Kyla sat in the great hall early the next morn. The hall door banged open and Uncle Logan flew through the hall and into her parent’s new chamber at the end of the hall. A lad she guessed to be a messenger stood next to the main door.
Her heart thumping in her chest, she moved over to ask the lad his intent.
“Message for Laird Alex Grant. Already given it to Logan Ramsay.”
Kyla decided to play her mother’s part and welcome him. “Please, come in and I’ll find you something to eat.” She hustled into the kitchen and came out with a huge trencher of stew from the previous night. “Here you go.”
The lad was thin and his eyes darted everywhere, so much so that she wondered if it was the result of some affliction. Once he sat down, he said, “Do you know which one is Kyla Grant?” He grabbed the utensil and began to shovel food into his mouth, his gaze on Kyla.
“I am Kyla Grant. Why do you ask?”
He bolted out of his chair and reached inside his tunic for another scroll, handing it to her. “A message for you from Davina of Buchan.” Having delivered both of his messages, he sat back in the chair to finish his meal.
Kyla’s hands shook as she fingered the parchment scroll. Had the lass discovered what her sire had planned for Clan Grant?
Her gaze traveled across the hall, but none of her cousins were in attendance yet. She glanced back at the messenger and said, “My thanks,” then rushed out of the hall.
Only when she was in the garden, where she could read her note in private, did she unwrap the scroll. She instantly gasped. Three words were written in large letters:
Help me, please.
Davina
Saints above, what was she to do? She tore back into the great hall to speak to the messenger, but he’d already left.
From the corner of her eye, she saw her mother striding out of the kitchens. “Mama.” She chased after her.
“What is it, my dear?”
“Mama, I need your help. Do you recall what I said about Davina of Buchan? I’d like to bring her here to safety. As soon as possible.”
“What, dear?” her mother said distractedly. She was glancing around the great hall as if searching for someone in particular. “You know I’ll help you however I can.”
“We must help Davina.”
Her mother caught sight of Brenna entering the hall. Her eyes fixed on the healer, she placed her hand on Kyla’s arm. “Excuse me, dear.” She rushed across the hall to Brenna.
They were just close enough that Kyla could hear their conversation. “Alex is having some pain today, and I do not understand why,” Maddie said. “Would you visit with him and see if he is hale? I worry about him doing too much.”
Kyla crossed the hall to join them, walking up just as Aunt Brenna replied. “I thought I’d visit him today. I’ll go right now.” She patted Maddie’s shoulder, smiled at Kyla, and headed toward the laird’s chamber.
Maddie started to follow her, but Kyla stopped her. “Mama, please. I think Davina is in trouble.”
Her mother turned back around to face her. “Why would you think that?”
“Because she sent me a message saying she needs help.”
“Oh, Kyla. I’ll not make any decisions about that. I do feel terrible about all the poor lass has suffered, but how can you help her? You must speak with your sire. He’s in great pain, so please do not overtire him.”
Kyla sighed, knowing she probably would not get anywhere with her sire, but she had to try. She followed her mother into the bed chamber, and when her gaze fell upon her sire, she lost the ability to speak.
Alex stood not far from her, bent over at the waist and clutching his middle where his injury had been. Aunt Brenna stood beside him, trying to guide him back toward the bed.
“Is this new pain, Alex, or has it ailed you before?”
He didn’t answer, but he was panting as if he’d raced in the courtyard for an hour. His breaths continued to come in quick gasps with each step he took backward toward the bed. He gripped the poster on the headboard so hard his knuckles had turned white. When the back of his knees hit the bed, Aunt Brenna said, “Go ahead. Sit, Alex. ‘Tis just behind you.”
He grabbed her hands and fell back onto the bed.
“There, now take some deep breaths. I can give you something to ease your pain. Would you like something?”
“Nay,” he whispered. “I need a sound mind. If it continues, mayhap I’ll take something before I go to sleep.” He took a few minutes to calm his breathing, then said, “Every once in a while, it comes back. I know not what I did. ‘Tis better now, Brenna. Thank you.”
Her mother glanced at her, as if to remind her not to tire her father. She could see how the fine lines in her mother’s face had deepened over the last few weeks, how nearly all her hair had turned nearly a beautiful shade of white. She hated everything they’d been forced to endure.
All of it.
“What is it, Kyla?” her father asked once he was propped up in the bed.
