I’d seen her car pull up.

I had been up at the desk by Jess, waiting for her to come in like a creep. Something Jess was only too pleased to point out. I’d been waiting for it all day. Fuck, I’d been waiting for it since she’d left with Owen.

There was something off about the way she turned into the lot. It was jerky. It was too fast, and then she was breaking mid-turn, correcting more than once through the curve. When minutes passed and she didn’t come inside, I got anxious. A few more, and I couldn’t resist the urge to go check on her.

What I found nearly brought me to my knees.

She was breaking. Completely.

I didn’t know what triggered it, but there was no doubt that this was grief in its purest form. Almost like she was losing him all over again.

Fuck.

I carried her through the back door of the shop, running into Sketch as he stepped out of the prep room.

“What the fuck?”

He looked exactly like a fucking biker you didn’t cross when he got a load of Kate.

“I’ve got it.”

“Liam, man—” he started to argue.

“I’ve got it.” My tone wasn’t one for bullshit back-and-forth about it.

He stared me down for a long moment, probably still considering fighting me on this. He was welcome to try. There was no way in fuck I was backing down. His eyes shot down to where Kate was curled against me. Her hands had found purchase on my shirt, gripping the material like it was a lifeline.

Finally, he jerked up his chin. “Take the office.”

Done.

I turned left, taking her into the office, glad for the button switch for the lights that I could jab with my elbow easily. I took her to the black leather loveseat to one side and sat down with her still in my arms.

Knowing there was no magic fix to make any of this better, I didn’t try. I hurt like fuck, each gasping sob from her driving that knife deeper and deeper, but I let her cry. I figured this was probably in part because she’d learned to bottle shit up. I had no clue what triggered the dam breaking, it didn’t really matter. What mattered was that there was no controlling the flood. All I could do was give her something to hold onto and hope she didn’t drown in it.

Minutes ticked by, and the torrent started to slow. Even as the sobs eased, the hold she had on me did not. When eventually she was emitting nothing more than hiccups, I brought one hand up and began to rub at her iron grip. The tension there released in small measures until her arm collapsed into her own lap. I moved on to the other, doing the same until she let go. I grabbed onto both of her now trembling hands with mine, holding them firm to keep her steady.

More time passed with us just like that until her breathing evened out. It was even longer still before she spoke in a raspy voice.

“Someone ran a red light.” She took a shuddering breath. “Right in front of me. I nearly hit him.”

The trigger.

No fucking wonder she’d broken down like that. A near miss that way would rattle anyone. For Kate, it was enough to bring her crumbling down.

“I’m sorry.”

Hell, no.

“Don’t even think that,” I ordered. “You don’t have a thing to be sorry for.”

“I…I’m a mess.”

“Show me someone who isn’t.”

She gave a huff of a laugh that had only a bit of amusement in it. I’d take it.

“I think I might be messier than most.”

“Can’t say I agree with that. There are a lot of people out there that take the kind of shit you’re carrying and let it ruin them. They take that shit out on others, they drug themselves until they can’t feel it. What’ve you done? You’ve put being a good mother for your boy first. Something shitty happened today and it made you break down a bit, but that hardly compares.”

Her head tipped back to look at me. Her eyes were pink, her cheeks blotchy and damp with tears. There was hair clinging to the wet skin. She was an absolute mess. And still, she was fucking beautiful.

“You’re really sweet.”

“My mom tried her best,” I teased.

One corner of her lips rose a fraction. They looked so soft.

I reached up, rubbing the tears from her cheeks and pushing the loose hair back from her face. It was overstepping, I knew it, but I couldn’t resist letting my thumb run across her bottom lip as I moved from one cheek to the other. It was like brushing against pure silk. Her breathing changed, and I felt it right down to my balls.

“I brought cupcakes,” she offered into the tense moment between us.

So fucking cute.

“Thanks, gypsy.”

“There’s lemon. Avery’s been on a lemon kick because the smell can help with morning sickness. I know those are your favorite.”

I raised an eyebrow, and she bit her lip. I swear there was a hint of a blush beneath the tear tracks.

“You always get more than one when we have them,” she explained.

Ah, so she’d been paying attention to what I was getting.

Her eyes went to the ceiling, and I wondered if my face was betraying how fucking smug I felt.

“I get an extra for Jess.” I let her off the hook. “They’re her favorite.”

“Oh.”

There was something working in her eyes, considering me, and I had to know. “What?”

“Are you two…”

I barked out a laugh. Fuck, was she kidding? “No. Never. Just friends.”

“Okay.”

It was ballsy, probably so ballsy I’d end up with bruised nuts from making the move. I went for it anyway. “I’ve got someone else in my sights. I know I should back off and leave her be, but I can’t seem to help myself.”

