Being Stella’s lover was better than anything Jace had experienced in the whole of his life. He woke up with her in the morning, made her come twice before he let his own release fly, and then took a long, hot shower with her during which he did nothing more than worship her gorgeous form with his soapy hands.
She let him take her back to the beach—reluctantly, because as she put it, the bar was still a mess from their half-assed cleanup job last night—but he helped her forget about all that by giving her overused body a long, slow massage while the sound of the surf provided the best background music.
Her creamy shoulders relaxed under his ministrations, and the sight of his hands on her skin thrilled him beyond belief because it was Stella. He could touch her whenever he felt like it, and there was no more talk of ending things. They weren’t even naked, and his heart still felt like it would wing its way out of his chest at a moment’s notice.
They opened the bar together, like always, falling into an easy rhythm. He could not wipe the grin off his face, especially when Trish, a girl from the Moon Bay resort that he’d known for a while but whose last name he’d never caught, dropped by to talk to Stella about the open bartending position. When he discretely mentioned that he’d once dated Trish, Stella just rolled her eyes and said she’d be hard-pressed to find a qualified bartender in the greater Freeport area that he hadn’t slept with. She hired Trish on the spot.
That warmed his recovering-player soul.
With Trish on board, he took her under his wing, trained her on the way they did things at the Crow Bar, and put a dinner date with Stella on the calendar for midweek. Gotta eat, he told her, and she shook her head at his enthusiasm but didn’t say no. A shipment of T-shirts with the new Crow Bar logo arrived on Tuesday, and he spent a ridiculous amount of time setting them up for display, a quiet sense of pride permeating everything in a way he hadn’t expected.
This was where he belonged. With Stella. Not just as her right-hand man at the bar but in her bed, her life. He hadn’t been back to Duchess Island in days. He’d called Charlie on Sunday to come get the boat, and he had without even making a smart-ass comment.
Eventually he’d have to deal with Charlie’s disappointment that Jace was leaving the team. But he couldn’t pretend that he wanted Aqueous Adventures any longer. This was about making his own way, and he had to be true to the things in his heart.
On Wednesday, he made a quick trip to one of the resort shops to purchase a pair of khakis he didn’t hate and a button-down shirt that actually fit. This was his first real date with Stella, and what better way to visually signify its importance than to show her he could actually wear something besides board shorts and a T-shirt?
The restaurant was crowded—every day was the height of tourist season in the Bahamas. Crowds were a given. The way his stomach fluttered every time Stella smiled at him was not.
“What?” He squeezed her hand as they lounged in the lobby area waiting for their reserved table to be ready.
“I’ve just never seen you in grown-up clothes,” she commented and ran her fingertips along the buttons of his shirt. With any luck, she’d get a chance to slip those buttons free later, assuming Trish didn’t burn the bar down before he and Stella indulged in a quickie upstairs in her apartment.
He winked. “For you special.”
“I like it.”
The maître d’ appeared to escort them to their table before he could ask how much she liked it. Just as well. He’d probably come off as flirty when in reality, he wanted to know whether she really did think of him as a grown-up. Like the kind she could envision being with long-term. All week, he’d been trying to figure out how to segue back into the conversation they’d had the other night about what to call their relationship.
Permanent would be his preference.
But she’d been so touchy about it then that he’d been biding his time. Surely she’d realize that all her barriers were easily removed by this point and that he didn’t have one foot out the door like she seemed so certain was the case. He was here for the long haul. What more did he have to do to prove that he could do and be exactly what she needed?
Their table edged the window, and the setting sun threw so many poignant colors into the sky that it hurt to look at it. He helped Stella into her chair and took his own, ignoring the menu in favor of picking up her hand. A distraction for his fraying nerves. Eyebrows raised, she glanced up and immediately clued in that he had something to say.
“This isn’t a random date, is it?” Her expression didn’t change, but he could easily see the guards snapping into place. That needed to stop. What was she always so worried about, that he was going to look around and see greener pastures?
“Sure it is. I wanted to have dinner with you. Here we are.” He cleared his throat and went for broke. “I’m having the best time together. Tell me it’s the same for you.”
“Fishing for compliments?” Molecule by molecule, her face relaxed. “Yeah, Jace. You rock my world. The sex is off the charts.”
