trucker here boxed me on IG after seeing some of the live feed from last night and offered to help raise some money.”

“That’s great,” I lie, forcing a smile.

“Said he’d do anything.” She winks at me.

I have no response, so she continues.

“He also said, knowing you, you’d do the same.”

I nod

“Great.” She smiles. “We’ve decided to do closed bids for the bachelor auctions and have already calculated the numbers. We’re up to twenty-five thousand dollars.”

“That’s good news. The money will be put to good use.”

“He and I think that announcing Trucker will be joining his best friend on his date, we could make a minimum of five thousand dollars more.”

“I don’t think—”

“I insist, brother.” Trucker smiles a big-ass, full of shit smile.

“Wonderful.” She starts to tap away at her phone.

“I think keeping them separate will do more,” I say, knowing damn well I couldn’t stomach sitting through a meal with his ass.

She holds up her phone and smiles. “Already up eight hundred dollars, and it’s been under a minute. See you guys around.”

And she’s gone.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” I snap at him quietly so no one hears me.

He glares at me. “Playoffs are over, bro. I’m here to do my part.”

“A week ago, you had no intention of doing shit,” I remind him.

“Seasons over,” he retorts.

“Huh, I didn’t even watch a game,” I sneer.

He laughs. “Finally fucking the Fields girl, are you?”

“She’s none of your damn business.” I ball my fists at my side so I don’t knock his fucking teeth out.

“Well, she seems to be all up in some business I need to deal with, so how about you back the fuck off, stop giving that little bitch Keeka a fucking shoulder and a place to stay, and let me deal with her?”

“Call her a bitch one more time and you’ll be shitting teeth.”

“You fucking them both?” He laughs. “Damn, Links, we had a code. We don’t swap cunt.”

I draw back to give him what I promised, when my elbow is caught. “Not here.”

I look to my left and see Maddox.

“Hey, Maddox, long time no—”

“Go fuck yourself,” Maddox snaps at him.

“Wow, you and that little skank have pissed all over my name, haven’t you?”

“I truly hope for your sake you aren’t talking about one of my sisters,” Maddox growls at him.

“I haven’t changed that much, man.” Trucker laughs. “I was talking about the little bullshit artist London left with.”

“Then you are speaking of my sister. One more word, and you’ll be lucky to wake up in time for the fundraiser.”

“I said—”

“She’s London’s fucking sister,” I interrupt him, not wanting to hear his fucking mouth again.

“Stay away from her and her daughter.” Maddox points an inch from his face.

“Daughter?” He swallows hard.

“Get the fuck out of here.” I shake my head. “Just fucking go.”

He takes a deep breath then turns to walk away. I notice him limping, and oddly, I don’t give a fuck.

When my phone vibrates in my pocket, I answer immediately, thinking it’s London. “Hey, pretty.”

“Logan?”

Fuck.

“Hey, Mom.” I sigh and look at Maddox, who pats my back and walks away.

I listen to her go on and on about how worried she’s been, but how she talked to Ava and knew I was okay.

I ask her when she’s going to visit Hope and Chance, and she changes the subject.

“I’d like to see you, Logan.”

“Well, you know where I live,” I tell her, watching Trucker chat with the team. Fucking fraud.

“I’d like you to come here, just you. It’s about the company,” she whispers.

“Dad’s company?” I snap.

“Logan, it’s mine, and I’d like to discuss something with you. I need to see you.”

“I’m a little busy,” I say, trying to hide my annoyance.

“I understand that, but Logan, every moment counts, right?”

Fuck.

§

Last night was difficult, but true to life, when horrible things happen, good people step forward to help where they can.

With the two apartments packed elbow to asshole with Ross, Hines, Fields, Links, and London’s roommates’ families, I can’t wait until everyone is in bed. When I can’t even wait that long, I peek in Keeka’s room and see London and Keeka asleep with tear stains on their faces. Lexington is also asleep, nearly lying across them. And Emma, her mother Caroline, Tessa, her mother Maggie, and Josie are trying their best to get Leddie to drink from a bottle so the girls get some sleep.

When her little face scrunches up, I walk into the room.

“Mind if I help?” I take her without waiting for an answer, take off my tee-shirt, and sit down. “Okay, baby girl, we’ve done this, you and I, skin to skin, and you are”—I rub the bottle’s nipple across her lip and she latches on—“all good.”

I watch to make sure she continues.

“She likes skin to skin contact, don’t you, Leddie Lou?”

I look up to see all eyes on me, all looking at me like I just cured fucking cancer or saved a dozen puppies.

Then Josie sighs. “I never thought anything could beat a Links’ ass, but that right there, bare-chested, hard body feeding a baby, is definitely better than an ass.”

Tessa laughs, Maggie palms her face, Emma closes her eyes, and Caroline looks at me and says, “You remember when you and London have babies—”

“Mom,” Emma scolds her. “Let’s get through college first, for God’s sake.”

I laugh. “I promise you, Caroline, when London and I have kids, she won’t be doing it alone.”

§

When I wake up, I’m in the same place I was while feeding Leddie.

“Shit.”

I jump up, looking for her, freaking the fuck out, thinking I dropped her or worse...Trucker.

When I look toward the door, I see my dad standing at the window.

“Go back to sleep, Logan. I got this.”

I push myself up out of the chair. “My responsibility.”

“And you’re mine.” He turns and looks at me. “Go to bed.”

I give him a stern look. He gives it back.

Resigned, I walk over and kiss her on the head. “Night, Leddie. Night, Dad.”

§

I wake in the dark to the smell of bacon, which makes no fucking sense. Who the hell cooks bacon in the middle of the night?

I reach over to grab my phone and see that it’s nearly noon. “What the fuck?”

I jump out of bed and run out into the kitchen to see it’s full of all the same women, plus Ava and Jade.

“Morning, Log—” Ava gasps and covers her mouth in shock.

Josie laughs. “Well, I guess morning Log is more fitting than morning wood, in this case anyway.”

“Grandma,” London scolds, palming her face.

I look down. “Well...fuck.” I sigh, then turn so my back is facing them and walk right the fuck back toward my room.

“My granddaughter is officially more woman than I.” Josie continues to laugh.

“She’s a virgin,” Keeka announces.

“Oh, my God,” London groans.

“Baby girl.” Josie sighs then laughs again. “I got nothing.”

“Thank God for that,” Emma whispers.

Josie laughs again. “What the hell was your mother eating while she was growing that one? Miracle-Gro?”

Ava laughs, and although it’s good to hear, I immediately want to kick her in the ass.

I can’t listen to anymore. All I can do is picture London packing a fucking bag and heading home.