Classic jazz piped through the tasting room, setting an appropriately sophisticated mood for the well-heeled group that descended on the winery late Saturday afternoon. Of course, I couldn’t hear the music above the din of chatter, but it was good to be busy. It was mid-June, which meant tourist season was in full swing. And of course, wedding season too. It wasn’t unusual to have multiple busloads of funsters celebrating a bachelor or bachelorette party make Conrad Winery one of their stops. In a way, sing-alongs at a winery were a sophisticated version of karaoke night at a dive bar. Silly but fun.

The trick was trying to keep it fresh so I didn’t bore regulars with the same tired songs.

“What about ‘Mama Mia’?” I asked Ryan as he opened a bottle of Pinot.

“You did that last Saturday. Not that anyone would notice but you rarely repeat two weekends in a row,” he replied before turning to pour the next sample of wine on the flight for the five women celebrating a fiftieth birthday party.

“True. I’ll keep thinking.”

I would have asked them to chime in, but they were obviously a few wineries into their afternoon. I’d have a hard time getting away if I got too friendly. I prepared a new setting at the bar with four wineglasses and flight menus in front of each then signaled for one of our new interns to take care of the couple who pounced on the opening. Then I made my way to the far end of the bar where Nick had jumped in to help pour wine for a His and His bachelor party.

“How are you doing?”

Nick laughed at something one of his customers said then turned to me with a wide-eyed pleading look. “This is my last group. I can’t fake-smile anymore. It hurts, and the guy on the end is flirting with me big time.”

“Poor Nicky. Do you want me to take over?” I offered, patting his back.

“No. I poured the last wine on the menu. I think they’re almost done. Wes disappeared to change his shirt and oh, there he is. He found your boyfriend.” Nick tilted his chin and smiled as Wes and Levi approached. “Be sure to compliment Wes’s T-shirt. I told him to try a smaller size to show off his pecs and damn, he looks hot!”

I paused to check out Wes’s standard black issue Conrad Winery T-shirt but my gaze homed in immediately on Levi. His hair was sun-streaked and longer than usual, and blue was definitely his color, I mused, admiring the pull of fabric over his toned biceps.

“We don’t use that title,” I said imperiously then swallowed hard.

Nick rolled his eyes then stepped forward to inspect Wes’s tee and greet Levi with a fist bump.

Levi leaned across the bar. “Hey, sexy. What time will you be done?”

I grinned, meeting him halfway and clandestinely sliding my pinky finger along his. “No idea. It’s been nonstop all day. The doors will close at six, but it may take some time to prep for tomorrow. Did we have plans?”

“Not official ones, but our new manager had an idea to take our new hires out for a round of pizza and miniature golf as a sort of team-building thing. You in?”

I fixed him with a blank stare and didn’t blink until he burst into laughter. “I appreciate your polite yet completely unnecessary invitation. Hard pass.”

“What’s a hard pass?” Wes asked as he slid behind the bar. He picked up a towel and wiped down the section of the bar next to Nick’s party as they stood to leave.

“Miniature golf,” Levi said.

Wes snickered. “I’d pay good money to see Geordie wielding a golf club.”

I straightened and gave them both a perturbed look. “I could certainly do it. But not tonight. I don’t feel like people-ing. I have one last song in me before I shut it down for the night. What time is it?”

“Five o’clock. Hey, can I talk to you privately for a second?” Levi asked.

I narrowed my gaze but nodded and signaled to Wes that I was stepping aside. I motioned for Levi to follow me through the archway and into a wine storage area. On a busy Saturday in June, it was probably the only quiet spot in the winery.

“What is it?”

Levi pushed his hand through his hair and massaged his neck. The gesture made me think I wouldn’t like whatever he was about to say. “It’s not a big deal, but I wanted you to know Rico asked me to hire Kevin through the summer, effective ASAP. He says he could use his help getting the kitchen up and running and…”

“And you said?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.”

“We’re just a few weeks away, and we need all the experienced manpower we can get.”

