THEY LOCK THE MUSIC ROOM on school vacations. Which would have been fine. I’m not dying to revisit the Morgan and Anna shitshow anytime soon. But then I made the mistake of telling Taylor about Nick’s drum kit—the one he can’t even play—which made Taylor realize that rehearsing in Nick’s basement was her life’s great purpose.
So, now it’s Saturday, and I’m waiting for my ride to Nick’s house. From Garrett, our brand-new keyboardist. Apparently, that’s a thing that’s happening. I’m actually nervous, waiting for him to get here. For one thing, Garrett and I haven’t been alone together since I asked him to prom, but he’s texted me a lot. Definitely more than usual. I guess it’s starting to feel like Garrett’s a question I’ll eventually have to answer. Like there’s an asterisk by his name.
It’s sunny and cool out, so I wait for him on my stoop. I feel pretty antsy. I mean, part of it’s just knowing that Morgan quit the band. Because of me. God knows Anna won’t let me forget that. But how am I supposed to even talk to Morgan, let alone make music with her? What would Abby think of me then?
Before long, Garrett pulls up in his mom’s minivan. He parks and then immediately hops out to open the passenger door.
“Do you not know how to turn off the child locks, or something?” I ask, because I have to give him shit. I have to. He’s Garrett.
“What? Dude. I’m being a gentleman.”
A gentleman. Who calls me dude. I should definitely not be charmed by this. I click my seat belt into place.
“What’s in the envelope?” He glances at my lap.
“It’s a drawing, for Taylor’s birthday.”
“I didn’t know it was Taylor’s birthday,” he says.
I mean, you have to admire Taylor. She knows exactly what she wants, and she just makes it happen. I don’t know what her deal is with Nick, but clearly, his house is where she wants to spend her birthday. And boom. Here we are.
“So, Morgan really quit the band, huh?” Garrett asks after a moment.
“Yup.”
“Weird. I wonder why.”
“I know why. It’s because she doesn’t want to deal with me.”
“How could anyone not want to deal with you, Burke?” He pokes my arm, and my stomach sort of lurches. Like, how do I even respond to that?
“She didn’t like being called out,” I say finally.
He stops at a red. “You mean about the Abby thing?”
“It’s not about Abby. It’s about Morgan being racist.”
“You think she’s racist?”
“You were there.”
“I mean, she shouldn’t have said that, but don’t you think she’s just bitter? She’d just gotten rejected.”
I whip my head toward him. “Yeah, you don’t even get it.”
“Okay.” He tilts his hands up. “Explain it to me.”
“I mean, Morgan one hundred percent implied that Abby got into Georgia because she’s black.”
“Right. And obviously she’s wrong about that.”
“She’s super wrong.” I clasp my hands. “You know Abby got a perfect score on the SAT reading, right? And she makes straight As.”
“Really?”
“Yup, the only reason she’s not in the top ten is because she transferred, and the classes from her old school aren’t weighted the same.”
“That’s fucked up.”
“And look at what she does for extracurriculars. God. But Morgan’s going to say she didn’t deserve Georgia? Fuck that.”
For a moment, Garrett doesn’t speak—he just turns onto Nick’s street. Simon and Nick’s neighborhood looks like a storybook illustration, with its carefully mowed lawns, painted shutters, and buds on all the dogwoods. He pulls up along the curb by Nick’s house and turns off the ignition.
“So, has anyone ever told you that you cuss a lot?” he says finally.
“Oh, fuck you.” But the corners of my lips twitch upward.
“Look. You’re right. Morgan was an asshole,” he says. Then he turns to face me, head-on. “How do you know so much about Suso?”
“What? I don’t.” My heart leaps into my throat.
Garrett looks at me strangely. “Okay.”
We hop out of the car, and there’s Taylor, sitting on the stoop next to two guitar cases. “Hey, birthday girl,” I call out, walking toward her. She flashes me an electric-bright smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
I settle in beside her, punching her softly in the arm. “You okay?”
“Of course!” She nods. “Hey, have y’all heard from Nick?”
“Well, no, but, uh. We’re at his house.”
“Right.” Taylor nods. “But, like . . . no one’s home?”
“Maybe his parents are at a workshop?” I mean, they’re doctors. It happens.
