Chapter Six
Erin’s first date came in her junior year. Already she was a late bloomer. Her other friends had already been asked—but they also had time to hang out at the mall for hours and attend the football games. Erin worked between ten and fifteen hours a week with her mother. So when one of the cutest boys in school had not only noticed her, but asked her to a movie Saturday night, she’d spent fifteen dollars on a cute new top and wore her favorite jeans.
The night went perfectly. They laughed together, they held hands. She fell as quickly as it was possible to fall, then they drove out to the make-out point. She was still on board. She wanted him to kiss her, to touch her. She didn’t want to have sex.
“Come on, Erin,” he’d said, frustrated. “I paid for the movie and popcorn. And now you’re acting shy?”
She’d been torn between shame and anger and a desperate wish for acceptance. So she’d let him pull off her new top and her old jeans and have sex with her.
That had been her first time.
Ever since then she’d tried to live honestly, to say no when she really meant it, to only say yes when she wanted to. And definitely never to accidentally trade sex for money, letting herself be bought. She’d always wanted to have sex with Blake. And she believed he’d always wanted her.
It was hard to remember that in the face of the Ice Queen calling her trash. “You come from nothing. You are nothing. Scars or not, he could make a good match. So why would he want a young, pretty girl who’s accomplished nothing?”
Her cheeks burned. Is that what had happened? Had she let him pay for a movie and popcorn—and then spread her legs? No, she didn’t believe that. “I don’t know why you’re trying to come between us, but it won’t work.”
“I’m not trying to come between you, I just want to be honest with you. Women like you, you get ideas about men like Blake. That they’ll marry you, that they’ll leave their families for you.” Bel stood up, looming over her. “But they won’t.”
Erin tried to stand, but Bel was blocking her with her body—and was surprisingly strong for her thin frame. The older woman clamped a hand on her wrist.
And just like that night all those years ago, Erin was too shocked to fight her off. “Let go of me,” she whispered.
Bel twisted her fist, sending pain down Erin’s arm. “When push comes to shove, they don’t want you. They want me. Women like you are just good for a fuck.”
But Erin wasn’t sixteen anymore. She was a grown woman, and she was strong, and she wouldn’t cower and let herself be hurt even if she would be rejected by the man she loved in the end.
She yanked herself free, sending Bel sprawling on her knees. “I said let go of me,” she said with remarkable calm. “And don’t ever speak to me that way again.”
Blake appeared in the doorway. “What the hell did she say?”
As Erin looked from Bel on the floor to Blake and Jeb standing in the doorway, shocked, she couldn’t even speak. It was too awful. She was too much the outsider here. Too much like Bel had described.
She started to leave, pushing past Blake.
He caught her wrist, and she winced.
His eyes widened. “Did she hurt you?”
“It doesn’t matter,” she said, her voice too wobbly to be believed. “I just want to go. I need to…”
“How dare you.” He practically roared at his mother. “How dare you put your hands on her. How dare you even speak to her.”
His mother didn’t stand up, barely even looked up. Wouldn’t meet his eyes. “She… she…”
“She doesn’t exist to you. Not anymore. And neither do I.” Blake turned to her, his expression like stone. “Go upstairs and pack. I’ll meet you there in a few minutes.”
He was going to continue defending her, and judging by the dark look in his eyes, it was going to be awful. Awful enough to ruin any chance of reconciliation between him and his parents. Even if he didn’t mind that thought now, he might eventually. She wouldn’t be responsible for that. She couldn’t.
“Please,” she begged. “Come with me. Take me away from here.”
Jeb stepped forward, his eyes somber. “Take care of her. She’s the most important. Your mother and I will have words.”
Blake looked torn. He gently pushed a piece of hair out of Erin’s eyes. “She can’t treat you that way.”
“I didn’t let her,” Erin said. Her voice grew stronger. “I stood up for myself, but now I just want to go.”
