Her cheeks were flushed and a thin layer of perspiration glistened on her skin, reminding me of dew first thing in the morning. She was absolutely beautiful, always had been, but nothing compared to the post-orgasmic glow she wore right now. And there was no higher high than knowing I’d done that to her.

She’d wanted to learn about her first time, so I’d shown her exactly how it went, in explicit detail. I’d taken my time to enter her, the same way I had our first night together. I made sure our gazes were connected, our mouths close together but not touching, and I had her hand clasped in mine above her head. And as if her memory had returned, she locked her ankles behind me at the same time she had before—the moment I fully settled deep inside her.

Janelle was right—my cock was made for her. And her cunt was made for me. I had to fight off the need to go caveman on her and remind her that I’d been here first. I’d staked my claim, raised my flag, dominated the fuck out of that territory. That didn’t mean I wouldn’t…I just had to find a way to do it without her knowing.

“How the hell am I supposed to keep my hands to myself around your family today?” With it being Labor Day weekend, everyone decided to meet up for a barbecue at Lakes Park instead of gathering for our normal Sunday dinner. When the idea was first mentioned, I thought it was great—an excuse to see Janelle in a bathing suit. But now, after spending all morning tangled up in her, I wasn’t sure I’d be able to see so much of her and not touch her. It would be pure agony. Absolute torture.

She groaned and curled into me, tucking her head beneath my chin. “I don’t know, but you have to. They have to keep thinking we’re just roommates.” When I didn’t respond, she pulled back enough to look me in the eyes. “Holden, I’m serious. We can’t tell anyone about this. It’ll only complicate everything.”

Hiding the sting her rejection caused, I blew out a huffed chuckle. “Whatever, you just don’t want them to find out because you know they love me more, and when you leave me, they’ll take my side.”

She slapped my shoulder and shook her head. “You’re so full of yourself.”

“That makes two of us…because you’re so full of me, too.” I quickly rolled away; she’d definitely hit me for that one. When I made it off the bed unscathed, I ignored her snicker and held out my hand to help her up.

As if the bed were some safety zone, once we both had our feet on the floor, it seemed like reality slapped us in the face. Janelle’s shoulders curled in slightly; her modesty had reemerged. This was a woman who—moments ago—had brazenly taken her own panties off when I apparently didn’t move fast enough for her. She was the one who climbed on my lap and told me she wanted to use my appendage as her own personal sex toy. This was the same woman who shamelessly stripped herself bare and then rode me like I was one of those plastic horses outside Kmart—the ones you feed a quarter and it goes up and down at the speed of negative slow.

Without saying a word, she picked up her T-shirt and walked out. I watched her leave with bewilderment, unable to do anything other than stand in the middle of my room and stare at her bare ass. I shook my head at myself, feeling like an utter fool all over again. The only thing that kept me sane this time was knowing she had no escape route. Five years ago, she had college. She had a reason to leave and never look back.

But not this time.

This time, she was stuck with me for another four-plus months. Even if it was vital that she run and hide, she couldn’t. I had her exactly where I wanted her. She had her sights set on the money, and in order to get it, she had to stay put. So I wasn’t concerned. My ego might’ve been slightly bruised, my hopes and dreams thrown in my face to taunt me and serve as remembrance of the pain I’d lived with after she’d left me the last time. But I could get over that.

Because I had a plan.

Her phone rang in her purse on the floorboard of the car, but she ignored it. She didn’t even glance at it to check the number. Either she didn’t care, or she had a good idea who it was. I knew her well enough to know she couldn’t ignore a call. Rather than answer a blocked or unknown number, she’d stare at the screen and wait for the voicemail alert, and then get pissed off if they didn’t leave a message. That never made sense to me. If she needed to find out who it was that badly, she should’ve answered it in the first place.

“Are you going to get that?” I pointed to the muffled ringing by her feet.

“Nope. I’m sure whoever it is will leave a message so I can call back later.”

As if her snubbing a call wasn’t weird enough, her nonchalance definitely raised a red flag. That told me everything—she didn’t want me to see who it was. And there was only one person she’d hide from me. Not that I’d ever said anything to her about him calling. I knew what the deal was with him from the beginning, and I wasn’t an idiot. I was aware they spoke to each other. I didn’t like it, and I chose to not be in the same room when anything transpired between them if I could help it.

