Chapter 21
Wren
“Girl, why don’t you smile? You look mad all the time.”
Jezebel slowly turned to Cora. “Excuse me?”
Cora waved her hand drunkenly in front of her face. “What’s going on here?”
“With my face?”
Cora nodded her head. “Yeah.”
“It’s my face, Cora.”
She nodded and held up her glass to Jezebel. “To resting bitch face.”
“Did we just become best friends?” Jezebel asked. “Because girl, your resting bitch face game is on point.”
We were drunk. Well, everyone was drunk except for Karmen, who was getting drunk on cake. Yes, Karmen had made a cake to celebrate our girls’ night in. A cake which none of us were allowed to eat since we got to drink and Karmen didn’t.
“Just give me one bite,” Nikki pleaded with Karmen. “I’ll let you smell my wine.”
Karmen wrinkled her nose. “Uh, no. Smelling wine isn’t as good as tasting it.”
“Then let me smell your cake.”
And this is what our night had become. Nikki begging Karmen to smell her cake, and Cora and Jezebel bonding over the fact they both had resting bitch face. If Alice were here, she would have rounded out our group of weirdos.
“Hey,” I called. “Where is Alice? I hung out with her in, wherever it is she lives.” I was in a wine cooler fog at the moment and could barely remember my own name. “And she was hilarious. Do you know she travels with her own blender?”
“A blender?” Cora asked. “That does sound like something that bitch would do.”
“Aw,” I cooed. “You called her a bitch. You must really like her.”
Cora waved her hand at me. “You’re a lightweight, Wren. I could always drink you under the table.”
Nikki leaned back and looked at her feet. “I don’t know about that, Cora. I don’t see either of you under the table.”
Jezebel rested her elbows on the table. “I has a question. Who would be under the table if Cora could drink her under the table? Are both of them under the table drinking, or is Cora sitting on top of the table because she’s king of the table because she drank more than Wren?”
Karmen's fork froze midair, Nikki’s jaw dropped, and Cora’s eyes bugged out. None of us knew the answer. Karmen should have been the one to decipher the saying since she wasn't drunk, but Jezebel had even stumped her.
“This is what you guys talk about when you drink?”
We all turned to Nickel, who was sprawled out on the couch watching TV.
“If you’re the smart, then why don’t you answer the question, Skipper?” Yes, Nickel was now nicknamed “the Skipper” because he couldn’t be “the Captain” since that was Karmen. He wasn’t really happy with any of us right now.
“Wren is on the floor because she passed out. Cora is still drinking. That’s what it means.”
In unison, we all logged in an awe.
Nikki wagged her finger at Karmen. “You got yourself a smart Skipper there, Captain.”
Karmen shoved the bite of cake in her mouth and pretended to curtsy. “Why thank you. I’m rather fond of him.”
“You should be since he made you blow up like a house.” Nikki slapped her hand over her mouth. “I’m so sorry,” she mumbled.
Cora and Jezebel cackled like a bunch of hens while I took a long drink to keep myself from laughing.
Karmen rubbed her stomach. “I really can’t argue with you on that one. I think I surpassed house and am now the size of a semi.”
Cora shook her head. “You’re not tall enough to be a semi.”
Oh, the logic that was spewing out of our mouths tonight.
“Oh, my God, I would kill for a damn beer right now.” Poor Nickel wasn’t allowed to drink since he was on duty of keeping us safe. He said there were three other members at the clubhouse, but we had yet to see them. From what I understood, they were keeping an eye on things that we didn’t need to know about.
More things I didn’t need to know about.
After Maniac had scared the hell out of me at the cabin, we made up, I drank three cups of coffee, and then we headed to the clubhouse. When we had gotten here, Maniac had switched rooms with one of the prospects. After I changed the sheets and gave the room a good scrub down, I felt I could stay in the room without getting scabies or herpes.
Cora’s head rolled back, and she held her arms up in the air. “I love you, bitches.”
And Cora was tanked. When she started shouting her love for any and everything, she was gone.
We all shouted that we loved her too. “Another round?” I asked.
Nikki shook her head. “Pipe is going to be mad if I get any more drunk.”
“You’re telling me your man doesn’t let you drink?” Cora asked.
“No, no, no. He doesn’t care if I drink. He just doesn’t like it when I get so drunk that I can’t even tell what color hair I have.”
Jezebel squinted. “I don’t think I have ever been that drunk. My hair is brown.”
“Your hair is red,” Nikki sputtered.
Jezebel’s jaw dropped, and she picked up a strand of hair to examine. “Holy shit, it is!” She held her hair close to her face like she had never seen it before.
“Oh, my God,” Nickel groaned.
Cora beat her hand on the table and struggled to breathe through her laughter.
Karmen shoveled more cake into her mouth and shook her head. “All we need is Alice here, and the idiot circle would be complete.”
“Hey,” Nikki protested. “You’re part of that circle, too.”
Karmen pointed her fork at Nikki. “I’m the Captain of that damn circle.”
Nikki saluted her.
“So, who is this Alice?” Jezebel asked.
“She’s insane,” Nickel called. “She wears cow print.”
“You’re never going to let her live that down, are you?” Nikki asked.
