Chapter 29
Thoughts chased each other through Vaughn's mind. He needed to have this conversation the right way, and he'd already fucked it up right from the beginning, if Mariah's frozen expression was any indication. He wanted a do-over, not just for the conversation but for a lot of crap in his life.
"You're a great woman," he began. Then he mentally face-palmed himself.
"But?" She blinked. "Hey, you can say it. I know how these talks go."
"Damn it. That's not how I meant to say it. It's just... I'm not sure we should be pursuing anything for the future. If there even is a future for us, together."
"All right." Her flat tone almost broke him. Garrison or Kerr would be so much better in this situation. The way she retreated in front of him made him want to wrap her in his arms and never let go.
Where had all of her determined energy gone? He wanted the old Mariah back. The woman who didn't sit with her hands on her lap, staring at the back of the goddamned horse. The woman who had—
His groin tightened. Apparently his cock knew exactly the woman it wanted, too.
He swallowed. "No, you don't get it. I do want us to have a future together. I really want that."
Shaking her head, she murmured, "I don't understand where you're going with this conversation. First we're done, then we have a future. You need to choose."
"You have no idea how much I'm into you, Mariah. If we wouldn't get hypothermia, I'd get us both naked and work you over until we can't tell where one of our bodies starts and the other one stops."
"Wow." The breathiness of her voice flipped his heart over and then stomped on it. "There's still a but in there somewhere."
"Damn." He thumbed his hat up a few inches and peered at her. "I want for you to know some stuff about me first. And my family."
"You're all axe murderers? Run a Ponzi scheme?"
His harsh laugh loosened tight muscles in his chest. "Nope. But there are some things going on."
"Besides the part where you slept with your brother's wife?"
"Possibly slept. And I don't think I truly did, but I can't be sure." He squirmed in the saddle. "Damn it. Anyway, I need to tell you the whole story of my past so you can decide on a future."
She scowled. "So you're already assuming I want to have a future?"
His chest deflated. "Good point. I just assumed, and you know what they say about assuming."
"Sure do. Why don't you start over by being super duper clear?"
Thank God. He collected his pride, wadded it into a virtual ball, and threw it on the snow-covered ground. "Okay, here's what I am saying: I hope that you might one day consider a long-term relationship with a worn-out MMA rancher with a somewhat checkered past."
"You make it sound so enticing." He died while she chewed her lower lip and stared up at the cloudy sky. "Your offer depends. How long are you sticking around?"
"Good question. Honestly, I don't know."
"Even better deal." Only a little twinkle in her green eyes gave away her impish jab. "Fine, I'll consider the new information." Damn, she was good.
"Fair enough. Let's say that one day you want to be in the same zip code as I am. And let's say one day you let me back in your pants." He pressed a fist to the bridge of his nose. "Shit. Forget I said that part."
"Hard to, you know, what with how much fun it is to see you squirming and all."
"Are you making fun of me?"
"It's kind of fun when the mighty Vaughn Taggart flounders."
She thought he was mighty? Well, now, that had some promise.
"Anyway, I have a little mental condition that may impact any relationship."
Her brows drew together. Damn it, with her hair all tucked into the wool beanie, her face was an open book. If he hurt her, he'd know it immediately.
If? He'd already caused her pain.
"Do tell." She pressed her lips into a line.
"Okay, bear with me. It's going to sound strange." At her curt nod, he continued. "Ever since I was a kid, I've had a weird sixth sense about things. Danger, in particular."
"I don't follow."
When the horse jostled under him, he loosened his clenched grip on the reins. "Somehow I can anticipate danger and avoid it."
"I don't understand."
"Not sure how or why, but I can detect danger. Like an odd radar. Something bad comes my way, my brain gets my attention and pushes me out of the way."
"That's kind of weird." She leaned away.
Damn it. "Uh, comes in handy in the MMA fights."
"Sounds like an unfair advantage."
He peered into the woods, searching for any danger. Was that a shadow... or something more? He forced his focus back to Mariah. "Well, yes, it does give me an edge, but that's not the point of the story. In the past week, my power has changed. Instead of protecting myself, my power kind of wants to protect... you."
She tilted her head to the side. "I don't understand."
"Me neither. None of it makes sense. But when Wyatt harassed you in the hospital last week? My power demanded that I go there to keep you safe. When Linc went after you in the ring last night, the power overtook my conscious decision to protect you."
"That is really strange, Vaughn." She rested her gloved hands on the pommel.
