We drive in silence, well, mostly. The only sounds come from Locke attempting to break the tension with an inappropriate joke as we get caught at a traffic light. Nobody even pretends to force a laugh, though, blanketing us all back into silence.

The tension in the cramped car makes me feel like we’re heading to a funeral. It reminds me of the only funeral I’ve ever attended, the one for Dad L’s sister Ria. The solemn mood of that day is practically echoed in the car, and I can’t help but think it’s fitting, considering I could be heading to my death right now. I must have been too young to remember Alaric’s funeral, considering he was gone before I was old enough to even remember him. I wonder if it felt like this too. Thinking of him making them all go through that when he was alive the whole time, it makes me even more furious. Just another hurt he’s caused my family to add to the list of his crimes.

As much as I’m trying to stay positive, to cling onto hope that I will make it through this alive and the Honzel was merely testing me, I felt the truth in that vision. I felt the realness of my potential demise. It needed to know I was willing to risk it all, because that’s what it may require. I’m risking my life, my future with the guys, all to save everyone I care about, and to make sure they get the futures they deserve. This is more than just revenge for what he’s done to me, or for what he did by killing Ryan, it’s giving peace to everyone.

We finally reach Linda’s house, and some of the others’ cars are already parked outside. We’re all parked sloppily, nobody caring enough to straighten up right now. We might not even make it back after all, so, why should any of us care?

We file into Linda’s home, gathering in the open plan dining and living room while we wait for the last of those coming with us. I feel eyes on me and turn to look for the source, finding East watching me with a concerned look on his face. I force myself to smile at him, but he won’t meet my eyes as he turns away.

“I just need to talk to East a minute, keep an eye on things for me,” I whisper to Enzo, who’s standing next to me stiffly. He nods, grazing his hand across my cheek before I squeeze past him and head over to East.

I grab East’s hand, leading him upstairs and out of the way of prying eyes so we can talk privately. I push open the first door we reach, and find a blandly decorated room, with no real personal items in here. A guest room, I’d guess. I pull East in there with me, shutting the door behind us.

“What was that about?” I ask him directly. We don’t have time to skirt around the subject.

“You’re not going,” East states, stepping closer. I hear a metallic jingle, and my eyes latch onto the marked handcuffs in his hands. He must have swiped them from the warehouse after we rescued everyone. I step back from him nervously, putting my hands up in a stay back gesture.

“Now isn’t the time to get kinky, East,” I joke lamely, not even garnering a smile from him.

“Don’t make jokes, Kenz. How can you even think of making fucking jokes when you’re walking to your death?” he shouts, his voice sounding both pained and pissed off all at once. Shock washes over me like someone’s drenched me in a bucket of ice water.

“What do you mean?” I question innocently, though my response is a few seconds too late. The lie in my words shattering any peace between us.

“You know what, Kenzie. I heard you in the car, what you were thinking…you know you’ll die trying to stop him and you’re still willing to go there? Well, I’m not willing to let you go, willing to lose you. I’m sure the others will agree with me about you staying here once I fill them in.” He looks almost regretful as he quickly snags my wrist before I can even blink, and slaps the first cuff onto my wrist. “I’m sorry, but I know you won’t stay by choice.”

“I’m sorry too, East,” I whisper, blinking back the tears that are threatening to fall. He doesn’t want me to die, I know that. How can I be mad at his actions right now, when I know I’d do the exact same thing? I can’t let him do this though, there’s just too much at stake here.

“For what?” he asks, and I bite my lip, leaning up as if to whisper in his ear. Instead, I slip free from the cuffs that he hasn’t activated yet and slip it over his wrist instead, snapping the other end to the headboard of the bed. I use my protection mark to activate the cuffs quickly, not making his same mistake of waiting too long.

“For that,” I answer in a subdued voice. Stepping back, I look away from the accusing look on his face.

“Let me go, Kenz!” he snaps. “If you don’t un-cuff me right now, I’ll shout for the others,” he says in a determined voice, and I know he would. I can’t risk that happening, as I know they’d side with him on this.

“I’m sorry, East,” I apologise again, and use one of my new marks as I place my hand on his cheek. His body flops as he hits the floor, instantly unconscious from my touch. I flinch at the loud noise it makes, worried, both in case I hurt him, and that someone heard it. I watch the door silently for a few moments, half expecting someone to barge in here and find out what I’ve just done. When minutes pass with no intrusion, I let out a breath and crouch down beside him. “I really am sorry,” I whisper, before laying a kiss on his lips gently, and pulling away to look at his face. I commit every last detail to my memory, the shape of his lips, the way the natural highlights in his hair catch the light, the sharp edges of his cheekbones and jaw. The way I look at him now feels a little like how you see someone important to you for the first time. It’s special, a defined moment. It’s not like the millions of other times my eyes have run over him, as I know that this could be the very last time I see him. My heart feels like breaking as I stand up, heading for the door.

As I leave, I fight the urge to say a goodbye. Saying goodbye would mean I’ve given up, and I’m not quite ready to do that yet. I decide right there that this won’t be the last time I look at that stupidly perfect face of East’s. I swear it to myself, and to him, as he lies there unconscious on the floor and chained to a stranger’s bed, unable to follow. Then, I turn and head to walk into the fire, without him by my side.