Declan’s body was harder than I imagined. I could feel his muscles bursting through this shirt. When his arms wound their way around me, my breath caught in my throat. I let my hands fall open on his back, my fingers itching to roam over every inch.

I came to my senses with a jerk. Pulling away from him was hard. My head was spinning, and the smell of his cologne was still in my nose.

I cleared my throat and took a step back. My cheeks were flushed as I tucked my hair behind my ears and tried to look up at him. Meeting his icy blue gaze was impossible. My eyes flickered between his face and the floor.

The longer I stood there, the more embarrassed I became. I said goodbye and hurried from his office, flying down the hall as fast as my legs would go.

It didn’t make sense. My sudden surge of emotion toward Declan was nothing short of ridiculous. I felt like a vapid school girl, all atwitter over some hunky football player. I half ran to the parking lot and threw myself behind the wheel of my car. It wasn’t until I made it back to the shop that I finally calmed down.

I shook off my embarrassment and went inside. Declan didn’t care about the hug. It didn’t matter that I’d never in my life hugged a man like that before. It didn’t matter that my skin felt hot when I thought about it. All that mattered was that the deal was done. Declan agreed. We shook on it. Everything was finally going to be okay.

“Hey,” Garret said when I stepped inside. “Where have you been?”

“Renegotiating,” I said simply.

“What does that mean?” Garret asked. “Did you talk to the bank again?”

“No.” I shook my head. “I went to Gamble Realty. I talked to Declan.”

“You did?” Garret was so shocked that he actually laughed out loud. Shaking his head, he stared at me with amused disbelief. “Well, damn. That’s good, I guess?”

“I think so.” I nodded. “It’s not ideal, but it’s the best option we have. This way, we can keep the shop. Declan agreed to give me the money, so I can pay the bank.”

“He did?” Garret frowned. “Why would he do that?”

“I offered to work for him at the realty company,” I said. “And, he may want a cut of the shop’s profits, or maybe interest on the money, I don’t know. He said he’d come by to iron out the details and give me the money.”

“I like it.” Garret grinned. “This is amazing. We need to celebrate! Call your mom.”

“Actually.” I cleared my throat. “I was thinking about taking today off. I want to ride down to the cemetery. Spend the day with Dad.”

Garret nodded and smiled sadly. He pulled me in for a bone-crushing hug and then sent me on my way. I grinned at him one last time before I hurried outside and jumped in my car.

I didn’t want to take my car to see Dad. It felt wrong. Instead, I went home and got my bike. I left my helmet off and let the wind whip against my face and blow my hair in knots and tangles. I didn’t care that it was unsafe. I didn’t care that it would take me hours to brush my hair out later. All I wanted was to feel connected to my dad, and this was the best way to do that.

When I reached the cemetery, I walked slowly through the rows of headstones. It always felt surreal being here to visit my father. It was like I’d stepped out of my skin and into someone else’s. Nothing about this felt like reality, at least not mine. Even months later, it couldn’t be possible that my dad was really gone. The idea that I would never see him again.

I had to stop and catch my breath. Thinking that way always pulled me up short. No matter how much I knew the truth, I had never been able to fully accept it. Never seeing my father again wasn’t possible. It was too horrible, too unbearably sad. Instead, I liked to tell myself he was still here. Every day. Circling around me in a mist that I just couldn’t see. Somehow, that helped me get through the days.

At the very least, it propelled me forward to his gravesite. When I reached it, I ran my hands over the dark grey stone and traced the letters of his name with my fingertips. His birth and death date were carved right beneath and at the very top were the words my mother had chosen so carefully just five months ago.

“He made it through life with love, a lot of compassion, and a little grease under his fingernails.”

Few people would understand that quote unless they knew my dad. It wasn’t the typical words you found on a headstone but for him, it was perfect.

I stared down at the headstone for a few seconds, wondering if I should have brought flowers with me. All the other graves had bright colors surrounding them, but Dad’s was different. It stood alone amongst a sea of green grass.

No, I thought. He would’ve hated the flowers. This is Dad. Solid. Strong. Independent. All the things I wished I’d gotten from him.

“Hey, Dad.”

