The door to the hospital closes with a whoosh behind me and I wave to Trisha who follows me out of the hospital.
“See you tomorrow. Bright and early,” she says, her face widening into a yawn. “Sorry.” She covers her mouth and shakes her head. Luckily, the light from inside the hospital is bright enough that I can see Trisha’s face.
“I’ll be here,” I sign, mouthing the words, hoping she can see me well enough in the dim light to read my lips. I yawn, too, knowing exactly how she feels. I’m exhausted. I can’t wait to get home, shower, and plop on the couch with Chloe. I’ve been looking forward to our date night with Ryan Gosling all week. “Have a great night.” I sign.
“You too, Harper.” Trisha crosses to the parking lot and heads to the side of the building, and I walk to my car in the front lot.
Unlocking my car, I climb inside, my stomach grumbling. I bet Chloe is already in the kitchen, whipping up her fabulous shrimp fajitas. I’ve had those suckers dancing in my head all week, like sugarplums dance at Christmastime.
I push the button on the dash to start the engine, my car rumbling to life. Even though it’s the middle of October, the weather is unseasonably warm, which means I can still enjoy the luxury of driving with the top down. I press the button and the top disappears to the back. Pulling out of the parking lot, I head toward home, hungry for shrimp fajitas, Ryan Gosling, and the ginormous bag of peanut butter cups I’ve stashed in the pantry.
* * *
“What about Blue Valentine?” I ask, knowing I’ll never change her mind on what she thinks is the best Ryan Gosling movie. The Notebook is Chloe’s all-time favorite, the pinnacle of Ryan Gosling hotness and acting ability. “Blue Valentine is a heartbreaking love story. And well acted by both G-O-S-L-I-N-G and W-I-L-L-I-A-M-S.”
“I agree, but it’s not the best. R-Y-A-N and R-A-C-H-E-L even got swept up in the romance of The Notebook. That’s when you know it’s good. When the lead actors even blur the lines between fiction and real life.”
Can’t fault her logic. They were a hot couple. On and off the screen.
I take a bite of my fajita, marinade dribbling down my chin. Oh my goodness. Full-on food orgasm. “Chloe, these are outstanding. Can you just skip Cupcake Wars and go on some other cooking show? You’d win with this recipe.”
“Thanks. They’re so easy to make.” She passes me a napkin, winking.
Diving back in for another bite, my phone flashes and a text message pops up on the screen. Thor: Home from the studio. So fucking tired. This two-job gig is going to be the death of me. How’s movie night? Can’t believe you’re cheating on me with Ryan Gosling.
I put down my fajita, wiping my fingers on a napkin. Smiling, I pick up my phone, and type a response. How’s the album coming? When do I get to hear it? Sorry, babe. Crazy Stupid Love’s up next. The RG lovefest continues.
Setting my phone on the cushion, I’m just about to pick up my fajita when a wadded-up napkin hits me in the head. My eyes flick to Chloe, who’s giving me the “I just ate nails for breakfast, don’t mess with me” look. Lips pursed and everything.
“What?”
“No cell phones on movie night. You know the rules.” Finishing with a point in my direction, she eyes me.
“Sorry.” I cringe. If he keeps texting, I’ll need to be stealthy. “Ready for the next movie?” I ask as a peace offering, ignoring the flash of another incoming text message.
She nods and pops the last bite of her fajita into her mouth. Getting up from her end of the couch, she changes out the DVDs.
With her back to me, I take a sneak peek at my phone. Thor: I guess I can share you for tonight. But tomorrow, you’re all mine. The record studio is throwing a party in our honor. Be my date?
Whoa! This is huge. He wants to take me somewhere his friends will be?
For so long, he’s been careful not to let his personal life interfere when I’m around. Why has he been so leery of sharing all the parts of his life with me? He doesn’t seem put off by my deafness, but maybe that’s why he’s kept me at arm’s length all this time. Maybe he doesn’t want everyone to know he’s dating a deaf girl.
Worry takes up residence low in my gut, feeding on my most negative thoughts. He can’t be ashamed of me, can he? When we’re together, he’s nothing but wonderful.
You thought the same thing about your parents all these years, too.
The heart-to-heart with my dad helped me understand where he was coming from, and our relationship is healing. But, it’s going to take baby steps. The same thing can’t be happening with Thor, not with this party invitation, right?
