CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Justice
Another week has passed and although I am making headway with Hannah, I am no closer to being where I really want to be and that’s with my family.
I’m tired of saying goodbye to her every night and waking up without her. Even more than that, I hate leaving her and Ryanne at that house every night alone and unprotected.
I want more than scheduled visits. The problem is I need to sort out my feelings for Ryanne. Most of the time I’m still angry as hell at her but the need to fuck her is always there, that pull between us stronger than ever.
If I’m being honest it’s more than that. I’m finding myself wanting to be around her just as much as I do our daughter. I like watching the two of them together. I’ve never seen a mother love their child the way she does. My own mother hated me, couldn’t stand to even look at me, which is why she’s now buried six feet under…
I let that haunting thought trail off before it can pull me into the depths of hell I keep it in.
Until my brothers and Thatcher came along, I never knew what family really meant. Now that I have Hannah, I’ve learned there’s an even stronger love out there. An instinct I didn’t have to learn, it’s always been there, ingrained into my heart just for her.
I’m more than ready to see her again, to witness the smile on her face when she sees what I have for her. I went back to that store and bought out the entire section of fucking Beanie Boos. I bet I have at least seventy of the little bastards. That Gemma chick is going to have nothing on my little girl.
My cellphone vibrates in my pocket, yanking me from my thoughts. Shifting in my seat, I pull it out to see Braxten’s number.
“Yeah,” I answer.
“Well, ho-ly shit. Is this my brother who I haven’t spoken to in over a week? I thought maybe you lost your phone. Now I’m hurt.”
I grunt at the smart-ass greeting. “It’s barely been a week and I’ve been busy with my daughter. Since when did you become so fucking needy?”
“Since you moved away and left us to fend for ourselves. I’m starving, Justice,” he whines dramatically. “It’s like living on the streets all over again.”
Fucking drama queen.
It’s always been his way of dealing with hard situations, using humor to deflect what is actually bothering him.
“I didn’t move away,” I tell him.
“Does that mean you’re coming back soon?”
“Eventually,” I reply vaguely.
“What does that mean?”
“It means I’m waiting for the right time. Hannah’s almost finished with school for the year and until she does I don’t want to move her.” I pause briefly, thinking about the other obstacle in my way. “I also have to wait for Ryanne to be on board because right now she is hell-bent on never returning to Winchester.”
“Why the hell not?”
“There’s plenty of reasons why, some I’m sure you can figure out on your own.”
His silence speaks volumes. He knows and probably even understands it better than I do because he’s always been more levelheaded than Knox and me.
“I’m ready to meet her and be a part of her life, Justice.”
“I know and you will,” I promise. “We just need to tread carefully. I want to do what’s best for Hannah. She comes first, even before all of us.”
“Agreed.”
“Good. How’s Knox?” I ask.
I’ve only spoken to him once and he was quiet and withdrawn. I miss my brother.
“Antsy,” he replies. “You know how he acts when we aren’t all together. It makes him fucking nervous.”
It makes me nervous, too. Which is exactly why I want all the people I love in one place. Why I’ll make this right for us all, including Ryanne.
“Dad misses you, too,” he adds carefully. “You need to call him.”
The bitterness I fight daily rushes to the surface. “I’m not ready to deal with him yet.”
“Well you need to get over it. It’s torturing him, and even though I understand where you’re coming from I don’t like this rift in our family.”
It’s a rift that wouldn’t be there if he would have been honest with me from the beginning. I might have to get over it but it’s a tough fucking pill to swallow so they will just have to give me some time.
I’m about to tell Braxten exactly that but the heated words get stuck in my throat when I pull up to Ryanne’s to find her and Hannah exiting the house in a hurry.
“Brax, I’ll call you back.”
“Yeah, yeah,” he grumbles. “Don’t wait another week to do it.”
“I won’t.” The promise is cut short when I hang up and jump out of my truck.
“Daddy!” Hannah rips from Ryanne’s hold and runs over to me.
Bending down, I sweep her up into my arms, feeling like I can finally breathe again since leaving her last night.
“Hey, baby. Looks like I got here just in time. Where you headed?” The question is directed at Ryanne as she comes hurrying over to us. I notice she’s in her work clothes; my eyes drawn to her long lean legs in cut-off jean shorts and cowgirl boots.
“I’m so sorry,” she apologizes, out of breath. “I should have called you.”
“What’s going on?”
“I have to go to work.”
“I thought you don’t work weekends.”
