Wes

The first month of the tour has been a success by anyone’s standards, but I feel as though I’m watching from some distant vantage point. No one seems to have noticed that I’m a shadow person. My parts have become jumbled and confused. Somehow, I still manage to play the songs. Still manage to go to the band meetings. Still manage to have the outward appearance of an actual person. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I have friends. I have success. For the first time in my life, I’m not required to be the strong one. Shouldn’t I be thriving?

Finn has Autumn now, and they seem to make each other stronger. Surely I’m not jealous of the fact that I’m not needed anymore. Who am I? Who am I when I’m not looking after everyone else? I need to call home. It’s the only time I feel somewhat connected. Without that, I feel like I might fade into a grey mist and disappear.

Rolling over on the bed, I reach for my phone in the dim hotel room. It needs charging. My hands fumble for the cord, and I manage to plug it into the base of the phone.

Three messages. Two from Trent and one from Finn. I delete them without reading them and dial home.

“Hey, Wes,” Sophie sounds upbeat. “How’s the tour going? Where are you now, Denver?”

“No, we’re in Chicago now…I think.”

Sophie's laughter echoes through the phone. “Are you even out of bed yet, big bro?”

“Not yet. It’s only eleven a.m.”

“Ah, the life of a rock star. You’re still coming home for my birthday aren’t you?”

I squint my eyes closed and run my free hand over them. “Sure am! You’ll love what I got you.”

“Ooh, is it JD?”

I almost manage a laugh. “I am not bringing you a boy home for your birthday.”

“Spoilsport. Have you seen him in ‘The Lost Years’? He was so good in that. Please tell me you can at least arrange a chance for me to meet him sometime?”

“I really don’t know that many actors, Soph.”

“Yeah but I’m sure you know people, who know people?”

That elicits a genuine laugh, although it feels like my throat is cracking. “Yeah, maybe. But I’m not sure I want you meeting some seventeen-year-old boy anyway.”

“Come on, I’m not some stupid kid anymore.”

“Thirteen is hardly grown up either.”

“Fine, I’ll ask Finn. He’s sure to know someone.”

I sigh. “Can I talk to Jemma please?”

“Yeah, I have stuff to do anyway.”

Sophie yells loudly for Jemma. At least she took the phone away from her mouth this time.

“Hello.”

“Hi, Jemma.”

“What’s up?”

“Well…apparently Sophie wants me to bring her a boy home for her birthday.” The soft sound of Jemma’s laugh makes me smile.

“Jackson Durant right? She and her friends seem to talk about nothing else lately. If I have to see anymore photos, or clips on YouTube about that boy, I think I’ll lose my mind.”

“I suppose I should be happy it’s not someone at her school.”

“Yeah. I guess the next few years are going to be tough. Are you going to let her date?”

“Not if I can avoid it…”

“I don’t think you can for much longer. I’m sure she has a few boys chasing her already.”

“Well, they better not let me catch them at it.”

“Can I ask what you got her for her birthday? I’m a bit stuck for ideas.”

“I actually haven’t bought her present yet.” I feel bad about lying to Sophie, but I’m sure I’ll come up with something in the next few days. “You don’t have to buy her anything. Believe me, you’re doing more than enough already.”

“Of course I have to get her something. And it’s not that hard, really. She’s at school most of the time, or at a friend’s house.”

“Well, just knowing she has someone there that she can rely on, makes me feel a lot better.” I close my eyes as I picture Jemma’s golden curls and deep bright blue eyes.

“Good, I’m glad to do it.” Her voice is soft and sincere.

I clench my fist. There is one thing I’ve been putting off but I need to ask. “So, I’ll be home in a few days. If you want to take some time off, you’re more than overdue for a break.” Silence follows and I wait, hardly daring to breathe.

“Do you want it to just be family?”

“No, of course not…I just thought you might need a break.”

“No, I love it here. I don’t need to go away, not unless you want me to?”