“Papa, I shouldn’t bother you…”
“You will tell me why you came in, please.”
She showed her father the note and he patted the bed next to him, encouraging her to sit. How she hated to see him in this weakened state, so diminished from the strong, proud warrior he’d always been.
He read the note quickly, then grasped her hand in his. “I know you are concerned about Davina, but you cannot return the way you did before. You’d not be welcomed by Buchan. Our best hope is to attack, and as soon as we have our king’s permission, we will. Until then, we wait.”
“Aye.” She leaned over and kissed his cheek. “I love you, Papa.”
“I’m not going anywhere, daughter. ‘Twas just a twinge of pain.”
She smiled, then stood and said, “Take care of him, Mama.” She kissed her mother’s cheek and left, vowing not to bother either of them again.
She’d have to find another way.
She left the keep through the kitchens, not wishing to talk with anyone.
The day was overcast, but the chill in the air was leaving as it oft did in summer. Cool nights and warm days had prevailed of late. She traveled the periphery of the curtain wall, needing to think before she did anything she would regret.
Her instinct was to jump on a horse and chase off toward Buchan land, but after their last trip, she knew she needed more protection than just her dagger. She was desperate to help Davina, but if she traveled to Buchan land without a plan and got captured, it wouldn’t do the other lass any good.
Halfway out to the gates, she noticed someone sitting in the garden.
Quite sure it was Finlay, she headed his way, only to slow her progress when she distinctly heard someone crying.
Could it be Finlay? The poor man had just lost his mother, and he hadn’t been here when she passed. Others talked about shaming, something she did not believe in, but many of the elders disagreed with her there. Her heart, already broken for Davina, broke a little more.
She knew how her brothers spoke of men crying—any Grant warrior would be embarrassed to be caught shedding a tear—so she made some noise to warn Finlay of her approach. If she could, she’d wrap her arms around him and hold him close, but she wasn’t sure he would welcome her touch at such a time.
He stood from the bench and turned his back to her, wiping at the tears that must have been on his cheeks.
“Finlay?” she called out to him.
“Aye. What is it, Kyla? I’ve been sneezing and sneezing enough to make my eyes itch terribly.”
Kyla did not look at his face, giving him the chance to recover. She wouldn’t let on that she’d heard him crying. He was as proud as her brothers and would consider it a sign of weakness.
“I must share something with you. Please do not inform Uncle Logan what I’m about to reveal to you.”
He nodded but said nothing, looking extremely uncomfortable.
“Davina sent me a note with only three words on it. ‘Help me, please.’ What do you make of that?” She handed Finlay the scroll.
“Help me?” He unrolled the parchment carefully so as not to disrupt the seal. “When did you receive this?”
“A messenger brought something for my sire, and then said he also had a message for me.”
“Have you asked your sire?”
“I did, but he’s having a bad day. He said he’d wait to see what the king said about attacking. Papa’s not well today, so I didn’t press the issue. Finlay, when we left the Buchan keep, you said you’d help me. Will you?”
Finlay’s eyes widened. “What exactly would you have me do?”
“Get me to Davina. If we help her, I’m certain she’ll give us information about her sire’s plans. About Simon de La Porte. She already promised to find out aught she can and tell me all. Will you help me, please?” She glanced up at Finlay, but he rubbed his face before staring off over her head, apparently lost in thought. “If this weren’t important,” she said softly, “I wouldn’t ask, but I realize this is a bad time for you. I can find another guard who’s willing to go with me.”
After witnessing his torment, she couldn’t help but reach for his hand and intertwine their fingers. He glanced down at her, a soulful expression on his face, and she wished to kiss him and hold him, tell him everything would be all right. But that would be a lie.
She couldn’t bring his mother back.
“I know I promised,” he finally said, “and I think there is a way. What will you tell your parents?”
“Well…they don’t approve, so I’d leave a message for them. I’ll tell them my goal is to get information. We cannot put ourselves in another precarious position. I understand that now. I’ll talk to Maggie and Sorcha before we go, explain everything to them. One of them will pass along the message.”
“Here’s what I know. A group of your cousins are leaving later today for another scouting mission, this time to Edinburgh. I’ve been invited along and you could find a way to join us. The lads are so determined to get off Grant land, they’ll not send you back. They want to be involved in clan matters, and they’ve been left out more often than not.”
