We arrive back at the motel. I twist, in my haste, struggling to unfasten the seat belt. Pete, sensing my anxiety, reaches down and swiftly unclips the belt. Scarlet heat covers me from head to toe. His hand is against mine, sending shivers over my body. I turn awkwardly to get out of the car as fast as I can. I approach the hotel door; the faint sound of screams becomes louder as I charge through the entrance toward the heart-wrenching cries.
I race into the dining area, my heart beating through my chest. I see Hope curled into a ball, screaming, crying out. I stand on shaky legs, the shock hitting me full force. The room falls silent as all heads turn toward me. With all eyes on me, it’s enough to snap me from my shock like state. I shuffle my feet over, dropping beside Hope. I take her in my arms, pulling her as close as our bodies allow.
“I’m here, gorgeous girl. I’m here,” I soothe, rocking her back and forth instinctively. A sound comes from her frail mouth, but none of what she says makes sense.
“Deep breaths, honey. It’s okay. I’m here. Nothing is going to happen to you. You know that, right?”
I try to comfort her, but she continues to heave, trying to talk between blubbering. I stroke my fingers through the top of her hair, feeling her relax in my arms. I continue to soothe her until her breathing steadies and her body has totally relaxed. She pulls away from me a little. A small lip curling smile with a hint of sadness crosses her face as she anxiously looks from left to right, as though searching in fear for something. Her eyes lock on the two women standing with Jocelyn. I can only presume these are the CPS workers. Hope points a wavering finger toward them.
She leans close to my ear, so I bend down until her lips are practically resting against my lobe. “I don’t like those people. They are trying to take me away from you.”
I shake my head. “No one will ever do that, Hope.”
“But they want me to go with them. I’m scared, Kennedy. I’m scared they’ll take me back to that horrible place.”
“Hey,” I say with authority. She widens her eyes at me in shock. “Do you think I would ever let that happen?”
Her lips turn down as she shakes her head.
“No! Damn straight I won’t ever let that happen.” I point over to where Jocelyn is standing. “When I ran from the commune before, that lady took me in.”
“Cole’s mom?” she questions.
“Yeah that’s right. Cole’s mom. Well she’s one of the nicest ladies you will ever meet. Even if she can’t care for you, she’ll make sure to find someone who can.”
“But, I want to stay with you,” she whispers.
“I know you do, sweetie, but I live with Cole and his parents. I won’t be home to care for you like you need.”
She sullenly folds her arms, her bottom lip in a little pout.
“But you know what?”
“What?” she gruffs.
“I promise we will do sleepovers like we talked about last night and I will come and see you as much as I possibly can. How does that sound?”
She shrugs. “Okay, I suppose.”
I look up and see Jocelyn stepping toward us. She squats down so she’s eye level with Hope. “Do you feel better now that you’ve spoken to Kennedy?” she queries.
“A little.”
“You know you will be welcome to stay with us whenever you like.”
Hope smiles sweetly, clutching her hands together in front of her. “I’d like that,” she says enthusiastically.
“I think you’ve made some friends for life here,” I laugh, pointing up to Pete and Cole who are standing behind Jocelyn.
“You ain’t giving us the slip, princess. No way. Not that easily,” Pete teases, a little tongue in cheek.
Hope stands up, her long blonde locks falling over her shoulders as she puts her hands on her hips.
“You know you’re not funny, right?” Hope retorts, a cheeky grin spreads across her face.
He sweeps down, throwing her over his shoulder. Hope lets out squeals of laughter as he tickles her. She wriggles furiously.
My attention is snapped away from them as Cole holds out his hand to help me up from the floor. He gazes at me through saddened eyes, as if pleading with me to take his hand. I reach up, linking our fingers together, as he helps me up in one swift movement. Before I know it he’s holding me so tight against his chest of pure muscle. I can barely breathe. His hands rub back and forth over the bottom of my back, his mouth resting against my ear.
“I’m so sorry, baby,” he muffles into my ear.
I run my hand through the hair at the back of his head, an acknowledgement of his apology. I didn’t understand his reasons for not telling me as soon as I was safe, but I know that he must have done what he felt was right at the time.
He pulls back, narrowing his all-consuming eyes, as if searching for an answer. I let a small smile escape before leaning into him, sealing a kiss upon his soft as silk lips. I’d missed this. That feeling of connecting as one with Cole.
Pulling back, his lips turn into a tiny, barely noticeable smirk. He bends his knees a little, lowering himself until we are eye to eye. “I’m forgiven then?”
“Maybe.”
A megawatt smile lights up his entire face, like a huge weight has been lifted. I ache at the thought of how deeply this all has hurt him. I feel a pang of guilt as my mind wonders back to earlier in the day with Pete.
