CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Ice
SHE FELT SO perfect in my arms and what she just did to me, while so simple, was exactly what I needed. It didn’t have to be rough with her for it to be hot. I didn’t need any toys or fantasies like some of my friends did. Every time I touched her, it was like fire was shooting through my body, burning me alive from the inside out. I craved her with every beat of my heart. “I can’t get enough of you,” I whispered, sure that she was asleep already. She sighed and then her hand came to rest over my heart. “Love you,” she mumbled. My body stiffened. Love? I didn’t do love. This was never about love. We had agreed. This was just supposed to be a good time that was mutually beneficial. Sure, I loved fucking her and I was probably a little more attached than I should be, but it definitely wasn’t love. It was lust, pure and simple. I couldn’t sleep the rest of the night. I didn’t want to leave her arms, but I also knew that I couldn’t be there in the morning. I needed to put some distance between us before this got out of control. As the sun started peeking over the horizon, I slipped out of bed and limped into the kitchen. My leg was killing me this morning and I needed to change the bandage. I popped a few pain pills and swallowed them down with day old coffee. Disgusted with it, I made new coffee as I tried to figure out what the hell I was going to do. I needed help now and unfortunately, I couldn’t turn to all of my friends for help. They would all tell me to go with it and just see what happens. I needed to talk to someone that could actually give me advice on how to not lead her on any further. I texted Jules, asking him to get his ass over here as quickly as possible. I needed to figure this out before she woke up and I got roped into something I couldn’t get out of. I was getting antsy as I waited for Jules to show up. I kept checking on Lindsey, glad that she was still asleep. When Jules finally came, I was so worried that she would wake up that I went out to his truck, hiding in there like a little kid afraid that he would get caught. “What the fuck are you doing?” Jules asked as I ducked down in his truck. “Hiding.” “From what?” “Lindsey. I don’t want her to know I’m out here,” I said as I peeked over the dash. “And you think she wouldn’t think it’s weird for me to be sitting out here by myself?” I looked over at him and sneered. Shifting back up to the seat, I glanced back at the door like she was going to step outside and catch me. “So, what’s with this clandestine meeting?” “I need your help. I’m in a world of shit.” “How can you be in a world of shit? You’re hurt. Isn’t she making sure you’re not feeling any pain?” “That’s the problem. She was taking care of me just fine, but I fucked up last night. After she fucked me, I said something like, I can’t get enough of you. But I meant it like your body is fucking hot and I need more.” “Let me guess, she didn’t take it that way,” Jules deadpanned. “I’m not sure. I thought she was asleep, but then she…” I sighed and groaned in irritation. “She said she loved me.” Jules stared at me a minute before bursting into laughter. “You are so fucked. I told you, you have to be careful. I knew she was going to get attached.” “That’s not very helpful right now.” “What the fuck do you want me to say? Do you love her?” “What? No, I tolerate her.” “Sure,” he snorted. “Seriously, it’s just fucking.” “From what you described, it sounds like you’re falling further down the rabbit hole than you want to admit.” “She’s good in bed and…she gets cold at night.” “Yeah, you were warming her up with your dick and that’s the problem. You never stick around that long. That’s where you fucked up and now you’re going to pay the price.” “How do I fix it? What do I do?” “I guess that depends. Do you still want to fuck her?” I didn’t say anything right away, afraid that he would read too much into it if I admitted that I was addicted to her. “Damn, you’re further in than I thought.” “What? No, it’s just sex. Really good sex and I don’t want to have to give it up.” “Then tell her you love her.” “But I don’t love her,” I said emphatically. “So, you break up with her later,” he shrugged. “Couples break up all the time. Have your fill and then tell her it’s just not working.” “What’s wrong with you? I can’t do that to her.” “Which tells me you’re thinking with more than your dick,” he pointed out. “Shit. I can’t let her think that this can be more. I’m going to have to end it.” “How good is the sex?” Jules asked curiously. “You know when you figure out a rhythm with someone after a few fucks and things really start to click?” “Usually I don’t stick around that long.” “Well, it’s like that, except it was like that from the very beginning. Her body fits perfectly with mine and her pussy is like heaven. There’s this fire that burns between us that’s so hot. I just want to fuck her whenever I’m around her. And then she sleeps with me in bed and every morning I wake up with her pussy juices soaking my dick.” “I’m gonna stop you right there because obviously you can’t see how fucked you are. I can’t help you. You need to talk with Sinner or Cap. They can give you advice.” “No, they’ll tell me to go for it.” “Listen, you’re already in too deep. I would tell you to walk away right now, but the way you’re describing shit with her, that’s not something you’re going to be able to do.” “I can walk away whenever I want.” “Keep telling yourself that. Get the fuck out of my truck. It’s bad enough you lost your dick to a woman, but it’s even worse that you can’t admit it.” “You’re such an asshole.” I got out of the truck, slamming the door and limping toward the house. That was absolutely no help.
