I wander through the house, feeling the eyes of everyone on me. As soon as I walk into the kitchen, everyone stops talking. Rafael glances up from his phone, his gaze flicking over my body. One simple act has changed everything. He feels more vital, more engrained on my soul than he ever did before. Still, the silence reigns throughout the kitchen until he clears his throat. 

“Avecita.” He beckons me forward, pushing his chair away from the table. I walk over to him, just to escape everyone else. Taking my hand, he pulls me into his lap and kisses my temple. 

Maria places a cup of coffee in front of me, a watery smile on her face.

“We’re so glad you’re back.” She places a hand on my head and then retreats. I glance sheepishly around the table, catching the eyes of Samuel and then Carlos. Do they know? Do they think I’m some crazy girl who tried to kill herself?

I look for the one missing face in the room and whip around to face Rafael. “Lucas?” I whisper. For a second I’m right back in that eucalyptus grove with his blood pouring uncontrollably through my fingers, watching him die, completely unable to do anything about it.

“He’s recovering.” I release a tense breath. 

“Good. That’s…that’s really good.”

“Anna,” Carlos says. I glance at him. “Thank you. For calling me. You saved him.”

“He was shot because of me.”

Rafael’s hand grips the back of my neck in an iron hold. His breath whispers over my neck before he whispers in my ear. “The Russians shot my men and took you. I’d love to hear how that’s your fault, little warrior.” 

“He’s your bodyguard. It’s his job,” Carlos says dismissively. 

Rafael’s fingers tighten on my neck as if daring me to argue, but I will never see Lucas as my bodyguard because he was my only friend back when I was still nothing more than a whore to anyone. “Is he here?” I ask quietly. 

Rafael checks his watch. “He should be in the gym now.”

I nod and push to my feet. He lets me go without a fight. “Make sure you eat,” he says as I walk toward the door. Was he always so demanding? 

I make my way to the gym, expecting to find Lucas working out. What I find has my stomach balling into a tight knot and bile rising in the back of my throat. There are two white railings set up in the middle of the gym at waist height, and Lucas is holding onto them, slowly taking one step at a time as a woman watches on, giving him encouragement. Discarded to the side is a wheelchair. Lingering in the doorway, I press my hand to my chest, trying to relieve the lump in my throat.

When he catches sight of me, his young face breaks into a wide grin. Still smiling.

“Anna!”

I walk further into the room, forcing a smile on my face for him. “Hey.”

He hobbles to the end of the railing and throws one arm around my neck in a tight embrace. “I’m so glad you’re okay. Rafael wouldn’t let anyone see you.”

“I uh, wasn’t exactly good company.” He stares at the ground, nodding awkwardly. “Lucas, I’m so sorry you got shot.”

He rolls his eyes. “I’m your bodyguard.” Why do they all say that like it makes it okay? I don’t say anything though because I don’t want to hurt his pride.

“How are you?” It seems a stupid question when he can barely walk.

“The bullet lodged in my spine. No permanent damage, but its like learning to move all over again. It’s harder than it looks.”

“It looks hard.” He smirks, and the woman brings the wheelchair around for him to sit in. He slowly lowers himself and glances up at me. “Do you have to do more rehab?”

“Nope. I’m done for the day.”

“Well then, let’s go and do something.” I missed him, and I hate that he went through all this without a friend.

He grins. “I’m all yours.”

I grab the handles of his wheelchair and push him through the house. “What do you want to do?”

“We could go outside?”

The thought instantly makes my blood run cold. Nothing truly feels safe anymore.

“How about a movie?”

“Fine. But I’m not watching The Notebook.”

“What’s The Notebook?”

He groans. “Ah, see, now I feel like you’re missing out on a right of passage or something.”

I smile, and it comes to me so easily. “I’m sure I’ll live.”

I wheel him into the huge living room. There’s no theatre room in this house, but there is a massive flat screen on the wall. Lucas wheels himself over to a bookcase and pulls out a DVD, handing it to me. “Just press that button.” He points to a button on the little machine on a shelf, and I follow his instruction, putting the disc inside. He wheels back over to the large corner couch. “I might need a hand.” I offer him my hand, and he takes it, hauling himself out of the chair and flopping down on the couch.

“So, uh, what happened to your hand?” The hoody I’m wearing covers the bandages on my arm, but there’s no hiding my hand. Just like that, my mood darkens, and even Lucas can’t keep my morbid feelings at bay.

“My sister cut my finger off,” I say coldly.

“That’s…”

“Fucked up? Yeah.” I tug my sleeve down over the bandage, not wanting the reminder.

“You have a missing finger, and I walk like a guy who’s drunk a bottle of tequila. What a pair we make,” he says, a gawky grin on his face and a flush in his cheeks. I know he’s trying to make me feel better, but he makes me feel so guilty. I lost a finger. He lost his ability to walk properly. Three months in, and he’s still using a wheelchair. I’m horrible.

“I’m sorry,” I take his hand, and he threads his fingers through mine.

We sit, and I watch The Notebook for the first time ever. Lucas falls asleep about ten minutes in, and I smile as he slumps awkwardly against me. I end up putting a pillow on my lap and rearranging him until he looks comfortable. This movie is heartbreaking and beautiful, and by the end, I’m crying. I’m not sure if I’m sad or happy.

I’m just swiping away tears when I hear a throat clear. I look up and find Rafael leaning against the doorframe, thick arms folded over his chest.