On her way back to the couch, Chloe hits the lights and the room is plunged into darkness as the title sequence begins. She and I are like a well-oiled marathon-movie-watching machine. She takes the DVDs in and out of the player, and I navigate the settings, turning on the subtitles. With a quick stash of my phone, I pick up the remote and get to work.
Finishing my dinner, I’m still reeling about Thor asking me to the recording studio’s party. I pat my lap, and Bobby jumps up, walking in a few circles until he finds a comfortable place to curl up and snuggle. Petting his head with my right hand, I slide my left under my classic car fleece blanket, along with my phone, trying to bite back the giddy smile on my face. If I don’t play it cool, Chloe will know exactly what I’m up to and banish me from future movie nights. Gilmore Girls is up next. Can’t miss the season three rewatch.
Although, at this point, watching Ryan Gosling coach Steve Carell in the fine art of picking up women at a bar is barely holding my interest. I want to sneak upstairs, lock my bedroom door, and text Thor. With our busy schedules, we haven’t gotten to see each other in the last four days. By our standards, that’s a long friggin’ time. With my phone hidden under the blanket, I type out another message.
I am so excited to go to that party with you!!! Yes! I’ll be your date! Ever seen Crazy Stupid Love? It reminds me of you. You picked me up in a bar. You could totes school both of these guys on how to pick up a girl at a bar. ;-)
Two seconds later, I have a response. And the bottom drops out of my stomach. Acid spilling everywhere, burning up every cell and molecule in my body. Mom: Excuse me? I’m not sure I understand your text, Harper. What’s going on? Are you out drinking? Someone picked you up in a bar? What party are you going to?
Shit! I sent Thor’s text to my mother? I am such an idiot!
The temperature in the room skyrockets. I’m roasting under this damn blanket, but if I ditch it, Chloe will see that I’m texting, breaking movie-night law. And Bobby will hate me; he’s snoring away.
Time for some damage control.
Me: Sorry, Mom. No, not drinking. At home watching a movie with Chloe. Didn’t mean to send you that text.
Cringing, I wait for her reply. Keeping my eyes dead ahead, I pretend to watch the movie, but inside, I’m freaking out. There is no way Mom is going to let this go.
Mom: I’m glad you’re not out drinking. But what is this about being picked up at a bar? Are you seeing someone that met you at a bar?
While I read Mom’s text, another one from Thor comes in. Now I know why Chloe banned texting from movie night. I’ve gotten myself into a crazy, stupid mess.
Thor: Unless you don’t want to go? Not forcing you, or anything.
Before my attention dives back under the covers, I glance at Chloe. She’s completely engrossed, curled up in her snoogie (Yes, she has a pet name for her blanket, don’t judge), eating popcorn. I’m still good.
Me: Sorry. Yes! I’d love to go to the party with you! I hit send and pull up Mom’s message, so I can reply. Me: Mom. Yes, I’m seeing someone I met at a bar. He’s a nice guy.
I keep it simple. I’m quite sure that Thor’s nice-guy status would be lost on my mother if she saw him. Let’s just say, Mom’s not the tattoos-and-grease, I’m-in-a-band kind of woman. And the even bigger obstacle will be convincing my mother that I can juggle a career and a love life.
Ryan Gosling’s bare torso draws my attention back to the television. Damn, he looked hot in this movie.
Chloe turns her head in my direction, eyes wide. “That is one beautiful man.” She signs. This is why she’s my best friend. I think we share a brain.
“Speaking of beautiful men, whatever happened with Trey after you and Megan ran into him at The Cave the night you two went out?” I ask. Yes, her ex-boyfriend is a colossal douche bag, but there’s no denying that he is a gorgeous man. The last Chloe and I really talked, she mentioned that she’d seen him, but didn’t go into details. So help me God, she better not be hooking up with him after what he did to her.
“Ancient history.” She shoos away his name like a pesky fly. “And good riddance.”
“You’re okay?” I watch her face for any tells, the smile extinguishing the light from her eyes, a subtle downward turn of her mouth, anything that will lead me to believe that she isn’t fine, but hiding behind her words.
“Perfect. Really. I’ve got a good thing going right now. I don’t need Trey or his bullshit drama. I’m married to Cupcake Wars. And R-Y-A-N G-O-S-L-I-N-G.” She points to the TV.
