Alejandro

What I thought was that I’d flip out if she weren’t legal. I was ninety-eight percent certain she was, but that two percent was making me anxious, especially because I had notoriously shitty luck in the dating department. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be in a relationship—it was that something about me drew out the nut jobs. Don’t believe me? Let me fill you in.

My very first serious girlfriend, Ximena Lopez, was a kleptomaniac. I only found out when she got busted stealing money from our teacher's purse. One thing led to another, and she was implicated in two-dozen incidents at our school. She confessed to it all and was expelled. It didn't take me long to realize that she was also responsible for all the things that had gone missing from my room, my locker and my car during our relationship. That put a damper on the whole first love thing.

Then there was the girlfriend I'd had at the beginning of my second year at Stanford, Havana Rodriguez. Havana liked to save all of her finger and toenail clippings—something I discovered when I looked under her bathroom sink for a roll of toilet paper. Instead of toilet paper, I found several gallon-sized bags of nail clippings. To this day, I get a little grossed out when I see nail clippers.

I figured the problem was that I dated girls instead of women, so I changed my whole game and went for my English teacher. Dariana Escoval was a thirty-two-year-old woman who knew what she wanted. We enjoyed a solid week of whenever we could get our hands on each other sex before her husband came to my apartment and asked if I was ready to talk about having a threesome. I hadn’t known she was married. Thanks to Dari, my college roommates started calling me the cougar catcher.

I didn’t help my cause to drop the nickname when my next failed attempt at dating involved a thirty-year-old manager of the Starbucks I frequented. Easy on the eyes and a devil between the sheets, Bethany Vesser was a great—right up until the moment I realized she groomed her cat with her tongue. After watching her spend half an hour grooming her cat from top to bottom, I tapped out and never looked back. I can handle weird, but there’s a line. I couldn’t date anyone who had an animal for two years after that.

My family joked that I had the worst dating luck of all time and I had to agree. I'd been thrown up on during oral sex, twice—by two different women. Two years ago, a date I was on ended when the woman was arrested at the door to her apartment for credit card fraud. I'd dated countless stage five clingers, one compulsive liar, a nose picker, a ballerina who left used band aids all over the place, and, most disturbing of all, a girl who called me Uncle Alejandro the only time we had sex. I'm not even ashamed to admit it was such a turnoff that I couldn't finish.

The one thing they all had in common—aside from the crazy—was that they were all exotic looking. You could say I had a type since they were all so similar— tall with dark hair and ample breasts.

Kaya was the opposite of the women I normally found myself interested in, yet I'd never seen anyone more beautiful than her in my life. There was no way she was even a smidgeon over five foot three, and I doubted she weighed more than one hundred ten pounds soaking wet. Her golden hair was pulled back in a long ponytail that stopped mid back, the casual look far more alluring than anything more time-intensive had ever been. Her body was incredible—the cover up she was wearing did nothing to hide that—and I was fighting an incredibly strong impulse to touch her. She was flat out fucking gorgeous, and I wanted to know more about her. That was going to be a real issue if she was underage because at almost twenty-eight years old I sure as hell wasn't looking for a teenage girlfriend. I felt fairly confident no one would let a child house sit, but fuck knew I'd seen weirder.

“I’m twenty-one,” she said softly, her soft green eyes sparkling in the sun.

I breathed out a sigh of relief. Kaya wasn’t just legal—she was a full-fledged adult. The intensity of my attraction to her would’ve been alarming had I been able to think of anything besides her. I could only hope that she wasn’t off the fucking reservation like every single other person I’d ever been interested in.

“A twenty-one-year-old professional house sitter who scales wrought iron gates to save a trash-eating peacock.” I laughed.

“Accurate.”

"Anything else you want to tell me about yourself?" I asked. My tone implied I was kidding, but I'd never been more serious in my life. I wanted to know everything there was to know about Kaya Porter, but I didn't want to scare her away. I somehow knew not to push because something about her struck me as being a bit wary.

She opened her perfect, pouty little mouth to say something but never got the chance because the damn peacock started pecking at her hip. Kaya’s laughter rang through the air as she jumped back.