I only hoped this meant something good. Like she ignored him because she didn’t have any desire to talk to him, and not because she didn’t want to talk to him in front of me. Because the latter would’ve meant something very different, and not in my favor.

“So everyone’s gonna be here today.” I hated awkward silence, and I never experienced it too much around her, which only made it worse that I did now. “I won’t lie…as much as I love being around your entire family, it was nice last weekend with the smaller group.”

“Yeah, it was nice. I’m just not sure how to act around Christine.”

“What do you mean?” I hadn’t heard her mention anything about Christine since coming home from the doctor’s office. “Why wouldn’t you know how to act? What’s wrong with how you normally are around her?”

She grew quiet and turned away from me to stare through her window. If she didn’t start talking now, we wouldn’t be able to finish the conversation because we’d be at the park already. But before I could prod her, she finally answered me. “When she took me to the clinic on Tuesday, she told me about her miscarriages.”

“Well, I can’t speak for her, but I don’t imagine she told you in private that day because she wants to have a conversation about it today. So I’m pretty sure she’s not expecting you to sit down and bring it up. Just act normal. Talk about whatever else you two typically talk about. Have you heard from her since Tuesday?”

“Yeah. She’s sent me texts asking how I was feeling, but that’s about it.”

“Then you’re fine. She’s clearly not avoiding you, and she seems concerned about your health. You have absolutely nothing to worry about.” After turning into the main entrance, I reached over the center console and took her hand in mine, holding it in her lap. Pride filled my chest. She’d taken the reins and had started to slowly form deeper relationships with her family. “Whatever you do, don’t act weird.”

“Why would I act weird? Uncomfortable, maybe. Or a little standoffish. But I don’t think I’ll be weird.”

I pulled into an empty space close to the entrance, only releasing her hand to shift the car into park. Just after we both took off our seatbelts, I twisted my body to face her, staring intently at her with as much seriousness as I could muster. “I know how badly you want me. It’s in the way you look at me, how your pupils get all big. How you lick your lips, imagining they were mine. But you can’t act on your desires for the next few hours. Okay? That means you can’t follow me into the bathroom or touch me in inappropriate places while we’re in the pool. You shouldn’t corner me behind a tree when no one’s around, and if you can, you should definitely avoid trying to eye-fuck me.”

“Oh, please.” She lost the fight against the smile curling her lips. Just before climbing out of the car, she mumbled beneath her breath, “You wish.”

When I met her around the front of the car, I took the beach bag from her and carried it on my arm with my towel tucked against my side. “I’ll try to keep my shirt on as long as possible, but I will have to take it off at some point. So we should probably come up with an excuse now.”

After a long pause, she finally asked, “Excuse for what?”

“The drool. We could tell them you have a toothache, or maybe the strep did something to your tonsils and now you’re having issues swallowing your saliva. You just let me know what story we’re gonna run with, and I’ll back you up.”

She shoved me while laughing beneath her breath. “You’re the one who won’t be able to deal. You might want to stay in the pool most of the day to conceal your…you know, your erection. Because once you lay eyes on me in my bikini, it’ll just be one constant salute.”

“Considering what I’m packing…it’s virtually impossible to hide it, even under water.” I couldn’t help myself. Ever since she made the comment about assuming I was small after Vegas, I made it my goal in life to remind her just how wrong she was—every chance I got.

Out of nowhere, someone sidled up next to me. “Impossible to hide what?”

My neck almost kinked at the way I jerked my head to the side, recognizing Christine with a coy grin on her face. “The hard, hot sausage in the fridge. Janelle can’t get enough of it. Isn’t that right, Jelly? I swear, if I’m not watching her, she’ll take the whole thing.”

Janelle’s cheeks turned fiery red, but after a second of astonishment, she managed to pull herself back together. “Then I guess it’s a good thing you only brought the Slim Jim with you, because I could do without that.”

I couldn’t even form a response, because anything I longed to say would give us away in front of Christine, and Janelle made it very clear she didn’t want anyone to know about us. I shook my head and kept walking toward the pavilion her parents reserved while Christine and Janelle made small talk. I couldn’t shake that word. Us… I wasn’t even sure if there was an “us,” or if this morning was just an itch she needed scratched.