I take a deep breath. Sometimes when we talk, it feels like we have a connection. But of course, I can’t take it any further. I want to tell her how much I’m looking forward to coming home. And it’s not just Sophie I want to see.

“It’s your home now too. Of course you’re welcome to stay.” I need you to stay. You help me feel real.

“Well great.” Her voice sounds unnaturally upbeat. “I’ll see you soon.”

“Sure…soon.”

“Bye, Wes.”

“Bye, Jemma.” The phone drops onto the bed. I don’t have to be anywhere for a few hours. I roll over and allow myself to think of her.

Jemma

The damp earth compresses between my fingers. Its rich scent relaxes my body. Wes will be here any minute, but I’ve deliberately chosen to be out here in the back garden. My clothes and hands are covered in dirt. It will stop me from running to greet him and making a fool of myself. By the time I’ve cleaned myself up, I’m hoping I’ll be able to manage a calm and cool exterior.

Although the sunlight is filtered by the trees, my shirt sticks to my skin. I remove the last weed from around the bright profusion of blooms and wipe my arm across my forehead. My nose itches and I pull off one of my gloves. My hand is stained from where the dirt fell from the roots of the weeds. Even though I wear gloves, my hand still end up dirty. Oh well, it will have to do. I sigh in relief as the nagging itch disappears. Time to move on to the next garden bed. I stand and stretch my arms over my head. My back arches, and I close my eyes, letting the sun’s warm rays touch my skin. It’s probably almost time for another round of sunscreen.

The sound of the door slamming brings me back to reality. I lower my hands and look back toward the house. It’s him. Wes. What’s he doing out here? Was he expecting me to give him an immediate report on Sophie? It hardly seems necessary after all the time we’ve spent talking on the phone.

He walks toward me. His black jeans are slung low on his hips. His fitted band T-shirt molds to his toned body. His hair looks longer and messier than I remember it. As he reaches me, I become more concerned. His eyes look wrong. It’s as if he’s been away at war instead of on tour with the band. Has anyone else noticed? Surely Finn would have detected any problems with his best friend. But maybe I’m mistaken? Perhaps touring takes more of a toll on the band members than I realized.

Wes smiles, and for a moment my worries drop away. I’m sure he’s just tired from his weeks on the road.

“Hi, Wes. Sorry I didn’t come in to meet you when you arrived.” My hand reaches up to pull more of my hair across my face. My scars. In the heat, I’m aware they will appear more red and angry than usual. I hate when I let them influence me like this…

“Don’t.” Wes takes my hand and gently lowers it back down from my face. “Don’t ever feel like you have to hide yourself from me.”

I gasp. No one has ever said that to me before. Is it real? Does he really not care about my ugly scars? His sweet tone makes my thoughts whirl. I’m not ready to talk about this yet.“And you, Wes, what have you been hiding?”

His eyes close off from me. Their open look of concern, gone in an instant.

Stupid, stupid, I just had to go there. “Sorry. I’m sorry. It’s none of my business.”

Wes finally releases my hand and looks off at some distant point in the garden. “No, please, don’t apologize. You’re right. You just surprised me. I didn’t think anyone had noticed.”

“Is it the tour? Is it stressing you out?”

“No the tour’s going fine. Great actually. Really great.”

“Do you want to talk about it? What’s bothering you, I mean?”

“I’m sure I just need to catch up on my sleep. It’s nothing.”

The connection is gone. I pull off my other glove and use them both to fan my face. “It’s been pretty hot the last few days.” Great, now I’m talking about the weather.

“Yeah, the garden looks fantastic…I’ve missed working out here.”

I smile. “It helps doesn’t it?”

Wes returns my smile, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Do you want to come inside and get cleaned up? We thought we might all have an early dinner before the rest of the guys head home.”

“The whole band’s here?”

“Yeah, and Trent.”

“He’s your manager, right?”

