Ronna’s dinner spread was never one to miss. His sister’s hand real work good when it came to cooking. All the siblings could burn, but she in particular had a gift for it. That’s why no matter what, a dinner at Ronna’s place never miss him.

Tonight, he found himself fidgeting over the macaroni pie and baked chicken. He ate, but he couldn’t tell you what anything tasted like. Trepidation and fear sat heavy in his stomach, making it hard to swallow. He didn’t have to do it. Renzo wasn’t asking him to. His lover wouldn’t ever ask him to, Low knew that. But he also knew Renzo would never be able to stay in the closet for him, hiding who and what they were to each other.

It wasn’t fair. Not to Renzo. Not to Low. He wanted to be free. Wanted to not have to look over his shoulder. Gaining Renzo could lose him his family. So he sat at that table as conversation buzzed around him, silverware scraping against dishes, staring down at the side of callaloo on his plate.

Fuck.

“Low?”

He jerked his head up at the sound of his name, meeting his brother, Andy’s gaze. “Wah?” He hadn’t even known Andy would be in town this week along with their other sister, Michelle. So yeah, he wasn’t only coming out to Ronna and Tanty Ellen.

Andy squinted at him. “What happen to you? Why you look so poor-me-one so?”

That idiot never learned not to talk with his mouth full. “Nothing.”

“Yes, I find you looking real drawn in,” Tanty Ellen spoke up. Her gaze searched his face. “You sick, baby?”

“No.” He shook his head and took a sip of water. When his hand trembled around the glass he put it down then took a deep breath. “I need to—” He cleared his throat. “I need to tell all you something.” Now or never. If he followed that sunken feeling in his gut, it would turn out to be never. He couldn’t live like that anymore.

“What happen?” Ronna leaned forward. “Low?” She reached across the table and caught his hand, eyes widening at his tremors. “What happen?” Her voice rose a few octaves.

“Nothing happened.” He swallowed. Took a breath. Emotion tightened his throat, tears blurring his eyes as he took his time staring at the people around the table. Next to Ronna was her husband, Kelly. He was a big soft-spoken guy. Then Andy next to him. Low’s big brother was a party promoter who organized and promoted parties all over the country, he was rarely ever in Atlanta. But of course, fate made it so he just had to be in town at the moment Low decided to speak his truth.

Their other sibling, Michelle, was busy on her phone, hardly paying attention to them. She owned and operated a cleaning company for residential and professional properties in Alabama. Low hardly ever got to see her, she was always so busy. But yeah, she was also on hand today.

Tanty Ellen stared at him, waiting for him to speak. The words were all tangled up in his throat. He pulled his hand away from Ronna’s and fisted them. He didn’t know how they’d react. He could lose them, his family. He loved them so much, as dysfunctional as they were.

Michelle ended her call and put her phone, turning her attention to Low. “Say what you want to say, Low.” Out of all the siblings, she looked the most like their father.

He loved them so much. They loved him in their own way, too. He believed that.

“I—I’m seeing someone.”

The tension flowed out of them at as they all heaved audible sighs and started talking at once.

“I say the boy had something to say.”

“Well, finally, he get a woman.”

“Ay papa. Dah is wha all the drama is about?”

Now he had to share the rest of it. “His name is Renzo Vega. He owns a club in Midtown—”

Silence fell as heavily as a boulder. Obstructive and immovable. It was as if they all froze in place. Low could hear his own heart beating, racing in his ears. He tried, he tried not to see the shock, the way they all seemed to recoil away from him. He didn’t want to meet Ronna’s gaze, but he did.

His sister’s eyes were wide, her mouth, too.

“I’m gay,” he said softly, to her. Ignoring everybody else in the room, around that table, he spoke only to Ronna. “I’ve known since I was fourteen. I didn’t think I would ever tell anyone, but I can’t live like this.” He begged, pleaded with her to understand. To love him anyway. “I have someone in my life who deserves all of me, because I want all of him.”

“Kelly, take Amir upstairs,” Ronna barked at her husband without taking her gaze off Low.

Low broke then. “Ronna—”

“Kelly!” Her blank expression didn’t change for Low.

Low got up, ignoring the others and walked around to Ronna, clutching her hand as her husband tugged their son out of his chair and quickly strode away with him. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I didn’t want you to hate me. I didn’t want you to stop loving me.”

“Lowell. Stop that nonsense, boy,” his aunt spoke up. “You upsetting you sister. You just haven’t found a good woman yet, that’s all. You fine.”

Through the tears and the burning in his chest, he had to choke back a snort at that not unexpected response. “I’m sorry,” he told Ronna. Although, he didn’t know why or what he was apologizing for. For being gay? For not sharing who he was before now? “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you before.”