“I usually don’t but they’re short staffed tonight and really need my help and we could use the extra…” She trails off before she can finish that sentence.
My jaw locks down as I think about the fact she wouldn’t even need money if I had been here to begin with. However, I push the argument away for another time. “So where are you taking our daughter?”
“I go to Miss Peggy’s,” Hannah answers. “She babysits me when Mama has to work and I don’t have school.”
I have no clue who Miss Peggy is but I don’t like the thought of anyone watching her that I don’t know.
“She lives down the street from us,” Ryanne rushes to explain. “She loves Hannah and takes very good care of her.”
“That may have been the case before but it’s not necessary now. I’m here and I will stay with her.”
“Yay!” Hannah cheers. “Can he, Mama, please? I wanna be with Daddy.”
I shoot Ryanne a hard look, daring her to say no. I’ll be damned if someone else takes care of my kid when I’m around.
“Are you sure?” she asks, worrying her bottom lip between her teeth, a nervous habit that wreaks havoc on my cock. “I won’t be home until well after midnight.”
“She’s my daughter, Ryanne, not just some kid I’m babysitting.”
Her shoulders deflate on a heavy breath. “I know. I’m sorry you’re upset. I didn’t do this on purpose. I only got the call twenty minutes ago and I did what I always do without thinking. I should have asked you first if you wanted to stay with her.”
Satisfied with that response, I accept the apology with a nod then look over at Hannah. “I have something for you.”
“What is it?” she asks excitedly.
Placing her down on her feet, I open the back door, revealing all the stuffed animals piled in my backseat.
Her small mouth drops open. “Holy cow! Are these all mine?”
“Every one.”
Her squeal penetrates the air as she throws herself at my leg, hugging it tight. “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!”
My chest inflates with her happiness, her smile worth so much more than money could ever buy.
She leaps into the truck and begins counting them all.
I look over at Ryanne and find her watching me, a soft smile on her pretty face. “You spoil her.”
“She deserves it.”
“All of it is unnecessary. You know that, right? She doesn’t need this stuff, she just needs you.”
“She has me.” When that answer doesn’t seem to satisfy her, I step closer, forcing her to tilt her head back. “I’ve missed more than five years of her life, Ryanne. That’s birthdays, Christmases, and more. I’m making up for lost time. Don’t take that away from me.”
Guilt flashes in her eyes. “Fair enough. Do you need anything before I go?”
My gaze drops to her lips before I can stop it, a smirk taking over my face upon seeing the blush that stains her cheeks. “No. We’ll be fine.”
Swallowing hard, she takes a step back. “You have my number if you need me. Otherwise, I’ll see you when I get home.”
At my nod, she crawls into the truck, moving for Hannah. “Bye, sweetheart. I’ll see you in the morning,” she says, kissing her cheek.
My cock stirs at the sight of her tight ass in those short fucking shorts; my fingers curling into a fist to quell the urge to claim and possess.
“Bye, Mama.”
Ryanne backs out and turns around, the smile she was wearing slipping when she catches the expression on my face. I make no effort to hide my thoughts, letting her see exactly what I was just thinking.
“Bye,” she whispers, her face flushed and voice breathless.
“Bye.”
My eyes never leave her, watching her every move until she disappears into her small car and drives away.
“We are going to have to make a lot of trips to get all these up to my room.” Hannah’s muffled voice yanks me back to reality and has me turning around. Her arms are full of the stuffed animals, they are topped so high you can’t even see her face.
Chuckling, I step forward and take a couple from her so she can jump down. “Come on, I’ll help you, then afterward we’ll go out for dinner and ice cream.”
“Ice cream?” she says, perking up. “I’m down for ice cream.”
“I figured you’d be all right with that plan.”
It’s not an easy feat but eventually we get them all up to her room then we head into town like I promised. I end up taking her to the local diner I’ve been eating at. It’s a place she seems to know well by the way she’s greeted by a few of the waitresses when we walk in.
A middle-aged woman who has served me a few times is quite surprised to see us together. “Well, hello again,” she greets me before looking over at Hannah. “How are ya, sweet Hannah?”
“I’m good, Miss Tanya.”
The woman jerks her thumb toward me. “Who is this handsome fella you have with you?”
“This is my daddy,” she tells her proudly, her smile reaching from ear to ear.
Surprise once again masks the lady’s face. “Well, I had no idea I was servin’ your daddy when he came in.” She extends her hand to me. “Nice to formally meet ya, sugar. I’m Tanya Hendrix and I own this place.”
