Chapter One
Rose
It had been years since I'd been to my aunt's home. Not for any particular reason, and it wasn't that I didn't want to, it was just that as I'd grown and took on adult responsibilities, it became harder to find the time to make the trip. I loved my aunt and missed her – and now regretted not having made the time to see her.
I had a boatload of fond memories of visiting her as a child. I'd just never gotten around to building on those memories as an adult. Which was a shame. Actually, it was something I was ashamed of, if I were being honest. The drive from Seattle to Black Salmon Falls was a long one, but it gave me plenty of time to reflect on my life as well as everything I was leaving behind.
As I pulled into her driveway, I couldn't help but smile. It was so different out there in a small town like that – so different than the big city I'd grown accustomed to. Black Salmon Falls was quaint. Charming. It was everything the city wasn't. The trees, the fresh air, the clear sky – all of it would be good for my soul. My wounds were many and they were deep. And my hope was that being in a place that had nothing but positive memories and associations for me, would allow me to heal.
As soon as I pulled up, I saw my aunt sitting on her front porch, lemonade in hand. It could have been fifteen years ago, it was such a familiar scene. When she saw me, she stood up and walked, slowly, over to my car.
“Don't get up on account of me,” I said, rushing over to her.
She looked fragile and I could see that she wasn't walking very well. I cringed as I watched her, afraid she might fall trying to get over to me.
“It's been years since I've seen you, Rose, don't you tell me to stay put,” she said, her face lighting up. “Now, get over here.”
She looked older – much older – than the last time I'd seen her. What hurt my heart though was knowing that the reason she looked so much older had very little to do with her actual age. It was mostly, the cancer eating away at her body.
“Sassy as always,” I joked. “I guess not much has changed.”
“I've gotten older and weaker, but my mind is still intact,” she said and then winked at me. “For the most part, anyway.”
She pulled me in for a hug, and in that moment, everything was peaceful. Everything was right in the world again. Paula was like a mother to me. Had been ever since my own mom had died when I was a little girl. And hugging her was like hugging a parent, it made me feel like everything would be okay again. Even though I knew that to be a lie. But it was a lie I was willing to believe in that moment.
“Glad to hear it, Paula,” I said. “I'm so glad to be back here.”
“You must be tired from the trip,” she said, ushering me toward the house. “Let's get you settled in so you can rest up for a while before dinner. They say that naps do wonders for the soul.”
I had to admit, a nap sounded absolutely delightful.
We walked into Paula's rustic cabin and the smell of pine took me straight back to my childhood. I closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet scent, remembering some of the best days of my life had been spent there in that very cabin. I'd never been unhappy there and when I was with Paula, I remember being happy. I remember feeling a lot more – alive. Things were far simpler. And she had a way of making things just make sense. Helped me to see things from a different perspective – one that usually gave me a ton of clarity. Clarity I often needed. She didn't ever coddle me. Paula always gave it to me straight. But she just knew how to do that with that spoonful of sugar that made everything go down much easier.
Why, oh why, had it taken me so long to get myself back there?
“Your room is the same one you used to stay in,” she said. “Decorated just the way you liked it. Though, we might need to update it a bit now that you're a grown, adult woman and all.”
I smiled and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. In other words, the room was decorated just how I left it – with my Jonas Brothers posters still on the wall, stuck there with scotch tape, and my favorite blanket – a thick rainbow-colored comforter with a big unicorn on it – tossed over the twin sized bed.
“I figure we'll get you a bigger bed and more updated furnishings. Make the room a little more suitable for you,” she said. “I would have taken care of it myself, I just didn't know what you wanted.”
“It's okay, Paula,” I said. “I don't know what I want these days either. Don't you worry about it, I'll just go and find some things that appeal to me.”
She gave me a small smile. Paula was doing me an incredible favor by letting me stay with her to begin with. The last thing I wanted was to put her out any more than I already was. Plus, I knew she had no way to go shopping for things to update the room. Not in her condition.
“It's perfect,” I said with a smile. “Takes me back in time, actually. Reminds me of a simpler, happier time.”