“It’s a good idea,” I said evenly.

“Really?”

“Hmph. You didn’t think I’d be jealous, did you?”

Levi smirked. “You? Of course not. I just wanted to give you a heads up, so you’d know why Kevin is around more often. That’s all.”

“Excellent. It’s always good to know that your lover and his ex are fraternizing. I appreciate the warning. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m rather busy.”

“You’re kinda cute when you’re jealous,” Levi singsonged, pinching my cheek.

I batted his hand away. “I am not jealous, and I am not cute. I’m peripherally perplexed. That’s all.”

Levi sighed irritably. “Geordie…”

“It’s fine, Levi. I’m fine. Don’t worry,” I said in a tone that conveyed the opposite. I wasn’t fine at all.

“Come with us tonight. Miniature golf is fun. You’ll like it, baby.”

“Perhaps next time.”

I headed for the door but stopped in my tracks when he spoke again.

“Then let me tell them about us.”

I furrowed my brow as I turned to face him. “Why?”

“Why not?” he retorted. “It would make everything easier. Everyone here knows, and everyone at the restaurant probably suspects.”

He was right. We couldn’t keep our hands to ourselves. We stood too close, touched too often, and spent more time together than average “business partners.” Hell, we even scooted around town on a Vespa together. I had a déjà vu moment of the night Levi said he hadn’t figured out how to embrace his gay self. He had to know that I was the ultimate “rainbow calling card.” So yes, I doubted we were fooling anyone.

But labels frightened me. The ones I liked best connoted a permanence I wasn’t sure I’d ever be able to embrace again.

“Levi, I’m not—”

“Shh. It’s okay. This isn’t a good time. I didn’t mean to back you into a corner. I just didn’t want you to be blindsided by Kevin…on the off chance you did feel…” He shrugged awkwardly before adding, “…j-word.”

I smiled. “J-word, eh? Thank you. That was considerate of you.”

“We should head out before anyone comes looking for us,” he said, backing me against the door and nuzzling my neck.

When he reached for the doorknob, I threw my arms over his shoulders and drew him close. “You’re a good man, Levi, my love. And possibly the most patient person I’ve ever met.”

“Not always, but…” He caressed my cheek and set his thumb over my bottom lip. “You’re worth it. C’mon.”

When we walked back into the tasting room, I made a quick tour of the lounge area, greeting my guests like a proper host should before I rejoined Wes and Nick at the bar. And the newcomers.

“Hey, Geordie. Are you ready to go? We need you,” Rico enthused, clapping Levi on the back.

“I think you’ll do fine without me. Hello Kevin,” I said with what I hoped passed as a friendly smile. “Levi was just telling me you’ve agreed to stay on to open La Vid. That’s wonderful.”

“I’m happy to help.” Kevin grinned then shot an adoring glance at Levi. It was one of those unintentional looks that people with a shared history gave each other. Familiar and exclusive. And useless emotion or not, I was slightly j-word of the connection.

In less than five seconds, my imagination went wild picturing them as a couple. They’d been together for three years. That was a significant amount of time. Sure, it wasn’t unheard of to remain friends and even have a close relationship with an ex, but it wasn’t something I’d ever done. I didn’t trust the uncertainty. Don’t get me wrong, I trusted Levi and Kevin hadn’t made any blatant overtures, but I was an expert at reading people. And I knew exactly what Kevin wanted.

This was one of those typical situations where no one showed their cards. He must have suspected Levi and I were lovers after he saw Levi kiss me on the scooter, but I didn’t get the impression he considered me to be a real threat. He was always charming and deferential toward me, the way one might be with someone they admired. And I just couldn’t get excited about being my lover’s ex’s elder gay mentor.

We stood in a circle, engaged in idle conversation about additions to the menu they’d worked on that day and how the new staff seemed to be getting along. Wes, Nick, and I were behind the bar and Rico, Kevin, and Levi stood on the opposite side while the tasting room buzzed around us with the clink of wineglasses and constant chatter.

