“MY GOD. I WAS SO wrong,” I whisper the realization to myself.
Physically, I’m standing in the middle of Amelia’s friends and our entire family. Yet emotionally, I’m as ever alone.
The one person I want to confess all my mistakes to won’t so much as look in my direction, let alone at me.
Jaxson is off to the side of the room, talking to Mason. A bottle of beer hangs from his fingertips as his arms rest at his sides. He looks beautiful in that tuxedo. Not that I’ll have the chance to tell him.
“You were wrong?” Amelia prods, clearly surprised at my gesture but concerned with its meaning. “What were you wrong about?”
Taking my sister in, I find her eyes glossy from too much champagne and her lips bright red. Not from being smothered in lipstick, but from being well kissed. The moment the words ‘I do’ came out of her mouth, her new husband didn’t wait one solid second before devouring her in front of all those who love her the most.
I’m learning that Brayden Wills isn’t only driven to succeed professionally, but the man loves my sister and is driven to prove this to her as well.
At the kiss, my mother sighed. My little brother covered his eyes. Mason scowled. All I could do was stare; so happy she found an all-consuming kind of love.
“What wasn’t I wrong about?” I flip back, staring at a group of men all about Brayden’s age huddled in the corner. They’re looking on to a group of young women huddled across the room.
My dad stands among them, but his eyes are solely for Sibyl. I don’t remember a time, not so much as a passing moment, when my father looked at my mom like that. Nor do I remember my mom looking at him with anything but quiet comfort and mutual understanding.
I was a self-involved child and a hell on wheels teenager. I never saw our family as Amelia eventually did.
Looking back, in ways, I’m glad I didn’t. I was happy growing up. I had a loving mother and a caring father.
However, now that I’m an adult, venturing into relationships of my own, I wish I’d paid more attention. There were many life lessons to be learned, and by acting out as I always did, I missed them.
“Averie,” my sister prompts. “What were you wrong about?”
“You. Me. Mom. Dad. Their marriage. Their divorce. You marrying Brayden. Everything.”
She laughs and steps closer to my side. “That’s a lot to take in at once.” Grabbing a glass of wine from the passing waiter’s tray, she hands the stemmed goblet over. “Drink, little sister. And tell me what’s on your mind.”
“Not right now,” I deny, hating I’ve brought this up. “You became someone’s wife today. My life’s realizations can wait.”
“I wouldn’t have had this beautiful day without you. You need me now. Talk.”
Her words are heard. Their meaning stings my chest. The lump in my throat threatens to shatter my resolve.
“Averie?” Amelia’s shoulder nudges mine. “What’s going on?”
“I was so scared you were making a mistake,” I admit. “I was afraid you were marrying Brayden because you assumed marriage was the next eventual step.”
“You thought I was making the same mistake Mom did?”
“Yes,” I utter. Attempting to justify my guilt, I confirm what we both know, “Dad was never the person for her.”
“No,” Amelia agrees. “Not at all.”
“And that doesn’t scare you?”
“Of course it does,” she agrees. “The thought still terrifies me. But I’m not going to let what happened to Mom and Dad decide what happens to me.”
“You’re right,” I agree.
“Mom’s changed so much. She’s strong, happy, and even with Mason, she’s still independent.”
“She is.”
“I think a lot of women romanticize what their future looks like and we should. Life is hard enough. Contemplating all things ‘what-if’ brings us down.”
That’s exactly what I’ve been doing. Jaxson is my walking, talking what-if. A breathing symbol of the chance I’ve so far refused to take.
But, with that, I wonder.
What if he finds out who I am deep down? How selfish I can be. How stubborn I can become.
What if he wants and tries to change me?
What if he wakes up a month, a year, a decade from now and figures he’s had enough?
“Averie, you have a long time yet to decide on who or what you want,” Amelia puts in.
“Well, for now, I want you to be happy,” I tell her. “Like Mom is. I was wrong to doubt you and Brayden, and I’m sorry.”
“Nothing to be sorry for. I kind of like that you worried.”
“I didn’t like it at all. So, never again. I’m over it,” I joke.
She smiles and points to Mom and Mason standing in a crowd. My dad and Sibyl are standing among them. “Mom waited an entire lifetime for Mason. Their story is painful, sure. But look…” She points again. “Mom is so happy. She wakes up smiling and goes to bed doing the same.”
“Yeah.”
“And you’ll have that, too. Of course, you may end up with someone as challenging as you are, but that’ll be well-deserved.”
Shaking my head, I look down. I hurt Jaxson in a way I’m not sure he’ll forgive. I left him after our first time together. He’d been happy. Fun. He’d been my best friend again, and I threw him back because I got scared.
“Maybe someday,” I tell her.
“Do you love him?” she quietly questions and I lift my eyes to hers. Amelia laughs. “Don’t deny what you’ve been up to this whole week. And please don’t lie to me.”
“I’m not up to anything.”
Shoving her shoulder into mine, harder this time, she says, “You’re not stealing my spotlight if that’s what you’re afraid of. So, tell me.”
Nodding, I tell the floor, “We were having fun.”
“You don’t look like you’re having much fun anymore.”
Narrowing my eyes, telling my black high heels, I explain, “Jaxson’s impossible.”
“Pot and kettle,” she murmurs. “Match made in hell.”
“He’s so much,” I return. “So…him.”
“He is so much. But, Averie…” She smiles and shakes her head. “So are you.”