“Oh, totally,” Taylor says, looking unconvinced. “But Nick should be here. We just texted this morning.”
“Weird,” Garrett says.
“Do you think he’s okay?”
“I’m sure he’s in the basement playing video games.” I shrug. “He probably didn’t hear you knock.”
“Maybe.” Taylor tilts her head. “Anna and Nora are checking down there now.”
“Or he’s passed out, asleep. He’s fine.”
Taylor nods and twists a strand of hair around her finger. Moments later, Nora and Anna tromp up the path from the backyard. “Basement’s locked,” Anna says. “What do you want to do? Should we just take a rain check?” She looks from Garrett to Taylor to me.
“I don’t know,” Taylor says.
“I could text him,” Garrett adds.
Taylor sighs. “We’ve been texting him all morning, and we’ve called. He’s not answering. It’s just so weird.”
“He’s fine. I’m sure he’ll text us later,” Garrett says. “Burke, why don’t we grab some lunch?”
“Let’s just wait another few minutes,” Taylor begins, but then her voice falls away. Because, suddenly, Nick’s car is in the driveway, the garage door rumbling open. Taylor’s whole face lights up. But he doesn’t drive in or get out or anything. He just sits there, frozen, like he’s in a trance.
So I stand. “I’ll go talk to him.”
I jog over to his car. It’s like he doesn’t even see me approach. I knock on the window, and he slowly rolls it down. “Hey,” he says dully. His eyes are red-rimmed and wet.
“Holy shit. Are you okay?”
He shrugs, staring straight ahead.
“Nick?”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
Okay, I’m slightly freaked out. Maybe a little more than slightly. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nick like this. I mean, I’ve definitely never seen him cry. Truthfully, I never know how to act in these moments. I don’t have the instincts for it. Like, I literally can’t tell if he wants me to go away or if he wants me to bust into his car with a bear hug. So I split the difference and just sort of . . . hover. “You don’t have to talk about it.”
He sighs and buries his face in his hands. “Why are they all here?” he asks, voice muffled.
“For rehearsal . . .”
He doesn’t respond.
“For Emoji? The band?”
“Fuck,” he says finally.
“Bad time?”
He peeks up at me. “Yeah.”
“I’ll deal with everyone. Just head inside.” I swallow. “Seriously, are you okay?”
“I don’t know. I just . . . want to be alone.” He sighs. “Anyway. Thanks.”
“No problem.” I pause. Then, before I can overthink it, I stick my hand into the open window and ruffle Nick’s hair. Because I’m that awkward. But he smiles a little, so it’s worth it.
He slides the window up again as soon as I step back. Then he drives straight into the garage, turns his car off, and shuts the garage door without looking back.
I walk back to the stoop, and Taylor leaps up right away. “What happened? Is he okay?”
“He’ll be fine.” I bite my lip. “He said he wants to be alone, though.”
“Oh.” Taylor looks crestfallen.
Anna shrugs. “Works for me.”
Garrett jangles his car keys. “You ready, Burke?”
But Nora presses a hand to my arm. “Wait. Simon says he’ll kill me if I don’t bring you back to our house.” She holds her phone up. “He says it’s an emergency.”
I freeze. “An emergency?”
“I’m sure it’s not an emergency emergency. He’s just being Simon.”
I nod—but now I’m thinking about Nick’s shiny red eyes. There’s this clammy feeling in my chest—which is just how it felt when my dad left, right before my mom broke the news. It’s like my body knew first. So maybe it really is an emergency. Maybe something really bad happened.
I follow Nora up the road, leaving Garrett visibly deflated. But I can’t worry about Garrett right now. I almost ask Nora if I should run back, just for a minute. Just to check on Nick. But then I think of how quickly he shut that garage door. And he did say he wanted to be alone. I don’t want to bust in on his alone time.
God. This whole friendship thing. You’d think I’d have a handle on it by now.
Simon’s in his driveway waiting for us, perched on the hood of his car. He slides down as soon as he sees me. “Thank God you’re here.” He hugs me tightly. “Ugh. Leah. Everything’s the worst.”
My heart thuds. “What happened?”
“Hop in.” Already, he’s opening the driver side door. Nora lingers, looking concerned.
Simon waves her off. “I’ll fill you in later.” Nora rolls her eyes.
