Lying in bed, I stare at the red lit up numbers on my alarm clock, the minutes passing like hours as I chase the sleep that has evaded me all night. My mind won’t shut off. All the bad shit happening, and so much up in the air, has me all twisted up. Everything is changing and I am caught in the tide, helpless to stop everything Troy did from hurting everyone I care about. He may be dead, but he refuses to stay buried.

The only good things I have left in my life are all on this lot; I have a sinking feeling in my gut that, at any minute, they could slip right through my fingers.

There is a tap on the door. Before I can get my mouth to move, the door opens and closes. The lock clicks, followed by the rustling of boots and clothes. “Schrader?” His name comes out on a sob.

The bed dips as he settles, his arms wrapping around me, pulling me back against him. The warmth of his body, the strength in the protective way he holds me shatters the last ounce of strength I had left holding me together. A tear slips down my cheek at the realization that he knew what I needed without me having to say the words.

“We need to talk,” I breathe, running my hands up his forearms. There are so many things that I need to say to him, that I need to explain.

Pressing his lips to my shoulder, he sighs. “Are you gonna ask me to leave?”

“No.” I close my eyes, knowing that asking him to leave is the last thing I want to do. He has no idea how much I need him to stay, to do exactly what he is doing right now. His arms cradle my broken pieces, unknowingly keeping me together at a time when everything seems to be falling apart. “Please stay with me.”

“Then whatever it is can wait, Babe.” His arms tighten around me. “As long as you want me in this bed, long as you’re givin’ me all this sweet, I don’t care about anything else. Save it for the daylight.”

Blinking back tears, I roll to face him. Threading my fingers through his hair, I search his eyes as best I can in the darkness. I can see how badly he wants this; how wrong I have been to ignore what has been growing between us at an impossible rate. I have been pushing Schrader away out of self-preservation and fear. I have been doing the very thing that I hope he doesn’t do to me once he knows what I have been hiding. His body stills expectantly, waiting for me to move. “Take what you need, Shy baby.” Licking my lips, I swallow the words that I know I should say, the truth I know he, and everyone else, deserves to hear and press my lips to his.

Schrader lets me control the kiss, his lips and tongue taking their every cue from mine. I want so badly to go slow, to savor every second, but I can’t. Rolling him to his back, I deepen the kiss, my fingers sliding down to run along the coarse hair on his jaw. My other hand moves down his chest and torso, feeling every ridge of muscle twitch and react to my touch. “I’m so tired of fighting this, Schrader,” I murmur against his lips.

“I want you to fight for us.” Grabbing my hips, he pulls me onto him. “Not against us.”

Straddling his thighs, I pull my shirt over my head and drop it to the floor. Schrader’s hands move slowly up my body, taking his time over each curve until they reach my breasts. Leaning up, he flicks one of my hardening nipples with his tongue before taking it into his mouth and sucking hard. “Ah,” I cry out, arching my back. My hands dive into his hair, holding him to me, needing him closer.

Sliding a hand down to my ass, he digs his fingers into my skin. My body reacts to him as if I were a puppet on a string. My hips jolt, rocking into him, feeling every hard inch, separated by only the thin fabric of his boxers. Schrader growls, the vibrations going straight to my clit. Releasing my nipple, he slides his hand into my hair, pulling me closer as he thrusts his hips. “You wanna grind your sexy ass on me,” he pants, causing me to shiver. Ripping my underwear from my body, he smiles against my mouth. “Do it ridin’ my cock.”

Reaching between us, I slide my hand inside his boxers and wrap my fingers around his length. Schrader hisses out a breath, his hips jumping as I stroke him slowly. His eyes close, jaw going slack when I circle the head with my thumb. Leaning up, I free him from his boxers and slide down onto him, slowly taking every inch of him inside me.

Though I know I should stop this and get a condom, I can’t. I want to feel every inch of him, skin to skin. Absolute intimacy. I need this with him, to get lost in the oblivion with him, without barrier.

“Fuck,” he grunts, his hand fisting the sheets.

“Mmm,” I moan, digging my nails into his chest as I roll my hips. “You feel so good, Schrader.”

“Nothin’s ever felt as good as your cunt workin’ my cock, Babe,” he replies on a long exhale.

Schrader watches every slow and torturous move I make through hooded eyes. I see the need burning in his eyes, the urge he has to throw me to my back and take me hard and fast, but he doesn’t act on it. Instead, his hands roam my body, his hips moving in time with mine as our bodies build, both of us aching for release. Though I want nothing more than to drag the pleasure out as long as possible and watch Schrader fall apart beneath me, my body betrays me. Schrader’s hips shift, his pelvis grinding against me, putting the perfect amount of pressure on my clit. I detonate.

Throwing my head back, his name rips from my chest, my nails digging into him so hard, I know there will be gashes left behind. “That’s it, Baby.” Flipping us, Schrader pins my hands above my head. Running his nose along mine, he nips at my bottom lip and drives into me so hard my entire body rattles. “Come for me again.” His hips are relentless, working me, pulling every ounce of pleasure from my body; driving me into another explosive orgasm before the other one has dissipated.

Yanking my hands free, I claw at his back and ass, the intensity of the orgasm shatters me like glass. My heart hammers in my chest, my world shifting again. Schrader slams his mouth to mine, growling his release into a breath stealing kiss. “Shit,” he breathes, kissing a trail down to my ear. “Shy, we didn’t use a condom. Please tell me I can’t get you pregnant.”