“Uh huh. You must have heard Finn ranting about him at some point. But don’t worry, Trent’s not as bad as Finn makes out.”

I laugh. It’s hard to spend any time around Finn, without hearing him complain about Infusion Deep’s manager. I was starting to think he must be some sort of ogre.

“Well, I’m glad about that. I’d better grab a quick shower. I want to catch up with Autumn.”

“She missed you too.”

I walk beside Wes as we make our way back to the house. I drop my gardening gloves on the back porch making a mental note to put them away later.

Back up in my room, I strip out of my dirty clothes and step under a cool stream of water. As much as I want to stand here for the next half-hour, I really do want to see my friend. I step out of the shower and wrap a towel around my body. I avoid looking in the mirror as a wrap a second towel around my hair.

I pad softly into the bedroom. Should I wear a dress, or more casual shorts and a T-shirt? Not able to decide, I close my eyes and reach into the clothes in my closet. My hand closes on something soft and I pull it toward me. It’s a short, blue halter-neck summer dress. Perfect.

I dress quickly and walk back into the bathroom. The dress leaves my arms bare, but the strap covers the worst of the scarring on my chest. Am I brave enough to wear this downstairs? I run a brush through my hair and apply a light layer of make-up. Please God, help me not to focus on my outward appearance. I know you love me just as I am. Help me to believe that others can too.

Before I can let the doubt reemerge, I run lightly down the stairs and walk to the kitchen where the group seems to have congregated.

Ryan, Zane, and Finn are all seated at the barstools that line one side of the long kitchen bench. Autumn stands between Finns legs and rests against his chest. Wes has a large bowl of ice in front of him and appears to be making drinks. I should really help him, seeing as I live here too. I exchange greetings with everyone as I walk around to the same side of the bench as Wes. For the first time, I’m aware of an older man standing at the end of the bench. He looks to be in his late thirties. It must be Trent. He reaches out a hand toward me. Wes takes a step back so I can shake his hand.

“Hey, Jemma, I’m Trent.”

“Hi, Trent, I’ve heard a lot about you.” I smile, wondering what he’ll make of that.

Trent runs his hand back over his slicked-back hair. “All good I hope.” He’s the only one here wearing a suit, even though it’s really too warm. The band is dressed much more casually and Autumn has on a summer dress.

Finn grins. “Well, I’m afraid I may have failed to be all that complimentary.”

“Well, pretty boy, some of us actually have to work for a living.”

“Hey,” Autumn interjects, “Enough already. We’re here to have a nice meal together.”

Finn’s grin fades. “Sorry, Autumn Lilly. Sorry, Trent. I’ll behave.”

Trent coughs something that sounds a lot like ‘whipped.’ But the conversation moves on to other things.

I help Wes make everyone a drink, while I mainly listen to stories about the tour. Fair-haired Ryan does most of the talking and his stories are pretty hilarious. He makes it sound as if being on tour is all fun and no work. Midway through a long story about a hilarious photo shoot, Zane who has been tapping non-stop on the bench, gets a phone call and leaves the room. When he returns his smile is gone, and his incessant tapping only intensifies.

Wes looks concerned. “Was that Jade?”

“Yeah, she’s not coming.”

“Oh, are you hanging around or going home?” The concern is evident in Wes’s voice.

“Going I guess. Sorry guys, next time maybe.” Zane hangs his head as he leaves the room. Wes follows him out.

Wes returns a few minutes later. I lean over to whisper quietly. “Is everything alright?”

“Not really. Things between him and Jade are a bit rocky.”

Jade’s a schoolteacher, so she can’t always follow the band when they tour. I suppose she could always quit her job. I know I would if it was the only way to save my marriage. “It must be hard for them to be apart so much.”

Wes pushes his hand back through his hair, leaving it messier than before. “Yeah. Makes me think it’s better to stay single.”

The comment shouldn’t hurt, but it does. I have no claim on Wes’s heart.