She actually gawked at me a bit, like I hadn’t been obvious as fuck the last few times I’d been around her. “Oh.”

“You like saying that.”

Her eyes dropped, but that lip tilt was back. It was looking down that made her finally realize she was in my lap. Before she could jump off, I tightened my arms a bit. It wasn’t enough to hold her there by a long shot, just a silent assurance that she was good where she was—if she wanted to stay. Her body was like a statue perched on top of mine for several heartbeats, and I was certain she was going to retreat.

You could have bowled me over with a breath when she stayed put. Feeling her relax into me, fully aware of what she was doing, made me feel like a fucking king.

“You want to talk about it?”

She released a deep breath.

“We were in the car with him,” she started, shocking the hell out of me again by opening up. “Owen and I.”

Shit. I hadn’t known that.

“I remember the car coming at us.” Her voice was steady, not quite that lifeless tone I’d gotten before. Still, she seemed distant in that moment, like being fully present while talking about this was too much. “I remember Joel swerving, getting Owen and me as far from the point of impact as possible.”

“Fuck.” I couldn’t keep it in hearing that. I’d figured he’d had to be a good guy to inspire the kind of love Kate had for him even now, and that shit just proved it.

“I blacked out. When I woke up, I was in the ambulance. Owen was in transport before me. Joel…” She swallowed hard. “He was still trapped.”

I gripped onto her hands tighter, hoping to be some kind of anchor for her through this. Wishing she didn’t have to relive it, but knowing that she couldn’t keep on the way she had been.

“I never found out if he was already gone then,” she whispered like it was some shameful admission to not know. As if she should have tortured herself with that knowledge. “I never learned anything but that he was suddenly gone.”

“Did you want to know?”

She shook her head as she ducked her chin in.

“Then it’s good you didn’t. That shit, the specifics, they don’t matter. That’s not him. That’s not how you should remember him. I know.” I felt the familiar sinking sensation that always accompanied the memories of losing Dad. “I know exactly how my dad died. He was still hanging on when he got back to the hospital. They had him in surgery for hours trying to help, but his injuries were too severe. I know exactly what inevitably took him from us. And I’ll tell you the honest truth: I wish I didn’t.

“Knowing all the details didn’t help; it just took something already horrible and made it gruesome. In the worst times, it was going over every detail of what the surgeon told us that haunted me most. There were times I couldn’t even picture my dad as he was. When I tried, I’d conjure up this image of him in that O.R. That wasn’t him, though. He was all the good times before that.”

I released my hold on her when she started to shift, thinking she needed space. When she turned in my lap to throw her arms around me, that sick feeling of the lingering grief washed away. I wrapped her up, hoping I could offer her even a touch of that same feeling in return. My feeble attempt at not noticing how good she felt there was going to make my life hell later if this was the only chance I got.

“Thank you,” she said, her breath warming my neck with the words.

Afraid of breaking the moment, I only tightened my hold in response. It also helped me keep my mind off of other things that were tightening against my will.

She pulled back too soon. I knew I’d probably held her there a solid minute, but I got the distinct feeling having Kate pull away from me would always be too soon. Her arms didn’t unwind from my neck, though. She sat there, leaned only inches back, and met my eyes. The longer we sat there, the more her face had begun to clear of the signs of her tears. Even a mess, she’d be beautiful. Now, that close, the normal color returning to her skin, she’d never been more gorgeous. I had to ball my hands into fists to keep myself from pulling her back in, wanting to feel all of her against me again. Her tongue came out to wet her lips, and I bit down on mine in response to hold back the groan. She had to know how she was torturing me. Not that I was even considering asking her to stop.

Maybe it was just the lack of blood up top, but there was something in her eyes I couldn’t read, something working beneath the surface. I couldn’t decipher it.

And then I didn’t have to guess.

She made it pretty fucking clear when she pressed her lips to mine.

Fuck.

They were somehow impossibly softer against mine than they had been on the pad of my thumb. It was just a simple kiss, nothing more. I deserved a goddamn medal for resisting the need to devour her. This wasn’t about my needs. This was about Kate.

Even as I thought it, I knew she could kiss me just like that as many times as she wanted to, and I’d resist that urge every time if that was what she needed from me. Anything to experience it again.

Anything for her.

She sat back, her eyes wide. “I…I’m—”

I cut her off before she could finish. “You don’t ever need to apologize for that.”

She bit her lip, and I lost the battle with holding back a groan when her eyes dropped to mine. The sound made her gaze pop back up, a flush darkening her cheeks.

She was trying to kill me.

What a sweet fucking way to go.