“Much like Connor.”
“Aye. He might join the group, too. Your uncle approves of the journey because they are meeting his brother Micheil in Edinburgh. Molly and Tormod were unable to arrange a meeting with the king, and Logan is anxious to track him down. He has some secret business to attend to, but he plans to meet with the lads as soon as he’s able. Molly is too ill to return to Edinburgh.”
“Her headaches are that bad? Poor Molly.”
“Aye. I believe I can convince them to allow you to travel with us.”
She clasped her hands together and whispered, “Perfect. Which cousins are going?”
“Braden, Roddy, Gavin, and Gregor. Micheil and his son will meet them in Edinburgh. They are going to see if they can find out aught about the English mercenaries. They are still trying to determine if de La Porte has arrived in Buchan land. If we go with them, we can use it as an opportunity to check on Davina.”
“Will they help me?”
“They’ve been begging to patrol for days. Give them a good reason to go near Buchan land and they will. You’ve got plenty of strong swordsmen and archers in that group. Gavin and Gregor are expert archers, they can protect us while we scale the curtain wall. Once we see Davina, we’ll find out the truth. We’ll decide what to do then.” Finlay sat back down on the bench. “Lass, there’s something else you need to know.”
“What?”
“I can’t promise to bring you home because I’m not sure I’ll be returning right away. I may visit my uncle in Edinburgh. Your cousins will take care of you.”
Shock shook her to her core. “What? Finlay, you cannot mean it. Have you told your sire and your brother?”
“Nay, and I want your word that you’ll not tell anyone.”
“I’ll keep your secret, but why? You’re an important part of our clann.” She rested her hand on his arm. The expression on his face was not to her liking. His usual humor was gone and he had the look of someone lost, someone haunted. “Please reconsider.”
His gaze caught hers, and the memory of their kiss in the woods shot through her, setting her insides afire. Every time she saw him, he grew more and more handsome. She didn’t wish to lose him, not now that she’d just begun to see him in this new way.
“I’m not sure why, but I think ‘twill work,” he said, ignoring her request. “I’ll tell them I’ll catch up to them off our land, I just won’t tell them I’m bringing you.
Kyla snuggled next to Finlay and rested her head on his shoulder. “I don’t want you to leave.”
He reached for her hand. “Why not? Do you not think I’ve shamed my family as others do?”
“Nay, ‘tis a piece of foolishness. My cousins do not believe it. Nor do my brothers. ‘Tis not a reason to leave. Besides, I was hoping…”
“Aye?” He rubbed his thumb across the soft skin on the back of her hand. “What were you hoping?”
“That we could…you and I could…” she stumbled on the words, but she couldn’t allow him to leave, even for a short time, until she knew the truth. Did this mean he had no feelings for her?
“Lass, naught would make me happier than to ask permission for your hand in marriage. I doubt your sire is expecting to wed his firstborn daughter to a lowly warrior.” He caressed her cheek, and she covered his hand with her own.
“But I could speak with my sire. You don’t understand. My grandmama wanted us all to choose our own husbands. Aunt Brenna speaks of it frequently.”
“Does your sire feel I shamed the clan by leaving when my mother was so close to death?”
“Nay.” She dropped her hand.
“Have you asked him?” His hand fell to his side.
“Nay, but I’m sure he wouldn’t feel that way. Uncle Brodie doesn’t.”
“But you don’t know for certes.”
“Finlay, please don’t go. I’d like to get to know you better. Visit with your uncle, but don’t stay away for long. We need you here.”
“‘Tis funny,” he said softly, “my only goal in life was to be a braw warrior for the Grants, the fighters known as the strongest in all the land, but now that I am, I feel as though I am missing something. I don’t intend to stay away forever, Kyla, but mayhap a little time is what I need. I’ll make it a short visit.”
“I know what your trouble is, and you’ll not find the solution in Edinburgh. You’re missing your mother. ‘Tis what I would feel. Give yourself time to adjust to the loss. She was a dear woman to all of us.”
“You may be right. I’ll not argue with you on that point.” He leaned over and gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.
She reached up and pulled him closer, kissing him with an abandon she’d never felt before. He teased her lips with his tongue and she parted her lips, mating her tongue with his. He wrapped his hands around her waist, lifted her and settled her onto his lap, slanting his mouth over hers, tasting her, tantalizing her until she wished to scream with delight.