Autumn leaves Finn’s side and comes over. “Want to show me the garden, Jemma?”

“Sure.” I lead the way outside, leaving the boys to themselves. Sophie passes us on the way, heading to the kitchen. What was she so caught up in to miss hanging out with the band? Some teenage drama no doubt.

It’s cooled off a bit outside now that the hottest part of the day has passed. We sit on a wrought iron bench under a birch tree.

I take Autumn’s hand in my own. “You look radiant. How’s life on tour with your gorgeous husband?”

Autumn smiles. “It’s so amazing. I love being a part of everything. The idea of my old life, never going out, being afraid all the time…I just can’t imagine going back.”

“And Finn? Things are going well?”

A blush creeps into her cheeks. “Yes, Finn is perfect. I can’t believe he’s mine. Except for the fact that he tells me every day.” She laughs. So different to the scared damaged girl I met at Peaceful Shores rehabilitation center. It’s reassuring to know that life can change so much for the better if you open yourself up to the possibility.

“I’m so happy for you, and I’m glad Finn is treating you well.”

“Yes. Enough about me. How are you doing? I wouldn’t be where I am if you hadn’t befriended me in the first place. And no lying to make me feel better. You know I’ll be able to tell.”

I grimace. But I’m glad she’s being so direct. I really need to talk to someone. “I’m worried about Wes. Does he seem off to you somehow?”

“He seems alright to me…” Autumn replies slowly, thinking. “But I asked how you were doing. You like him, don’t you?”

I tug at one of my curls. “I know I shouldn’t. He’s my boss after all. But, oh, I don’t know. He just seems so lost sometimes.”

“So you like him, or you want to take care of him, make him feel better? Rescue him?”

I twist the strand of hair around my finger. “I’m not sure. I think I like him. But you’re right. Maybe I just want to fix him?”

“Do you feel anything when he touches you?”

“Like a shivery feeling inside?”

Autumn smiles. “Yes, exactly!”

“Yes. He makes me feel all jittery inside.”

“You sound just like me when I met Finn.”

“But that’s different. You and Finn are perfect for each other.”

Autumn shivers. “We had our share of problems along the way. But I wouldn’t change a thing. If I hadn’t gone to Peaceful Shores, we never would have met.”

“Oh, Autumn, you’re my best friend. What should I do?”

“I’m not sure I’m qualified to give advice. I’ve really only been in one relationship…”

“Yeah, but look how well that turned out.”

“True. Just…I don’t know. Just be yourself. If he has feelings for you, I’m sure it will all work out.” Autumn tucks a lock of blonde hair behind one ear. “Sorry, that’s not very helpful, is it?”

“Well, I think being myself is good advice. Sometimes I get hung up on how people stare at me…”

“You are stunning you know.”

“That’s not what I mean.”

“I know.”

Wes

Sophie’s eyes light up as I hand over her birthday present. I’m proud of myself for remembering to actually wrap it up this year.

“Ooh, Wes, what is it?” Sophie tears the silver paper off the small box with wild abandon.

“You’d hardly want me to spoil the surprise now, Soph.”

“True.” The last bit of paper flutters to the floor leaving a black velvet box. “You didn’t?” Sophie’s eyes gleam with excitement. She bounces on her knees on the bed.

I smile. Her excitement is infectious. It took me ages to find it. But now, seeing her face, it’s all worth it. She lifts the necklace carefully out of the box. Green and pink stones alternate. Silver wire wraps around them, forming an almost heart shape.

Sophie sighs. “Is it hers? Did you find the actual one?”

“I’m not certain. From the photograph we have of Great Grandma Herbert, it looks like an identical piece. The antiques jeweler I found said there were a few hundred made, so we may never know whether it was the one Mum pawned.”

Sophie gives me a quick hug. “It doesn’t matter. I love it either way. Thank you so much for finding this for me. It means more than any other present ever could.”

I grin. “Does that mean you don’t want your other presents?”

