CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
“Thanks for helping me set up the nursery,” Meg said to Fiona as she rubbed her swollen belly on a bitterly cold day in early February. “There’s so much to do, and we’re running out of time.”
Meg decided on a cowboy theme for the nursery. A rocking horse with a western saddle was in the corner of the room, and the wall above the changing table was adorned with a rope lasso encircling wooden letters spelling out the baby’s name. A small hand-knit American flag blanket, a gift from Jennifer, hung on the rail of the dark brown wooden crib.
Fiona smiled at Meg while folding the freshly-laundered baby clothes. “I’m always happy to help. With the baby coming any day, Sky seems a little overwhelmed.”
“Yeah, he is. I’m glad that he and Trey went out for a hike. They can have some male bonding time, while we ‘nest’.”
Since Sky and Meg’s wedding, Trey and Fiona had become a steady item. Trey flew to Nashville nearly every weekend to spend time with Fiona, and when he was unable to fly up, he flew Fiona down to Dallas.
While Meg was hanging some horseshoes on the wall, she felt the baby kick. “Fiona, come here and feel the baby. He’s really active today.”
Fiona placed her hand on Meg’s stomach, and her eyes welled up when she was able to feel him moving. “That’s amazing,” she said, wiping away a tear.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” Fiona sniffed. “It’s just that I’m so happy for you and Sky. After I lost my son, I thought I’d never have the chance to have a grandchild. But with you and Sky in my life, well, you’ve given me that chance, and I couldn’t be happier, or more grateful.”
Meg hugged Fiona. “Aww…Sky and I feel the same way. You’re the only grandmother our son will have.” She pointed to the wall with the baby’s name. “What do you think?”
“I love it. And I’ve kept your secret from Trey. I can’t wait to see his reaction.”
“Me too. He’s going to be thrilled when we tell him we’re having a boy.”
The sound of a door slamming announced the men had returned from their hike. Meg waddled out to the living room to greet them. “How was your afternoon?”
“Cold,” Trey answered, rubbing his hands together. “Is Fiona still here?”
“Yes, she’s in the nursery. She’ll be out in a minute. Can I get you guys something warm to drink?”
“Tea with honey would be great,” Sky said.
“Make that two,” Trey added.
Fiona joined them in the living room, carrying a plate of sugar cookies she baked earlier in the day. “Just don’t eat too many,” she chided, as Trey reached for a cookie. “Meg made a chicken pot pie casserole for later, and you want to leave room for it.”
“Women,” Trey said, looking at Sky. “Always telling us what to do.”
Sky chuckled. “Yeah, well, Meg and I have some news for you, dad.” Sky took Meg by the hand, and continued, “We’re finally going to outnumber them. You know how we were going to wait to learn the gender of the baby?”
“I remember.”
“Well, we accidentally found out last week during a sonogram. We’re having a boy.”
Trey jumped off the sofa, and hugged both Sky and Meg. “A boy? Really? Son, that’s great news.”
“He’ll be William Skyler Johnson the fifth,” Sky said, beaming.
Trey’s voice boomed throughout the living room. “The fifth – I love it! What are you going to call him?”
Meg spoke up. “Sky wanted to call him Will, but I pointed out that the Johnson family is running out of unique nicknames for William. If our son has a son, he’d be the sixth, and six in Latin is ‘sex’. We can’t have our future grandson named that,” she said with a smile. “So, since he’s going to be the fifth, we thought we’d call him Quint.”
“Quint Johnson. It’s a good, strong-sounding name. You’re always thinking, Meg. I like it,” Trey said.
Meg took Trey by the arm. “Come see the nursery. Fiona and I have been working on it all day.”
A week later, Meg’s water broke. Sky rushed her to the hospital, where she suffered through ten hours of labor before the baby was ready to arrive.
“Come on, darlin’. You can do it. Remember your breathing exercises.” Sky held Meg’s hand as the doctor instructed her to push. “You’re my brave girl.”
“There’s got to be a better way,” Meg groaned, before letting out a loud, guttural scream. “Argh…”
“Next time don’t refuse the epidural,” Patti, the nurse on duty and one of Meg’s college classmates, said.
“Argh…not going to be a next time.”
“Oh yes there is,” Sky said with a grin. “We’re going to have lots of babies.”
Meg glared at him. “This is not the time to have this conversation, Sky,” she said through gritted teeth.