A grin stretched his face before he could catch it. No, he hadn’t been fishing, but he was a guy. There was nothing wrong with being a little smug that he’d taken care of his lady in the bedroom. “We’ll have to get you some new charts then. I do enjoy exceeding your expectations. I hope I can keep doing that for a long time.”
“No one’s talking about walking away, remember?” Casually she sipped her drink and glanced down at the menu. “Shouldn’t we order?”
Yeah, they had to get back to the bar eventually, and he did have a long stopover planned at her apartment. But if he didn’t get this out now, something might bust inside. “In a minute. Instead of not talking about walking away, how about we talk about staying together?”
“Isn’t that the same thing?”
She was being deliberately obtuse. “No. One is an avoidance tactic, and one is throwing your intention down without fear.”
“There’s nothing to throw down, Jace,” she commented mildly and slipped her hand free of his in a pointed gesture that meant this conversation was about to go south in a way his gut was screaming at him to avoid. “We’re having sex until it stops working for us. If you push me, that’ll happen a lot faster.”
His temper spiked as he contemplated her composed expression. Avoidance was for losers. “I’m not pushing you. I’m trying to get you to see that I’m not who I was. I can hack a grown-up relationship. You don’t have to be afraid that I’m going to fizzle out.”
“I’m not afraid!” She glanced around and lowered her voice. “You’re not listening to me. I’m not in the market for a husband, a boyfriend, a lover, or even whatever Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell have. None of it. I like you. I like orgasms. Hence we’re doing exactly what you asked me to do. Hot, dirty sex. Nothing else.”
“But that’s just a front,” he protested and then had to lower his own voice as the people at the next table over gave them the side-eye. “Because you think I’m going to ditch you or something.”
“It’s not a—” Beleaguered all at once, she let her forehead sink down onto her fingertips and massaged lightly. “Jace, you’re a smart guy. Do you really think that this is all about you?”
Well, yeah. Wasn’t it? She’d been married before, so obviously it wasn’t relationships as a whole that she was against. Just whom she had them with. “You’ve said all along that I was too young. You comment about the women I’ve been with. What else would this be about but the fact that you think I’m a randy kid who can’t keep it in his pants? I’ve made some mistakes, sure—”
Stella swore, cutting him off, and leaned in. “The point about your being too young is why you’re not getting this. You’re not old and jaded yet. You have no idea how much your perspective can change in a few short years, and I am not going to be the one responsible for forcing you to learn how heartbreaking it is when that happens.”
Speechless, he stared at her flushed face. “What do you mean, exactly?”
“I mean, I’m not shackling you into a relationship with me only to find out in a year or two that you really do want to get married and have kids. That it’s a deal breaker for you. Where will that leave us?”
“Wondering what the hell you’re talking about, just like I’m wondering that now.” The tightness in his chest got worse as he eyed her. “I know I don’t want to get married and have kids today. Why can’t we worry about that in the future?”
“Because we can’t.” Her bleak expression didn’t bode well. “The future is what happens when we’re not paying attention. The very fact that you’re not thinking about that now is what scares me, Jace.”
Now they were getting somewhere. She was scared. That he could deal with. “So okay. I’ve thought about it, and I don’t want kids. Ever. Marriage is just a piece of paper. What more do I have to do to show you that I’m willing to tie myself up in knots for you?”
“You have to let the idea of us being a couple go.”
The one thing he couldn’t do. Refused to do. His feelings for her were so closely tied to the bar that he truly didn’t think he could separate the two at this point. It was kind of a duh moment and so obvious. He loved the bar because it was part of Stella. And vice versa.
And he wasn’t letting either one go.
“Because your ex did a number on you?” Grimly he shook his head. “That’s crap. So he breaks your heart and I get no shot, is that it?”
“Yeah.” She nodded slowly. “That’s what I’m saying. What I’ve been saying all along. I’m not relationship material, and you can’t change that.”
The hell he couldn’t. Her ex was a piece of work. He got that. Only a complete moron would leave a woman like Stella, and obviously her ex had more than a few screws loose, not to mention the fact that he’d sucked in bed. There was no way he’d ever given his wife an orgasm one single time. If he had, he’d never have walked away from her. “What happened? In your marriage, I mean. How did it fall apart?”
Instead of taking that question in the spirit it was intended, she flushed and pushed her chair back. “Not going there. This is why I didn’t want to get serious. I can’t do this with you.”
And with that ugly proclamation, she turned and fled.