“This is his way of moving me along. It means he’s either hungry or needs access to his water pails. I’ll, um… see you around, maybe.”

It went against every instinct I had to let her walk away, but I couldn’t figure out a reason to get her to stay. Instead of making an ass out of myself I took a breath and nodded my head.

“Count on it,” I murmured.

I watched she walked away, stopping to pick up a pair of discarded flip-flops just outside the gate before she continued on, her feathered companion making her laugh as they walked.

I frowned when she was no longer in my sight, my need to have eyes on her almost alarming with how strong it was. That was the moment I knew I’d do whatever it took to see her sooner rather than later.

* * *

I spent the following two days camped out by my gate hoping to catch her coming or going. I also ran up and down the street eight trillion times like a fucking creep, all with no success. It was the most frustrating shit in the world, that wall between us. Without it, I'd have had eyes on her. If there had been a fence instead of a wall, I'd have been able to look over. Unfortunately, the massive walls my idiot brother had insisted upon—the walls I was currently kicking my ass for being dumb enough to agree to during the design phase because thicker was better, privacy wise—kept me out.

Kaya was like the fucking Rapunzel of Malibu, and I couldn't catch a break. The highlight of those days was the times I heard her voice. Due to the thickness of the wall the sounds were super muffled, but from time to time if I got right up against it I would hear her laughing and talking to the bird. It only made me that much more desperate to remove the wall between us. Barring that happening, I wasn't sure when or how I'd run across her again, and that just wasn't acceptable.

On the third day, I was once again out by the gate hoping to see her but knowing I probably wouldn't when I had a light bulb moment.

Elvis had brought her out once, and I bet he could do it again. All I needed was some trash. My out-of-control brother was asleep, but I didn't give a shit. I stomped back into the house at high speed and made my way to his bedroom, flinging the door open and hitting the light switch on the wall. When he didn't immediately wake up, I hit a button on the wall panel so that the blackout shades went up to let the bright Malibu sunshine in.

Rafe sat up like a shot, covering his eyes with his hands. “What the fuck!” he yelled.

“It’s nine o’clock in the morning,” I snapped. “Time for you to wake up.”

My brother glared at me as he took his hand away from his eyes and brushed his hair back from his forehead. “I fell asleep maybe three hours ago,” he grumbled.

I crossed my arms over my chest and stared him down. "No one told you to fuck up your whole schedule, Rafael. Enough is enough with this insanity where you sleep until damn near six at night. We all worry about you damn near nonstop, and it has to change, brother."

He winced and exhaled heavily. “So that’s why you’re busting into my room now? To make me feel like an asshole?”

I wanted my brother to reset back to the one I'd grown up with. Back when he wasn't jaded and angry, and he hadn't had a wall of concrete erected around his emotions. I didn't want to make him feel bad, but I was at the end of my rope. The longer he stayed the way he was, the more I feared it was permanent. I still had hope that he could find himself again, but I'd be lying if I didn't admit I had serious doubts.

“No,” I sighed, “I came to ask you a question. Your response to being awakened was ridiculous, so I responded in kind. Get your shit together, Rafe. This has gone on for entirely too long.”

He stared at me for several seconds before his gaze dropped to his comforter. “You don’t think I know that?” he asked stiffly. “Fuck, don’t answer that. I’m in no mood to get into this right now. Just tell me what was so important that you had to wake me up.”

If he didn't want to talk about it I sure as hell wasn't going to force it right then and there. I had something important on my mind, and I was anxious to implement my plan. "I need to know what was in the trash the peacock went through," I announced.

He raised his head and blinked several times in confusion. “What the fuck?”

“The trash, Rafael. What was in it?”

“Nothing important. It’s not like the damn bird got away with anything valuable if that’s what you’re worried about.”

I could tell he was struggling to follow my question, but I didn't care. I just wanted an answer.

“You’re not understanding me,” I said with exasperation. “I’m asking what, exactly, was in the bag? What had you eaten? I have to know what brought him over the wall.”

He couldn’t have looked more confused.

“What are you, fucking scared of birds now? Because I’m not going to stop eating certain things because some feathered asshole—”

“Don’t refer to the bird as an asshole. Kaya gets upset when Elvis is demeaned.”