She was not about to let him go. His tongue stroked hers until she wanted to cry out, and she gave back everything she could. His hands gripped her arms and pulled her so close that every part of their bodies melded together, her breasts pressing against his chest in a rhythm that fueled her need. Where did they go from here? How she wished she knew.
He ended the kiss, cupped her cheeks, then kissed her nose before he pulled back, his breathing as ragged as her own. “Lass, you torture me, but we have to stop.”
“Why?”
“We’re in a place where anyone could discover us.” His hand moved to the back of her neck, caressing her until her entire spine tingled.
Moving to get up, she pushed against him, but he pulled her closer. “Stay. I like you exactly where you are—here in my arms.”
She nestled her head into the crook of his shoulder, feeling the joy of being close to him, feeling also his pain and all he’d been through. “I’m sorry about your mother. I hope my arrival did not interrupt your thoughts.” One of his hands settled on her hip, making small circles that she found quite soothing.
“I appreciate your words. I didn’t expect…rather…I…I never understood.”
Confused, she decided to push him a bit. “Understood what?”
“After your sire’s injury, you had the appearance of someone who was lost. ‘Twas as though you’d become a different person. I had no idea losing someone could affect a person so profoundly. Now I do.”
“I couldn’t bear to lose either of my parents,” Kyla said softly. “My heart breaks for you. My father came so close… When they still weren’t sure he would make it, I couldn’t sleep at night. I kept thinking about Papa. Every time he led his warriors out, I would watch from the parapets because ‘tis his favorite spot. He used to bring me there when I was lassie. He’d lift me into his arms so I could see over all of Grant land. His pride became my pride. Losing him is inconceivable.”
“Your father is larger than life itself. He is an inspiration to us all. The Grant clan will be devastated when he goes.”
“He’s my papa, and ‘tis the way I prefer to think of him. You lost your mama, the one who loved you without question, the one who always supported you.”
“I…I never thought it would be so difficult,” he said, still stroking her hip. “She’s been declining for almost two years. I thought I’d have enough time to accept it when she passed, yet it feels as painful as if it had been a complete surprise.”
“Do you wish you’d been here when she passed?”
He paused before answering. “Nay,” he finally said. “I’m glad I was not. I don’t wish to have that image of her taking her last breaths. My brother was upset that I wasn’t here, but I think ‘twas best for me.”
She sat up to gaze into his eyes. “I’m sure your mama would understand.”
He tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear and then rubbed her cheek with his thumb. “My mother told me to go with Jamie. Brenna and Jennie had told me that she could pass any day, and I planned to stay home, but my mother insisted. She would not have it any other way. I foolishly thought she would wait until I came home, that she had some control over when she died.”
“Oh, Finlay.” She kissed his lips, then his cheek.
“A black crow flew in front of me on the way home, and I knew…I just knew.”
“Aunt Jennie believes the dying do have some control over when they go.”
“Then I feel worse.”
“Nay, I think ‘tis better.”
“Why?”
She stared up at the stars. “Aunt Jennie would tell you that your mother knows your heart because you are her son…and that she knew ‘twould have been too difficult for you to watch her go. Does that make sense to you?”
He thought for a moment, squeezing her hand tightly. “Mayhap. I’m not sure.”
“This will sound silly to you, but I would want to be with my mother when she goes, but I could not handle being with my father.”
“Nay?”
“Nay.” Her eyes misted at the thought. “The sight of my sire who’s always been so strong brought so low…I would throw myself on him and scream and cry.” Then she laughed at the thought of how her sire would react to such thing. He’d open one eye at her, and then… “And then he would tell me to stop it.”
She scowled and whispered, “Nay, he would say, ‘Stop it, lassie.’ And then I would cry harder. I love it when he calls me his lassie.”
The sound of guards yelling in the distance brought them out of their quiet interlude. Finlay set her on the ground in front of him, kissed her cheek, and said, “My thanks. You helped me more than you know. Do you still wish to leave on the morrow?”
“Aye.” Kyla squared her shoulders and sighed. “I cannot sleep knowing something could have happened to Davina and that wee bairn. If we wait, they could both be killed and it would be on my conscience.”
“For certes, you’ll not go alone. I’ll meet you on the path just past the loch when the sun is high. Bring your satchel. I’ll have a horse for you.”
What had she done?