“Sounds like you’re almost ready to open,” Nick commented.

“Yeah, I think we’re going to move the grand opening just to be sure. That way we’ll have a month to prepare. I was going to talk to you about sending out invitations, Geord,” Levi said.

“All right. What’s the new date?”

“July 14th.”

Oh.

Fuck.

I couldn’t acknowledge with words, so I nodded while Wes froze beside me.

July 14th. Bastille Day. I could hear Mike clearly, “We’ll have a party…blue, red and white and…”

But Levi didn’t know anything about the infamous party that never was, and I’d give anything not to talk about it.

“We could do the 7th, but I didn’t want to force it or compete with Independence Day weekend,” Levi continued, ripping me from my reverie.

“Y-yes.” I bit the inside of my mouth hard and added, “Good thinking.”

“Let’s save this discussion for later. We’re supposed to meet the crew by five thirty. Can I convince you to change your mind, Geordie? I need a partner. Levi and Kevin against you and me. What do you think?” Rico asked, rubbing his hands together as though preparing for some serious miniature golf showdown.

“No, thanks. Have fun, gentlemen.” I flashed a tight smile and waved as Rico and Kevin headed for the door. Then I turned to Levi. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Levi leaned across the bar and motioned for me to come closer. When I obeyed, he put his hand over mine and squeezed. “I won’t be late. I’ll come by after.”

I almost told him not to bother, but I didn’t feel like arguing. My mind was racing and if I didn’t have a full tasting room, I would have been looking for the nearest exit. So I inclined my head and watched him walk away.

Wes tugged my elbow and then asked Nick to help the young couple who’d sat down at the end of the bar. Nick shot him a beleaguered look and whispered something that sounded like, “You owe me big time” as Wes pulled me through the arched doorway leading toward our offices.

I shook his hand away and scowled. “I’m fine, Wes.”

“You need to let him know, Geord.”

My throat felt tight suddenly. It was strange because I didn’t feel sad. Not the way I once did. But I couldn’t say I felt better either. I was agitated, anxious, and extremely aware of my emotional fragility.

“Maybe it doesn’t matter.”

“Of course it matters. That guy adores you. He wouldn’t hurt you if he could help it. He deserves to know,” Wes insisted.

I pursed my lips to keep them from trembling and nodded in acquiescence. “You’re right.”

“And one more thing. You should tell him everything. Tell him about the missed doctor appointment too.”

My breath hitched audibly. “Why would I do that?”

He squeezed my shoulder in a show of support. “Because I think that part is almost as important as the date. And on the off chance Marshall shows up at the opening—”

“He won’t. He’ll be pissed if he doesn’t get an invitation, but he won’t come. He hates me.”

“Whatever Marshall thinks isn’t important. But it might be helpful if Levi knows. Just…think about it.”

I frowned. I didn’t want to think about it. Or talk about it. Hadn’t I earned the right to silence? Sure, I’d learned with Mike that communication was the key ingredient to a successful relationship. And I never backed down from uncomfortable discussions or avoided confrontation. However, this felt big because there was a story attached, and Levi would want to know what happened and how and what and why and…I’d crack. And he’d try to put me together again instead of thinking about himself and his future.

When my doorbell rang later that evening, I hit Pause on the movie I’d been watching and pushed away from my perch in front of the coffee table on my living room floor to answer it. God, he was lovely. His signature slow-growing, sexy smile took my breath away. I reached out to touch his dimple and then sealed my mouth over his. Levi pulled me against him then spun me in a circle in the foyer. He walked me backward into the great room without breaking the kiss until we both needed air. Then he pecked my nose and released me.

“Miss me?” Levi asked.

“Terribly. I’m doing a puzzle with a glass of Grigio and watching my favorite movie, so it hasn’t been all drab.”

“What’s your favorite movie?” He glanced up at the flat-screen and studied the frozen picture for a hint.