I sat down on the damp grass and leaned back against the hard stone. Whenever I saw people sit like this in movies, I always wondered why. It couldn’t possibly be comfortable to sit with your back pressed against a rock that was hard and hot from the sun. But, after my dad died, I finally understood.

The comfort I used to feel around my father seeped through that stone. It warmed my back and then spread to my entire body. A few seconds there was all I needed to start feeling better.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been by in a while.” I spoke softly and stared up at the sun. “Things have been hard.”

Tears pressed against the back of my eyes. I blinked hard and fast, refusing to let them spill. This visit wasn’t about crying. I’d cried against that headstone more times than I could count, but this visit was a celebration.

“I almost lost the shop,” I told him. “The bank gave me until Friday, and honestly, I didn’t think—It didn’t seem like I would find a way out. I didn’t have the money. I still don’t. But something happened.”

I shook my head and looked down at the trees around me. This cemetery was beautiful. It almost seemed ridiculous for a place like this to be so pretty. After all, only dead people lived here. I always thought it was a waste, but as I sat there talking to my dad, I was grateful for it. It was the kind of place that could make you believe in miracles.

“Someone offered to buy the shop,” I said. “God, Dad, I was dead set against it. I could hear your voice in my head. I knew you would never want me to give up. You would never want me to roll over and sell. So, I didn’t. I’ve spent weeks fighting myself and everyone else. I refused to part with your legacy. But I ran out of options.”

This time, I couldn’t stop the tears. They fell down my cheeks, chasing each other down my face as if they were desperate to reach the grass, each one faster than the last, and before I could stop it, I was fighting back sobs.

“I failed you,” I said. “I tried so hard to do it on my own, but I couldn’t. The bank gave me until Friday. I only had two more days to find the money, and I had to ask Declan for help.”

My dad’s voice echoed in my head. It was like he was suddenly standing right beside me, asking me who the hell Declan was.

“He runs Gamble Realty,” I said. “He and his brother. They wanted to buy the shop. I told them no. Over and over. And then, well, Declan offered me something different. He offered to buy the shop but let me run it. He said he’d keep me on as a manager.”

I wished more than anything that my dad could answer me. I wanted him to say something back, to tell me what he thought about Declan’s deal. Deep down, I knew it didn’t matter. Dad wasn’t around to help me make the decision. It was my choice.

“I said no,” I said into the empty air. “Then, Mom talked me out of it. Or into it, I guess. She told me there was a way I could earn his help. You know me. I can’t take charity. But Mom was right. I offered to work for the realty company in exchange for Declan giving me the money I need.”

My head fell back against the headstone. I longed to feel my dad’s arms wrap themselves around me, but this was the closest I would get.

“The deal’s done,” I said. “He agreed. He’s going to come by the shop tomorrow so we can sort out the details, but once we do, everything will be okay again. I’ll keep the shop and work for the realty company on the side, I guess. At least I don’t have to say goodbye. Not yet.”

Even though it was my choice to go to Declan, part of me wished I hadn’t. I’d saved the shop, but I still felt like I’d somehow failed. Maybe because I didn’t save the shop alone. Maybe because I had to accept help from someone.

My feelings for Declan had become more complicated. I was grateful to him. I was attracted to him. I was intrigued by him. But part of me hated him for interfering. Part of me wished he had never entered my life.

“I don’t know what to do, Dad.” I took a deep breath and kept going. “I like him. I can’t deny that anymore. But if anyone other than you asks, I will.”

It was true. I would never admit my feelings for Declan, mostly because I still didn’t understand them myself. The only person who could have made sense of things for me was buried beneath my feet.

“I miss you,” I told him. “I miss you now more than I ever have. I don’t know how to do all of this without you.”

Fresh tears washed down my cheeks and fell onto the grass around me. I dug my nails into the ground, wishing I could have just five more minutes with my dad. Just five more minutes to ask him questions, to hug him, to tell him how sorry I was.

“All I’ve ever wanted is to make you proud of me,” I whispered. “You gave me the shop and look what I’ve done to it. It hasn’t even been six months, and I’ve already almost lost it. You deserved better, Dad. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

It wasn’t logical. It didn’t make sense. But, as my eyes fell closed and the wind whipped across my tear-stained face, I could have sworn I heard his voice whisper back.

It’s okay, Alex. You could never fail me. I love you, kid. Always have. Always will.