The three of us made it to the pavilion near the pool and restrooms where the entire family had already gathered. The one reason I hated to be the last one to show up was the number of people all crowding around to greet you. I loved them all, but try having sixteen people come at you all at once, and by the time you’ve made it through, you’ll be looking for a fifth of vodka and a smoke.

Luckily, everyone seemed rather dispersed into small groups rather than one large mob—probably because we were at a park versus the family home. Janelle joined the women, who appeared busy around the picnic tables getting everything organized. The five older kids ran around in the field while Rachel’s three-year-old daughter sat unfazed on a picnic table with an ice-pop in her hands.

“He lives!” Matt shouted as he clapped me on the back with his large, burly hand. “I almost forgot what you look like. It’s been forever since I last saw you.” Then he elbowed me in the side, and with a disapproving shake of his head, he said, “And from the looks of it, you’ve put on weight.”

I slapped his arm away, laughing along with him. “I’ve been lazy this week, only got in two runs. Well, one was more of a pitiful jog, but I powered through. Give me a week and I should be back to where I was. Then I’ll be able to kick your ass again.”

“Oh, and before I forget, you have papers on your desk at the office. I found them sitting on the fax machine when I went to use it, and I had no idea what it was. Looks like terms of a lease. You’re not leaving the firm, are you?” His concern would’ve been believable had we been anyone else, but it was understood neither one of us would ever screw the other over.

“Nah. Before Janelle got sick I had taken her to look at a few places. Must be from that.” I wanted the conversation to end before anyone could ask questions. Until I had a chance to talk to Janelle about it, no one else could know about the lease I’d signed without her being aware of it.

Just then, she slid up next to us with a cold can of soda in her hand. She didn’t act out of the ordinary, so I took that as a sign she hadn’t heard the conversation she practically walked into. “Did you want anything to drink? I’m still taking the antibiotics, so I won’t have anything, but if you’d like a beer, I can drive us home.”

“And what makes you think I’d let you drive my car?”

“That’s your call, buddy. I just thought I’d offer.” She shrugged it off like it didn’t faze her. Then she lowered her voice, and with a devious smirk, added, “But if you have an issue with me driving your car, then maybe I shouldn’t let you in mine anymore.”

“We hardly ever go anywhere in your car.” I didn’t want to insult her, but it really was a clunker.

“You were in it a couple of times this morning.”

I was mid-swallow when she said that, making me realize what she’d meant by her “car,” and I started to cough. Not only because she made a sexual reference in front of her family—granted, none of them would’ve gotten it—but I’d mentally called her car a clunker, and I couldn’t stop thinking what would’ve happened had I actually said that out loud when I thought it.

She didn’t even give me a chance to regain my composure before throwing a wink at me and walking away. Matt seemed a little confused, but he didn’t question anything. I wasn’t sure how I’d respond if he did. However, that didn’t stop anyone else from taunting me.

Steve was the first to mention my dating life—or lack thereof. He thought it was hilarious how Janelle managed to kill my game. I laughed along with him, but not at his joke. I laughed because he thought I had a game to begin with. Janelle didn’t “cock-block” me like Shane had insinuated, but I wasn’t about to admit anything. If they wanted to believe I was a player who entertained women all the time, then who was I to tell them differently? Matt knew I wasn’t, though. Thankfully, he didn’t speak up. Instead, he sat there and laughed with us, everyone having fun at my expense.

Finally having enough of their mocking, I got up and walked away. They hadn’t pissed me off, and honestly, I found much of their statements comical, but I was tired of hearing them essentially put Janelle down. It wasn’t on purpose or done with malice, considering they all loved her, but it irritated me all the same. But the breaking point was when Tony referenced us playing house. As soon as he said I had it made because I had a woman in the kitchen who had her own room and her own bank account, I couldn’t take any more. I told them I needed a beer and excused myself.

They had a large cooler by the pool, where the women were. Christine and Janelle sat on the edge with their feet in the water, talking to Nikki, who floated in the shallow end. Stacey and her mom were off to the side, applying lotion to Stacey’s two kids, Alex and Kinsley, while Rachel fed her daughter on a lounge chair.

