Lana

I shouldn’t have done it, but three tabloids in the grocery store had Matt on their front cover, and I just couldn’t resist buying them. I missed him. Horribly. More than I thought was possible. I’d thought Bobby’s betrayal had hurt me in college, but this was far worse. Matt had deliberately deceived me, and I couldn’t recover from that. No one should make decisions about my life but me.

Maybe it was never destined to work out. He couldn’t make himself less famous. He was always going to be Matt Easton, and I was always going to be the girl from Maine who didn’t want to live with the attention.

I stuffed the magazines into my Kelly Jewelry tote. I’d have to wait until I’d dropped Mrs. Wells’ groceries off before I could scurry back home to read them. I didn’t understand why he was doing so much press when his film with Audrey had been open a month already. Wasn’t publicity supposed to have finished? I needed to stop caring.

Just as I got to Mrs. Wells’ gate, Polly Larch waved from across the street and headed toward me. I hadn’t been out in town very much since my pictures had been made public. I’d just wanted to hide away while people’s memories grew fuzzy. Despite her crazy lady appearance, Polly’s memory was as sharp as a tack, and I pulled my shoulders back, ready for her inquisition.

“I’ve not seen you in the longest time, Lana. I just wanted to tell you that tomorrow night I’m going to be throwing Molly a party to celebrate one year together. It’s a last-minute thing, but I hope you’ll come.”

“Wow, you’ve had her a year already?” The fact the cat was still alive surprised me more than the fact she was having a party for her cat. This was Worthington, after all. I stifled a giggle and wished I could message Matt to tell him. He’d get a kick out of the story.

“A whole year. Can you believe it? Say what you like, but that leash works. Will you come?”

“Sure, but Ruby’s back tonight. Can I bring her?”

“Of course.” She waved as she turned on her heel, her long, full skirt lifting slightly in the wind. “The more the merrier.”

I smiled and shook my head as I watched Polly bounce down the street. She couldn’t have been happier if she’d just been told she’d won the lottery. She hadn’t even mentioned the pictures. Maybe she hadn’t seen them, or maybe she just didn’t care. Either way I was relieved.

By some miracle, the photos of me had not made it into print, and I hoped it stayed like that.

It could have been a lot worse. To my surprise, Bobby selling my photograph to the tabloids took up less of my concern. Perhaps on some level, I’d expected it from him. What cut deep was Matt’s betrayal. And the loss I felt because of that.

I unlatched Mrs. Wells’ gate and pushed my sunglasses up to the top of my head as I took the stairs. As usual, I let myself in. “Mrs. Wells, it’s me, Lana.”

The TV echoed from the living area and her gray curls stuck up over the back of her easy chair. Without turning away from the screen, she waved. “Hello, dear.”

Ruby would be here in a couple of hours, so I didn’t have long to chat. I’d started work on another piece for Barneys, and I wanted to see if I could finish it before she arrived. I put all the groceries away in their familiar homes and headed over to spend a few minutes with Mrs. Wells.

As I approached, she moved her quilt from the chair next to her, and I took a seat. Twice I’d delivered groceries to Mrs. Wells since I’d come back from LA, and she hadn’t once mentioned Matt, the photographs or anything else about her prediction of storms and a man coming into my life. It was almost as if Worthington, Maine, was in a bubble, cut off from any of the less-pleasant aspects of life. It was why I’d come home after New York, and it had been just as healing this time.

“I hear Ruby’s home this weekend,” Mrs. Wells said, pointing her remote control at the TV and pausing the action in General Hospital. “She’s a good girl.”

“She is. We’ve been friends a long time.” I sat back in the chair. I couldn’t remember a time when I hadn’t known Mrs. Wells. She’d always been a part of life here in Worthington. I wasn’t sure she’d aged a day in the last twenty years.

“Old friends are important,” she said. “But new ones are, too. What happened to that handsome boy who rented the cottage from you this summer? The movie star?”

I stiffened. “I don’t know. I guess he’s back in LA.”

She turned to face me. “You know he’s the one for you.”

I stared past her at the TV. “Mrs. Wells. Please.” I wasn’t sure I could cope if she told me Matt was my destiny.

“I don’t want to interfere, but with your father gone, I think you might need someone with a little gray hair to give you a bit of advice.”

I hadn’t expected her to mention my dad. It had been four years, and I still missed him every day. But these last few weeks had been worse than usual. I’d just wanted him to tell me everything was going to be okay. He’d always been right when he’d said it before, and I needed that certainty right now.

I sighed but that didn’t stop Mrs. Wells. And anyway, a part of me wanted to hear what she had to say.

“Your father loved you so much. You know he and your mom didn’t think they could have kids.”

I nodded. My dad had told me I’d been an unexpected surprise. We hadn’t talked much about my mother. I’d been five when she died, but it was times like this that I wished I knew everything about her.

“Whenever I saw him in town, all he ever spoke about was you. Even when he got as sick as he did, he found his voice well enough to tell me what you’d been up to at college and how talented you were.”

