Surprisingly Cam said more than she’d ever said on a personal level to a patient before. Not that it was all that personal, but she never talked about herself.
She always redirected her patients when they asked her personal questions. Answered them without giving too many details.
But there was something about Ian that made her want to reach him. Maybe it was the draw to his personality. One she hadn’t felt since she was a teen. Tough, strong. Domineering and possibly controlling. As an adult she’d steered clear of men like that, as a teen, it was her identity crisis.
Did she think he couldn’t go back to his job? No. He was fine. He’d make sure he was fine. There was something about him that was strong. An energy he emitted. Intense. That was it.
She was good at catching energy from people. When they were lying. When they weren’t. Strong, weak. You name it, she could almost feel it. That was why she excelled at her job.
Whatever he was feeling about the shooting, he wouldn’t let it affect his job.
He was feeling something. It was natural. She’d be more concerned if he wasn’t. Was it affecting his own moral code? Maybe. Maybe he was hurting on a deeper level because he took the life of a teen.
Not that he wasn’t justified, because by all intents and purposes he was. But it was what he’d said when he dropped her off. “Someone is missing her.”
Cam got the feeling Ian had a very tight-knit family. Since she had one, she could recognize it and didn’t feel guilty sharing that. After all, it was what she had that others didn’t that helped her choose her career path.
The perfect little girl on the outside for the world to see. Even her parents. Boring. She had wanted exciting. She’d wanted adventure and she’d wanted the thrill of doing it without being caught.
Was it because it seemed like there were no risks in her life back then? No reason to strive for anything other than perfection. Perfection was dull. Sneaking around was fun.
The guilt, not so much though.
What she was seeing with Ian was guilt. She was good at recognizing it by now. Ian wasn’t feeling guilty because he saved his partner’s life. Not that he shot a homeless teen. But that that teen would leave this earth with no one knowing. No one even caring.
He may or may not admit that to her. Whether he did or didn’t wouldn’t affect the way he did his job. And her job was to make sure he was of sound mind to go back to work. That was what she was paid to do.
“Are you having nightmares?” she asked him bluntly. She’d come to realize that he’d appreciate the direct approach.
“Don’t we all?”
“I’ll take that as a yes.” He didn’t dispute her. “How frequent?”
“Just a few times.”
“Do you want to describe them to me?”
“Do I have to?” he asked. He wasn’t looking annoyed or frustrated. More like curious.
“You don’t have to. But I’m here to listen if you’d like to.”
“If it will get these appointments over with faster, sure. I’ve got nothing to hide.” She snorted before she could stop herself, but he only grinned at her. “They aren’t all the same. I’ve only had a few, like I said. More about the facts of the night. Trying to remember details. What did I miss? Why didn’t I know that was going to happen?”
So it wasn’t about the girl. Not fully. It was about him and guilt after all. “You blame yourself for what happened to Mick?”
“I know better than that. Every day we get up and go to work knowing it could be our last. That something we didn’t plan or anticipate could happen.”
“Then why do you think you’re having nightmares?”
“Because I want to remember all the facts of that night so I can get this investigation over with. So I can get back to work and go after the guy we were looking for to begin with.”
“And if they called you tomorrow and said the investigation was over with, that you were cleared, you’d just be waiting for me to sign off?”
“That’s all I’m waiting for right now. I’m hearing they should be done within a few days, maybe sooner.”
She knew that too. She’d gotten the call this morning from Ian’s captain asking his status. An update. He had figured Ian would be cleared after one appointment and was surprised when another was set up.
“I’ll tell you what I told your captain this morning,” she said, deciding he’d appreciate the honesty. “That I see no reason why you can’t return to work after the investigation is over and you’re cleared. That you passed all the tests I’d given you before our first appointment and that you were of sound mind and body.” She stopped him when he went to open his mouth. “But, I also said it would benefit you to have another few appointments to get some things off your chest regarding the shooting. No harm in that.”
“And if I don’t want to come back?” he asked.
“It won’t stop me from signing your release once I hear the investigation is over. But I’d like you to come see me again.”
“You just like my company,” he said smiling right now, like there was relief in his eyes.
She did, but she couldn’t say that to him. He was a patient...for now. One of her easier ones, if she didn’t think about the effect he was having on her own mental stability.
“You’ve got ten more minutes in your session. Anything you’d like to talk about?”
“Have you had any other problem since the last time I saw you?”