“Breakfast at Tiffany’s. It’s pretty much my life story…except for the plot,” I said, leading him to the cream-colored sectional in the living area.

“So it’s nothing like your life at all, eh?” He flopped down next to me and pulled my legs over his lap while I pushed Play.

“That’s right. I always wanted to be the gay version of Holly Golightly. Carefree, sophisticated, elegant, and fun at a party. I have a healthy obsession for romantic comedies from the sixties. The Apartment, Charade…oh, and the musicals like My Fair Lady and Funny Girl. I could watch them over and over. And I do.” I laughed, gesturing toward the television before reaching for my wineglass. “What’s your favorite film?”

“Um…I like action movies. Mad Max, the Die Hard movies…that kind of thing. Can I have a sip?”

I handed over my glass and frowned. “We have nothing in common.”

Levi chuckled then sipped my wine and rested the glass on my knee. “Maybe not on paper, but we seem to do just fine.”

“I’ve never had anything in common with any man I’ve been with in the past. I wonder what that says about me.” I knit my brow and turned to watch Audrey Hepburn playing a guitar on the balcony.

“Let’s think this through. We like to cook,” he offered.

“Correction. I like to cook, you like to chop.”

“Fair enough. We both like music.”

“But different types. I like jazz and musicals and you like rock and roll.”

“Also true. Oh, I’ve got one. Sex. We both like sex,” he said matter-of-factly.

I chuckled at his delivery then weasled the wineglass from his fingers and raised it in a toast.

“Touché.” I waited a beat before speaking again. “I hate to ask this, but I’m morbidly curious about your ex now that he’s made another appearance, agreed to stay, and finagled a date with you. Did you have a lot in common with our crafty Kevin when you were a dynamic duo?”

Levi rolled his eyes. “No. Kevin hasn’t said so in words, but I’m sure he took Rico’s offer ’cause he felt guilty for leaving me in the lurch. He doesn’t want a second chance.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure,” I muttered.

“And tonight wasn’t a date, drama queen. We were golfing with ten other people. We’re only friends.”

“Of course and that’s a good thing. But I still say he’s crafty.”

He snorted in amusement. “You’re giving him too much credit, babe.”

“Perhaps. I like him, you know. He’s adorable and he’s smart. I’ve loved his culinary ideas so far. No hard feelings whatsoever, I promise you. But…he doesn’t seem your type any more than I do.”

Levi scoffed. “What is my type?”

I waved dismissively. “I don’t know. Hunky, sporty, outdoorsy?”

“And here I am with you,” he retorted, plucking the glass from my fingers and lifting it to his lips.

“It is a mystery. What did you have in common with him?”

Levi let out an annoyed sigh, indicating he was peeved I wouldn’t drop it. “This is going to sound terrible, but I liked that he was in the closet. The truth is, if he’d been out, I would never have pursued him.” Levi’s smile went nowhere near his eyes. It was flat and almost cold.

“But you said you broke up because you wanted to come out and he wasn’t ready.”

“That’s right.”

“What changed? How did you go from faux hetero to happy homo?” I asked.

“There wasn’t any major event. It was more a matter of gradual suffocation. My life was so structured when I played baseball. I lived like a monk. I was uber careful not to do anything stupid. I thought I’d come out right away when I moved to Los Angeles, but it wasn’t that simple. I couldn’t shake the fear associated with being different. It was too ingrained in me for too long. I was afraid I’d lose my job or that the kids wouldn’t respect me. I was paralyzed. I couldn’t say the words, and I felt too uncomfortable to be seen in places where people might actually think I was gay.”

“You mean like gay bars?”

“Yeah. So meeting Kevin by chance at a coffee shop was perfect. For a while, we had our hidden gayness in common.”

“He appears to have come out of his shell,” I commented. “He had a touch of guyliner on this afternoon. Flawless application too. I was impressed.”

Levi shrugged. “Good for him. I hope he meets someone new who appreciates him. He’s a nice person, and he deserves to be happy. Any other questions?”