I took a deep breath, trying to keep my tears at bay. He’d gotten so frail by the time I got back from college, but I’d always been grateful for the twelve months I’d had with him back here. As much as I hated what had happened to me in New York, it had given me that much, at least.

“He was always quick to tell us how much like your mother you were.”

“Really?” I couldn’t remember my dad ever telling me that I reminded him of my mom.

“She was a talented painter when she was younger.”

How had I not known that?

“I know he didn’t talk to you about her much—I think he was worried you’d idolize her, want to live up to a woman whose faults you’d never know. He knew that no one’s perfect.”

I barely remembered my mother, just the curve of her smile and the way her hair smelled like roses. She was like some kind of fantasy goddess I knew had existed at some point, but simply accepted wasn’t part of my life. My dad had been my world and I was happy enough with that.

“He always said that you were the gift she gave to him, and that he could never be angry or sad because the happiness you brought him outshone anything dark in his world.”

I took a shuddering breath, trying to keep the dam inside me from breaking.

“Have you noticed that about life?” Mrs. Wells asked as she patted my hand. “The good always manages to outshine the bad. There’s so much suffering in our world, but the sunrise, the birth of a baby, even the smallest human kindness always makes sure that the darkness is kept in check. But it will always be there. We can’t get rid of it entirely.”

I let her words sink in. My father must have been so devastated to lose his wife, but I’d never seen him with anything but a smile on his face. How had he done that?

“You think my dad would be proud of me?”

“How could he be anything but? You’re a beautiful girl with an incredible, kind, generous heart.” She squeezed my hand and I tried to hold back my tears. “But you can’t avoid the darkness. There’s always a dose in life. You deserve to be happy, but that doesn’t mean you can run from the storm. Sometimes it’s good to get a little rained on.”

I couldn’t ignore what she was trying to tell me. Was I expecting a relationship to be perfect? Had I run away to try to avoid the pain? There was no doubt Matt should have told me that Bobby had tried to sell him the photograph. Was it just a mistake or a reflection of how he saw me? The press intrusion, the way everything revolved around Matt and his career, even the interest in me and my life . . . was it worth putting up with all of it to be with Matt?

I wasn’t sure of anything anymore.

* * *

I toweled off my hair as I sat in my robe, Ruby lounging next to me, flipping through the channels and slurping on the wine she’d brought. She’d arrived early and been on my porch when I’d gotten home. One of the first things she said to me was how my hair needed a wash.

“You smell better now,” Ruby mumbled.

“Hey! I’ve showered almost every day.”

“Yeah, well don’t put that on your resume. It’s like telling people you’ve given up eating children. People generally have a higher bar.”

“Not showering is the same as eating children?” Ruby could be ridiculous at times, but that was exactly why I loved her.

“In this metaphor, yes. You want ice cream?”

Sugar had been my staple diet these last few weeks. “Actually, I don’t.”

Ruby snapped her head up at me. “Wow. That’s progress.”

I nodded. “I really think it is. I’m feeling a little better. But then again, I haven’t been online today.”

“There’s been nothing new for a week,” Ruby said as she reached for my laptop. “And there won’t be now. You’re all clear.”

She seemed so certain, but my heart still sped as she logged on.

“Look, nothing.” She spun the computer toward me. “Told you.”

I exhaled. Thank God. “It doesn’t even seem to be on the original site. I can’t find it anywhere.”

Ruby rolled her eyes. “I’m not trying to be mean, but you know you’re not Elizabeth Taylor back from the dead, right? The press really isn’t that interested in you.”

I tipped my head back on the headboard. I hoped she was right.

“Have you heard from Matt?” she asked.

I shrugged. He’d called me every day, but I hadn’t answered.

“He obviously really cares about you,” Ruby said, staring up at me.

“I cared about him, too.”

“Past tense?” she asked.

My insides twisted in pain at the thought I’d never see him again.

Even if he hadn’t lied to me, if we were going to have any kind of future together we couldn’t be sneaking around the whole time. But going public led to misery. “I think so. I mean, how can this possibly work between us? He lied to me and went behind my back and even if he hadn’t, you know I can’t deal with the attention.”

“This is different from New York though, isn’t it?”

I frowned and set down my damp towel and began to brush through my tangles. “If you mean worse, then I guess so.”

Ruby scooted up the bed and sat up, crossing her legs. “I don’t think so. New York was so ugly because Bobby betrayed your trust. Matt hasn’t done that.”

“Are you kidding me? He kept important things from me. And now so many more people have seen that picture.”

“But no one that you care about, so who gives a shit? None of the people who matter are judging you.”

“So, you’re telling me that you’d be okay that thousands of people had seen you naked?”

She sucked in a breath. “It doesn’t matter how I’d feel. It matters how you feel about it.”

“I think I could have handled it, you know. I think I could have weathered that storm. But knowing that Bobby contacted Matt for money and Matt didn’t tell me? He lied, even if only by omission. He treated me like I was a thing, not a person.”

“I really think he was trying to do the right thing.”

“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side.”

“I am on your side. But I like you and Matt together. You deserve someone like him.”

“Someone who has paparazzi following him around the whole time? Someone who lies?”

