Alex heard the door shut behind Jacob but couldn’t move. Paralyzed. I’m paralyzed and now I’ll never have him or anyone else because I can’t move or think or speak or anything.

He sat there. Numb. Unfocused. A statue. Nothing registered until Alyssa’s shrill ringtone pulled him from his stupor. The sound was distant, but it made no difference, he couldn’t move to answer it even if he wanted to. Silence followed the brief interruption. Jacob’s face filled the void Alex stared into, the closely shorn beard begging to be caressed. Alex reached for the phantom image that disappeared as Alyssa’s ringtone filled the silence once more.

He looked down at the pillow still covering his lap and knew the spell he’d been in was shattered. The annoying ring was still distant, so he shoved the pillow aside, stood up and looked around the room once more for his wayward clothes. Nothing. He headed for the bathroom and the sound increased. From the doorway he could see the neat pile of clothes sitting on the vanity. He grabbed his pants and pulled the phone out just as the ringing stopped. He set it next to the clothes before reaching for his drawers. He’d barely stepped into them before the phone rang again.

With a quick yank he pulled them up, grabbed the phone and connected the call. “Alyssa, what the hell is so important that you can’t let a man dress in peace?”

“You, dear brother, are an idiot.” Alex could practically see the sarcasm dripping off the words. “How? Why did you let him leave?”

He’s gone? No, he wouldn’t leave me again. Not like this. “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t you dare play dumb with me. You know it never works.” Alex switched the phone to speaker, so he could dress as she ranted. “You may be older by a few minutes, but you are most definitely not smarter.” He tuned her out as earlier events came into focus. His embrace was always welcoming, comforting. He accepted my hesitation, even gave me some time to think. Again. I knew our connection was real before, seems it still is. I need to trust my own feelings. “Jacob is the best thing that’s ever happened to you and I refuse to sit by and watch you let him walk out the door.”

“No. You do not get a say in my love life or lack thereof.” With a deep breath, he let go of his frustration before he continued. “I don’t know what will happen with Jacob. I don’t even know how Jacob happened. Back off.” A lightbulb went off for him, “I bet you’re the reason I ended up in this situation to begin with.”

“Whatever. You have always loved Jacob. You were just too chicken-shit to admit it.”

“I was not!” Maybe I was, but I’ll never admit it to you.

“And when he left for college you didn’t even try to keep in touch. You just let him disappear from your life like he was a passing stranger.”

Alex swallowed his rising anger, “You know nothing of what I went through when he left.” My heart broke when he left. Hell, it hadn’t felt whole until I saw him across the bar last night. Damn he looked good in that skin tight shirt and those ass hugging jeans. The memory slammed into him and his head spun with the realization.

“I know you had some fucked up idea about keeping Grandpa happy. I know you threw yourself at Joanna Bishop in order to do just that. You dove headfirst into a relationship that kept you in your straight guy cocoon while your heart was bleeding for your true love who was only twenty miles away.”

“Alyssa, I am not getting into this with you.” He shoved his hand in his pocket to discover the key to his room. “I’m hanging up now.”

“Don’t you…” Alex ended the call and turned the phone off before she could call back. He shoved it in his pocket, grabbed his socks and shoes from the floor and headed back to the sitting area. Does he really love me? He left me without a backward glance. If he loved me, how could he do that? Don’t know why Alyssa is so pissed at me, I would never have left Jacob. As the door closed behind him, a stabbing pain tore through his heart. Oh my God! That’s exactly what I did when I let that old man and his bigoted ideas get in my head. Why has it taken me ten years to realize Jacob left for us.

He faced the door as he pulled the keycard from his pocket and swiped the key. No green light. With his head hung low, he headed for the elevator and then made his way to the front desk. “Can I help you sir?”

“Yes please. I checked in yesterday,” he showed her his room key, “but I partied a little too hard last night and don’t remember my room number. Could you look it up please?”

“Of course, I’ll need some ID please.”

Alex pulled his wallet from his back pocket and handed over his driver’s license.

“You are in room twenty-one sixty-two, Mr. White.” She handed him back his license and a key holder with the room number written on it. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“No thanks.” He tucked his wallet into his back pocket before leaving the reception area. The elevator was easy enough to spot. Maybe I can erase all the stupid shit I’ve done with a shower.

The hot water sluiced over his body, easing some of the tension from his shoulders but failed to remove the memory of waking up in Jacob’s arms. “God, it felt so right. Why did I push him away?” Alex grabbed the soap and a washcloth, lathered up and began a vigorous scrubbing of his skin. By the time he stepped out of the shower twenty minutes later he looked like he had a mild sunburn, his skin was such a deep pink from the abuse.

Once dressed, Alex had serious cabin fever. I need people, commotion. He grabbed his phone, wallet, and keycard and with an unknown destination headed out of the room and onto The Strip.