Chapter Nine – Ruth

Ruth got home, kicked off her shoes, and fed Mr. Scratch, before showering and heading straight back out the door. With her apologies to her cat still fresh on her lips, she drove to Michael’s forest, happy she remembered the way.

As she drove along the trail leading to the cabin, her small car bounced over the potholes she’d hardly noticed yesterday in Michael’s truck. Perhaps, since she was settling in Bear Creek, buying a more robust vehicle might be a sensible option. Her car was built for the city. Not the great wilderness that surrounded her home, which she fell in love with more every day.

“We’ve been waiting for you,” Michael said when she arrived. He was in the cabin, feeding cookies to Jenny and Jason. Ruth stood on the doorstep for a moment, looking at the scene before her. They looked as if they belonged. She could almost be coming home from work to find her husband and kids waiting for her.

Her stomach clenched at the thought. She was never going to carry a child in her womb, or give birth to their child with Michael by her side.

“We’re helping Michael make dinner,” Jenny said in her high, sweet voice.

“And what are we having for dinner?” Ruth asked.

“Stone-baked pizza and homemade fries.” Michael wiped his hands proudly. “I built a pizza oven outside. I like to sit out there on summer nights with the smell of the pizza cooking.”

“I’m putting peperoni on mine,” Jason told Ruth. He looked a lot more relaxed here in Michael’s house than he did at school.

“Do you have any mushrooms?” Ruth asked, joining the fun.

“We do. I pick them wild in the woods.” Michael pointed her in the direction of a bowl filled with chopped mushrooms. “Fresh tomatoes, too.”

“We picked those from Michael’s garden,” Jenny explained. “And spinach.”

Jason pulled a face. “I don’t like spinach.”

“Makes you grow big and strong,” Ruth replied. “It has iron in it.”

“Iron? But it’s a green leaf.” Jason picked up a leaf of spinach and looked at it in disbelief.

“Try it,” Ruth encouraged. She picked up a leaf and folded it into her mouth.

Jason wrinkled his nose. “I don’t like anything green.”

“You like grass,” Jenny stated. “And trees.”

“Not to eat,” Jason replied.

“Peas. You like peas. Fresh from the pod.” Jenny’s bottom lip trembled and Jason turned back to his pizza, but the lightness surrounding him had diminished.

“We could pick some peas from the garden,” Michael offered, picking up on the change in mood.

“We used to pick them with Mommy,” Jenny said softly. “We would sit around the kitchen table and shell them. She didn’t mind if we ate them raw. She always made sure there was still enough for dinner.”

Jason averted his eyes, concentrating with ferocity on placing his peperoni in a spiral around his pizza. He didn’t speak, it was as if he wanted to shut them all out. Or shut out memories of his mom.

“I think my pizza is ready,” Ruth announced, lifting it up to show them all.

Jenny giggled. “You made a face.”

“I did. When my brothers and sisters were younger, we used to make pizza, and we always used to make the ugliest faces we could.” Ruth smiled as she reminisced. “Frankie, my youngest sister, was the best at it, she has an amazing imagination.”

“Where are your brothers and sisters now?” Jenny asked, while Michael listened, and Jason ignored them.

“They live in my hometown. They all have mates except for Frankie. She’s traveled the world.” Ruth pictured her sister, once so ill, now so full of life, so full of adventure. She was the person who inspired Ruth to train to be a teacher, even when she said she was too old.

“All over the world?” Jenny asked. “Jason wants to go to the north pole and see polar bears. Our mom was a polar bear.”

“Shut up, Jenny.” Jason’s voice was hoarse. “You don’t have to tell everyone everything about us.”

“Why?” Jenny asked.

“Because some stuff is private.” Jason left his pizza and slunk off.

Michael started to follow, but Ruth put up her hand and said, “I’ll go.”

Michael nodded and watched Ruth as she followed Jason. “Want to sit outside for a while?”

“I want to be alone.” His expression filled with sadness, his eyes filled with tears. There was so much pent-up anger and fear and sorrow inside the young boy, Ruth wondered if he might explode.

“We don’t have to talk. We can just sit and listen to the birds.” Ruth guided him outside, there was a swing seat on the porch, and that’s where she headed. Jason followed. It was if he longed to reach out to someone, but wasn’t sure who to trust, or who even cared. “Want to sit?”

Jason nodded and pulled himself onto the swing seat, shuffling to sit with his back resting on the soft cushions. Ruth glanced sideways at him, and then clasped her hands, relaxing backward, letting herself be present in the moment. It was a coping mechanism she’d used many times when life spiraled out of control. In the moment, there was no fear for the future, or regrets of the past.

She smiled to herself. Jason’s behavior reminded her how she’d forgotten to be present. Slowly her habits had changed, and small things, like meeting her mate, had triggered memories that didn’t belong in her present. She had to make decisions based on the here and now, not on so many yesterdays, they blurred into one.

“My mom died when I was fifteen,” Ruth began, she didn’t look at Jason, or wait for him to answer as she continued. “My stepfather was a shifter, and he was so consumed with grief he couldn’t look after us. So I took over. I was older and I became mom and dad. It’s tough, that kind of responsibility, when you’re still a kid yourself.”

Ruth let the silence settle between them, until finally Jason said, “My mom was the best. She loved us so much. I miss her so much.”