She wasn’t expecting him to ask about her. “No. They won’t be able to find out who did this without witnesses or a camera, and there weren’t any. But I’m sure you’re aware of that.”
“You’ll be testifying for the Arrow trial in a few weeks,” he said.
“I can’t discuss that with you.”
“You can’t, but it’s public knowledge you’ll be called to testify. Do you think they had something to do with it?”
“I highly doubt it.”
David Arrow was being tried for the murder of his girlfriend. Twenty-year-old college junior. He’d been in and out of mental health facilities for several years. He was borderline depressed and on medication only because his mother forced many doctors’ hands for a diagnosis. Those same doctors that the Arrows were paying on their side of the legal team that were trying to contradict her.
Even on his worst days, David never attempted suicide or gave any indication he was going to harm himself. He just talked about it, and because there was so much money behind his name, his parents kept sending him to doctor after doctor.
She’d gone over all his records. When his girlfriend accused him of cheating and wanted to break up with him, he snuck into her dorm room one night when he knew she’d be alone and he strangled her.
He’d worn gloves. He wiped away all evidence he was in the room. It was premeditated. What he didn’t realize was that her roommate had set up a camera because she was trying to catch who was stealing her clothes.
“That’s the only time you’ve had someone take some kind of action against you?”
“I guess we’re done talking about you now?” she said.
“You asked if I had anything I wanted to talk about for the rest of the session. Since I’m benched for the moment, give me something to do.”
“Like you need to waste your time on something this trivial?”
“I’ll take anything at this point.”
She laughed. It was the way he said it. Not only that. He seemed lighter at the moment.
When she said she saw no reason he shouldn’t be allowed back to work, he didn’t get up and leave. He didn’t dispute her suggestion that they still talk. But he knew he was in the clear. And he still stayed.
She’d made the right call being upfront with him. Most would have left. Anyone else who was trying to hide something would have said nothing and walked out the door.
Not him. She bet he was someone to push the boundaries. Someone she could secretly admire.
“Fine. But like I said, I can’t list specific names. I’ve gotten threats on and off most of my career. But they’re just that. Threats. Nothing more.”
“Yet you have a high-end security system in your house.”
She wasn’t surprised he’d know it was high end. He probably had someone look into it and saw it was tied into the police department directly, rather than patched to a third party. She paid a steep price for the service and they gladly gave it to her since she was kind of an employee.
“Precautions. I’m not stupid. I’m a single woman living alone, with a career that could put me at risk at times.” No need to elaborate that she’d had security systems her whole life.
“Single, huh?”
“And you’re my patient.”
“Not if I walk out this door and don’t come back.”
Why was her heart picking up a little bit of speed? That direct approach. Testing her. Pushing the envelope. She might be weak enough to fall for it. “No matter. Ethically, it’d be wrong.”
“I won’t push it,” he said, winking at her, and she was glad he let it go. Was she though?
Her phone rang and she looked over to see it was Tiffany calling. “I’ve told her not to interrupt me when I was with someone unless it was important. I’m sorry.”
She reached over and grabbed the phone. Tiffany said, “A package was just delivered for you. I’m leaving now, but I wanted you to know. Would you like me to put it on the coffee table in the waiting room outside your office?”
“That’s fine, Tiffany. See you tomorrow.” She placed the phone down and turned to look at Ian.
“She called to tell you she’s leaving. She’s going to leave you here alone again?” he asked.
“A package was delivered for me. She wanted to know where to leave it. Then she said she was leaving.”
“Guess that means my time is up for the day.”
She stood up. “It is. Same time on Friday?” she asked.
He hesitated for a moment. “Why not?”
She grabbed her purse, glad he agreed, and they walked out her door. She stopped to pick up the package, frowning at it. She hadn’t ordered anything lately.
“Aren’t you going to open it?” he asked. “Or is it personal?”
She caught his grin. “I don’t have anything personal shipped to my office. I don’t know what it could be. Go ahead, I’ll see you on Friday.”
“I can wait. Remember, nothing else going on. Besides, I could give you a lift home if something is wrong with your car again.”
“That’s cruel,” she said.
He laughed. She picked at the tape on the side of the package with her nail and then pulled it back. Inside the small brown shipping box was another white box, so she pulled it out, lifted the lid and then screeched, dropping it on the table and jumping back.
There was a dead snake inside...the head cut off.