“Holden, come here.” Nikki waved me over. “We need a man’s opinion on something.”

I decided this was my golden opportunity to really get under Janelle’s skin, so rather than just go over there, I took off my T-shirt and stepped into the water. Janelle groaned beneath her breath, but I ignored it. “Hello, ladies. What would you like my opinion on?”

“A woman’s appearance.” Nikki smiled and wagged her brows while Janelle groaned and covered her face. “Imagine there are two women standing side by side, one has on jeans and a T-shirt, and the other has on a skirt and blouse, think executive style. The one with jeans has her hair in a ponytail and the other has hers styled. Which one would you look at? As in…which one would you be interested in?”

“I’m going to need far more information than that. Such as…the woman in jeans, are they tight and fitted, or loose and baggy? And this T-shirt you speak of…is it one of those that cuts low and shows off cleavage, fitted so it hugs the waist and hips? Or is it something she grabbed from the men’s rack in Wal-Mart?”

Nikki snickered and shook her head in disbelief. “Should’ve known not to expect a simple answer from you, but fine. Tight and fitted to all the above. And before you ask, the other girl’s clothes are just as tight. So now…which one would you choose?”

I pretended to think some more before asking, “Are they nice or bitchy? I mean, which one seems more approachable? And more importantly, what are they doing? Are they talking to each other, like would I be interrupting a conversation, or are they strangers?”

“You’re impossible,” Janelle said with a laugh. “I told you he wouldn’t give you a real answer.”

“Oh, I will. I just need all the facts first. You can’t give me two vague options and expect me to pick one. For instance, what if the girl in jeans has a disgusted look on her face? That would be enough to make me not approach her. Is the woman in the skirt standing flirtatiously, just waiting to pull the next victim into her web? If so, I probably wouldn’t come within ten feet of her.”

Nikki paused for a moment, appearing to process my words. “Explain.”

It took everything in me to not look at Janelle when I spoke, because if I did, I’d give myself away. “If I approach someone, it wouldn’t be for a random hookup. I have no interest in that anymore. So if I stopped what I was doing to go speak to a woman, it would have to be someone I would want to become acquainted with. If she doesn’t look like she could have fun lounging around on the couch with me on a lazy Saturday afternoon, then I wouldn’t give two shits what she wore. It’d be a waste of my time. My ideal woman is someone who can joke and even laugh at herself when the occasion calls for it. If someone isn’t comfortable in their own skin, then I have no interest in her.”

“But how would you know all that by simply looking at her?”

“Easy.” I chanced a glance at Janelle and almost became sidetracked by the shadow of a grin dancing at the corners of her mouth. “It’s in the expressions. It’s easy to tell if a smile is genuine or not. And you can’t fake an effortless laugh. Even without hearing the sound, you can tell by the way her head tilts back and how much she closes her eyes if it’s the kind that’s capable of breathing life back into you. Because that’s the kind of laughter everyone needs around them. We all have crappy days, but the one thing that can make them better is when you come home to that sound.”

“You are thinking far too much into this,” Nikki said with a giggle, bringing me back to the present. “And you’re clearly the wrong person to ask. I told Janelle she needs to update her wardrobe if she ever expects to grab a man’s attention, and she said if a guy isn’t okay with her clothes then she doesn’t want him.”

“I’m sorry, Nik…but I have to agree with your sister on this one.” I stared at Janelle, waiting for her to say something else, but she didn’t. Instead, she narrowed her gaze at me, twisted her lips to the side like I’d seen her do dozens of times, and then nodded to herself, as if having an entire one-sided conversation in her head.

However, nothing shocked me more than the perceptive grin on Christine’s lips.

“What did I just walk into?” Stacey asked while stepping into the pool. “Everyone got so quiet.”

We all chimed in with “oh, nothing” at the same time, which only served to make us seem like we were hiding something. I was about to get out and leave them, unable to handle the stares and silent suspicions, when Janelle turned to Stacey and said, “I’m glad to see you’re not hovering on death’s doorstep.”

“What do you mean?” Stacey showed genuine confusion, as well as the rest of us.

“Tony got me sick, and I swear I thought I was about to die. I’m not sure how you didn’t catch it from him. You must have an amazing immune system.”