After a few more pushes, Meg gave birth to a nine pound baby boy. When the baby was handed to her, tears streamed down her face. She looked down, and smiled. “He’s beautiful.” She turned to her husband, and added, “And he looks just like you. He even has your blue eyes.”
Sky leaned over and kissed the top of her head. “You were so brave during labor. I know what was going through your mind, and I want you to know that I’m proud of you.”
He handed his phone to one of the nurses, and asked that she take some photos of them. “Baby makes three,” he joked, as the nurse snapped the photos.
Meg gazed at the baby in her arms while Sky made phone calls to their family members. I can’t believe we made a baby together, she thought while listening to Sky tell his father that Quint was born. She kissed her son, and wondered what it had been like for her mother to hold her just after she was born. Did you know that you were about to die? Did you feel sick, mom? Were you in pain?
Dark thoughts invaded her mind. I can’t imagine what my father was going through, either. It should have been one of the happiest days of his life, but it turned out to be the worst. And I caused it. I don’t deserve to be a mother. I don’t deserve happiness.
Sky whipped around when he heard Meg crying. “I’ve gotta go, dad. See you later.” He rushed to his wife’s side. “What’s wrong?”
“Take the baby from me. Take him. Now!”
The baby began to cry as Sky scooped him up in his arms. “What’s wrong? Should I call the doctor?”
Meg doubled over, as her sobs filled the room. “No. I don’t need anyone. I don’t deserve this. I killed my mother.”
Sky sat down the edge of the bed, and pulled her in for a hug with one arm, while holding Quint with the other arm. “Shh…,” he said, stroking her hair. “It’s okay, baby.”
She sniffed, and wiped her eyes. “It’s not okay. It’s not…”
He took a deep breath. “Look,” he said, holding Quint out for Meg to take into her arms. “Look what we did. We made this life. The two of us made this beautiful baby. Even if you don’t feel you deserve him, he’s ours. And he needs to have both of us to be the best parents we can be. Our love made him, and he’s perfect. It’s a fresh start, for both of us.”
Sky groaned as he turned over and looked at his phone. “Jesus, its two o’clock in the morning. Is he ever going to sleep?”
“I’m doing the best I can,” Meg replied. “I’ll take him into the nursery.” She rolled out of bed, pulled her robe tightly around her, and picked the baby up from the bassinet. “Sorry he disturbed you.”
“Meg…,” he called out, but was answered with a slamming door.
In the two months since they brought Quint home from the hospital, their lives had been turned upside down. Meg breastfed and rocked him until he fell asleep, but he cried the minute he was placed in his bassinet. She tried to get him to sleep before Sky came to bed each night, but when he entered their bedroom, the baby often woke up and began crying again.
Sky could hear the crying through the baby monitor, and Meg’s attempts at trying to soothe Quint. He pulled a pillow over his head, but it did little to muffle the sound of the baby’s cries. He tossed and turned for half an hour, before he shut the baby monitor off.
The next morning, he woke up and found himself alone in bed. It wasn’t the first time he had woken alone since the baby was born, but this time he felt particularly abandoned as he wracked his brain. I can’t even remember the last time I kissed my wife. What the hell has happened to us?
He pulled on a tee shirt and a pair of sweatpants, and shuffled into the kitchen. He started the coffeemaker, before wandering towards the nursery. Opening the door a crack, he peered in, finding Quint asleep in his crib, and Meg passed out on the floor.
The door squeaked as he began to close it behind him. The sound woke the baby up, and he immediately began to cry. “Damn it,” he said, under his breath.
Meg sat up, looked at the clock, and glared at Sky. “Seriously? Why did you come in here? I just got him to sleep an hour ago.”
“Let me help,” Sky offered.
Meg shot him down. “Just leave us alone. I’ll nurse him and try to get him back to sleep.”
His face fell. “Oh. Okay. I’ll be outside if you need me.”
Sky retreated to the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. While he ate breakfast, he sent a text message to Fiona, asking her to check on Meg and the baby during the day. He left a note on the kitchen counter, reminding Meg that he had a meeting at the offices of his record label, and would be back by dinner time.
By the time he climbed into his truck, he breathed a huge sigh of relief. “Glad to get out of that house of horrors for a few hours today,” he muttered under his breath as he turned out of his driveway and drove towards Music Row.