Mason’s voice comes over the loud speaker and those standing around immediately quiet. Mason’s never been one for words, other than maybe a lecture or string of rough and dirty curses. Typically, he’s more of an action guy. When you need settled, he’ll grab you around the back of the neck. When you need comfort, he’ll squeeze your shoulder until you calm. That sort of thing.
But voicing a sweet sentiment? Never. At least not with me.
Mason’s holding a glass flute filled to half with champagne. Which is funny because I’ve never seen him drink anything but beer.
Mom is standing at his side, paying no mind to the audience surrounding the room. Her attention is solely on him.
That’s the kind of love I want for my sister. The kind I want for me.
Jaxson’s leaning against the wall to Mason’s left. He’s smiling at Mason, as if there’s a joke coming. He’s not looked at me all night. And the truth that I probably fucked this up is gut-wrenching.
The idea of him with another woman makes me sick.
The image of his soft smiles being meant for someone else kills.
The mental vision of his hands on another woman is downright terrifying.
Ugh.
“I’ll keep this short so the younger guests can continue their celebrations with little interruption,” Mason starts, his voice loud and clear over the speakers above.
Those in the room erupt on a laugh. I don’t, though. I’m curious to what Mason will have to say.
Brayden enters our circle at Amelia’s back, securing his arms by wrapping them around her waist. He rests his chin on her shoulder and she smiles wide. The spotlight slowly rolls from Mason, over the empty dance floor, finally landing on the happy couple.
I step back, hiding in the shadow as I’ve always done. But this time, I’m not angry, bitter, or lost. I don’t feel in competition with my sister. Tonight, I’m content to watch her flourish.
Mason looks down to a piece of paper, narrows his eyes, and immediately turns his gaze to his nephew. Jaxson raises his hands to his side, feigning innocence.
What’s happening?
“Keep happy,” Mason begins. As if a warm breeze sweeps through the room, those who love him most share a passing glance. “I had a speech prepared,” he says next, casting another glance at Jaxson still smirking. “But that’s all gone to shit. So I’m gonna wing this.”
Oh God.
Mason winging advice, in a public forum, with all our family in attendance. I think to run to the bar to get my buddy a beer, but once his toast begins, I can’t move.
“Argue with conviction,” he says, holding the microphone in one hand and my mom’s hand in the other. They’re both staring intently at my sister. “Fight with desperation. Make love with honesty. Build a family. Take the time to enjoy and appreciate creating the life you’ve always wanted.”
Christ. I’d expected something simply put, blunt, and direct. Not this. If Mason continues talking from his heart, stemming from the love he has for all of us, he’s going to crush me.
Through the crowd, my eyes lock to Jaxson. He’s staring back and I fight a fidget.
“Make mistakes, but always, always, always…” Mason goes on, expresses his next point slowly. “Make them together. Own them. Learn from them.”
Amelia’s eyes well up and shine. Mine the same, and the vision of my beautiful sister still wearing white starts to blur.
“Brayden,” Mason addresses, his tone low, level, and laced with warning. “Take Amelia by the hand, leading her where you want her to go. Just be sure it’s somewhere safe. Somewhere she’s free to be herself. Don’t ever love her because she’s your wife, but because you made the decision for her to be.”
Damn it.
There they go. The tears are falling down my cheeks—one after another. Thank God the room is dark; no one can see what a sissy I’ve become.
“Amelia,” Mason calls next, and my sister’s pained smile falls. She concentrates on our stepfather and waits.
Fuck, this shit is going to get worse? How?
“Be an equal member in your marriage. Stay true to who you are and what you believe in. Don’t ever lose yourself inside of it.”
That’s it! I’m never getting married. If not for me—for Mason.
The stinging in my throat has turned to tears. The tears have turned to sobs. Thanks to the big brute speaking, I’m all but a sobbing mess.
But of course, Mason’s not finished. Not yet.
Amelia wipes the tears from beneath her eyes as Mason quietly, so quietly we nearly miss his promise, states, “But if you’re ever lost, and can’t remember who you are, your mother, your father, myself, and Averie will always stay close to remind you. And that’s something that’ll never ever change.”
Just as a heavy sob breaks from my chest, my entire body is propelled backward. My back hits a wall of muscle, and in a moment of panic, I turn. Jaxson’s narrowed gaze hits my shattered one. The hard ridges of his face soften when he sees me bawling, and he tilts his head to the side.
“What’re you doing?” I ask, my voice raspy and broken, competing with the erupting, clapping crowd.
Pointing to the dance floor, filling up with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, he reminds, “We’re part of the wedding party. We have to dance at least once.”
Pulling from his grasp, my panic moves to anger. Jaxson’s jaw ticks with annoyance at my denial.
“I’m not dancing with you. Look at my face!” I insist. “I’m a mess.”
“Do you need a lift?” he venomously voices. At this, my melting makeup gives up on hiding my blush.
He’ll carry me out there. He’ll toss me over his goddamn shoulder if he must.
“Can a girl get a minute?” I ask nicely.
Stepping into where I stand, all of Jaxson’s body brushes against all of mine.
“Last time I gave you a fuckin’ minute, you ran away,” he hisses, then leans his face as close to mine as he can get and includes, “again.”
“Jaxson,” I reply, using his name to placate him.
“Done chasing you, Averie. Finished. Now let’s get this shit over with so I can get back to a life that actually wants me.”