I walked over and picked up the piggy bank on my dresser and smiled. I shook it and found that it still had a few pennies rattling around inside of it. Left there by a child who'd planned to come back to claim her prize – someday.
“God – how long has it been?” I asked.
“Too long,” she said with a sigh. “Come on, let's catch up. You can unpack the car later.”
I didn't argue with her. I was tired and part of me wanted that nap, but the bigger part of me wanted to spend some time with Paula more than anything. I'd have plenty of time to sleep – I only had so much time to catch up with my aunt.
I followed Paula out of the bedroom and into her kitchen, the rich aroma of fresh brewed coffee saturating the air – yet another familiar and fond memory. No matter what time of day or night, my aunt was always drinking coffee. She'd been the first person to let me drink the stuff. Which was why I held her partially responsible for my coffee addiction to that very day.
She poured two cups and put one in front of me, preparing it just the way I liked it, too. A little cream, a little sugar, but mostly black. The same way Paula drank hers. I didn't even think about it until that moment, but as I stared down at my cup, looking into the dark brew, I realized how many of my habits and preferences had been shaped by the woman sitting across from me. Though, it made sense, given the fact that I'd lost my own mother so young and had kind of clung to Paula like a life preserver in the stormy sea of my life.
“I hear you had a rough time back in the city,” she said, taking a sip from her cup. “I'm sorry to hear about your ex.”
“Yeah, me too,” I said. “Never saw that coming.”
“You never do,” she said. “Why do you think I've been single ever since your uncle passed?”
“Well, Raymond was a good man,” I said, speaking of my uncle. “A very good man. Men like that are hard to find these days.”
“You can say that again,” she said with a sigh. “Speaking of which. I know you're single now, but don't get any ideas about the local men here. Or at least, be very careful around them. Especially, the big, tall, good-looking ones? All bad. Not a single good one in the lot. Trust me on that.”
I laughed. “Trust me, after Jason, I'm not interested in dating again,” I said. “Not for a long while at least.”
“Good,” Paula said. “Because as tempting as it might be, these local men are nothing but trouble.”
“Aren't they all?” I said with a laugh.
“I'd like to think not all men are terrible,” Paula said. “I had a good one, once. Maybe you can find one too. They're definitely out there, sweetheart. You just have to open your heart and be patient.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I said with a shrug. “But I'm really pessimistic about it all. I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust another man again. What Jason did to me was bad. Really, really bad, Paula. He ruined my whole life, pretty much. He destroyed my career, everything. All gone. All because I wanted to leave him.”
Paula reached across and took my hand in her tiny, frail ones, giving me a soft smile and a gentle squeeze.
“I heard about all that, and I never believed it for a second, Rose,” she said with absolute conviction in her voice. “You're a good woman and you were a damn good teacher. I don't care what Jason said, you would never do – what he suggested you did. Never in a million years. And anybody who knows the first thing about you knows that.”
“Thank you, Paula,” I said with a heavy sigh, the bad memories surfacing in my mind. “I finally cleared my name, but there was no way I could go back to the district ever again. My name was dragged through the mud, parents hated me. I'm not sure I can ever teach again. Even though I was proven innocent, that kind of thing stays with you. No matter what. There are some people who will never believe me. Never believe that I'm actually innocent.”
She patted my hand before getting up to refill her cup, wheezing a little bit as she stood up.
“It'll all work out, Rose,” she said. “And in the meantime, I appreciate you staying here with me. God knows, I hate to ask for help, but I need it.”
“No, thank you for having me, aunt Paula,” I said. “I really appreciate it.”
I knew she hated asking for help – and knew she did need it -- and I was more than happy to help her. She was the one person in my entire family who'd never abused my kindness, or who'd never taken me for granted. And for that, I was thankful. More than thankful, really.
So, to see her in such poor shape, to see her declining, and to know she was dying, tore me up inside. I might not be able to go back in time and make up for all the years with her I'd missed, but at the very least, I could be with her now.
And while I was there, I could give myself a fresh start. Considering everything I'd been through in the last few months, I needed that. I needed that more than I'd ever needed anything in my entire life.