Here I am again, in Raine’s pad, and I’m still not sure how it happened. The cold and wet has seeped into my bones and the details of Raine shouting at a customer and then hauling me to his truck and driving me to his apartment are kinda hazy.

He did yell at the guy, though. I remember that. He was so damn furious. I remember holding him back so he wouldn’t go after the guy. He’d looked like he wanted to punch the shit outta him.

Hell.

And then that kiss… So hot in the rain and the miserable cold, his hold on me so damn possessive. It had felt good.

“Here.” Raine appears from the direction of his bedroom and holds out a towel at me. “Dry yourself before you catch your death.”

I shiver. Death. Fuck.

What’s wrong with me? I mean, sure today was brutal, and I’m still dazed. But why?

As I turn the thought over and over in my mind, I feel a different kind of ice seep through my veins.

No, Simon Gomez and his men didn’t get their hands on me today. The two johns I had before Raine showed up were okay. Bland. Forgettable. Nonviolent, quiet types. If you’d asked me a couple of weeks ago, I’d have told you today was a good day.

But it wasn’t. Everything was wrong—and now, only now it feels right again. Here, in Raine’s apartment, with Raine.

Which is one hundred percent fucking wrong.

“Want something warm to drink?” he asks and nods toward the kitchen. “Or eat? I can make you a sandwich—”

“No.” It comes out harsher than I’d intended, but fuck, I’m scared of this. Of myself near him. “No, thanks.”

I’m not in a good place right now. Well, worse than usual. I’ve just sent away Sheena and Clary on a night bus to Kansas City, where a friend of a friend swore they’ll have a room and a decent job at a restaurant waiting for them. That’s good.

But next one in line is Mayleen who’s leaving in a few days, and I’m… more lost than I imagined I’d be.

“Jase—”

“Look.” I don’t even have the energy to correct him, demand he call me by my full name. I lower the towel. “I can’t stay the night again. And…”

“And what?”

“No more fooling about. Fuck me. Pay me. Let me go.”

“Sure thing. Not like I asked you to stay the night last time. You fell asleep, remember?” He starts unbuttoning his shirt. “Who said I wanted anything else?”

Whoa. It’s like a punch to the stomach, almost making me double over. I swear my heart twists in my chest.

But I don’t move.

My fault. I pushed and prodded him, poked him until he reacted. Pissed him off, judging from the set of his jaw, but I’m right, dammit. This is how things are. He’s a customer, nothing more, and I can’t afford to feel anything about Raine.

So why the fuck does it hurt?

“Undress,” he says, voice cracking like a whip, and the towel falls from my hands.

Shit. Get your wits together, Jason. “Aye, aye, captain,” I mutter, pasting on a smirk and unzipping my sodden jacket. It sticks a little and I tug on the zipper harder. I peel the jacket off and start working on my tank top. “Shower first?”

“Nah. I like you dirty.”

I swallow, trying to dislodge the lump stuck in my fucking throat. Christ. This is okay, I remind myself. This is good. I was starting to get used to him being all gentle and kind.

Always a fucking mistake. When will I learn? Not to need, not to trust. Not to let desire or feelings dictate my moves.

And… then he strips his shirt, that’s also wet, like mine, peeling it off his muscular chest and arms, and I’m left staring, my mouth gone dry, a zing of arousal shooting straight to my balls, my train of thought lost. Obliterated.

What was I ranting about in my mind?

Who the hell cares?

He puts his hands on his belt buckle, and the sound of leather slipping through the metal has my dick hardening. He undoes his belt, unzips his jeans. Pushes them down.

I lick my lips. Blink.

Dammit, I’m supposed to be the one stripping, putting on a show. Calling the shots. Not staring like a star-struck kid, gaping at his package as he lets his jeans fall to the floor.

Or as he shoves his hand into his briefs and grabs his cock, taking it out. He jacks himself off slowly, his eyes on me. Upward stroke. Downward stroke.

Jesus.

My dick lifts and twitches. I glance down at the bulge in my pants.

“I want you to suck me off,” he says. When I look up, he’s still stroking his cock, his blue eyes stormy with need. “Undress and get on your knees.”

Of course. No problem. I open my mouth to fire off a witty retort, but nothing comes to mind.

It makes no sense why I grit my teeth as I jerk my pants and boxer briefs down my legs, why I unlace my boots as if I’m trying to strangle them. I toe off my boots and socks and kick them away like they’ve personally insulted me.

