LANA

 

 

I don't know when I can expect an answer from the committee, but with every day that passes without hearing anything, I lose more and more hope.

Jackson tries to contact me several times. I was going to give him the silent treatment once again, but I know him too well, and it won't work on him. If I don't reply to his calls and messages, he will just end up at my door again, so there's no escaping him.

Rather than ignoring his attempts at contacting me, I write him a single message with very clear wording, asking him to leave me alone for a while and give me some time to think about what happened.

Of course, he doesn't content himself with that and bombards me with messages, saying that the presentation had nothing to do with us and that I shouldn't let it affect our relationship.

A relationship, he calls it. I don't know what to think of that.

I don't reply to his messages and hope he will get the hint and leave me alone. I asked for a few days, that's all. He should give me that.

Roughly a week after the presentation, I'm starting to get anxious, about the committee and about Jackson. The more time passes, the stronger the pressure of being confronted with either of them - or both - grows.

Without telling anyone, I've started to play around with the idea of including Jackson's input. I don't want to do it the exact same way he suggested, but rather - try to find a way around it, thinking of Celia's suggestions of putting limitations on the way businesses can advertise on my app. I feel like I'm making headway with it, but there's no point in pursuing this if I get rejected by the committee. The thought of them saying no and not having the support I need to make this a reality weakens my motivation, but it doesn't kill it off entirely.

Maybe I should contact Jackson just to know when I might hear from them. He said there'd be no special treatment - but does that include giving me mundane information such as this?

The question of whether I should contact him or not resolves itself when I find him in front of my dorm once again, sitting on the exact same bench, when I'm walking home from a late shift at the library.

A part of me is happy to see him. The part that is about to fall in love with this attractive man. The sensual part that misses our time together. My body aches for him just as much as my mind does.

He's wearing a thick coat with a light fur collar and black leather gloves. His dark hair is hidden beneath a gray beanie that makes him look younger than he is. He's so handsome that looking at him almost makes me angry.

"I told you I need time," I say in place of a welcome. "Why can't you leave me alone when I ask you to-"

"Because I can't," he interrupts me. "And because I don't want to. I told you I'm not into silly games, Lana. I'm too old for that shit - and so are you."

I huff.

"Besides," he says, rising from the bench. "I miss you."

He approaches me, while I just stand dumbfounded in front of him, my mouth slightly opened as if I was about to speak and my eyes glued on him as he closes in on me.

He places his hands on my shoulders, his signature move to calm me down and draw me in. But I don't want to make things that easy for him.

"Fuck, Jackson, I-"

"I'm not here to kidnap you again," he says. "Even though I'd love to fuck you senseless. I miss you. I miss your body. I miss you quivering beneath me. That beautiful body of yours belongs in my hands, you know that."

I blush at his words and try to ignore the warm throbbing they evoke in my core. Why is it so easy for him to seduce me that way? I feel like wax in his hands, melting beneath his touch and yearning for him to take me, control me, overwhelm me with surreal pleasure.

"What then?" I utter, trying to hide the effect his words have on me. "What do you want?"

"I want to tell you about the state of affairs in regard to your proposal," he says.

My heart stops. I stare up at him, scared of what he might say next.

"They're undecided," he says, neither lifting nor crushing my hopes. I remain in that terrible limbo that's been my companion the past week.

"What does that mean? Undecided?" I ask, biting my lower lip to stop it from quivering.

"It means you still stand a chance," he says. "Depending on how you do in the recall round."

I look up at him. He's smiling.

"Recall round?" I ask. "What's that?"

"It's a second chance we grant to all the proposals that showed potential, but were not quite there yet. The kind of proposals that went out after their first presentation with two voices for them and three voting against them."

"I could've had three for me if-"

"But you didn't," he interrupts. "And I told you I won't give you any special treatment. I wouldn't be doing you a favor if I did."

"Yeah, but why does it feel that you're even stricter with me than anyone else?"

He frowns at me. "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know," I say. I really don't. After all, I don't know how he reacted to all the other proposals

"There were quite a few projects that I flat out rejected," Jackson says, as if reading my thoughts. "Lana, I really like your idea, and I would love to see it happen. Trust me.”

"But you'll only approve it if I do it your way," I assume grimly.

He shakes his head. "Not necessarily. If you find a good way to do it without my suggestion, go ahead and prove me wrong. I would love to hear it."

He squeezes my shoulders.

"Remember what I told you at the very first lecture: failure is part of the game," he says. "You just have to get back up."

I nod. "How much time do I have?"

"A week," he says. "I arranged the date as early as possible because I know you have to study for your finals soon."

"A week?" I repeat. "That's still pretty tough."

He smirks at me. "Not too tough for my girl, I'm sure."

My girl.

The words resonate through me like a beautiful chorus, filling me with elation.

"Okay," I say. "I'll try."

"Good," he says. He lets go of my shoulders and scans the area around us. There's no one in our direct proximity right now, but I know what he's thinking, because I'm thinking it, too.

"I'd love to kiss you right now," he whispers. "But that will have to wait."

We exchange one last smile instead before dismissing himself, once again reassuring me that I can do this.

I hope he's right.

That night, I sit down in my dorm and start working on my second presentation, consulting with Celia, the only person who supports and knows about my project other than Jackson.