“Who the hell is Kaya and why do you give a shit what she thinks?”

I growled low in my throat, annoyed with the way he was speaking. His eyes went wide with surprise.

“She’s our neighbor,” I snapped, “and I fucking care a lot so watch your mouth. Cut to the chase and tell me what was in the trash. I need to recreate it.”

Rafe looked at me liked I’d grown an extra head.

“Why the hell would you want to recreate the goddamn trash?”

“To lure Elvis back over the wall,” I answered, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

His eyes went wide as he stared at me for a second or two before he burst out laughing.

“You want to bring the bird back over the wall?”

I shrugged. “I do.”

Rafe clutched his sides and laughed hard. It took several seconds for him to be able to say anything else.

“So this is all about the girl then? Kaya?”

“Yes,” I answered impatiently, “and you can be an asshole or you can help me out. Which is it going to be?”

For the first time in forever, my brother looked interested and engaged in something. I made a mental note to ask him for his assistance more often. Maybe we'd all been going about helping him in the wrong way. Our father tended to issue instructions, our mother coddled him, and the rest of us just tried to keep everything even around him. It was entirely possible we'd handled things wrong.

“Recreating trash,” he laughed as he got out of the bed. “This is some insane shit, Jandro. Give me a few minutes to go to the bathroom and brush my teeth. I’ll meet you down in the kitchen.”

By the time Rafe was finished getting dressed I already had a garbage bag open on the counter, ready to be filled. He side-eyed me when he saw it.

“Look at you going all out,” he chided.

“It’d be great if you could help me while you run your mouth,” I grumbled.

Rafe snorted as he opened the fridge to pull out a carton of eggs and an ear of corn, both of which he set on the counter behind him. He poked around in the fridge for another few seconds before he came out shaking his head.

"We're out of berries, which might be an issue because when the bird was pecking away at the trash the things he kept coming back for were berries, corn and the leftover scrambled eggs I tossed before I went to bed that morning. I'd also thrown away the entire container of blueberries your dumb ass left on the counter the day before because they were warm. I think that's probably what brought him over."

“Fuck,” I said. My tone of voice made it clear I was annoyed. “Guess I’m going to drive down to the store. You coming with?”

“Really? This is important enough to go grocery shopping for right now?”

“It is. Come or don’t,” I said, curious to see if he’d continue helping.

"Since you've lost your fuckin' mind," he said dryly, "I'll drive."

Fortunately, the store was only a mile away, which meant we were there and back quickly. I may have gone a bit overboard when I bought blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, cantaloupe, and watermelon. When we got back home, I had Rafe whip up a batch of scrambled eggs while I cut up the melons before I started dumping everything into the garbage bag. After he finished scrambling the eggs, I quickly chilled them in the freezer for fear that I'd somehow burn the bird's throat.

While I waited for the eggs to cool I looked up peacock diets online and found out that they enjoyed nuts. Willing to do whatever it took to bring him over the wall, I went into the pantry that had been fully stocked for our arrival and opened one of the bags of trail mix before I dumped it directly into the trash bag. Rafe trailed along behind me with a recycling bag for all of the empty containers I left in my wake, making snarky comments about how weird I was as he did.

“Mamá would beat your ass if she saw all the food you’re wasting right now, Jandro. All for a fucking bird that may take four bites.”

I waved him off, completely unconcerned. A man had to do what he had to do to get his woman. I knew I wasn't doing anything my father wouldn't have done to woo my mother, and the same could be said about my crazy in love brother, Mateo. That pansy ass hadn't spent more than a handful of eight hour days at the office in the two years they got married because he couldn't stand to be away from his bride. There wasn't a doubt in my mind that if Avelina were on the other side of the wall with a trash-curious peacock, he'd have brought in dumpsters full of fresh food to lure him over. I liked to think I was more level headed, which was why I decided to start with one bag.

Of course, if that didn’t work I’d be open to a dumpster or two.

Once I'd pulled the cooled scrambled eggs out of the freezer and dumped them into the trash, I was ready to go. I stabbed a few holes in the top of the bag for good measure—the better to get the scent of the food out—before I left the kitchen and headed down the side of the house with Rafe to the garbage area.