"I agree. Recently, the power has started wanting me to stay close to you. Like it has to cover you, even now. Mentally, I'm having trouble telling where danger to you stops and danger to me starts. Or if it's all just paranoia." He sat up straight, even as his body tried to lean toward her. "It's taking over my brain. I'm worried that I might be losing my mind."
"Literally?"
"Yeah."
"I'm sure there are tests, specialists to check things out." Leave it to her to jump to the medical solution.
"Pretty sure that won't help."
Her fine teeth worried her lower lip. "Should I leave you alone, then? For your own mental health?"
"I don't know the answer to that question. I think that you riding away into the sunset without me might make me go crazy."
"But if I stay, you also might lose your mind? Because of how the power is changing your thoughts?"
"Yeah. Kind of... yeah." Damn it, he wished he had good answers for her.
"Well." She straightened in the saddle. "Then it's a mixed blessing that you plan on leaving soon."
"About that." The thudding in his chest increased. Put everything on the table. "It's crossed my mind to change plans."
"Oh?"
"Yeah."
"Because of… us?"
"That was the major reason. But I also realized that I have been running away from mistakes I made in the past. In doing so, I left my family in the lurch."
"Mistakes?"
"I hadn't told you the whole story before. The story with Garrison's ex-wife."
Her sharp intake of breath hurt him more than getting stabbed with a knife.
"You already mentioned that. How come you don't know for sure if you cheated?" she asked.
He folded a hand into a fist on his knee. "I, uh, had some serious problems with alcohol in the past." The words burned sharper than a swig of whiskey.
"Okay."
Swallowing, he said, "The alcohol... it really messed my life up for years. Messed everything up for other people, too. Tommy Brand has booked me in jail for alcohol-related charges more times than I can remember. I've made bad mistakes. That night with Garrison's wife, I was completely shit-faced. All I know is that we woke up together and... she had pictures that she was going to use to blackmail me."
"What did you do?" Mariah's words puffed out a cloud of cold vapor, and she stared at her gloved hands.
"Turned coward and ran." Kneeing his restless horse back to Mariah, he continued, "In some ways, it was a good decision to leave. I got sober—still am. I ran away from the responsibility of the ranch, not that I was really carrying my own weight. Then the MMA took off and, well, it probably saved my life. In New York, I had no past to explain. I now have a financial career that has started to grow."
"That's a hell of a story."
"The worst part? I was so involved in building my new life, far away from the wide spot in the road that is Copper River that I wasn't here when my family needed me. When Dad had his stroke, I wasn't here. I wasn't here when Garrison's son and girlfriend got kidnapped. I wasn't here to protect Shelby when she got hurt."
"How are these things your fault?"
"I'm the oldest brother. It's always my job to protect them."
"Okay, like how I should have protected my brother back in Utah, and how I failed?"
"How could you have prevented that?"
"Exactly. Now you understand why those things are not your fault." She drew in a lungful of air. "No question, you made some mistakes."
He flinched. The neutral tone hurt more than if she called him a bastard for what he'd done.
"And you should have told me about your past before we..."
"Yeah. I know."
"But the things with your family? Not your fault. The thing with your head? You didn't cause that to happen." She glanced to the sky as a tiny flake melted on her pink nose. "So. Let's see if I have the gist of things. You have psychic powers. Okay, that's weird and I don't understand it. The powers are changing and that scares you. Somehow I'm making it worse." Pursing her lips, she said, "So far so good?"
"Yes," he said miserably.
"And you need to take ownership of the mistakes you've made in the past. And let go of the things that aren't your fault." She pinned him with a bold, emerald stare. "That about it?"
"Sort of."
"Wait. There's more?"
He groaned to himself. He had to tell the whole truth. "The Brand family has it in for the Taggarts. Despite anything we do, this damned feud isn't going to stop."
"You mentioned that before. What's that have to do with you and me?"
"I don't want you caught in the crossfire. They have threatened anyone we... care about."
"Anything else I should know?" Spoken like she had already made her decision but wanted to give him more rope to hang himself with, or throw a few more loops on the noose.
"One more." He grabbed his head and curled forward. "Holy fuck." All around him, sound splintered into pieces.
His power flared into overdrive, shoving itself into a protective bubble around Mariah. She flinched and pulled back. The power came on too fast, too strong. He needed to get her away from here. His head was splitting. Too much power. Too much fear. What the hell?
"What is—Oh my God, what's that?" she whispered.