I slide into the passenger seat. “What’s going on?” My stomach twists nervously as I turn toward Simon. “Si, you look like you’re going to cry.”
“I might.” He sighs and turns the car on. “Did Nick tell you?”
“Tell me what?”
“Abby broke up with him.”
The whole world seems to pause.
“Abby broke up with Nick?”
He nods, slowly, and backs out of the driveway.
“When?”
“This morning. Like thirty minutes ago. I just got off the phone with her.”
“Holy shit.”
“Yeah.” He sighs faintly.
And for a moment, I’m silent. Sometimes, I swear there’s a little knob beside my heart. It’s as if someone reached in and dialed it ever so slightly to the right, one notch faster.
“Okay,” I say finally. “Wow. Do you know why?”
“I mean, sort of,” says Simon. “I haven’t talked to Nick yet, but going by what Abby said, she just didn’t want to be in a long-distance relationship.”
I pause. “Right.”
“Which—I’m sorry, but that’s ridiculous, right?” Simon says hoarsely. “Like, seriously? You’re not even going to give it a shot? It’s like, hey, look, I’ve got this amazing relationship, but it’s a tiny bit inconvenient, so let’s just end it.” He turns onto Mount Vernon Highway, lips pressed tightly together.
I turn toward the window, my heart in my throat. “Maybe it’s not an amazing relationship,” I say.
“What? It’s Abby and Nick.”
“Okay.”
“They’re like a legend. They’re perfect.” He sniffs. “They’re OTP.”
“But they’re not,” I say softly. And maybe this is out of left field, but I find myself thinking about Taylor. About the way Nick and Taylor were maybe, definitely flirting at Martin’s cast party. About Taylor’s new obsession with Nick joining the band. Maybe something’s actually been going on. Except—I don’t know. I don’t think Nick would cheat. And especially not on Abby. God. He’s so moony-eyed for her. I’ll never forget the way he looked the first few weeks they were dating. He had that particular kind of nerdy-boy swagger, that back-and-forth between braggadocio and wonder.
“And of course it’s right before prom.”
“Yikes.”
Simon shakes his head. “What are we going to do?”
“Well, how did they leave things?”
“I mean, Abby’s like, oh, it’s amicable, we’re still friends, et cetera, you know,” Simon says. “But Nick? I don’t know.”
“He . . . uh . . . didn’t look happy,” I say.
“Do you think I should call him?” Simon exhales. “Actually, maybe I’ll just drop you off and head over there.”
“That works.”
“This is going to be fine.” He nods quickly, like he almost believes it. Then he glances at me. “But I need a tiny favor.”
“How tiny?”
“Okay, not that tiny. You have to talk to Abby.”
My stomach twists. “What?”
“You guys are leaving on Monday, right?”
I nod slowly.
“Leah, you have to talk to her. This is just—I don’t know.” He shakes his head. “Like, I’m not trying to get in the middle, but this is just unnecessary, right? There’s literally no reason for them to break up right now. Abby’s just assuming it’s not going to work.” He turns onto my street, gripping the steering wheel hard. “Why can’t they just try it out and see how it goes?”
“Simon, we don’t get to decide that for them.”
“I know that.”
“Okay.”
Simon pulls into my driveway, and then puts the car in park. “I’m just saying you could talk to her,” he says, after a moment. “I bet she’d listen to you.”
“Pshh.”
“Seriously, she, like, super respects you. Though she’s sort of intimidated by you.”
I narrow my eyes. “Why?”
“I don’t know. Because you’re intimidating?” I shove him, and he smiles. “For real, though. She just thinks you’re really cool, like with the band and everything. So I think she’d listen to you.”
“That’s not . . .” I trail off, blushing.
“Just talk to her, okay?” Simon leans back in his seat, rolling his head toward me. “Just—maybe you could remind her how awesome Nick is, and how great they are together. And then I’ll work on Nick, and we can keep each other posted?”
“Yeah, I really don’t think we should be meddling in this.”
“This isn’t meddling! We’re just looking out for our friends. You want them to be together, right?”
The question hits me like a punch—I feel my whole body clench around it. I mean, obviously I want them to be together. I want them to be happy. I don’t want any tables flipped at prom. But the thought of bringing the topic up with Abby makes me gag.
“Please. Just talk to her.”
“I’ll try,” I say softly. I look everywhere but his eyes.