✯✯✯✯✯
When she wandered into the kitchen an hour later, I did my best to be really chill. Maybe a little too chill based on the looks I was getting from her. It might have been the fact that I completely ignored her. Or it could have been that I made breakfast, a really good breakfast, but ate it all myself. I didn’t even offer her any. I just ate it in front of her as she dug around for a granola bar. Yeah, it made me a dick, but I didn’t know what else to do. “What’s going on?” she asked as she leaned against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. “What do you mean?” “I mean, you’re acting weird this morning. I mean, you’re a dick like always, but…I don’t know. I thought things were changing between us. You know, like we were actually being friends.” “Friends,” I said in a blank tone. “Yeah, you know, we weren’t yelling at each other and it just seemed different.” I stood and took my plate over to the sink, being sure to just leave it laying out, even though I knew it would piss her off that I didn’t put it in the dishwasher. Even worse, I didn’t even rinse it off. Egg yolk was stuck to the plate and I didn’t give a shit. Well, I pretended like I didn’t. When I saw her eyeing the plate and saw her face fall in disappointment, I hated that I was letting her down. “I don’t know what to tell you. We fuck. You want to be friends? That’s fine, but don’t expect me to all the sudden be nice to you. It is what it is.” “Sorry that I thought that we were evolving into more mature adults,” she said as she stalked off toward the bedroom. I hung my head, hating myself for being such a dick. Whatever. I did what I had to do and she wouldn’t mistake us for anything more now. I hobbled off to the bathroom so I could clean my wound and change the bandage. I gathered the supplies and then sat down on the toilet, yanking my shirt over my head. I had some deep gashes on my chest that I had to clean up also. Lindsey walked into the bathroom, giving me an odd look. “Here, let me help you with that.” “I got it,” I said shortly. “Don’t be silly. It’ll be easier for me to do it.” “And have you pass out at my feet when you see the blood?” “It’ll be fine,” she said as she knelt down in front of me. She peeled off a few of the bandages, paling as she saw the stitches. Her face was turning green and and her body was swaying. I gripped her by the arms to steady her. “Would you go the fuck away? I’m already injured. I don’t need you making it worse,” I yelled at her. I didn’t want to, but her kneeling in front of me was giving me the biggest hard on of my life. I wanted to fuck her so bad right then and my dick was showing it. And right when I thought I had truly pissed her off, she looked down and saw my erection pushing against my boxers. She looked back up at me and my eyes narrowed in on her in challenge. I wanted her to do it. I wanted her to take my cock in her mouth and suck it hard. I wanted to fuck her throat until she was gagging around me. When her fingers pulled at my boxers, pulling the fabric aside to yank me out, I looked up at the ceiling so I didn’t have to watch. If I did, I would blow as soon as she slid me in that sweet mouth. Warmth coated my dick and her moans had me straining to hold back my release. How was I supposed to give this up? When I finally had the nerve to watch her, she looked up at me beneath her lashes, giving me a sexy as fuck look that had me blowing inside her. I couldn’t stop myself if I tried. She took every drop I gave her, swallowing it down and licking her lips in satisfaction. I yanked her up to me and kissed her hard, sliding my tongue in against hers. This was so wrong. I shoved her back a step and stood, going into my bedroom and slamming the door. I avoided her the rest of the day and made sure to sleep on my side of the bed. I didn’t allow myself to pull her into me in the middle of the night. Overall, I was doing a pretty damn good job of keeping her at bay. That is, until I saw her staring out the window the next day with the saddest fucking look on her face. It was fucking torture for me. I hated seeing the sadness in her eyes, and worse, knowing I had caused it. The woman didn’t have a whole lot in her life, but she had me. I could be a nicer guy to her. I could be her friend and show her that I cared. Even if I wasn’t in love with her, I could give her every other part of me. Limping over to her, I rested my hands on her shoulders, pushing my chest right up to her back. She leaned back against me, her head lulling into my shoulder. My lips found her temple, giving her a soft kiss as I wrapped my arms around her. “What was that for?” she asked. “You look sad. I didn’t want you to be sad. What’s going on?” “Just feeling sorry for myself,” she said quietly. “You want to talk about it?” She shrugged, but continued to stare out the window. I could see she wouldn’t open up to me if we stayed like this. “Come on. Come sit with me on the couch. I can’t stay standing.” She turned to me in concern and quickly ushered me over to the couch. While I was doing okay and didn’t really need to sit down yet, it wouldn’t have taken much longer before it was true. She pushed me down on the couch and propped my leg up with some pillows. Then she got a blanket and draped it over me, fussing with making sure I was tucked in. I snatched her hand and pulled her down next to me, pulling her into my chest. This was better. It felt right. “Tell me what’s going on inside that beautiful head.” “I was just thinking about my parents. I never really thought about them very much because I had my grandma. I always told myself that I had all the love in the world and it didn’t matter if I didn’t have them. Then, when she died, I was devastated, but I had the business to keep my mind off things. Now…I just feel lost. I feel so alone.” I could feel her breath hitch in her chest and I knew she was on the verge of tears if she wasn’t crying already. I never knew that she felt this way. She always seemed so strong and sure of herself. But then, I had never really taken the time to get to know her. I was only concerned with myself and my own feelings. “I was just looking out the window and wondering what it would feel like to know that there was someone out there that was thinking of me too. I was wondering what it would be like to know that I have someone to spend holidays with and…” She swiped at her eyes and sniffled. I pulled her tighter against me, wanting to comfort her in any way I could. “You always seem so happy,” I murmured. She snorted, “Is that when I’m yelling at you?” “I just mean that you don’t seem to let life get you down. I’ve never seen you so upset before.” “You don’t really know me, John. We fuck, but it’s not like we have deep, meaningful conversations.” “What brought all this on?” “I think seeing you at the door the other day. You were hurt and your friends were there for you. They wanted to help you. They’ve called to check up on you and they’ve even called me to make sure I don’t need anything. I just…I was just thinking about what it would be like to have friends and family that would care if something happened to me.” “I’d care.” “You’d care because you wouldn’t have a fuck buddy anymore.” I turned her in my arms to face me. “I would care because I care about you. I may not be able to give you all the things you want in life, but I like to think of you as my friend. I would care if something happened.” She rested her head against my chest and we sat there for hours, just lying in the comfort of each other’s arms. I was way too comfortable lying with her and soon fell asleep. When I woke up, she was still in my arms, watching TV and snuggled under the blanket with me. I could get used to this, I thought before I drifted back to sleep.