Ronna’s eyes were red-rimmed, but she still didn’t speak to him.

“Sissy.” He squeezed her hand. “Say something.”

“Lowell,” Tanty Ellen said. “Come.” He beckoned to him when he glanced at her over his shoulder. “Come to your aunty.” She spoke to him as if he was Amir’s age, but he went to her anyway, falling into her soft embrace when she opened her arms to him. “Is okay. You coming to bible study with me tonight.” She patted his back. “For the bible tells us, in times of crisis, to call upon God. We go pray,” she promised in a fierce whisper. “Pray for your soul. For Almighty God to put you on the right path.”

Low pulled away from her and stood back, staring at the faces in the room. His people. They were his people. His blood. He would die for them. “You think I’m sick?” he asked them, meeting their gazes one by one. Andy and Michelle had yet to say anything. “You think I need prayer? I need to meet the right woman? You think I don’t know who I am?”

Disappointment was a potent thing, bitter and heavy on his tongue. He’d expected all of this, but coming face to face with it still stung.

“I was fourteen when I kissed a boy for the first time. Yes, back in Grenada. In the back of Stressman’s Disco.” He looked away from Andy’s gape. “I was seventeen when kissed a girl, because I came home and heard Daddy and his friends laughing about beating up any son of theirs who think he gay. I tried for Daddy. I tried for you. For my family. So that you wouldn’t hate me, and wouldn’t call me sick and a pervert and a pedophile.” He met Ronna’s eyes then. “I tried until I couldn’t try anymore and then I lied about who I was. I hid who I was. It was easier, because I didn’t have anyone in my life who I wanted to be truthful for. But there is someone now.”

He swallowed, fisting his hands.

“I’m doing it for him, but mostly I’m doing it for me. I’m tired. I’m tired,” he whispered. “I’m tired. I’m yours, your blood, and I shouldn’t have to lie and hide in order to get you to love and accept me. You do or you don’t. But either way, I’m tired.”

Michelle got up and walked around the table. Standing in front of him, he noticed her eyes were wet. “Low, I don’t care who you sleep with. Who you love. There are no contingencies on my love.” She pulled him into a hug and he stood like a robot in her embrace, too shocked to do anything else. He hadn’t expected any of them to react like this, so to have even one acceptance was a victory in his book.

He made his hands work well enough to hug his sister back. “Thanks, Mich.”

She kissed his temple. “I love you, no matter what.” Then she whispered in his ear, “I know who Renzo Vega is. Good fucking catch.”

He choked out a laugh. “Thanks?”

“Don’t let the approval or disapproval of the others dictate how you live your life, Low.” She patted his cheek with a step back. “Happiness is for those courageous enough to not give a fuck.”

“Watch you language, Michelle,” Tanty Ellen snapped.

Low grinned at his sister. “You read that in a fortune cookie?”

She winked. “Maybe.” She patted her pockets. “I have to go, but listen, call me so we can hang out or something. We haven’t done that in a while.”

He nodded at her. Once Michelle left, he turned back to the others. “I know you don’t agree with who I am—”

“It is an abomination, Lowell.”

Well, Tanty Ellen was in rare form.

“Leviticus—”

“The bible talks about a lot of things,” Andy spoke for the first time, addressing their aunt. “You don’t get to pick and choose which ones to cling to, okay?” He stood and walked over to the sliding screen door leading out to Ronna’s deck. “Low, follow me.”

He followed his brother onto the deck, waiting until Andy closed the door behind them before speaking. “I’m sorry.”

Andy cut a glance at him, pulling a baggie from his pocket. “I think you sorry enough, brother.” He held out the weed to Low who shook his head. Andy proceeded to build his spliff right there. “I’m sorry you had to hide who you are.” He shrugged. “I mean, I don’t get the attraction to men, ’cause you know my motto…”

“Punany too sweet,” they intoned as one before chuckling.

“But listen.” Andy got real serious real quick. “I don’t care, man. You is my brother no matter what.”

“And if your friends find out about your gay brother?” Andy worked with a lot of West Indian artists who were extremely homophobic in their lyrics.

Andy flicked on his lighter, bringing the flickering orange-blue flame to the tip of his joint. “That would be their problem, not mine. I got your back.”

Low pursed his lips with a nod. He was getting more than he’d expected today. “Thanks.”

Andy grunted. “Renzo Vega, huh? That’s some hardcore shit right there.”

He squinted. “How so?”

“He’s a criminal, yeah? Guns and drugs and shit?” Andy lifted an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” No sense in denying, was there?

“You okay with that?”