“I handled the whole thing really badly, baby. I’m sorry. I know that I should have told you. I promise that will never happen again. But I need you to know, I never purposely kept this from you. The right time just never came along.”
His promise tugs deeply at my heart strings. Knowing what happened today makes me feel like a really shitty person.
I drop my head, shaking it slowly. “Don’t apologize, Cole. This wasn’t your fault.”
“But I should have told you,” he interrupts. I shoot him a sideways smile, my way of agreeing with him, without actually saying it. I look around, my eyes searching for Hope. I see her whispering and quietly giggling with Pete and Jocelyn. Seeing her laugh, so at ease after being so freaked out is beyond reassuring.
Jocelyn waves at us, signaling for us to join them. I link hands with Cole as we walk over. He reciprocates by squeezing my hand tightly, as if he’ll never let me go. I hope he never lets me go. I’m not sure where I’d be or what I would do without him.
Then it hits me. Cole is like oxygen to me. He’s what keeps me going. He gives me strength when I feel weak, support when I can barely stand. He’s my everything.
I swallow the lump in my throat as it dawns on me what a mistake I’ve made with Pete. There will never be anything between us. I can’t believe I let that kiss happen or his touch affect me. I never wanted to be that person, to be disloyal. I shake my racing thoughts and plaster on the smile that hides a thousand demons.
Jocelyn leans her hand on my shoulder, moving her head closer, whispering, “It’s time.”
I know exactly what she means. I drop down on one knee in front of Hope, taking both her hands in mine, holding them tightly.
“Okay, little lady, I think it’s time to make tracks.”
Her tooth baring smile fades and a deep frown appears.
I narrow my eyes at her playfully. “Hey, what’s that face for?” I point my finger at her downturned mouth. “Lady, you better turn that frown upside down,” I say, smiling, trying to make this easier for both of us.
I can only imagine how daunting this is for Hope, especially knowing where she has been. But if there’s one thing that I’m certain of, it’s that if anyone can help, if anyone can change someone’s life for the better, it’s Jocelyn.
I point at Jocelyn, drawing Hope’s attention. “Remember what I told you about Cole’s mom?” She nods slowly, her eyes darting from Jocelyn and then back to me. “Well this is the most incredible lady I’ve ever met. I just know that she has the most amazing family waiting to take good care of you, isn’t that right, Cole’s mom?”
Jocelyn nods enthusiastically, her hair bobbing up and down as she does so. “The best home on the west coast,” she boasts. “Honestly, you will not find a more loving couple who will take such good care of you, Hope. You deserve that, you really do. You’re an incredibly strong little girl. I see you having a very bright future ahead!”
Hope’s face lights up. She withdraws from my hold and starts to tap her index finger against her lip. “So, do you think I will have my own bedroom?” she quizzes. “Will I be able to go to school and make new friends?” she squawks, the excitement building as she’s eager to know more.
“Yes and yes,” laughs Jocelyn.
“You know what, Hope?” one of the CPS workers interjects.
“What?” she asks, looking all bug eyed.
“We can talk all about it on the drive home. You can ask me whatever you want, okay?”
“Come on then, what are we waiting for?” she asks, pulling on the woman’s hand.
The room fills with uncontrollable laughter as I follow her outside to the cars waiting.
We all wave goodbye to Hope.
I know she will be okay, but I can’t help worrying about her.
I feel Jocelyn’s arm around me. “She’ll be fine, Kennedy, honestly. The family she has been allocated to are really nice people. I know them personally.” She smiles.
“Thank you, Jocelyn. Thank you for sorting this and looking out for her.”
She squeezes my shoulder gently. “Anytime, sweetheart. Anyway, how are you holding up?” she whispers.
I shoot her a sad smile, because there are no words to describe how I feel. I’m messed up, scared, and know the nightmares will live on.
She takes one look at my face and pulls me out of sight, away from prying ears.
“I’m fine,” I rush out, trying to put her at ease. She tilts her head to the side, glaring at me.
“You’re not fine, Kennedy. How can you be after what happened to you?”
I drop my head. “I have to be. I have to stay strong.”
“You are strong, Kennedy. I have no idea of everything you’ve been through, but I want you to know that you don’t have to put on a brave face with me, honey.”
“I’m scared,” I blurt out.
“Of what?” she asks.
“So many things,” I sigh, “I’m scared they will come after me again, of them finding me no matter where I go.” I choke back the emotion clawing its way to the surface. I stop, breathing deeply. I am determined to not let my emotions get the best of me.
“I’m scared I will lose Abbey. She’s the only friend I’ve ever had.” I close my eyes as Jocelyn pulls me to her.
