Chapter 13
THE FOLLOWING MONDAY, CLARE ventured to the teachers’ lounge to heat up her leftover pasta from the night before. Jess was coming Friday, and she was making a mental to-do list. The room was empty, but the smell was enough to have her holding her nose. What do these women eat? She frowned at the microwave. It would be tainted now.
She hadn’t been sick again after her last visit to the lounge and had breathed a sigh of relief over that. She’d also avoided the lounge like the plague, opting to bring a cold sack lunch the past three days instead. She pressed a hand against her stomach and the other over her mouth. God, the smell. That bitter taste filled her mouth, and she made it to the bathroom just in time.
She rinsed out her mouth at the sink and splashed cold water on her face. Four kids in her class were out with flu-like symptoms. Could be that. Was probably that.
But the fever never came, and she was sick two more times that week before she started counting days and dissecting her monthly cycle. She’d stopped taking the birth control and still hadn’t found time to look for a doctor, but she’d always been irregular.
When she threw up in her fresh, odor-free apartment Friday morning, her heart dropped. It can’t be. It just can’t. They’d used a condom, and she’d been on the pill then.
Clare bought a test on the way home, and in her small white bathroom, she peed on the little stick then set a timer on her phone. Heart pounding, she placed the life-changing stick of plastic on the counter where she couldn’t see it.
In exactly ninety-eight seconds, the whole thing would be a funny story. Jess would be there any minute, and she would tell her about her scare. They’d have a good laugh. They’d drink wine and eat chocolate and christen her apartment. Thirty-seven seconds.
She tried not to picture Deacon. Shit. Just shit. If she was going to take a pregnancy test, she should be married. At the very least should have a man who loved her, holding her hand while they waited excitedly for a plus sign.
Instead, she was anxious and terrified it wouldn’t be a minus sign. The thought made her sick to the very core of her being. She wanted kids. She didn’t want to feel sick about getting the news she was going to have one. Her eyes burned with tears. Six seconds.
On shaky legs, she stood, took a deep breath, and looked.
CLARE WAS STILL SITTING on the floor of her bathroom when the doorbell rang. On weak legs, she made her way to the door and greeted Jess with a tight hug.
“Aww, I missed you, too,” her friend said, holding on for a long minute. When they finally pulled back, Jess held up a bottle of red. “I got wine!”
Clare opened her mouth, and the words just fell out. “I got pregnant.”
Jess’s mouth dropped open, and there was a beat of complete and utter silence.
The silence didn’t last long, and Jess stepped into the apartment. “Mother Mary. How? When?”
“The usual way. Nothing like Mary. I—” She stared blindly at Jess’s hand wrapped around the tapered neck of the wine. “I just found out.”
“Like now?”
“Right now.”
“Okay.” Jess set the bottle down. “Where’s the test? I want to see it.”
“It’s in the bathroom, but I think I know how to read…”
Jess was already gone. Then she was back. “Holy shit. Adam?”
“No. The beach. The lady-moon.”
“Dr. Hottie? Oh, my—Shit. This is…shit.”
“I know. I know.” Clare slumped onto the couch. There were no tears. She was too shocked for tears.
Jess joined her. “Okay, we’re going to figure this out. But first off, how did this happen? You were on birth control before the wedding.”
“I know. And we used other protection.”
“Well, maybe you should take another test. Just to be sure.”
She shook her head slowly. “I’m sure. I’m sick. I’m tired. And now that I think about it, my breasts hurt.” She rubbed her hands over them just to remind herself then wrapped her arms around her stomach. “And I took the pill the morning of the wedding, but I threw up. And again when we went snorkeling. I got sea sick, so I guess I missed that dose, too, and—” She closed her eyes. “It doesn’t matter how I am. I am.”
“And no chance it could be Adam’s?”
“No.”
They sat a minute. “So, you went snorkeling? You and Dr. Hottie?”
“Don’t call him that, and yes.”
“Those were some of the details I was speaking of a couple of months ago.”
“I didn’t want to talk about it.”
“I noticed.” Jess put an arm around her. “Want to tell me why?”
Clare leaned back into the couch next to Jess and told her all the details. The beginning. The middle. And the end.
By the time she finished, she was crying. “Now I can’t even be a nun,” she sputtered through her tears.
“Did you want to be a nun?”
Crying and laughing at the same time, she lifted her head. “I don’t know. No. I guess not. Fasting is too hard.”
“Oh, Clare.” Jess laughed then wrapped her arms around her, which only made her cry harder. “It was a big deal, wasn’t it? I know you. Shit. This is why I hate men! What’s his name?”
“What?”
Jess stood abruptly. “What’s his name? I want to see the bastard.”
Clare shook her head. She knew Jen’s scorned-woman-on-a-mission look. “That’s not going to help.”
“Well, it’s not going to hurt. Don’t you want to find out the truth about him?”
