Something had changed.

The harbinger couldn't put his finger on it, but Jackie was different. While he'd been away, his fated's state had worsened rapidly and it hurt to see on a level Kol-Eresh couldn't have imagined.

The silence from the ship's consoles was deafening. They were nowhere near finding the Eternals and Jackie was going through the symptoms so fast it seemed impossible.

Kol-Eresh tried to push the worst to the back of his mind, but it wasn't working.

"Kol," Jackie said, raising her newly purple eyes to him.

She had been in a miraculously good mood. In the few days that had passed, Jackie had been so afraid it was palpable. She couldn't sleep unless she was curled up against him, his arms wrapped around her slender form. And when she dreamed, it was restless and broken by the constant startled awakenings.

Now her appetite was back. The meat of the horned beast Kol-Eresh had found wasn't very tender and it definitely wasn't an animal hunted for food unless there was no other way. At least it was edible.

Jackie had been eating without a problem, taking seconds.

He should have been glad to see her eating again, gathering some much-needed strength, but Kol-Eresh couldn't shake the feeling that something bad was coming.

"We need to talk," Jackie said.

He knew in that instant what she was about to say. The harbinger's mind changed track so fast it must have reflected on his face, because Jackie turned defensive too.

"Don't you dare say it," the harbinger growled. "I will not hear a word if it's what I think it is."

"I can say whatever I want," Jackie replied. "It's my life and I want to keep the last semblance of control I have."

"You want to give up."

Jackie didn't reply at once, but even that was enough.

"No," Kol-Eresh said sharply just as Jackie said:

"Not give up in the way you mean it."

"There aren't very many options in this case," Kol-Eresh said, putting down his food. "Any delay, any rest is time we can't waste. I will take the ship deeper onto the plateau, down south –"

"Toward what?" Jackie asked and the accursed laugh was back. "Kol, please be honest with me. I hate that you are building up this fantasy in your head that isn't going to happen.

"You say we can't delay like we know where we're going, but we don't. There is no destination, no course and if we don't have them, we really don't have a timeline either. All we have is this wild chase and I don't want to do this anymore."

"Out of the question," Kol-Eresh said. "If we stop searching, you will die. It's clear that the diadon can't combat the serum. There's some honesty for you. We have to keep going."

"It's not out of the question, if I don't agree," Jackie said angrily. "This is my life we're talking about. I'm not some toy that you drag from one place to another like I don't have a say."

"You don't when what you're suggesting is insane," Kol-Eresh said.

Jackie's eyes were flashing with anger, but he was willing to accept and weather her hatred. The alternative was unthinkable. The harbinger was prepared to put everything he had on the line for his fated, including the relationship between them.

He couldn't let her go. Not now and not ever.

"Why is it so insane?" Jackie demanded.

"Guess," Kol-Eresh said bitterly. "If the circumstances were different, if your life wasn't at stake, I would understand that you're calling it a wild chase. I can even admit that it is, yes. If I knew where the Eternals were hiding, we would already be there. I would signal the Black Hall and every other fortress on the damn planet and we would bury those bastards before the long night hits.

"But it is how it is. There are no other chances. This is the only one."

"This is the only life I have!" Jackie yelled at him. "And I don't want to spend the last of my days here in this ship alone while you're out there hunting and searching for the Eternals!

"Kol, listen to me."

She took a deep breath and the harbinger could see the pain on her beautiful face.

"You know that this is over, you just don't want to admit it. The symptoms are all here and it's only been three days. What do you think are the odds that we will stumble upon the Eternals in the next three? When the rest of your species hasn't been able to find them in years?"

"It doesn't matter," Kol-Eresh said. "I will keep looking until all hope is gone."

Jackie stared at him, her big eyes wide and accusing.

"Alright," she said and the defeated note in her voice somehow hurt more than her anger. "If I can't convince you that this has been hopeless for a while, I will just say this.

"I love you. I don't care if I only got to spend a few weeks with you, they were the happiest I've ever been. Happier than I ever thought I could be.