“No,” I answer, swallowing the guilt of my omission. “Trust me, you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Good.” Pressing a quick kiss to my lips, Schrader flips on the lamp, climbs from the bed, kicks off the boxers that ended up around his ankles and heads for the bathroom.

And just like that, during a moment when everything should feel right in my world, once again, he invades my thoughts.

Rolling to the edge of the bed, I push to my feet and bend to grab my t-shirt from the floor. My head spins, the edges of my vision darkening, knocking me off balance. “Oh God,” I groan, stumbling forward. One hand finds the table, but it slides on a stack of papers, sending them to the floor, along with taking me to my knees.

“Shy?” Concern fills Schrader’s voice. Grabbing my arms, he helps me to my feet and into the chair. “You okay?”

“Yeah. Stood up too fast I think.” Scrubbing a hand over my face, I blink several times before looking up to meet his eyes.

Except, Schrader’s eyes aren’t on me. They are on the paperwork now sprawled across the floor. Bending down, he picks up a pamphlet with a business card stapled to it for the clinic in Knoxville. “Why do you have a pamphlet for an abortion clinic, Cheyenne?” he asks, though the look in his eyes tells me he doesn’t need an answer. “That why I don’t need to worry about knockin’ you up?” Tossing it to the table, he drops his ass to the bed and yanks a hand through his hair. “Because you’re already pregnant.”

“Yes,” I breathe, pressing a hand to my chest, trying to ease the ache.

“How long have you known?” he asks, gesturing to the rest of the pile in the floor. “Were you ever plannin’ to tell anyone? Oh, wait. That’s not how Cheyenne works.”

“That’s how Cheyenne works?” I ask, repeating his words. “What the fuck is that supposed to mean, Schrader?”

“It means you’d rather drown than ask for anyone’s help,” he barks, throwing up his hands. “That it’s like pullin’ fuckin’ teeth to get close to you, but here I am, tryin’ like hell to do that.”

“Why?” I ask, shaking my head. “What the hell do you have to gain?”

“You!” I freeze the moment the word leaves his lips. He glances over at me, his eyes blazing.

Clutching a hand to my chest, I sigh. “I found out at the hospital.” He nods, but doesn’t speak. Feeling too exposed, and needing to move, I tug on my shirt and stand to my feet, only wobbling slightly this time before Schrader reaches out to steady me. “Henley and the doctor gave me a folder filled with all of that so I could decide what I wanted to do.”

“That why you had that break down and burned all his shit?” he asks, clearly playing everything back in his head from that night.

“Partly,” I admit, knowing that moment had been brewing beneath the surface for weeks. Finding out I was pregnant was simply the straw that broke the camel’s back on the amount of emotional baggage I can carry at once.

“You should’ve told me,” he argues, sounding hurt.

“I tried.”

He sighs. “Not very fuckin’ hard, obviously.”

“That way you can be there for me, right?” I ask, tears falling freely down my face.

“Fuck yes,” he says, pushing to his feet. “You know I will. We all will. Mayhem’s in your blood. This club is your family. Why wouldn’t you want that from us? From me?”

“I told you before, you don’t owe me shit,” I inform him, giving him his out. “Don’t act like this doesn’t change things. It changes everything.”

“You’re important to me,” he replies, meeting my eyes. “Always have been. That doesn’t change.”

“You gonna marry me, Schrader? Step in and raise Troy’s baby as your own?” I shake my head. Grabbing some of the papers from the floor, I toss them to the bed. “It’s going to be a reminder of him. I refuse to dump this on the club and have my goddamn life be a part of yet another fucking table vote.”

“The woman I claimed in front of her Pop and my club is knocked up.” Yanking his jeans up his legs, Schrader charges toward me. Grabbing my arms, he meets my eyes, the deep brown burning with intensity. “I don’t care if you fucked the devil himself, the kid’s also a piece of you. You sure as fuck won’t pay for anything he did. Neither will an innocent baby.”

“I know that.”

“Well, now you know that I know that.” Squaring his shoulders, he towers over me. “And, for the record, I already consider you my Ol’ Lady.”

My stomach drops into my toes. “Ol’ Lady?” I ask, gaping at him.

“Fuck yeah, my Ol’ Lady. And, if we get hitched, it won’t be because you’re knocked up. It’ll be because I want you carryin’ my name.” I choke on a sob, my damn emotions going completely haywire. Wrapping his arms around me, Schrader pulls me tight to his chest and buries his nose in my hair. “Not everything has to be a battle, Babe,” he says, breathing me in. “Sometimes, you’ve gotta accept what life throws at you and know it’s gonna be okay.”

“And if it isn’t?” I sniffle, knowing that things aren’t always as simple as having his positive thinking mindset.

Tipping my chin upward with his fingers, he smiles down at me. “Then we take a drive out to the airport and load up the A.R. as many times as it takes to get your smile back.”

When Schrader finally releases me, I take a few minutes in the bathroom to clean up and get my raging emotions in check before I have another hysterical breakdown. I hate being so off the wall and overly sensitive. For me, it has always been vital to have a thick skin and be able to shake off whatever comes at me, but lately that has been becoming more difficult to do. Hopefully, it is all some horrible side-effect of being pregnant.

Because if I am going to cry at the drop of a hat, for the rest of my life, I am going to end up needing Schrader to take me back to his Airport Road gun range on a daily basis in order to keep the body count to a minimum around here.