Twenty-Seven
Dr: How have you been getting on?
Patient X: I finished the letter I’ve been working on all month and you were right. It was cathartic to put my thoughts and frustration into words and write to her, even though she’ll never read the letter.
Dr: The main thing is that you’ve now fully opened yourself up. You’ve voiced what it is that’s been troubling you all these months. The dreams might desist.
Patient X: I haven’t had a bad dream this week.
Dr: I’m pleased to hear it. Maybe you’re also coming to terms with the fact that your dreams, no matter how frightening or powerful they seem, are merely figments of your imagination. By letting your emotions escape through words, you are finding another outlet.
Patient X: Yes. I understand that now. I want to tell you something else. I hired a private investigator to track down my mother.
Dr: Don’t have too high an expectation of that happening.
Patient X: Oh, he’ll find her. He’s very good.
Dr: What do you hope to achieve by locating her?
Patient X: I want to read her my letter.
Dr: That wasn’t what we agreed. You were supposed to write the letter and then burn it, allowing the words, along with your anger and fears, to evaporate with the smoke. We worked on that image so you would experience the maximum release at the moment of setting fire to the paper.
Patient X: I did as you instructed but as pieces of charred paper curled and fell into the ashtray, I experienced a fresh episode – one far more powerful than all the others. I recognised the significance of the image.
Dr: What image are you referring to?
Patient X: Blood. It smelt so… wholesome.
Dr: Wholesome. That’s an interesting choice of adjective. Tell me more about this episode.
Patient X: Blood poured from her wounds like a glorious crimson fountain. I wanted to lick it, taste it, bathe in it.
Dr: You mentioned blood before during our last session, when you told me about the angel of death.
Patient X: Oh, I wasn’t being serious then. I was messing with you, testing your gullibility to see if you believed everything I tell you. This is different. It happened.
Dr: There’s a possibility that the conversation we had about the blood actually caused you to dream about it.
Patient X: I disagree.
Dr: Was the woman in the vision your mother?
Patient X: No.
Dr: Describe her for me.
Patient X: A young woman in her twenties with long, chestnut-brown hair that shimmers in the light, and large brown eyes that stare at me in terror and wonder at the same time.
Dr: What happens in the dream?
Patient X: She’s sitting on a settee next to her son. She spots me watching her and she tightens her hold on the young boy’s hand. He has dark hair like his mother’s, and gentle eyes. He needs to be freed. I can free him but first I must kill her. I approach her. My smile is friendly. She visibly relaxes. I am not threatening as she first thought. She is naturally suspicious of strangers. She has no chance to react. I lift the lamp and smash it against her face, shattering her cheek. I raise it once more and bring it down onto her again and again, until she stops moving, and then I look at the boy. His mouth is a perfect ‘o’. I put a finger to my lips. ‘It’s okay,’ I whisper. ‘I’m going to free you.’ Large wet tears roll down his face and he cowers in the corner of the settee, snivelling. He rolls into a ball. I am merciful. I lift him from the settee and carry him to the next room, where I leave him with the door shut, so he doesn’t have to look at her any more. I return and I smell the blood. It’s pure and spectacular. I want to touch it. I stretch my forefinger towards it but I regain consciousness and the last image I see is a pool of blood.
Dr: Would you like me to interpret it for you?
Patient X: Not really. I understand its significance. What are your thoughts about it, especially the blood?
Dr: Well, blood represents force, vitality and life energy, but dreams about it can’t be easily interpreted. Much depends on the patient.
Patient X: I read if someone dreams of blood they might be going to meet a relative.
Dr: If what you are truly hoping for is to meet your mother, it would explain the pleasure at seeing so much blood in your dream, and the desire to touch it.
Patient X: I could read that explanation in any dream interpretation book and reach similar conclusions. You’re not really telling me anything new and I’m doing all the work here, during these sessions, these expensive sessions. I tell you everything about my episodes.
Dr: I still believe we are making progress. You’ve already arrived at these conclusions alone, without my assistance. My objective is to help you reach a platform of self-awareness so these dreams no longer cause you fear or confusion and you can comprehend the reasons behind their manifestation. You worked out the significance of the blood in this latest episode without my input. That is a step forward. You think this dream has manifested itself from a deep desire to find your mother. I can give you many other explanations regarding the significance of dreaming about blood but that would only cloud the issue. There are religious connotations, of course, and a dreamer often dreams of blood when they are experiencing emotional stress.
Patient X: And you think I am merely suffering emotional stress, Doctor? I wanted to smell the blood, Doctor. I wanted to put my finger in it and paint with it. The urge to do so was overwhelming. I craved that feeling. Does that sound like emotional stress to you?
Dr: I think we’re crossing a line here. We’ve been discussing dreams the last few months. Are you trying to tell me you want to act out the scenes in them?
Patient X: Dreams are dreams, aren’t they? They’re fantasies and desires made up in my head that explode to life only when I am not awake. I want you to explain why I would feel that way. Why I would want to touch, smell and taste the blood. Tell me, Doctor. Why?