“Justice.” I return her handshake. “You serve good food here.”
“And you tip well, so you’re welcome here anytime,” she chuckles, amused with herself. “What can I get y’all to drink?”
I nod for Hannah to go first.
“A strawberry milkshake, please.”
“With an extra cherry?” Tanya asks, quirking a brow at her.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“I got ya, darlin’.” She winks then directs her attention back to me. “What will it be, handsome?”
“A Coke.”
“All right, give me a few and I’ll be back to take your order.”
“Thanks.”
She walks away, leaving us with our menus that Hannah doesn’t even bother opening.
“Do you already know what you’re having?” I ask.
“Yep. I get the same thing every time I come in. Fries and a cheeseburger, hold the pickles.”
A grin tugs the corner of my mouth. “You don’t like pickles?”
Her nose scrunches in distaste. “No way. Miss Peggy puts them on everything. She doesn’t hear too well so when I told her I didn’t like them she thought I said the opposite and always puts lots on my sandwich.” She leans across the table and lowers her voice. “So I feed them to her dog, Rufus, because I don’t want to hurt her feelings.”
I chuckle. Smart kid.
Our conversation is interrupted when a guy in a stiff suit comes walking over to our table. The way he eyes the both of us instantly puts me on alert.
“Well hi there, Miss Hannah.” He cracks a smile at her and it’s as fake as his bleached white teeth.
“Hi, Mr. Chuffman,” she mumbles, seeming less than enthused to see the guy.
It ramps up my unease even more.
“Who’s this you have here with you?” he asks.
“Her father,” I cut in, saving her from having to answer. “Who are you?”
The dickhead finally turns and acknowledges me. “I’m a very good friend of the girl’s mother.”
His insinuation has my blood heating. I have no idea if he’s telling the truth or is just on some sort of power trip and trying to fuck with me. By Hannah’s demeanor, I’m going to assume it’s the latter.
“Ryanne has never mentioned Hannah’s father to me before,” he says, continuing to step into dangerous territory.
“Probably because it’s none of your business.”
He crosses his arms, rocking back on his heels. “Is that so?”
His challenge has me pushing to my feet. Only then does it take him down a notch. He retreats back and swallows hard, looking as nervous as he should.
I collect a step forward and lower my voice for Hannah’s benefit. “I don’t know what you’re trying to prove here but if you don’t step away from my daughter and leave us alone I will drop you to the fucking ground right here and now. Got it?”
His narrowed eyes hold mine but there is no denying the fear in them. If he has any kind of sense he will heed the warning.
“I’d listen to him, Mr. Chuffman,” Hannah says, clearly hearing every word I said despite my best effort. “He shoots people for a living.” She delivers the information with a smile, tapping her fingers on the table.
Amused, I direct my attention back to the asshole, giving him the chance to leave on his own before I force him out.
“I was just making sure the girl was all right is all,” he says before heading for the door, but not without one last parting shot over his shoulder. “Tell your mother I said hi, Hannah.”
It takes everything in me not to follow him out the door and deliver the beating he deserves. For my daughter’s sake, I take my seat again and try to calm the anger sweeping through me.
“He’s such a doofus,” Hannah grumbles. “He’s only nice to me because he wants Mama to go on a date with him.”
The information takes my fury to a whole new level. “Has she?” I ask before I can stop myself. I’m crossing a line by asking her and I know it, but the thought of that bastard or anyone else touching Ryanne makes me want to rip them limb from limb.
Relief fills me when she shakes her head, which tells me a lot about the decisions I need to start making. For myself and my family.
All talk ceases when the waitress comes back with our drinks and takes our orders. The tense moment is left behind and the rest of the evening passes on a much lighter note. Mostly with Hannah talking my ear off about everything and anything, which suits me just fine.
After dinner she devours a heaping bowl of ice cream, just like I promised and I’m impressed with how much a small child like her can consume. By the time we leave the diner her face is a sticky mess and smile bright.
At home we decide to watch a movie together before bed. Not surprisingly, she chooses Brave. She even goes so far as wearing the Merida nightie she owns and jumps around the living room with her bow and arrow, acting out all the scenes. It amuses the hell out of me, especially since she’s holding the plastic weapon completely wrong.
“Come here,” I say, calling her over.
She hops from the loveseat onto the floor and walks over to me. I pull her in-between my legs and lift her arms, showing her how to hold it properly. Next, I turn her to face a bare wall.