He took her in his arms, careful as if he knew she might be sore. And she was, though more in her heart, than from anywhere his mother had touched. “My beautiful, brave girl. Let’s go. Let’s get you out of here.”
* * *
Blake drove without any idea where he was going.
Their original plan had been to spend one more night at his parent’s house. Then they’d head to Erin’s mother’s house in the morning. Instead they’d hastily packed their bags and tossed them in the trunk. It was nine o’clock at night, and he was barreling down the highway without a plan.
It occurred to him that he might not be in a good frame of mind to drive. He saw the road, but it was mostly a blur. A dark blur. Well, he wasn’t about to ask Erin to drive—not after she’d been berated and insulted. Not after she’d been fucking assaulted.
God, he still couldn’t believe his mother had gone that far.
It was despicable. It was unforgivable. It was a wonder Erin had even gotten in a car with him after what he’d subjected her to, but then again, it had been the fastest way out of that house. Had he lost her now? Had he really managed to fuck up the best thing in his life with one small, final act of loyalty to a family that didn’t deserve it? He should never have brought her for a visit.
He found himself pulling off on a familiar exit. He’d driven this way so many times that it felt like second nature, even though it had been years now. The manicured plots and bright storefronts quickly gave way to a dark, tree-lined road. It might even be spooky if he didn’t know how cheery the dappled black concrete and yellow stripes looked in the daylight.
He had no idea what Erin thought about this turn of events. She hadn’t spoken much since they’d left, just a few nods and murmurs when required.
“Away,” had been her answer, when he’d asked her where she wanted to go.
He didn’t like the idea of driving to Sophia’s house tonight. For one thing, it would take a few hours, so they’d be exhausted by then. For another, Sophia wasn’t expecting them, so it might inconvenience her. And lastly, he didn’t want to force Erin to confront her mother when she seemed somehow fragile. He knew they were close—definitely nothing like his relationship with his parents—but this particular issue hit a little close to home.
And so, he found himself heading toward Lover’s Point, a plateau with a great view of the city. By day it was visited by hikers along a five mile trail. By night it served as the premier make out spot.
He had no plans to make out with her. Even though she’d never been more beautiful, more desirable to him, she also seemed somehow untouchable. Ephemeral in the moonlight coming through the window, her skin pale and eyes fathomless.
Plus he couldn’t trust himself to be gentle right now.
Not with his rage so close to the surface. Still, it would be a quiet place they could sit and talk. If Erin would even talk to him.
The car bumped along the dirt path—well traveled by high schoolers, including himself, but still plenty uneven after every rain. All the cars, all the years, couldn’t smooth out a land this ancient. When he reached the grassy clearing, he stopped the car.
The city stretched out in front of them, a blanket of lights to a city already abed.
“It’s beautiful,” Erin said, her voice soft.
He couldn’t even look directly at her, because she made his chest tight and his face tight and his body tight. All he could do was look out at the city. “Yes.”
“Thank you for bringing me here.”
She was thanking him? No, he needed to be on his fucking knees, thanking her for being with him, for staying with him, thanking her for fucking existing—because she was his light. Not a single one in that city shone for him. Only the woman sitting next to him lit up a damn thing.
“Baby,” he said hoarsely. “We need to talk about what happened.”
“Do we?” She sounded confused, almost lost.
“We do, because you need to know that it was not okay, that I don’t support what happened in any way, that I wish to hell I’d gotten back to you a few minutes sooner so I could have put a stop to it myself.”
“I know.”
“I would never allow her to disrespect you in my presence, and I’m sick over the fact that I did allow it, by not realizing it would happen, by not being there for you.”
She put her hand on his. “Blake, I know.”
He pulled himself together enough to realize she’d had to repeat herself. He turned his hand over to hold hers. “How can you be okay with this?”
“I’m not okay with what happened. But it wasn’t your fault. You couldn’t have predicted she’d act like that. And once you realized, you got me out of there.”