“Abbey’s a fighter,” she says with conviction. “If anyone can bounce back from this, Abbey can!” she says, trying to find the positive.
I want to believe her. I so desperately want to believe that I will see my friend again, awake and rambling at me like the crazy lady she is.
I smile sadly. “Don’t give up on her, Kennedy, because she sure as hell didn’t give up on you!”
Dammit!
I sniffle back the tears I’d promised myself wouldn’t break through. Jocelyn digs into her purse, handing me a tissue. I dab my face and shove the tissue in my pocket.
The motel owner approaches us cautiously. “Ummm, excuse me,” she says nervously. “There are police offices here to see you, Kennedy.”
I nod and smile, gesturing that I understand.
“Feel free to use the back office. It’s nice and private in there.” She smiles, pointing toward the office door.
“Thank you,” Jocelyn answers. “I’ll go and introduce myself. I guess since we didn’t show, they came to us. Go get yourself cleaned up and come in as soon as you’re ready.” She rubs her hand on the top of my arm, soothing me. Jocelyn places a soft kiss to the crown of my head before stalking toward the entrance. I can see the officers from here.
I rush to the bathroom, closing the door behind me and locking it. I lean back against the frame.
Shit!
I really needed to pull myself together. Just the thought of having to talk about this is filling me with dread. My whole body tenses as I walk to the sink. I reach my hand out to turn on the tap. I can’t stop the uncontrollable shaking of my hands as I try to grasp the knob. I barely manage to loosen it enough for a steady flow. The cold water feels so refreshing against my burning skin. I splash the water on my face, trying to erase the puffiness under my eyes. I turn the water off, shaking the excess moisture off my hands and into the sink.
I know I have to do this.
I have to get that bastard behind bars so I know that he’ll never be able to come after me again. I close my eyes tightly, inhaling deeply as I try to steady myself.
I stare at my reflection.
I survived.
I made it out.
I got this.
I head toward the office, knocking lightly before I enter. One of the officers opens the door, smiling and holding his arm out, indicating for me to enter.
“Thank you, Kennedy. We know this can’t be easy for you.”
“Please take a seat,” he requests, gesturing to the seat beside Jocelyn.
I slide in next to Jocelyn. She rests her hand on my shoulder. I look up at her, knowing she is trying to put me at ease.
The taller of the two officers clears his throat before speaking. “So, Kennedy, we are here to give you an update and to schedule a time for you to come into the office and give a more detailed statement of what happened during all of your time in the commune. We know there’s a lot to go through, and we understand this has been going on for years, but at present he’s only being charged with two counts of kidnapping. Obviously, the case is still open pending further investigation and more charges may be brought before the judge.”
I clutch my hands together, looking down at them. My mind races with thoughts of Christopher and the others. I slowly look up at him, his face glued in my direction, waiting for me to say something.
“And the others?” I ask, needing to know if I’m in danger of someone else coming after me.
“We searched the property, Kennedy. The others we believe were involved have also been taken into custody. I can reassure you, we will investigate the commune fully. You will not be in danger. I promise. But it is still an ongoing investigation.”
“So, is there any chance he will get out?” I look over at Jocelyn and see she’s shaking her head.
“No way!” she shrieks. “Frank will make sure of that!”
I look at her puzzled. “Mr. Peterson?”
“He’s the best there is, sweetie.” She grins from ear to ear, and I know that he’s the best at what he does.
Jocelyn goes into detail of how Mr. Peterson has been working with the law enforcement in California since I was taken as well as the Arizona police since that had been the last place I was seen. She also told me that he has been in contact with the prosecution for both states to offer any assistance he can to them. She even said he went on a leave from his personal practice to make sure justice is served for me.
The one thing I know about Mr. Peterson is that he lives and breathes his job. For him to do something like this for me speaks volumes. Maybe he doesn’t hate me as much as I thought.
The officers ask me to go over as much as I can from the moment I was taken at school until Pete found Hope and me on the side of the road. They said this is needed immediately to cement the current charges.
I detail out as much as I can as well as answer all the questions they have about the time before when I was at the commune. I know I only touched the surface with the abuse, rape, and every other painful experience, but it was a start to the very long road.
Once I’ve finished providing the officers with as much information as I possibly can without a complete break down, I begin to zone out.
Jocelyn and the officers continue to talk. I barely listen, too focused on my thoughts. Realizing I will have to relive every aspect of my life in court is terrifying.
What if they don’t believe me?
What if he gets away with it?
A thousand thoughts race through my mind. My heart picks up pace the more I think of him being out there again.
