Chapter 4
Ivan
Instead of bombs and targets, I dreamt of Layla. She was consuming my thoughts. Slowly, I dragged myself back into the past and back to her.
I remember the moment I ended it with her, the moment I told her the truth. At least the truth I wanted her to believe.
She knew what I was, and what I did, and she loved me anyway. I was a killer. She didn’t bat an eye the day she found out I was in the Mafia.
Four years later, and I told her I no longer wanted her. The look of devastation haunted me like nothing I’ve ever experienced before.
“I can’t pretend anymore, Layla. It’s over. Move on,” I told her in my firm voice leaving no room for doubt.
Her beautiful brown eyes had become wide as I tore the heart from both our chests. The wind had blown her long dark hair over her face, blocking it from my view. I watched as her hand tugged the strands down behind her ear. Turning I walked away from her and my life.
My chest rippled with pain the more space I put between us. My lungs hurt as I took deep breaths trying to keep my cool when I wanted nothing more than to run back to her and beg her for another chance.
The solution was joining the army after the war started getting me overseas quickly. Away from temptation, away from Layla.
She whispered to me. Telling me how much she loved me, and how much she wanted to be mine forever.
My throat felt dry, and sand from the vast desert coated my tongue. The heat giving the world a slight blurry appearance.
“Come on man tell me more about her,” Donny, begged
Donny, always asked about Layla, I’ve given little tidbits of information over the last five or so years. Nothing big and nothing elaborate
“No,” I say.
“What were you thinking walking away?” Donny, asked again for the fucking millionth time.
I thought she would be safer. That my life wouldn’t consume her if she weren’t in it. Layla, had a chance at a better life without my darkness clouding it.
Her beautiful golden tan face flashed behind my eyes. Quickly blinking it away I scan the surrounding area through my scope.
“Jen left me, man,” Donny, announced.
Pity. I felt pity for Donny. Jen, was his soon to be wife the day we headed for this hell hole he dropped to one knee and asked her to let him love her forever.
I always thought I would propose to Layla, that she would be my wife, and we would have kids. A fantasy that belonged to the past.
“I didn’t know I’m sorry man,” I tell him.
Donny, nodded gravely.
“She met someone else and waiting a few more weeks for me was just too much,” Donny, said the bitterness was loud and clear.
We were almost finished only a few more weeks until we see the pine trees and feel the cool air of New England.
“What a bitch,” the words were out before I thought them through.
“Tell me about Layla, the perfect.” He asked.
I laugh slightly, but it wasn’t a happy one.
“She probably moved on has a bunch of kids,” I told him quietly.
That shit was a lie. Kell, kept me updated on her everyday life. She went to college and became a grade school teacher.
The only thing he wasn’t positive about was her dating life it seemed nonexistent. There was no way she stayed single I know she loved me, but it’s been over five years.
“Layla is the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met,” I stated.
“She didn’t want to wait?” he asked.
“She would have waited forever, Donny, but I chose to walk away from her. Joining the army was to make sure it would stick,” I said.
Her picture felt heavy in my pocket. Letting her go was something I should have been able to do, but she latched on and hasn’t let go.
Closing my eyes, I let her beautiful face surface before I pushed it away, and returned to the hell I was living in.
“You need to settle down man. After all this, a good woman will be the only thing you will need,” he tells me.
Donny, had a different view then I did. When this was over, I was going home to the family. Home to more darkness, and more death.
Something I’ve perfected here. Funny how my family made me a perfect killer, but the army molded me into a machine killing without remorse.