“Yes. Did he like baseball?”

Levi grinned then shook his head like he was on to me and thought I was somewhere between silly and annoying. “No. He liked Die Hard though, but I think that’s ’cause he had a crush on Bruce Willis.”

“I can’t relate. I prefer the more debonair and sophisticated types…like Cary Grant or Gregory Peck.”

“Yet here you are with me,” he quipped, throwing his line back at me.

“You see my point then.”

“No, but I think you’re trying to tell me something.” Levi gave me a thoughtful once-over then pushed my legs off his lap and stood before setting the wineglass on the coffee table. “While you’re thinking about whatever it is, I’ve got an idea. Come with me.”

I picked up the remote to turn the television off but restarted the film instead and fast-forwarded to Audrey Hepburn standing in front of Tiffany’s and pulling a pastry from a bag. I pushed Pause then tossed the remote on the sofa and joined him in the kitchen.

“What are you doing?” I asked.

“You’ll see.” He pulled a broom from the utility closet then handed it to me before grabbing two glasses from the cupboard. He set one on the runner between the sink and the island then went back into the living room and left one on the area rug. Then he slipped his hand into his pocket and presented a golf ball. “Wanna play?”

I chuckled, charmed in spite of myself by his boyish enthusiasm and the mischievous gleam in his eye. “Is this golf?”

“This is me showing you something we have in common. You go first. The object obviously is to put the ball in the cup. The first course tests your putting skills, and the second one tests your long-range skills. The fewer shots it takes, the better. The man who takes the least amount of strokes wins.” Levi winked and smacked my ass. “Good luck, babe.”

“I can’t believe I didn’t notice you had an extra ball in your pocket,” I taunted before skirting the island.

Levi set the ball at the opposite corner of the runner and signaled for me to start. I gripped the broom handle in what I thought was a reasonable facsimile of holding a golf club and almost knocked over the bottle of Pinot Grigio I’d opened earlier.

“Try a different grip. Like one hand over the other,” Levi suggested. “And remember, go nice and easy.”

I did as he said and shook my ass for good luck before taking a swing at the ball. It flew off the narrow rug and bounced off the cupboard door before careening into the next room. “Oh, no. This is hard.”

Levi chased the ball down and brought it back to the start. “Take some heat off that swing. All right, you have two points now. Go.”

“Two? I only hit it once!”

“Yeah, you whiffed the first time.”

“That shouldn’t count,” I insisted.

“It does. And don’t even think about picking it up with your fingers and directly depositing the ball into the cup.”

“What happens then?”

“You’ll be in big trouble,” he said in a mock ominous tone.

I waggled my brow. “That sounds promising.”

“Behave and be a good sport. Go on. You got this.”

I huffed but tried again. Then again. And again. It took me ten attempts to get the ball near the glass and another three to get it inside. I was irritated yet completely consumed. And when I finally did it, I pushed the broom at Levi and then threw my arms in the air and did a victory lap around the kitchen and the living room, whooping and cheering for myself like a loon. Levi doubled over laughing at my antics when I lay flat on the floor and declared myself the winner.

I jumped to my feet, took a bow, and did one last happy dance. “Beat that, Yeager.”

Levi rolled his eyes then moved into position and pulled the broom back then paused. “What do I get if I get a hole in one?”

“Is that a sex joke?”

He snorted in amusement. “No, it’s a serious question. I should get a reward.”

“It took me fourteen attempts, darling. Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Fifteen,” he corrected. “If I get it inside the glass in less than three, I get a prize. Of my choice.”

I smirked. “Okay. Deal.”

Two swings later, success. Levi grinned as he crooked his finger, beckoning me close. I dragged my feet but obeyed.

“Now let me think…” He tapped his chin thoughtfully. “What do I want?”

“If it’s a blowjob, can we at least move into the living room? Hardwood flooring is rough on my knees,” I griped.

Levi chuckled. “Sure. But I’ll collect that prize after I win the next round.”