“Someone who cares about you. Treats you well. Understands how special you are. He made a mistake. He was trying to protect you and he got it wrong. He knows that. The easier thing to do is to shut him out and run back to Worthington and pretend you never met him. But I don’t think that will make you happy.”

I closed my eyes to try to stop the tears. He had treated me as if I was special. Right up until he’d covered up Bobby’s blackmail attempt. “Ruuuby. Don’t.” My best friend might act tough, but she was a total romantic at heart. “I need you to tell me what a shit he is and how I’m going to be so much better off without him.”

“Well, if that’s what you’re looking for, you’ve got yourself the wrong friend. I’m not going to tell you something I don’t believe. I think he made a bad choice and you ran before you had a chance to work things through. His intentions were good.”

I didn’t think Matt had deliberately hurt me. I’d believed him when he said he was trying to save me the worry and pain. But he’d got it wrong. Made it worse.

“I think you’re mixing up being embarrassed by the photographs going public and being mad at Matt. Have you forgotten that he didn’t release the photos? That was all Bobby. Matt tried to stop him.”

Was I being too hard on Matt? Was I blaming him for things that were Bobby’s fault?

“I’m also going to say that you need to get your ass out of bed before it gets even flabbier than it already is.”

Reluctantly, I laughed. “You can’t tell me I’m getting fat while I’m going through the breakup blues.”

“I totally can.” She reached under my bed where I normally kept my workout gear. “Where are your sneakers? We need to get you running along the beach, not away from gorgeous, kind movie stars who are crazy for you.”

Before I could respond, she blurted out, “What are you doing with this trash?” She pulled out the tabloids I’d bought earlier that day.

She threw them on the bed and tore one open. “Oh God. He hated doing this.”

“How would you know?”

She didn’t say anything, just kept turning the pages, scanning the interview. Then she moved on to the next magazine.

Suddenly she snapped them all shut and gathered them up, hugging them to her chest then shifting to face me, her teeth worrying her bottom lip. She sighed and said, “I have a confession to make.”

The room swayed and I turned my whole body toward her. What could she possibly have to confess? We told each other everything.

“I don’t want you to freak out. Promise me?”

I crossed my fingers in front of her, making sure she knew that whatever I promised was bullshit. “Sure, I won’t get mad. Just tell me.”

“Matt called me.”

I jerked back as if she’d hit me. “What for?”

“He wanted my opinion on a few things.”

“What things?”

Her mouth opened and closed a couple of times as if she was struggling to find the right words. “I can’t keep this from you.”

More secrets? I sat down, staring up at her. What had Matt done now?

“He explained that he and his publicist were working on a deal with some of the gossip sites and tabloids to stop them from running the pictures of you.” She took a seat opposite me.

“What do you mean, a deal?”

“A trade. Inane interviews in exchange for the rights to the photo.” She tipped the tabloids onto the bed.

I spread the magazines out, his beautiful smile beaming up at me. I had no idea that he’d been working to protect me like this.

“I think he contacted Bobby again. Paid him off. Made sure any other photos were destroyed.”

I covered my face, relief washing through my body. He’d gone further than I’d ever thought possible.

“I think he felt really guilty. But you wouldn’t answer his calls, so he came to me for permission to fix this. He didn’t want you to think this was about him or his career, or that he was doing it behind your back. He just wanted to protect you. I told him to do whatever it took. And if you hate me for not telling you, then . . .” She shook her head. “I’m going to toss you out of the window.”

“Of course I don’t hate you,” I replied. She’d just been trying to do the right thing and keep me from worrying. A lot like Matt had.

Ruby took my hairbrush from me and finished brushing out my hair. “Whatever happens, it’s a really nice thing that he did. And even before, I know he should have told you that Bobby was blackmailing him, but he was trying to save you pain.”

Matt was sheltering me from the storm, proving he was worth getting rained on for.

“And there’s another thing.” She dropped the hairbrush and began to scan through the articles. “Take a look at this.”

Ruby handed me the tabloid. I squinted at the paragraph she pointed at, trying to skim what was written. “He turned down Anthony Scott,” I said, almost to myself. “Shit, you don’t think he did it to punish himself, do you?” I asked but continued to read. No, the article made his motivations clear. He’d met someone who’d helped him find himself. Focus on what mattered.

Me. He was talking about me.

My heart swooped.

“I think he’s a really good guy, Lana.” Ruby rested her head on my shoulder.

“I’m in love with him.” I tilted my head, resting it on hers.

“Of course you are. He just made a mistake. You need to decide whether he deserves another chance. In case you were wondering what I think? He absolutely does.”

“I’m going to top up our wine,” I said, then stood and headed into the kitchen. I gazed out onto the deck as I unscrewed the bottle. That was where I’d first kissed Matt Easton. Where we’d watched the thunderstorms together. My insides ached. I missed him. I could find a thousand pictures of him on the internet and as handsome as he was in each one of them, none of them showed how beautiful he was on the inside. Or what it felt like to be loved by him.

He’d listened to me. Heard me. Tried his best to honor my wishes.

He deserved a second chance, didn’t he?

And so did I.