I knew where this conversation could go, and I didn’t want to walk away in case Janelle needed my support.

“How did Tony get you sick?” Stacey regarded her with sincere curiosity.

“Holden said he was sick, and that’s why you guys weren’t at Mom and Dad’s last weekend.”

“Oh, yeah…he wasn’t feeling well so we thought it’d be best to just stay home. But he couldn’t have gotten you sick.”

My chest tightened when I noticed the confusion in Janelle’s eyes. “I guess I just assumed it was him because I haven’t been around anyone else who hasn’t been feeling well. I ended up having the flu and strep at the same time. Talk about knocking on death’s door. What did Tony have?”

Janelle had no idea the can of worms she’d innocently unleashed. Her question was akin to watching a tsunami on the horizon without being aware of the damage it would cause. Everything went eerily silent. We were outside in a public area on a holiday weekend. Aside from going deaf, it was virtually impossible for things to be this quiet. My chest tightened, and I couldn’t decide what to do. My sight bounced back and forth between them and it felt like decades passed during the wordless encounter.

Stacey turned to the rest of us to seek help, but we all kept our mouths closed and waited for her to make the decision. “He was just tired and weak. Nothing a little rest couldn’t cure.”

Janelle’s hesitation spoke volumes, and as soon as I turned my attention to her, I found her eyes set on me. “What’s going on?” She was smart enough to pick up on the body language that left thick tension behind. “Can someone start talking before I get pissed off?”

“Don’t get mad, Jelly.” Christine tried to calm her by placing a supportive hand on her shoulder.

But Janelle shrugged it off. “I’ve tried really hard since I arrived for you guys to stop alienating me. If you think I haven’t noticed the unspoken innuendos, you’re wrong. The only thing I’ve been told over and over again is that you all want me here. I’ve been assured countless times that everyone is happy I’m home and so thankful to have me back within the fold. I’ve truly tried to believe that. But I have to tell you…actions speak louder than words and I can feel what you aren’t saying.”

“You know why we moved here a couple of years ago, right? Because Tony lost his job?” Stacey waited until she received Janelle’s nod before continuing. “Well, he lost his job because he’d gotten sick. He ended up missing too much work, and they couldn’t hold his position for him any longer. No one could tell us what was wrong. We went to countless doctors and specialists searching for answers. Instead of answers, the information we received only created more questions. Medical bills started stacking up, and we couldn’t survive on my paycheck alone, so we packed up and moved here.”

“You finally got answers, though…right?” Janelle’s eyes brimmed with tears.

“Well, it took over a year, but yes, we finally received a diagnosis—Lupus.” It was obvious to us all that Janelle had no idea what that meant. Finally, Stacey picked up on her sister’s silence and offered more information. “It’s an autoimmune disease. Basically, his immune system attacks itself and causes him to get really sick.”

“Stacey, I’m so sorry that you’ve gone through all this. Is he better?” Janelle’s voice shook as she spoke the words, and I could tell what she’d heard had upset her. The amount of pain her sister had suffered while supporting her husband through this disease was unfathomable.

“We were fortunate to finally receive a diagnosis, but unfortunate because Lupus isn’t curable. He’ll have it for the rest of his life. Sometimes the symptoms can worsen until they become debilitating, which is what happened a couple of weeks ago. He has flare ups, but the more we learn about it the more we’re able to manage his symptoms with medications and treatments. So we’re hopeful.”

As Janelle absorbed this news, she looked at each of us, and then turned her head to take everyone in, including the family members around the grill by the pavilion. “So everyone knew? Everyone, but me? I’m the only one in the family who didn’t know about this?”

“They were all here when it happened, Janelle.” Stacey’s words were meant to calm the storm brewing inside her sister, but I could tell it didn’t work.

“But no one has ever uttered one word about it. When I’d call Mom from college to check in, none of this was mentioned.”

“It’s not like we were intentionally keeping it a secret. No one said to not tell you. It’s just you weren’t here, and there was no point in calling you up to share this with you. They were here—”

“Yeah. I got that part.” Janelle’s voice remained even, calm on the surface. But I knew her well enough to see the act before me. The hurt clear in her gaze. “It doesn’t matter, though.” She took in an audible breath before continuing. “The most important thing is that Tony is okay. That’s all I care about. And I’m sorry I wasn’t here for you, Stacey. I’m grateful you didn’t have to deal with it alone. And from now on, if you need me, I’ll be here, too.”