Tossing his recycling bag into the proper can, he turned and looked at me. “What’re you waiting for?” he asked, his voice a little too loud for my liking.

I gave him a dirty look. “Be quiet, idiot,” I hissed.

The fucker had the balls to smirk at me. “I’m not the idiot here,” he said dryly. Lucky for him, he said it quietly.

“I’m trying to decide where to leave it.”

Rafe shook his head and grabbed the bag from me before dropping it directly on top of the trashcan. “There you go.”

I frowned as I looked at the bag, wondering how long it would take Elvis to smell it from the other side of the wall. "Maybe I should bring a fan out, so it blows the smell over better," I muttered, thinking aloud.

“Seriously, if you keep this crazy shit up I’m going to take you to the doctor. Did you fall and hit your head or something? Because you are taking this shit to a whole other level.”

"Or something," I answered with a quiet, self-deprecating laugh. I knew I wasn't crazy, but even I knew that I was behaving out of character. Realizing that my brother had a valid point about how far I was taking things, I decided I'd give it a little time before I brought a fan out.

Two hours later Rafe had long since gone back to bed, leaving me to my own devices. That was all right, except for the fact that there was still no sign of the bird. When I remembered that Kaya had mentioned that he needed water, I went into the kitchen and pulled out the biggest pot I could find. I took it outside, filled it up with water from the hose, and then set it on the ground next to the trashcan.

I'd positioned myself in a chair on the outdoor porch area that allowed me a direct view of the side yard. I was planning to find a fan and an extension cord when movement at the top of the wall caught my attention. I stayed still while I waited for him to jump down, unmoving lest I startle him into leaving. When he looked directly at me, I caught my breath and prayed the sight of me wouldn't scare him off. I exhaled a relieved breath when he hopped down from the wall and landed gracefully in front of the trash bins. I expected him to immediately forage through the trash, but he didn't.

Instead, he extended his plumage, shook it out for a few seconds and then began walking my way. I was curious about why he was ignoring the garbage in favor of paying attention to me. The closer he got, the more I got the vibe that the way he was eying me up reeked of judgment. I swear he knew I'd lured him over with a bag full of fresh food that didn't belong in the garbage.

“Hey big guy,” I murmured when he stopped just in front of me. “I swear I’m not normally this big of a tool.”

Elvis cocked his head and looked directly at me for countless seconds without moving an inch. It started to get weird, having the bird stare me down like he was evaluating me as a human.

“Uh, hi?” I said after a solid minute of his ocular assessment.

He looked at me for another few seconds before he retracted his feathers and started doing some weird dance thing. For all I knew, the damn bird had a taste for Spanish flesh, and he was doing a pre-meal ritual. I half started to wonder if Rafe had been right to run from him the day before. No sooner had I decided I'd made a horrible choice in luring him over than he turned and hurried toward the trash, cawing along the way. I grinned, happy that he was making noise. I hoped that she was out in the yard so it wouldn't be too long before she heard it.

Luck was, finally, on my side. In between mauling the hell out of the garbage bag to gain access to the food inside, Elvis seemed to purposely be making noises to get Kaya’s attention. Five minutes later, things went from good to great when I heard her calling for him right on the other side of the wall.

“Seriously, Elvis! This isn’t funny, buddy. Where are you?”

Unabashed, the bird swallowed whatever the fuck he was chewing on and then let out a series of cawing sounds. I rose from the chair and returned it to its regular spot on the patio area before I hurried toward the wall that separated us.

“Hey Kaya?” I called out, “he’s over here.”

“Oh, God,” she groaned, the sound of it enough to make my cock throb. “Alejandro I’m so sorry—”

I felt like a dick right about then. After all, the bird would still be back on her side of the wall if I hadn’t lured him over with the ultimate bird buffet. “Don’t apologize,” I said firmly. “Just come over—I’ll open my gate so you can come right in.”

This was a small exaggeration since the gate had been open since Rafe and I had returned from the store in the hopes she’d come over.

“I’ll be right over,” she called out.

Sweetest fucking words I’d ever heard.