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m so happy that Trey is out of your life, for good. You’re better off without him.”
“None taken. And don’t I know it.” Pulling on the front of her hot pink snoogie, she readjusts her arms in the sleeves.
“I do have some bad news, though. You can’t have R-Y-A-N, because I’m already married to him.”
“Ha! I’m sure Thor might have a problem with that.” She sticks her tongue out. “What’s up with you two, anyway?”
“What do you mean?”
“From my perspective, it looks like you two are kinda perfect together.” She winks.
Warmth spreads from the center of my chest. When it’s just us, we are perfect. When the world pushes in and crowds us, that’s when Thor backs away. But, this party invitation is a step in the right direction. “We’re good. He’s a great guy. I just wish”—I hesitate, dropping my hand on Bobby’s head—“he’d let me in. The second personal stuff comes up, he closes himself off.”
“Well, give him time. You know those hot, broody types, they have to keep an air of mystery about them, or their reputation is shot.”
“Yeah. I guess you’re right.” I agree with her, but inside, I don’t feel at ease. In my gut, I know Thor’s dealing with something big…heavy. The other night, when he came over after my horrible day at the hospital, something was up with him, but I couldn’t pry anything lose. Whatever it is, it’s weighing him down.
“How’s the Cupcake Wars prep coming?” I ask, noticing a flash on the other side of Bobby’s head. If he hadn’t been curled up on my lap, Chloe would have seen it go off.
“Megan and I have our game plan all laid out. I’m still watching reruns and taking notes on what the losing teams did wrong. If I know how they lost, I can do my best to not repeat their mistakes, and hopefully pull out the win.”
“Good strategy.” Leaning over Bobby, I grab my family-sized bag of Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups off the coffee table. Tearing the bag apart at the seam, a peanut butter–chocolate cloud kisses my nose. I breathe in and hold it. When I die and go to heaven, this is what heaven will smell like.
Bobby perks up, too. No chocolate for you, pooch. I pat his head and give him a sad, frowny-faced headshake.
“Oh, I love this part, when H-A-N-N-A-H comes in from the rain, soaking wet and just lays one on J-A-C-O-B. So hot.” Chloe points to the TV and whips her head to the front so she can see the action.
I lift the covers and peek at my phone. Two texts and one missed FaceTime?
Mom: First a nose ring and now a boyfriend you met in a bar? I hope you’re not throwing this last year of grad school down the drain, Harper Alexis King.
She’s pissed. Twenty-six years old and she’s still busting out my middle name like I’m two. Some things never change. And when I didn’t respond to her text right away, she FaceTimed me. Nice one, Mom. Heaven forbid I ever tell her about my mistake at the hospital.
Thor: Good. You had me worried for a sec. Been a damn tough week. I miss the fuck out of you, Red.
Keeping my head down, I shift my eyes in Chloe’s direction before starting my message. Her eyes are front and center, all systems go, full throttle ahead. My thumbs move over the keys as fast as they can. Tough how? Everything okay? Miss you, too.
Chloe turns her head, and I drop the blanket like it’s a hot potato, shoving my hand in the Reese’s bag as a cover.
Her eyebrows pinch together as she signs. “What’s up? You’re really jumpy.”
Tilting my head, I chew on my lip, playing dumb, plucking a peanut butter cup from the bag. “No, not jumpy. Too much candy.” I hold out a foil-wrapped chocolate in offering.
Chloe nods and scoots closer to me on the couch. Taking the chocolate from my hand, Bobby sniffs the exchange. “I’m glad we did this. A night vegging on the couch with my roomie was exactly what I needed.” Throwing her arm over my shoulder, she pulls me in for a hug, kissing my cheek.
“God, I’ve missed you. I don’t know how much longer we’re going to be able to do nights like this.”
I nod, a twinge of sadness tugging at my heart. “We’re almost halfway through our rotations. Graduation is right around the corner.”
“Who knows where our jobs will take us.” She shrugs. “And I’m going to California this summer.” Chloe signs, then swipes at her eyes.
If she starts crying, so will I. “And I’ll be in the audience cheering you on.”
She stops, a huge grin blossoming on her face. “You’re coming to the taping?”
“Hell yes. I wouldn’t miss it.”