“The kid ‘Notebooked’ you, didn’t he?” I sniff, and he shakes his head. “Trying to put the moves on my girl.”

I snort. “He didn’t even watch it. Passed out and snored the entire way through.”

Rafael moves closer, glancing over the back of the couch at Lucas’ sleeping form. “Looks like he got a good spot.”

I tilt my head back against the couch cushions until I can see him. “Are you jealous?”

He grabs the back of the couch and bends down until his lips press to mine. He kisses me slow and sweet. “Maybe.” I quickly remember Lucas and a blush heats my cheeks.

“Rafe.”

He pushes up until he’s hovering over me? “Are you getting shy on me?” I shake my head, and he laughs. “You’re going to have to move sleeping beauty there. We’re going into Juarez.”

I frown. “Why?”

“I have business.”

“And I’m coming with you?”

He releases a slow breath, his expression becoming pinched. “I don’t trust anyone else with you, avecita.”

He glances at Lucas, so I shift my weight, carefully sliding away and replacing my lap with a cushion. Standing up, I round the back of the couch and go to Rafael. His lips are pressed together in a tight line, his jaw ticking furiously.

“What’s wrong?” I ask, placing my hand on his chest. His heart beats erratically beneath my palm.

“Nothing.” He kisses my forehead. “Business stuff. Nothing for you to worry about.”

“Rafe.” I eye him. “Just tell me.”

“I’ve been absent from business dealings recently. That’s all. I have some things I have to handle that can’t wait.”

“Okay. I’ll come with you.” Truthfully, I don’t want to leave the villa, but I’m terrified of being anywhere without him. I’ve been proven right too many times. I’m not safe without him.

“We’ll have double the usual men.”

“Rafe—”

“Juarez is very unstable right now.”

“Why? What happened?” He says nothing. “Rafael?”

He sighs and drags a hand over his stubble. “I traded you for the use of the port. When I allowed the Russian to use the port, I had to rescind my deal with Ricardo.”

“Okay.”

“Too much traffic through that port, and it doesn’t matter how many Mexican authorities I pay off, the Americans will be all over it. Then we’re all fucked.” I nod. “Ricardo isn’t happy. He and Dominges are now aligned.”

I frown. “Aligned? Against you?”

He releases a long breath. “Dominges already wants you, but…when you were taken…”

I sigh. “You thought it was him.” He nods. “What did you do?”

“Dominges and I have danced around each other for a long time. War was inevitable between us at some point. The Sinaloa are not a concern, but Ricardo has seen you, he knows what you are to me. Dominges always wanted you back, but now…”

“You really think Dominges would try and get me again?” Surely, after one failed attempt, he wouldn’t bother? Either way, I’m getting really tired of being taken.

He lifts his hand, brushing his thumb over my bottom lip. “You’re my one weak spot, avecita. They will aim for it if they can.” His eyes soften as he threads his fingers through my hair and pulls me close to his chest. I inhale the distinct scent of him, absorbing the heat of his body. Through all the stress and the fear, I always have this. I have him, and when he holds me like this, I feel as though nothing in the world could ever touch me. It’s such a false sense of security. After all, Rafael is just one man. One man, but my everything. And now he’s made enemies. For me. If anything were to happen to him… I’ve managed to come back from some of the worst atrocities imaginable, but to lose him…there is no coming back from that. I already know that. I wind my arms around his wide back and fist his shirt in both hands.

“I hate this,” I whisper.

His lips press into my hair, and his warm breath rushes over my scalp. “It will settle down.”

“Will it?” I ask. Will we always be like this? Looking over our shoulder, wondering who is going to come at us next.

“This is the cartel, little warrior. It’s built on a foundation of cocaine and bloodshed. That’ll never change because men always want more power, more money, more corruption. It is the nature of men such as us.”

I pull away from him, meeting his eyes. “What about you? Do you want more power and money?”

He smirks. “I don’t need more power or money.”

“I didn’t ask if you needed it.”

His fingers tighten in my hair until he’s pulled my head back, imprisoning me. His lips whisper over mine without ever making full contact. “I have everything I want, right here.”

“So then let them have whatever it is they want. Let them have more territory, more money.”

He kisses me gently. “Ah, avecita. So wise and yet so naive in so many ways. If I give them a single grain of sand from my territory, they will think I am weak. Give them an inch, and they will take everything.”

Part of me wants to beg him to just walk away, to leave all of this behind, but I can’t. Rafael is a cartel boss. It’s part of who he is, what he is. I love him. All of him. So I can’t ask him to change, to walk away from his family. Which means I have to stand beside him as he walks straight into a war.

“Are you in danger?” I ask. Already knowing the answer.

A small smile pulls at his lips. “I live a dangerous life.”

I close my eyes and inhale a deep breath, trying to will the panic away. This is new for me. I’ve always had to worry about myself, but it’s different when it’s someone else. Looking after yourself is easy because you can control your own actions, even if you can’t control what happens to you. I can’t control what Rafael does, and that terrifies me.

“Hey.” He tugs on my hair, forcing my head back until my gaze crashes into his. “Don’t worry about it.”

I roll my eyes. “Really, Rafe?”

He smirks. “I’m Rafael D’Cruze, baby.”

“God, you’re impossible.” On a smile, he kisses me hard and slaps my ass. “Go, get ready. We leave in fifteen minutes.”