“Pull back and make sure your elbow is in line with your shoulder.” I help her since her arm shakes as she tries to keep it straight. “Now pick a spot on the wall you want to hit.”
Remaining silent, she does as I say.
“Do you see your target?” I ask.
“Yes, sir.”
“Good. Now don’t take your eyes off that spot. I want you to watch it closely. Concentrate. Keep your breathing slow and even. You’ll know when the time is right to release.”
Silence fills the air as she does exactly what I say, and I see the moment she finds her concentration. Her arm stops shaking and her shoulders barely move with her breaths. When she releases, the rubber dart sails straight through the air and sticks to the wall.
“I hit it!” she squeals. “I really hit it!” She turns to face me, beaming with pride, but it doesn’t even come close to matching the feeling in my chest.
The kid is a damn natural.
“I want to do it again.” She runs over and rips the dart off the wall before coming back to stand in front of me.
Instead of watching the rest of the movie, we practice shooting, and for the first time, I feel like I am able to be apart of a vital moment in her life. I’ve missed so many firsts in her life but this one I was lucky enough to teach her. I vow to be a part of every other first she ever has.
When it’s past her bedtime we move upstairs into her room and sort through all her stuffed animals. It ends up taking us an hour by the time we have all the little fuckers lined up exactly how she wants them.
When I pull back her blankets for her to crawl in she hesitates, peering up at me. “Will you lay with me for a while? I don’t want to say good night to you yet.”
I’m thankful for the request because, truthfully, I’m not ready to leave her either. “Yeah. I’ll stay.” Carefully, I climb on top of the covers while she slides under them. The bed squeaks beneath my weight and I pray like hell we both don’t plummet to the floor.
It takes a minute to get situated but eventually I find a position that works, and thankfully the bed remains on its rails.
She moves in closer to me, draping her small arm over my waist and resting her head on my chest. It’s easy, natural even, and the best feeling in the whole world.
This is what I want. To hold her every night until she falls asleep, protecting her the way I’m meant to. I stare down at the top of her head, the scent of her shampoo and innocence filling my chest, seeping right into my black heart.
“Thanks for showing me how to shoot my arrow,” she says, letting out a yawn.
“You’re welcome. One day we’ll use a real one but we will have to ease your mom into it.” I’m unable to hide my smirk, knowing damn well Ryanne will have a fit about that.
“We definitely have to ease Mama into it. She doesn’t like any kind of violence. She even thinks Brave has too much of it.”
I grunt, not the least bit surprised to hear that. “People fear the things they don’t understand.”
“Are you saying Mama is afraid?”
“No. I’m just saying she doesn’t understand. She looks at it differently than I do but that’s because of my job.”
“Do you like shooting guns?”
“Yes,” I answer honestly.
“Why?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. I guess I like the power I hold, the control I feel when I’m behind one. There’s no being reckless. You have to be precise and confident.”
“Kind of like how I was with my bow and arrow?”
“Exactly like that, but my job isn’t just about shooting guns.”
“What else is it about?” she asks, intrigued.
“It’s about eliminating threats and keeping the world safe.”
She’s quiet for a long moment and I start to think I bored her to sleep until she speaks again, her voice quiet. “Mama was right.”
“About what?”
“You really are a hero.”
Something shifts within to know Ryanne said that about me. “Nah. There are a lot of people out there who do what I do.”
Not as good as my brothers and I, but I keep that to myself.
“You’re my hero.” My chest expands as I inhale, her whispered words reaching places that have never been touched before. One day I can only hope to be worthy of them because until my very last breath, I will fight for her.
She tilts her head to look up at me. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything,” I say then clear my throat when I hear how gruff I sound.
“Promise you won’t tell Mama?”
I nod, my curiosity piquing.
“I’m glad you’re here. Not only for me but for Mama, too. She acts brave but I hear her when she cries at night. When she thinks she’s alone and I’m asleep. I don’t want her to be lonely and cry anymore.” The sight of tears welling in her eyes along with the information guts me from the inside out.
Reaching up, I brush a strand of hair from her small face. “Things are going to be different now, Hannah. I’ll make it better for all of us. I promise.”
Nodding, she lies back down and snuggles into my chest again, her small fingers clutching my shirt. “I love you, Daddy.”
The words rock me to my fucking core. Words that only a very few people have ever said to me but they never meant more than they did in this moment.
“I love you, too, Hannah. Always and forever.”