“You, me, and Megan, loose in California? This summer is going to be epic!”
“Cupcakes and C-A-L-I!” I nod, smiling, the weight of an unknown future seeming a little lighter.
Chloe yawns. “I can’t think of a more perfect vacation.”
“Same.” I pet Bobby and drop my head on Chloe’s shoulder. “I think after this one, I’m off to bed. I’m getting sleepy.” This time, it’s my turn to yawn.
Watching the rest of the movie, all I can think about is Thor’s worrisome text message, and a summer vacation in California with my best friend.
* * *
Tucked away in my bedroom, Bobby, curled at the foot of my bed, I unlock my phone. The last forty minutes of that movie were so long. Siting that close to Chloe, I couldn’t keep up my surreptitious texting.
Tapping the messages app, three new texts await me. I touch Thor’s name, first. I’ll deal with Mom later. Right now, I’m more worried about why Thor’s had a rough week.
Thor: More family shit. It’d just be nice to hold you right now.
Uh-oh. It seems he’s always got a lot of bad stuff happening with his family. I wish he’d tell me what’s going on. I click on the next message. You’re what’s good in my life. How did I end up with you?
That message was sent twenty-six minutes ago. A nagging, unsettled ache hits me low in the gut. Something awful has happened, I can feel it. Me: What’s going on? This sounds serious. I’m worried. Do you want me to come over?
While I wait for his reply—God, I hope he replies—against my better judgment, I take a look at Mom’s text: We are not through speaking about this, Harper. I refuse to let you throw away everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve.
Oh, Mom. When we had our heart-to-heart after Dad’s party, I told her she had to step back and let me live my life. She wasn’t too happy about that. I know she means well and has my best interest at heart, but she’s going to have to let go and trust that I can make my own decisions. And my own mistakes.
Mom, I appreciate your concern. Rest assured, I am not throwing anything away. Grad school is fine. I’m studying and getting my projects finished when they need to be. Clinicals are going well. I’m enjoying my current rotation. My job at the YMCA is still wonderful. And yes, I’m making time to get to know a really kind, great man. I care about him. His name is Thor, and I would love for you to meet him, soon. This is my life, Mom. I love my life. I hit send and hope that does the trick.
Sitting up, I pull the blanket toward me, bringing Bobby closer. He gives me an annoyed side-glance, the whites of his eyes showing. Laying my head beside his, I run my hand between his ears, and he scoots closer, curling into a smaller ball of fur.
In the four years we’ve been together, Bobby and I have always understood each other. No words ever need to be exchanged, we just know. He knows when I need a lick on the nose, and I get when he wants to tack on five extra minutes to our walk. There’s no pretense with Bobby. He accepts me for who I am, and I return the favor.
Why are people so difficult then? Why can’t they be like you, Bobby? I care about you, you care about me. Simple.
Nope. People have to go and muck it up. Think they know what’s best for someone else, or keep secrets.
A burst of light fills my dark room.
Keeping my head on the mattress next to Bobby, I reach behind me and grab my phone. Mom: Thor? Is that his real name? Is he the reason you got that thing in your nose?
I drop the phone on top the blankets and bury my head in Bobby’s fur, a scream ripping through my insides. There’s no getting through to her.
Me: Had the piercing before I met Thor. It’s cute. Going to bed now.
Thor’s message comes the second I send off my final note to Mom. Not home. I’d be crashing your Ryan Gosling date, if I were. My mind’s going to dirty places, babe. Out drinking with the guys. Wasted.
Me: Do you have a DD? Be careful.
Warm, curled up next to Bobby, I wait for his text, my eyes getting heavier by the second. I refuse to fall asleep until I know he’s got a safe way home. My nerves are giving me a second wind.
Sitting up, I give Bobby a scratch, and prop my back against the headboard, my phone flashing brightly.
Thor: After Dad’s shit. Nice to be wassssted. Got DD babe.
Dad’s shit? What the hell does that mean? So, drunk Thor gets horny and truthful. Good to know. Me: What’s going on with your dad? Glad you have a DD.
Phone in my lap, I wait for him to explain. Minutes tick by and…nothing.
Me: Thor, are you okay? Did something happen with your dad? I’m worried.
Leaning my head back, I let my eyelids fall closed. What are you keeping from me, Thorin Kline?