Chapter 25
My intention to ask Laurel about Nicol so I could figure out the possible relation between him and Brachan went out the window after my small breakdown in my sister’s arms. We continued to talk with one another for a few more hours, but mainly we spoke of wedding plans and all that had happened to her since she’d been here.
By the time she left me to go to bed, I’d decided to go and look for Maddock to ask him about it. I didn’t have to look far. The moment I opened the bedchamber door to step out into the hallway, he was walking by.
“Maddock.”
He jumped slightly at the sound of my voice, but smiled as he faced me.
“Kate, lass, I’m pleased ye caught me. There is something I’ve meant to ask ye all day, but I dinna wish to disturb ye if ye were already asleep.”
Intrigued, I waved him inside and closed the door behind him. “I wasn’t asleep at all.” I motioned around the room. “Thank you for letting me stay in your room. I really wouldn’t mind sleeping somewhere else if you want your space back.”
“No, lass. ’Tis no trouble at all. Paton’s room will suit me fine, though I’ll not be in it long.”
“What do ye mean?”
He smiled shyly. “My whole life I’ve had a problem with walking about while asleep. ’Tis worse when I’m tired, and I canna deny that I am verra tired after our journey.”
That surprised me. “How did I not know that?”
“I’ve not done much sleeping since I met ye, lass. How would ye know?”
That was true. The first night we’d stayed up talking, and I never saw him sleep on the road.
“How are you able to do that? Go without so much sleep, I mean. I’m a monster after just one night of sleep deprivation.”
“The magic helps. It can sustain us past what is possible for most.”
It was easy to forget that Maddock contained magic. He seemed so normal. I wasn’t sure that I’d ever seen him use any.
“Can you not use your magic to keep you from sleepwalking?”
He laughed, but shook his head. “One would think, aye? But alas, since I never know precisely when I might do it, ’tis not worth the effort to cast a spell that might prevent it, especially now that we’ve only seven men. We canna afford to use magic that isn’t necessary.”
“I see. What was it that you wanted to ask me?”
He hesitated just long enough for me to see that he was slightly nervous, and it made something inside me coil up with anxiety. “I was only wondering…lass, why did ye ignore me before? Why did ye speak of Machara just as I confessed to ye just how much I enjoyed holding ye close to me?”
My mouth gaped open like a fish as I struggled with how to respond, but before I could, he held up a hand to stop me.
“Doona say anything yet, lass, for I need ye to tell me the truth.”
My body began to tremble all over, and I couldn’t tell if it was from fear or anticipation—perhaps it was a little of both.
“Why do you need to know that?”
He smiled that familiar mischievous grin and my stomach clenched with need.
“Because, lass, if ’twas a sign of yer disinterest, I shall turn around and walk out this door with nothing but admiration for ye. My friendship will always be yers. But if yer eagerness to change the topic of our conversation this morn was the product of yer fear—if ye do believe ye care for me, I mean to show ye right now just what it could be like between us.”
While my desire was to charge him and beg him to take me right there on the floor, my instinct was to shut him down on the spot. But all I could hear was Laurel’s voice in my ear, “Just try, Kate. Just try.”
And so, with shaky breath and trembling hands, I tried to let just a little bit of feeling into my mind and heart. “I…I care, Maddock. I didn’t say anything because I knew you could feel my breath shaking against your chest. I thought maybe you were just being polite—trying to make me feel better about myself.”
He smiled, and the expression on his face sent chill bumps down my spine. There was nothing friendly in his smile. It was threatening, dangerous, and so sexy. I worried that if he actually made it across the room to touch me, I would unravel before him.
“Lass, never in my life have I been known as polite. Kind? Aye. Decent? I hope. But I doona care for polite. Polite implies that I’ve a passive nature. If ye expect me to be passive with my feelings for ye, Kate, I’m afraid ye will be sorely disappointed.”
He stepped even closer. As I tried to scoot away once more, he reached for my wrist and pulled me against him.
Smiling, he leaned down to kiss the side of my neck. The moment his lips touched my skin, I gasped. As his lips traveled up to my ear and nipped at my lobe, I moaned and leaned back into his palms, which were now splayed out against the lower part of my back.
My moan seemed to ignite something in him, and as he pressed me even tighter against him, his lips moved to mine. His kiss was all consuming. A hot fiery thing that so contradicted the gentlemen he’d been until now. Our lips moved together with an urgency that surpassed that which we’d shared in the kitchen at Cagair. I couldn’t get enough of him, couldn’t get him close enough to my body. As his hand moved to cup my breast, I cried out in need and longing. “Undress me. Please undress me.”
Obligingly, he moved to the laces at the back of my gown, but he didn’t wait to untie the gown all the way before he began to pull it lower off my shoulders. The moment my breasts sprang free, he groaned and dropped his mouth to them. Just as his teeth latched around one of my nipples, I realized that my desire was just too much. I could feel some piece of myself unraveling. Hurriedly, I pushed him away. “Wait, Maddock.”
He stilled and stood immediately. “What is it, lass?”
“I…I don’t want this.”
He lifted my dress to cover my breasts and nodded calmly. “I’m sorry, lass. ’Twas too much, too soon. Let me go to the kitchen and find us something to eat. We can just sit together and talk. There is no need for us to do anything more.”
“No.” I shook my head and in my panic, said the one thing I didn’t mean at all. “I didn’t mean this. I meant you. I don’t want you.”
I saw his teeth grind together, but his voice was calm when he spoke. “Aye, ye do, lass. Ye want me so badly ye are scared to death of it. But I’ve no need of anyone who is so frightened of everything that they are willing to toy with another’s emotions just to protect themselves. Goodnight, Kate.”
He turned and walked out.