Chapter 19
Leaning on the railing of the back porch, Thea breathed in the crisp arctic air as she stared out at the winding river that snaked through the snow-covered field not a mere stone’s throw from her back door.
After escaping the men who’d caught her, Thea had hitched a ride to town, pretending to be exhausted so she could lie down in the back seat for the entire ride. The entire ride she thought about Marko. How was it possible to miss someone you just met so much?
Once, a punch of lust hit her so hard she thought she was going back into heat, but it slowly ebbed after she clenched her hands and concentrated on breathing through it.
Once she got to town, she forewent a stop at her apartment and went straight to the bank where she withdrew a good chunk of money before renting a truck and hitting the road. She’d wanted to call her parents, but opted to shoot them a letter instead, letting them know she was okay and apologizing for leaving so abruptly. She wanted to call them so badly, but she knew she wasn’t strong enough to not tell them everything that had happened and they didn’t deserve that kind of worry. Besides, she didn’t know if those men were still after her, which meant it was best for everyone she knew if she went off the grid for a while. She’d considered calling StoneCrow and begging help, but that idea died a rapid death. StoneCrow was a literal disaster area right now, and clearly, they had zero time for her and her issues. And, if she was honest with herself, she only wanted to call StoneCrow so she could talk to Marko, but he’d made his intentions quite clear the day she woke alone in that suite. He didn’t want the burden of her, and she couldn’t blame him. He’d been so distant in all of their interactions. She’d been the one infatuated, and it had incited her to throw herself in front of a tranq dart meant for Marko. He’d done what he’d done for her out of gratitude and nothing more. Thinking about it now, she was embarrassed, so ashamed at how she’d acted. And Marko…he’d been great. More than great, which was even worse. He was the most attentive lover she’d ever had, not that there’d been many before him, but he’d just been so, so…so, perfect! She wanted him more now than she ever had before, which meant she needed to stay away from him because she wasn’t sure she could keep herself from acting like a complete fool in front of him after what they’d shared. She knew to him it’d just been sex, but to her, it’d been so much more.
Decided that she needed to stay away from StoneCrow and Marko specifically, Thea had gotten her cash, taken her rental truck to the nearest pawn shop where she’d bought a gun, and then she’d hit the road.
Knowing she didn’t want to go too far, she contacted one of the outfitters in Wolf Creek. This time of year, most of the fishing cabins on the water sat vacant. It wasn’t hard to rent a cabin and satisfied with herself for paying for everything with cash once she’d left the city, Thea was confident that she was safe from anyone who might be hunting her down.
Now, staring at the doe and fawn that lapped quietly from the river, she huddled deeper into her blanket and brought her hot mug of tea to her lips. Her appetite had come and gone and then come again with a vengeance. There was a small store in the tiny town of Wolf Creek, but Thea made the twenty-six-minute jaunt to the bigger grocery store in Cascade to stock up on supplies. She’d gotten enough meat to fill the freezer along with the necessities of butter, milk, sugar, flour, eggs, bread, and a whole case of assorted canned goods. She’d even splurged on enough fresh produce to have her feeling satisfied that she was eating healthy. She was all ready to settle in for the month she’d already paid for the cabin.
She loved it here. It was quiet and beautiful, the perfect place to do some reflecting.
Watching the doe step up the embankment, she noted how the animal turned and waited for her baby to make it safely up. She’d been at the cabin only two days, but watching the animals, she realized how much she missed interacting with her own species. The cabin was great, but it was also lonely as hell. Her mind instantly shot to Marko, and a pang gripped her chest at what might have been. She’d spent her last few nights wondering how things would be different if there weren’t an attack on the estate. She’d have continued her silent ogling of Marko until she finally built up the courage to ask him out for a coffee. He might have said yes, and they might have hit it off. They could have dated a while and maybe even started the process of becoming intimate. Even now, she wondered what it’d be like to be able to call herself his girlfriend. She missed it. She missed belonging to someone. She missed a man’s protective arm slipped around her waist holding her close. She missed soft forehead kisses that spoke more of love than wild bouts of sex. She wanted to be cherished, she wanted to be loved and appreciated, and she didn’t know how to make that happen. Sure, she’d been crushing on Marko and had been building up the courage to make her move on him, but that was blasted out of the water now. He’d had to sleep with her to save her, and the second he could get away from her, that’s exactly what he did. And fuck, that stung. That stung like nothing ever had. Hell, it hurt even more than walking in on her piece of shit ex fucking some lumpy whore in their own bed. Why? Because she realized now that she wasn’t happy with him. She never had been. He was a selfish asshole who only thought of himself. He did a lot to change her, and before she even realized it, she was wearing frumpy clothes and was eighty pounds overweight because he’d always refill her plate at least once during dinner. At first, she’d thought it romantic. Now, she saw it for what it was. He was trying to get her to feel like shit about herself so that when he cheated on her…and boy did he…she’d just accept it because who would want someone like her? Pathetic douche! God, she hated him.
Still, she felt like she deserved a chance at true happiness. She was a good person, and yeah, her husband left her, but he’d given up on someone who was doting and faithful. He’d walked away from someone who truly loved him. She hadn’t been the breaker. She’d been there. She’d been true, all in, and for that she felt the universe owed her some good. She breathed deeply as hope settled into her bones. Closing her eyes, she rested her hip on the railing and muttered hopefully, “I believe in the good things coming.”
***
One month later Thea was bent over the railing puking her guts out. Even secluded, she’d somehow managed to contract the flu, and it was doing a number on her. Today, she’d felt better than she had in days, so she’d made a pot of tea and carried a mug out to the porch swing, but two swallows in and all her tea was coming back up. Now, huddled in a sweaty heap inside her blanket as her body rested against the porch rail, she pressed the back of one hand to her lips as she tried to steady her breathing in hopes of calming her roiling belly.
I can’t catch a break.
She’d been sick so long that she’d gone through a majority of her provisions. She desperately needed to hit the grocery store, but feeling like this she knew shopping would have to wait another day or two. Luckily though, contacting the outfitter with a promise of another cash payment had bought her another few weeks in her hideaway.