I’m suddenly snapped from my thoughts as the officers stand up. My attention is drawn to them as they shake hands with Jocelyn, before turning to me to do the same. I hold out my hand weakly and shake.
Jocelyn walks them out of the motel and I head back toward the dining area to find Cole.
I walk through the double doors, with my head down and walk straight into a hard torso. Shit, I really should start watching where I’m going.
I glance up to see Chuck, the main biker dude in front of me. He takes the top of my arm and pulls me forcefully to the side of room.
“What’s wrong, Chuck?” I ask, pulling my arm from his grasp.
“I need to talk to you,” he says, his voice somewhat hushed and quieter than normal – considering this burly guy normally speaks with a loud, booming voice.
“Well you could have just asked.”
His eyes go wide. “Oh, sorry about that. But listen, I really need you to tell me if you found out anything more about Hope.”
“I don’t know what it is that you want to know, Chuck, but I don’t know any more than I already told you about her. She arrived when I was locked up, she hadn’t been there when I escaped the first time.” I pause, looking at him. “And let’s say, my living quarters didn’t really give me the opportunity to bond with others this time around,” I snap sarcastically.
“You’re getting pissy with me, aren’t you?” he laughs, his voice gruff and deep as pulls out his wallet.
“Listen, I was the one who thought up this whole fucking rescue mission. If it wasn’t for me you’d still be in those living quarters,” he mimics.
He drops open his wallet and shows me more pictures of a little girl. I look down at the photos, narrowing my eyes as I study it carefully. I look back up to him and back to the aged snapshot again.
“See.” He smiles sarcastically. “Now you know what I’m fucking trying to say.” I take the wallet from him, holding it firmly in my hands. Goosebumps cover my skin as I look at the picture of what could easily be Hope.
“That’s my daughter at a similar age to little Hope. I couldn’t find it earlier. The likeness is undeniable, don’t ya think?”
“What’s this?” Cole shouts.
I turn my head toward him, glad he’s interrupting us. Things are getting interesting and I want Cole here to see it.
I turn the wallet to Cole. “Have you seen this?” I gasp.
He takes it from my hand and stares at it blankly for a moment.
He looks at me before leaning into Chuck, whispering in his ear, “Why do you have a picture of Hope in your wallet?”
I chuckle a little as I watch Chuck snatch his wallet out of Cole’s hand, hitting him playfully around the back of the head.
“It’s not Hope, you dick wipe. It’s my daughter, Sara!”
“Well, the likeness is unbelievable,” Cole puffs, rubbing the back of his head. “Man, the back hander was unnecessary.”
Chuck’s deep throated laugh reverberates through the room. Every set of eyes turns to see what the noise is all about.
Chuck turns to me. “Seriously though, girl, if you have any more info, I need to know. If you know where she came from, how she got there, I need to know. I have searched tirelessly for fucking years trying to find Sara. My whole existence has been dependent on finding that little girl. Well, ya know, she ain’t a little girl no more, but you get what I’m saying, right?” He was getting worked up and flustered just talking about it.
I sigh heavily. “I don’t want to speculate or get anyone’s hopes up about this, but I guess from what you’re saying, it could be possible. But seriously, what are the chances?”
“Too good to be true, huh?” Chuck sighs.
I shoot him a sad smile, wanting this to be the news he so desperately needs to hear.
“Listen, the police have informed me that they are doing a full investigation into the whole commune, including how Hope ended up there. If I find out anything, we will get in touch.” I reach out and touch his arm. This guy really is a gentle giant, his heart as large as his personality.
I look up as I hear approaching footsteps. Jocelyn looks at us cautiously as we stand with Chuck.
She adjusts her head, tilting it sideways. “Everything okay, guys?”
“Everything’s fine, mom.” Cole smiles, walking over to her and wrapping his arm tightly around her shoulder, pulling her into him as she nearly loses her balance.
“Cole,” she scorns, laughing at his over exaggerated embrace.
I look at the two of them, studying the pair for a moment. Their relationship is perfect, or as perfect as you could wish for. I’ve never had that. I’ve never really had any sort of parental figure in my life. I feel a pang of pain for the loss of my childhood, for not knowing who my parents are, or where I came from.
I stand in this moment with no identity. I don’t know who I am. I swallow down hard, thoughts racing through my mind at a thousand miles per hour. I wonder if in the process of the investigation whether or not they’ll find out where I came from. Who my parents really are. Is there a chance I could actually belong to someone?
I glimpse over at Jocelyn and notice she is tapping her watch.
“Guys, you need to go get your stuff. The cars will be here to take us home in thirty minutes,” she shouts excitedly, clapping her hands together as she turns and starts waving over to Pete, instructing him to do the same.