He studied her arm, looking for any signs of bruising. It was too shadowy in the car to see. “Where did she hurt you?” When she seemed reluctant to answer, he added, “I need to know.”
“She grabbed my wrist, that’s all.”
“That’s all? That’s a big fucking deal.”
“I didn’t mean to… okay, yeah, I meant to downplay it. I just meant I’m fine. It will be tender for a little while. No medical intervention required.”
He still didn’t like how casual she was being about being manhandled, but he recognized she wanted to drop the subject. And short of taking her to an emergency room, which would be more traumatic for her, there wasn’t anything else he could do.
He ran a hand through his hair. “I suppose she told you about my father. And your mother.”
That got her attention. Her eyes widened, two dark ponds in the night. “What about them?”
“According to my father, they had an affair. A consensual affair. He claims to have cared about her. But when my mother found out, things got ugly, as he put it. I guess we saw a taste of that today.”
“God,” she breathed. “All these years, I never knew.”
“My father has done some brave things in his lifetime. Even though I didn’t get along with him, I looked up to him, knowing what he’d accomplished. But in that moment, he was a coward. He didn’t stand up for the woman he supposedly cared for, didn’t protect and defend her.”
She squeezed his hand gently until he met her eyes again. “You’re not him,” she said softly. “You did defend me. You always protect me.”
He let out a breath. “Jesus, Erin. I want that to be true.”
“It is true. You’re strong and capable and incredibly intelligent. And you use all of that, the entire force of you, to make my life better. Sometimes I don’t feel… deserving.”
Suspicion formed in his gut. “If she wasn’t telling you about my father, what was she saying?”
Erin looked away. “Just some stuff about relationships,” she mumbled.
“Erin,” he said, putting steel into his words. He knew this was uncomfortable for her, but he needed to know what had been said. Especially since it made Erin like this, curled up and somehow ashamed.
Instead of answering, Erin opened the car door and stepped outside. She might have murmured something like “need some air” but she didn’t pause to make sure he’d heard. The car door slammed shut, and he was quick to follow her into the night.
He wouldn’t push her to talk. He realized that much. If there was a risk she would run away from him, he would just have to live without fucking knowing what his mother had said to upset and hurt her.
She stood looking out over the city, and he was struck with a sense of déjà vu for all the nights he had woken up from a nightmare. They hadn’t been sleeping but in essence that was what Erin had just done—woken up from a nightmare. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her middle, warding off the cool breeze. Her gaze was far away, unseeing.
He came to her from behind, putting his arms around her. He held her gently and kissed the top of her head, the same way she had kissed the middle of his back.
“You okay?” he murmured.
“Getting there.” She twined her arms over his, locking them together. “This is helping.”
“Good.” The night air was cool, borderline cold, but soothed him. Still he pulled her in close to keep her warm. “We can find a decent motel on the highway. Stay the night, then head to your mother’s as planned in the morning. Does that sound okay?”
“Sure.” She sighed. “I mean, it sounds like a really good plan. Sorry I’m kind of distracted.”
“Christ, Erin, you keep apologizing.”
“Sorry, I—” She laughed. “I’ll stop.”
He shook his head, a slight smile on his face. God, this woman. He couldn’t get enough of her. He wanted to hold her, breathe her in. In all honesty, he wanted to fuck her. He was hard as the fucking rocks around them. Apparently his body hadn’t gotten the message about extreme emotional distress. Or actually it had gotten the message, but it interpreted his adrenaline rush as arousal. Here he was, holding the most beautiful, sexy woman he’d ever known—and his dick had no idea why it couldn’t be in her. He cleared his throat and took a half step back to make sure she wouldn’t feel the erection against her back.
When she rocked her hips back in a sensual, knowing sway, he knew it was too late. She already knew. Now wasn’t the right time. She was vulnerable and hurt. He shouldn’t touch her. But her body invited him in with a soft moan he barely heard over the crickets and the pounding of his heart, and he was helpless to refuse.