“I know.” Ruth slipped her arm around Jason’s shoulders and pulled him close. “It’s not the same, but there are people who want to love you, and look after you.”

“But not forever.” He sighed, a shuddering breath passing through him. “When our neighbor called social services, and we went to a foster home, we had to leave everything behind. All our toys, all our mom’s things, all our memories. Why didn’t Dad stop that from happening?”

“I don’t know.” Ruth looked out into the trees, watching the birds as they gathered food for their young. “And I’m sorry it happened to you.”

“I like it here.” Jason relaxed into her arms.

“So do I.” Ruth and Jason sat together, until Jenny came and joined them.

“Michael said we have to light the pizza oven and then we all get to cook our pizzas.” Her face looked flushed with excitement, but it soon slipped away when she saw Jason.

“We were just talking,” Ruth said, getting up and pulling Jason to his feet. “Now, we need to eat.”

“It’s going to be delicious,” Jenny said, taking her brother’s hand. “You can cook yours first, Jason.”

“You can if you want,” Jason offered.

“No, I can wait.” Jenny pulled him back inside, where Michael was waiting with the pizzas all ready to take outside.

“Let’s take them out to the oven and use the pizza paddle to put them inside. When we get them out they’re going to be hot, so you have to wait for them to cool.” Michael looked at Jenny and Jason. “Understand? I don’t want you to burn yourselves.”

“We can do it.” Jason’s confidence shone through.

“I believe you and Jenny can do anything.” Ruth caught Michael’s eye. “But we are here to help.” Ruth wrapped her arms around the two children. “That’s what we’re here for. You aren’t alone anymore.” Jason smiled, a soft, shy smile, and then nodded.

Michael instructed Jason and Jenny on how to build a fire in the pizza oven. When they lit it, they took turns to blow on the kindling, making it spark into life. “Now we have to wait for it to get hot enough.”

“What do we do while we wait?” Jason asked, eying up the building Michael used as a workshop. The doors were open and the lathe stood invitingly in a patch of sunlight.

“You boys go and play, and Jenny and I will wait for the oven to warm up. Unless you want to go, too. Girls can do anything boys can do.” Ruth arched an eyebrow, daring the two males to deny it.

“Want to come, too, Jenny?” Jason asked.

Jenny shook her head. “No, I want to stay with Ruth.” She watched Jason and Michael walk away.

“Are you sure?” Ruth asked.

“Yes. Jason does everything he can to help me. He should do something just for himself. Don’t you think?” Jenny turned her clear blue eyes on Ruth.

“I think you are a very wise young lady. Who probably looks after Jason as much as he looks after you.” Ruth patted the seat next to her. “Do you want to talk about anything? I know I’m your teacher, but I’m a very good listener, and whatever you say will stay between us girls.”

“Why aren’t you a mom?” Jenny’s question hit Ruth sideways.

“I never met the right man.” That was too simple an explanation. “After taking care of my brothers and sisters, I then went to college and trained as a teacher. I didn’t really date, not seriously. Because I wanted to do something for me.”

Jenny sat and thought about Ruth’s answer. “But now that you’ve met Michael, will you have children?”

“I’m a little too old.” Ruth looked down at her hands. Was she too old? Elizabeth must be near to Ruth’s age, and she’d had a baby.

“If you weren’t too old?” Jenny asked, coming to sit next to Ruth.

“I don’t know.” Ruth decided honesty was the only way to answer Jenny’s questions. “It’s not something I thought about. Not for a long time.” She smiled down at Jenny’s expectant face. “You have to remember I only met Michael a couple of days ago at the Renaissance Faire.”

“That was the day you met?” Jenny asked in awe. “Did you really know that Michael was your mate?”

“Me? No.” Ruth shook her head quickly. “I had no idea. I still don’t. I’m not a shifter.”

“Oh.” Jenny leaned forward and sniffed Ruth. “I can tell.”

Ruth laughed. “Don’t go around sniffing everyone like that.”

“I won’t.” Jenny gazed at the fire which had died down to glowing embers. “If you couldn’t have children of your own…would you and Michael adopt? Perhaps two older children.” She didn’t meet Ruth’s eyes, just stared at the embers, her mouth pressed into a thin line.

“I don’t know, Jenny. It’s not just up to me.” Ruth hugged the girl close. “Michael and I don’t know each other. I don’t know what he likes, and he doesn’t know what I like. I don’t even know if he likes sugar in his coffee.”

Jenny nodded. “Shall I go get the boys?”

“Yes, you go get the boys.” Ruth caught hold of Jenny’s hand as she went to run off. “Remember what I said, girls can do everything boys can do, and boys can do whatever girls can do. Next time, if you want to make something in the workshop, go and do it.”

“I will.” Jenny came back to Ruth. “But I like it here with you. You remind me of my mom.” Jenny sniffed Ruth again. “Rose and vanilla.” Then she ran off to the workshop, yelling for her brother.

Ruth struggled for breath, as if someone was sitting on her chest. Did she want children? Did she want to adopt if she couldn’t have a child of her own?

And even if she could, was there room in her life, room in her heart for Jason and Jenny?

Ruth knew the answer, but was she strong enough to admit it, and brave enough to act?