“The truth? I think the truth is he changed his mind. Or got bored or—”
“Stop it. He’s a grade-A asshole, and he’ll be lucky if I don’t kill him. Oh, shit.” Jess’s blue eyes went wide. “Your brother will kill him.”
“Can we please not tell him?”
“I think he’ll notice, unless—” Jess looked back at her, a question in her eyes.
“No. I’ll definitely have the baby.” But Clare closed her burning eyes at the thought of telling her brother. She’d have to tell her parents, too—and disappoint them again.
“Okay, look,” Jess said, coming to sit beside her again. “You know you have to find out at least something about him. You’re pregnant with his kid. You’re going to have to talk to him eventually, right? And maybe something happened. Maybe he had an emergency. Maybe some rich-ass woman flew him back to save Fifi’s life.”
She’d thought of that but ruled it out. No note. No call to the hotel. But Clare felt a ray of hope.
“What’s his full name? We’ll start with Google. He’s a doctor. He has a business.”
“Deacon Montgomery.” The tiny kernel of hope grew.
Jess worked the computer for no more than a minute. “Voila! Deacon J. Montgomery, DVM. Holy shit, Clare! He’s hot.”
“I know.”
“I mean really hot.”
“I know.”
“There’s his practice. Bramlen, Ohio. Never heard of it. Looks like it’s just barely in Ohio. Close to Pittsburg.”
“I didn’t know that. We didn’t talk about life outside of vacation. My idea,” she added when Jess looked at her.
“Okay. Here’s something else. Looks like he was in the paper last week.” She clicked and waited. “Deacon Montgomery DMV, is working in conjunction with the local county shelter, blah, blah, blah. He spent the morning in Overton Park with his—shit.”
“What? Jess? What?”
Clare unfolded herself from the couch and walked to the kitchen table, where Jess sat at Clare’s laptop. She stared at the photo on the screen. A black and white of Deacon, kneeling beside a small dog. A little girl, maybe two, stood with her hand on his shoulder. A tall woman with a pixie-style haircut stood just behind them.
“Is that him?”
Clare read the text below the photo. “Deacon Montgomery in Overton Park. Daughter Margo and Wife Allison pictured right to left.”
Clare read it again. And again. She shivered against a sudden chill.
He has a daughter. He has a wife.
“Clare? Is that him?”
“Yes.” She fought for a breath. There’d been no promises between them. The sad reality was there’d been nothing between them at all.
HOURS LATER, THEY SAT on the couch in pajamas. Jess did indeed have a glass of wine in hand. Clare had the chocolate.
“Does it seem odd to you,” Jess asked, “that we’re sitting here surrounded by unopened wedding gifts because you didn’t get married but ended up pregnant?”
“Yes.” Clare nodded slowly. “Yes, it does.” Excitement about the baby combined with a sickness over the news of Deacon’s family had left her numb.
“Oh, my gosh. I can’t believe I forgot. I have something for you.” Jess went to her suitcase then returned, holding out a closed fist.
“What’s this?”
Jess opened her hand. “Your ring.”
Clare’s engagement ring lay in Jess’s palm. She’d given it to Jess to hold until after the wedding.
“You could sell it,” Jess suggested. “Could come in handy, especially now.”
Clare took the ring.
“You said Adam told you to keep it, sell it. Do whatever you wanted with it.”
“Yeah. He did. You know people thought Adam cheated,” Clare said, turning the ring, making it catch the light. “Whether he did or didn’t, I’m the one that came back from the honeymoon pregnant. How screwed up is that?” She let out a long, heavy sigh as her head fell back against the couch. She felt sick, and it had nothing to do with being pregnant. “My life is a mess.”
“No, it’s not.”
Clare gave her a look.
“Okay. It is. A little. I’m going to get more wine. I should probably drink for you since you can’t.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
Jess came back to the couch with her wine. “So when are you going to tell him?”
“I don’t know. I mean I will, for sure. Just maybe not now.” She had enough to think about. Finding a doctor was priority one. And what if he didn’t want her to have the baby? What if he was a psychopath who went around leading a double life? “I’ll tell him after I have the baby.”
Her throat felt too tight to swallow. She’d had sex with a married man. Did this make her the other woman? Before, she could almost pretend it was a dream. He’d been there, then he was gone, but the memories of the time in between were still bright and magical. Now it was all tainted, just a dirty, sleazy affair.
“Clare.”
“What? There’s no reason to tell him now. I’m having the baby, regardless of his opinion.”
“He should be helping you.”
“Helping me how? There’s not much he can do at this point.” And she didn’t want to see him. She laid a protective hand over her belly almost without thinking. It was just her and her little one. “I want to be settled, you know? I need a doctor and a nursery and a plan before I add all his”—she waved her hand around—“stuff to the mix.”
Jess opened her mouth, but Clare cut her off. “I will tell him. Just not now.”