“Ha!” Sophie slaps my arm playfully. “I’ll never turn down a present.” She turns her back to me and lifts her hair. “Can you put it on me?”

“With your pajamas?”

“Sure why not?”

I shrug and place the necklace carefully around her neck.

Sophie scrambles out of the bed and over to the mirror on her dresser. She twists to-and-fro admiring the gift. “Can we go and wake up Jemma?”

“Can I stop you?”

“Nope.” Sophie grins and flies out of the room, her bare feet thumping on the wooden floorboards.

Jemma

Sophie’s birthday party seems to be going well. I’ve been pretty busy preparing food and drink for the six excited girls as they run through the house. It’s as if they can’t decide exactly what they want to do. One minute they’re giving each other makeovers, the next, they’re bugging Wes to invite Finn over to give them an impromptu concert. Wes doesn’t tell them that Finn and Autumn are planning on coming over to wish Sophie a happy birthday anyway.

Squeals erupt from the living room. Sophie usually goes to her friends’ houses to visit, and I can understand why. When he walks into the room, Finn is swarmed by Sophie’s friends. He carries off the cool rock star vibe to perfection. Fitted designer jeans and a black T-shirt. His dark hair hangs down over one eye. He has one arm around Autumn, making sure she can’t be moved from his side. I can sort of understand why he’s the favorite with the female fans. In contrast, Wes stands beside him. His cheekbones aren’t as prominent, his eyes are deep brown rather than piercing blue. His face is more cute-guy-next-door. But it’s Wes that causes my heart to flutter in my chest. The girls don’t pay him as much attention. After all, they occasionally see him at school or when he picks Sophie up from their houses.

I find myself naturally gravitating over to where Wes stands.

“Looks like Finn has found himself a fan club.”

Wes shrugs. “Yeah, he’s used to it. He can cope with them at this age.”

“So, are you and Finn going to play for them?”

“Yeah, we’ll take a couple of requests. Hey, why don’t you sing with us? Autumn tells me you sing at your church sometimes.”

My cheeks heat. “Oh, that’s different. Besides,” I nudge him with my elbow, “How do you know I even know the words to your songs?”

It’s Wes’s turn to look flustered. “Do you?”

“I know some of them now.”

Wes lifts one eyebrow. It’s so adorable. “So, you’ve been listening to our stuff?”

I look at the floor. “Sometimes.”

“Hey, I like that you’re not a huge fan. It’s refreshing to talk to someone that doesn’t know all about me already.”

Okay, so I’m definitely not going to tell him about the google search I did a few weeks ago. We follow everyone downstairs to the music studio. Wes sits at the piano bench and pats the seat next to him. I sit beside him, hyperaware of all the places our bodies brush against each other on the narrow bench seat.

Autumn leaves Finn’s side to join Sophie and the other girls on one of the leather sofas. Finn straps on his guitar and gives it a quick tune. “So birthday girl. What do you want us to play for you?”

“How about, When the Stars Fall?”

Finn clutches at his chest comically. “That’s not even one of ours.”

Several of the girls giggle. Sophie pouts. “I know, but it’s amazing. And besides, Finn, I’m sure you could sing it even better than Andy Sherwin.”

The other girls shout out in agreement.

Finn turns our way. “Wes?”

“Yeah, I can play it. Soph has that song on repeat at least once a day at the moment. I swear I could play it in my sleep.”

The girls giggle again. I really like the song. I can’t wait to hear how their version sounds. Wes hits the opening chords on the piano and Finn comes in seamlessly. When they get to the chorus, Wes nudges me, so I join in. I look at Wes beside me. He’s grinning broadly, and it makes me gain more confidence. Finn raises his eyebrows at me as he steps his own performance up a notch. By the time we get to the chorus again, everyone has joined in.

It sounds fantastic, the guy’s loud rock voices and the sweet high sounds of the young teens. This is so fun I wish we could stay here all night.