Janelle’s act seemed to have worked on everyone else. They ate it up like chocolate cake at a birthday party. But I didn’t. The blue in her eyes brightened—like they do just before tears make an appearance. If anyone else took notice of the same things, they’d assume it was sadness.

But I knew the difference.

I realized Janelle wasn’t ready to be rescued just yet, so I excused myself from the pool, dried off, and went back to meet up with the rest of the guys. However, I refused to take my eyes off her so I’d be cued in to when to go to her. She was an adult, fully capable of taking care of herself, but if I were there, she had someone else she could depend on.

She remained with the rest of the women, but it took less than twenty minutes before Janelle vacated her spot by the pool. Once the kids joined them, she used that opportunity to leave the group and head over to the restrooms.

Acting as nonchalant as possible, I waited for her to exit the women’s side. She yelped when I grabbed her wrist and tugged her around the corner, but as soon as I had her back pressed against the building with my arms caging her in, she seemed to calm down.

“What are you doing, Holden?” she reprimanded me in a harsh whisper.

“Just checking to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. Why wouldn’t I be?”

I shrugged, wondering if I had made a bigger deal out of it than there was. “You seemed upset after Stacey told you about Tony. You don’t have to pretend with me, Janelle. If you’re upset, tell me. We can talk about it, we can leave, we can do whatever you want.”

“I told you, I’m fine.”

“You were on the verge of crying…just like you are now.”

“That doesn’t mean—”

“It means you’re mad. You keep forgetting how well I know you, Janelle. Just like it’s obvious you’re upset about Tony having Lupus, but you’re too angry over being kept out of the loop to fully absorb what your sister and brother-in-law have gone through.”

Her jaw dropped, and her gasp spread between us. And as if finally giving in to her emotions, her bright eyes glistened with forming tears. “I have no right to be mad. But I am. And I have no clue how to change it. I get how selfish it is to be pissed off over them not reaching out to me when a family crisis occurred, but I still can’t help how wounded I feel.”

“Just get it out. Let me take the weight off your chest.” I wiped away a tear.

She closed her eyes and resigned herself to the situation. “They’ve made me feel like I’m solely responsible for alienating myself from the family. Yet when I came back, they treated me like a stranger. They’re the ones who locked me out and refused to budge even an inch to let me in. They created this entire support system and didn’t need me. They’ve made me into an outsider. Even Christine and Matt. I didn’t even know they were pregnant the first time.” Her tiny fists slammed into my chest. “And you…they even told you about all this. You were not only informed about Tony but you came to their rescue by paying off their bills. I’m literally the only one here that wasn’t let in on any of these important situations of my ‘loved’ ones.”

I had nothing to say, but she didn’t need to hear my words. She only needed someone to listen.

“It’s so stupid, because I have no right to be angry about any of this. I could’ve come home or called more often. I could’ve made a better effort to be included, and I didn’t. I have no one to blame but myself. I’m fully aware of this…so why am I so mad at them?”

“Because it’s always easier to blame others than it is to look in a mirror and accept the parts we played in it. No matter who you are or what situation you’re talking about, we’re all guilty of doing it. But at least you recognize your role and the blame you carry. Once you move through the anger, release it all, you’ll be able to look within yourself and figure out how to turn it around.”

“Why did you come looking for me?”

I wiped away one last tear, certain she wouldn’t have any more. “Because I know you, Janelle,” I whispered as I lowered my face to hers.

Seconds before I pressed my lips to hers, she turned her head and offered me her cheek. Her breath hitched, and she shoved against my chest, fear brightening her wide eyes. “Holden!” she scorned in a harsh whisper. “My family is here. They could see us.”

With my fingers wrapped securely around her upper arm, I pushed her against the wall, ending her attempt at escape. I carefully held her face in my hand and covered her mouth with mine, cutting off the argument on the tip of her tongue.

The kiss didn’t last long, though it didn’t need to be to give her the message. As I backed away, lust draped my voice when I growled, “Let them see us. I don’t care.”