I folded my arms over my chest and eyed him suspiciously. “Then what do you want now?”

“I want to know what’s on your mind.” When I didn’t respond right away, he caressed my cheek tenderly then prodded. “Well?”

I gulped and tried to think of a way out. He already knew me too well. He wouldn’t let me get away with diverting his attention or pretending I didn’t understand.

“Mike died on July 14th. And every year I’m a bit of a mess, so change the date or don’t change it, but I thought you should know,” I blurted.

“Okay, I’ll change it,” he replied swiftly.

I bit my lips, hoping it would help fight back the sudden sting of tears. “Just like that?”

“Of course. Come here, baby.”

Levi pulled me into his arms and ran his fingers through my hair. I wanted to cry at the sweetness of the gesture. He had such a lovely way of knowing just what to do and what to say. I listened to his heartbeat for a moment and marveled at how amazing it felt to be held by him.

“How do you do this?” I whispered. “I don’t understand. I wish I was more like you.”

Levi kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you’re you, Geord. You’re extraordinary. Strong, resilient, and willing to get your ass kicked in a game of makeshift miniature golf. My kinda guy.”

I buried my head in the crevice between his neck and shoulder and chuckled. “I wasn’t willing, I was tricked. Was that the point of this exercise? To show off your superior skills?”

“No. You said we have nothing in common, but we do. We know how to compromise and we both like a good laugh. If you ask me, we’ve got more going for us than most.” He licked my lips then pushed his tongue inside until I moaned with pleasure. He squeezed my ass as he pulled back then angled his head toward the living area. “By the way, I’m upping the stakes on part two. I want to suck you and then fuck you.”

I laughed at his serious delivery and then sashayed into the next room. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

Levi won in two strokes again, though I supposed I technically forfeited after throwing the broom outside when I failed to put the ball in the glass after seventeen tries. He shook his head then picked me up like a sack of flour and threw me on the sofa. I yelped in surprise and tried to wiggle out of his arms, but it was a waste of energy. He was far too strong. He dove on top of me, tickling my sides as he pushed my pajama bottoms and briefs over my ass. I didn’t stop laughing until he kissed and licked his way down my torso. And when he held my cock at the base and then swallowed as much of me in one go as possible, I sobered quickly and felt every last bit of anxiety fall away.

What began as a funny power play soon gave way to something that felt…significant. He controlled the action from the start. He moved quickly, peeling off his clothes while he issued instructions like “Lay on your back.…Hike your leg over the sofa.…Put your finger in your ass.…Move it for me, baby.” I was trembling with need, lifting my hips, and practically begging him to fuck me before he even rolled a condom on. When he pushed inside me, I would have bet there was no way this would last long. The fever was too hot already. But he immediately changed the tempo and waited until he had my attention before he began to move.

And then he made love to me. With his body, his eyes, his everything. He rolled his hips languidly, coaxing me to arch my back and meet him halfway while he glided his tongue over mine. He was passionate yet unhurried, and in every sigh, stroke, and sweet caress, there was a message. I heard it loud and clear. He loved me. Yes, it frightened me. He knew it would, so he didn’t tell me; he showed me. Hands down my sides, cupping my ass, fingers in my hair, and the gentle brush of his stubbled jaw against mine. He knew my body so well. He brought me to the edge and then held my face, demanding my full attention when my orgasm pulled me under. He came after me, covering my mouth then thrusting inside me over and over again until he was spent.

When we lay together afterward, shaking and sweaty in a tangle of limbs on the sofa, I wondered if he’d say the words aloud. I wondered if I’d say them back. Funny enough, the idea didn’t freak me out. My heart, my mind, my body…everything inside me was calm and I knew it wasn’t the orgasm. It was us.

I stirred in his arms and smiled. Levi smiled in return, and I could have sworn I felt my heart flip in my chest. The sweetness, patience, friendship, and adoration in his gaze humbled me. And made me wonder if it was actually possible to fall in love again.