“No, because I’m ninety-nine percent sure she would do it again. And again.” Nickel shook his head and turned up the volume on the TV.
“She mentioned something about having to take care of her mom when I talked to her.” It was a miracle I remembered anything about that day except for the fact that she had a blender with her.
Nikki nodded. “Yeah, she mentioned that to me too, and I know with me quitting the diner, they haven’t been able to get anyone to stay on for more than a couple of days before they quit.”
“We should go kidnap her. I want to meet the illusive crazy as a bat Alice.” Jezebel stood up and tossed back the rest of her wine. “Who’s driving?”
“No, no, no.” Nickel jumped up from the couch. “No one is kidnapping anyone. That shit is not happening while I’m in charge.”
“How cute,” Karmen laughed. “He thinks he’s in charge.”
“I can’t fell my face.” Cora poked her cheek.
“You mean feel?” I laughed.
She rolled her eyes back and looked up at the ceiling. She mouthed the words she had just said. Her head rolled forward, and she smiled. “Yup, totally meant feel.”
“Why don't you guys play pool or something?” Nickel suggested.
Karmen screamed, and she looked like she had just seen a ghost.
“Did someone turn the water on?” Nikki asked, looking around.
“I have an idea of what we can do,” Karmen said between clenched teeth.
“If it involves you eating a whole cake by yourself, I’m out. I’m not about that life.” Nikki shook her head.
Karmen shook her head. “We can bring the cake, but maybe we should head to the hospital.”
“The hospital?” Nickel called.
“Yeah. I think this semi is about to deliver its load.”
Cora turned to me. “Semi?”
Whoa, Jesus.
“Oh, my God!” Nickel catapulted over the couch and helped Karmen up. “You’re gonna deliver your load?”
Karmen nodded her head.
“Can someone clue me on what is going on here?”
Poor Cora. I leaned over and patted her hand. “Karmen is about to have the baby.”
Her jaw dropped, and she shook her head. “She can’t do that, I’m pregnant. I mean, I’m drunk.”
Nikki snorted.
“We’ll get you some coffee on the way,” I suggested.
“We ain’t stopping for no coffee,” Nickel hollered. “We’re headed straight to the hospital to have this baby.”
Jezebel stretched her arms up in the air and gave a weird, loud shout. “I’ve had a baby before! I can so help you. Let me handle this.” She cracked her knuckles and stumbled to the left.
Karmen held up her hand. “I think we’ll just go to the hospital, Jezebel. You can come with us though.”
“Fine, fine,” she mumbled. “You don’t want my help. Not like I didn’t squeeze a ten pound baby out of my vajayjay or anything.”
“You didn’t do that, Jez. You had a C-section.” Jezebel complained about the scar she had whenever she tried on swimsuits.
“Details,” she slurred.
Nickel ran his fingers through his hair. “Jesus Christ. I can’t have a room full of drunks while Karmen delivers the baby.”
“Toot toot,” Nikki called.
We all turned to look at her. “What? I’m drunk, and in my mind, I was a semi backing up. But I still know my hair is brown.” She pointed at Jezebel. “Can you say the same thing?”
“My hair is brown,” she answered.
I put my arm around her shoulders. “It’s red, honey,” I whispered.
“Son of a bitch.” She stomped her foot and examined her hair again.
“Okay, whatever we do, we need to figure it out now. We can all fit in my car.” Karmen ran her hands over her stomach and breathed deep. “My bag is already in the car.”
“Jesus. Everyone get your damn shoes on, and let’s go,” Nickel ordered.
“What about Jake?” Cora asked.
“Hey! That’s my kid,” Jezebel yelled happily.
At least she remembered she had a kid even though she couldn’t tell you what color her hair was. “Why don’t you stay here with him, and then you can come to the hospital in the morning.”
Jezebel nodded. “I like the way you think, Wren.”
“Okay, then it’s settled. Shoes on, and we leave in two minutes.” Nickel leaned close to Karmen and talked to her quietly.
“I’ve got shoes on,” Nikki and Cora said at the same time.
“Me too,” I added.
Jezebel looked down. “I don't have feet. I mean shoes.” She laughed uncontrollably and leaned on Cora to not fall over.
“I think we all drank Jezebel under the table,” Nikki laughed.
Thankfully Cora, Nikki, and I had sobered up a bit when Karmen had announced she was in labor. Jezebel, on the other hand, was too far gone. The only thing that was going to help her was a handful of aspirin and about ten hours of sleep. Even then, she was going to have one hell of a hangover.
Cora and I helped Jezebel to her room, and she was snoring before we shut the door behind us.
“Your girl is a hoot, Wren, but she really is a lightweight,” Cora commented.
That was the truth. “I think it might have been a while since she last got drunk.”
“Kids will do that to you,” Cora muttered.
Nickel managed to wrangle us all into the car with Karmen sitting in the front. If you wouldn’t know, you never would have guessed she was in labor. It was kind of crazy how calm she was.
I pulled out my phone and sent a quick message to Maniac.
He wasn’t the only one having an exciting night.
On way to hospital. Karmen about to have baby.
Not how I expected my night to go, but that was life.
It was baby time.
*