“No.” He blew out a breath and stared out into the distance. He couldn’t spill Renzo’s secrets. “I’m not okay with what he does, but…” He shook his head. “He makes me happy.” While Low worried about Renzo’s business, he understood why his lover did what he did. So yes, he could live with it.

They sat in comfortable silence out on the deck, Andy smoking, Low trying not to think about what awaited him back inside the house.

As if he’d heard Low’s thoughts, Andy spoke. “Just give Ronna some time, she’ll come around.” He inhaled loudly. “And ignore Tanty Ellen with she Bible shit.”

Low snorted. “Easier said than done.”

Andy made a sound of agreement. “She can’t handle you taking man. And a white man, too.”

“Jeez. He’s Brazilian, Andy.”

“He ain’t black, that’s for sure.”

“Fuck off.” As if Renzo’s race would’ve made any bit of difference. His brother chuckled. Low smiled. He needed the levity, but it didn’t last for long. “Thanks. I appreciate this.” He patted Andy on the shoulder then left him out there as he went back inside.

He didn’t see his aunt, but he suspected she was around the house somewhere since he was her ride. He followed the sound of dishes clattering in the kitchen and found Ronna at the sink, her husband next to her.

He stood in the doorway and watched them for a moment. He’d always found them to be oddly suited. Ronna an introvert and her husband the direct opposite. He was accepting where she was not. But he didn’t try to change her. He let her be who she was, all while loving and supporting her. He accepted her phobia, taking therapy sessions with her, stepping up to do things with their son that Ronna couldn’t. He even pushed her to start her online business of making handmade soaps, lotions and body butters.

For the longest time, Low had been so envious of their relationship. Up close, he knew they were nowhere near perfect, but they loved each other. He’d wanted that. Someone to accept him, to love him, flaws and all.

He cleared his throat and they turned around. Kelly smiled when he spotted Low, but he couldn’t read Ronna.

“Low,” Kelly walked over and slapped him on the back. “I’ll give you two some time alone.”

“Thanks.” Once Kelly disappeared, Low faced Ronna. “You hate me now, sissy?”

She sighed and walked over. “I don’t hate you, Low. I’m confused. I’m shocked.”

“I’m sor—”

She held up a hand. “You already apologized.” Her gaze softened. “Besides, I think it’s my turn.”

He frowned. “What?”

“The conversation we had on the phone the other day.” She glanced down, wringing her hands. “I’m so sorry. What I said was fucked up, Low. It was so fucked up. There is no excuse.”

He nodded. “It was—” He cleared his throat, but the words still came out so damn hoarse. “It was so fucked up, Ronna. That hurt me so deep.” She started crying, so he wrapped his arms around her. “I was afraid you would stop me from seeing Amir,” he confessed against her temple. “I was afraid you would cut me out of your life.”

She sobbed harder, her body shaking, so he held her tighter.

“I was afraid I would lose you, sissy.”

“I’m sorry.” She sniffed loudly, pulling ay from him to wipe her face. “I was wrong for that. You deserved better. I promise, I don’t see you that way. I could never see you that way.” Her eyes implored him to believe her, and he did. He did.

“It was wrong to make that kind of general statement,” he told. He wanted to make sure she understood. “It’s unfair and destructive, and if that’s the way you see gay men—”

“I don’t.” She shook her head vigorously. “I was just speaking out of my ass. I know I was wrong, Low. I know. I don’t believe it, I promise.”

But she said it. Those words couldn’t be taken back. They couldn’t be unspoken. She’d hurt him deeply with those words, and even as he forgave her for them, he’d never forget having heard them.

“Renzo Vega is his name?” she asked.

He nodded. “He owns Club Ȇxtase in Midtown.”

“I’ve heard of it.” Her gaze sharpened. “And I’ve heard of him.”

Of course she had.

“He’s a bad guy.” Not a question.

“He is a lot of things. Maybe one day I’ll be able to tell you.”

Ronna cocked her head. “You love him?”

“He makes me happy, sissy. And he accepts me. He was prepared to step into the closet with me, if I wanted.”

She nodded once. “As long as he treats you right.” Her eyes flashed. “You know I have me gun now.”

He grinned. “He loves me.”

“Good.” Her gaze flicked over his shoulder. “Tanty Ellen won’t be as accepting, though.”

He shrugged. “Tanty Ellen doesn’t pay my bills. It would be nice if she accepted me, but I’m good either way.” He hugged her again. “As long as we’re good.”

She nodded into his chest. “We’re good.”

Tanty Ellen opted to have Andy take her home, instead of Low. He didn’t mind that. He left Ronna’s place debating whether to call Renzo, but in the end, he sent him a quick text giving him a rundown of what happened.

He still had one more person to come out to.

His mother.

Might as well get it over with, huh?