"We have this ship. I like it here. I like the bed and the Fermanoli coats and the way your arms feel around me. And I really like the fields where we are now. That is how I want to spend the rest of my time. Walking outside with you before the storm comes. Laying here in your arms, enjoying just being with you. You can tell me of the battles you've fought, I can tell you of Terra... I don't know, anything.

"Don't you want that too?"

When Jackie was done, she looked at him, her purple eyes hopeful and waiting.

He could see what she meant. The harbinger wanted Jackie to have every bit of comfort and happiness in her life that she deserved after everything she'd been through, but he was a Nayanor and she was his fated.

The answer was as clear as day.

"No," Kol-Eresh said.

The light was gone so quickly from Jackie's eyes that it was like it had never been there. He continued.

"I want to do that with you for all the days that come after I find the Eternals," Kol-Eresh said. "After you are cured and well, from all the things that try to bring you down."

Jackie shook her head, looking at him like she couldn't believe her ears.

"Stop that," she said, her voice weak and broken now. "Stop, Kol. I can't take your ridiculous quest anymore. I just want you here with me, telling me that you love me. I don't want to be alone when it –"

His fated's voice broke completely, becoming nothing more than a whimper. She was shaking from head to toe, looking at him in a way that almost made Kol-Eresh take back every word he'd said.

"I can't believe you're giving up," he said. "Nothing is over until it's over, do you understand? I can't sit here with you, motionless, all three of us. Me, you and the ship. Every second would nag at me, asking me why I wasn't doing everything I could to save you.

"I would never be able to forgive myself."

"So you're willing to desert me now?" Jackie yelled at him.

"I'm willing to fight until the end, because you're not the one that will be left behind with all their regrets!"

Jackie stared at him. The world itself was holding its breath as she blinked, shaking her head like she was trying to unhear his words.

Kol-Eresh wished he could unsay them, but it was too late.

"Did you just tell me that I'm getting out of this easy!?" she bellowed then.

There was no turning back, so the harbinger simply chose to say what he was thinking.

"Everything you said before, I want that. I want long nights in my fortress, listening to the storm beating against the outer walls. On the upper floors, you can hear it. You can sometimes even feel the harvester Gechs walking when they're nearby. I want to hold you in my arms, safe and happy.

"That's worth every sacrifice I have to make, including taking the risk that I will not be able to find the Eternals in time."

Jackie was waiting for him to finish the thought and Kol-Eresh sighed.

"But yes," he said. "There are two futures for the both of us. Either we cure you and everything will be alright. Or we don't. You will be taken into the folds of the darkness and I will be left here, to live a Nayanor lifetime without you.

"So no, this isn't a choice for me. I'm trying to save us both."

The fire in Jackie's eyes was gone. In place of it, there was pure steel as she opened her mouth and spoke very firmly.

"If you think anything could be alright between us after this, you're an even bigger fool than I thought."

"There will come a day when you look back at this moment and thank me for not letting you give up," Kol-Eresh said, knowing he was making it worse.

It was hard to feel any remorse when Jackie's ominous promise had made his heart grow cold.

"No," Jackie said. "There won't be. You can have your damn lifetime of missing me. But I won't hold out hope that you'll realize there would be more to miss if you hadn't chased shadows instead of actually being with me."

"Jackie –"

"Get the fuck out," she said quietly. "I don't want to see you. I don't want to see your damn face, I don't want to see your eyes. I don't want to hear your voice and above all, I want to forget you ever existed."

"You don't mean that," Kol-Eresh said, his heart thundering in his chest. "You're just hurting."

"Of course I'm hurting and your response to that is to leave me alone!" Jackie yelled, her soft hands curling into fists. "Get out! If you don't want to be here, then I want you gone!"

The look in her eyes told the harbinger that she wasn't joking.

He considered staying there nonetheless. The female couldn't physically force him to leave her be, but she had wounded him too. Kol-Eresh couldn't believe anyone would choose not fighting for themselves. It was like lying wounded on a battlefield, sword in hand and not raising it to defend themselves from the approaching enemy.

The chance of survival was slim, but it was the principal that mattered.

Jackie was right about one thing. They simply didn't understand each other.

Kol-Eresh stood, and left.