I stalk over to him, trying to figure out my issue. Sucking Raine off isn’t a problem. Not a hardship, either. It’s just that… I want to taste him, lick his skin, feel it slide over the hard core of his erection, taste his precum.

Have him spill on my tongue, down my throat.

Swallowing hard, I stand in front of him, and oh man, my dick is really into this, hardening more. It feels good. I want Raine to push me against the wall like earlier, kiss me. Force pleasure on me, out of me. Touch me.

Talk to me.

But he doesn’t move, only his gaze dipping to my mouth.

And why would he? God, you’re an idiot, Jason. What the fuck’s the matter with you? Get on with it. Do your fucking job. Who cares about what you want all of a sudden?

Looks like I haven’t learned a single damn thing all these years.

Nothing at all.

“Here,” he mutters when I wrap my hand around his condom-wrapped dick and bring it to my mouth. “Take it deep.”

His fingers twist in my short hair, slipping and finding no purchase. He hunches over with a small grunt when I do as instructed and suck him in.

As if I need guidance.

Scowling at the dark treasure trail leading from his navel to his crotch, I focus on the job, hollowing my cheeks as I suck and work him with my hand. He feels good in my mouth, thick and so hard.

My dick throbs, a steady pulse, a crazy pressure building in my balls. Normally blowjobs aren’t anything exciting for me, but tonight I’m about to bust a nut just from this, from hearing him moan, smelling him, knowing it’s his hand in my hair, his cock in my mouth.

Raine…

“Fuck. Touch yourself,” he breathes, his hand sliding down the side of my face, to my jaw. “I want to see you jack off as you blow me.”

I falter.

Like last time, I’m not fully hard. Yet when I reach down, grab my half-hard dick and give it a squeeze, it feels damn good. My breath catching at the pleasure, I tighten my hold on Raine’s cock and suck him in until he hits the back of my throat. It only makes me harder.

This is awesome. And yet scary. How am I to keep my mind from getting all tangled up in my business when I want this so much, when every stroke of my hand brings a fresh wave of pleasure? I moan around his cock while I jerk off, feeling my ass clench and my stomach tighten, heat spreading through my middle.

“Oh fuck.” His hips rock forward, his cock fucking my mouth. “Damn. Oh God.”

Then he’s coming, his curses turning into a long moan, his release pulsing through the condom. I mouth his cock until it softens and he’s gasping and pulling away. Then I draw back, reluctantly releasing my own dick.

Wiping a hand over my mouth, I start to get my feet under me, when he reaches down and clasps my hand, pulling me up.

And when I stagger, he steadies me. His hands close over my bare shoulders, heavy and hot. His mouth is an inch away, but he makes no move to kiss me. Those eyes… fuck. I can’t stop looking into them.

“Fuck me,” I blurt out. “Please.”

Jesus fucking Christ, I’ve gone around the bend.

He narrows those pretty eyes at me. “You telling me you want it?”

He glances down at my dick. It never got fully hard, and even now it still doesn’t look excited at the prospect, though it’s throbbing with need.

“Yeah, I do.” And I think, what the hell. It’s more money, so why not? “Got any lube?”

“Hey.” He lifts a hand to my face, frowning. “Wait.”

“What for?” He’s hardening again already, his cock pressing into my hip, and his eyes have gone so dark they’re almost black. He wants it. So why is he hesitating?

“Thing is,” he says, “I don’t think you really want it, Jase.”

A chill streaks through my body. Suddenly I wanna slap his handsome face. I lean in, stare him dead in the eye. “Thing is, Raine, I like being fucked. Hard. Just for the fun of it.” I lift a brow. “And it’s Jason, not Jase.”

He’s scowling now. “Got it. Still don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“What’s the matter? Too embarrassed to fuck a whore? What would you—”

His mouth brushes over mine, soft and warm, stealing my breath, my words. Silencing me. His fingers tighten on my jaw, stroking down my neck, while his other hand slides around my waist, pulling me up against him.

Undoing me yet again as he holds me like this, so carefully, so tightly.

I break away, panting, disoriented, turned on as fuck—and scared shitless. Damn, I should really get the fuck outta here. But then he strokes my neck, sending shivers of pleasure down my back.

And I can’t take it anymore. I jerk back. “What the fuck,” I gasp, furious at my weakness, “are you doing to me?”