Pregnant.

On the silent ride home, I ran my hand over my flat stomach and tried to make sense of what I’d been told. I was pregnant. Right this very second, there was a bundle of cells—or at this point, a pea-sized, peanut-shaped alien creature—growing inside of me. A tiny hijacker who belonged to me as much as it belonged to Troy. An irreversible, permanent mark that would always link me to the Sullivans.

It wasn’t right.

I glanced at Troy, who was driving. Anticipating he’d stay the night, he’d come on his own to my condo, and he’d driven me to my last-minute appointment with Dr. Becker. While he kept his eyes on the road, it looked like his mind was elsewhere. There was a small, dreamy smile on his face, and he looked relaxed.

Relaxed.

How could he look peaceful at a time like this? There was a fetus inside me, for god’s sake. I’d take Ebola over this any day of the week.

Annoyed, I slumped back in my chair and looked out the window. Traffic was heavy, and it gave me a chance to watch the scenery as we passed it by. Tall buildings, shopping centers, hotels, restaurants—even off the Strip, the city was full of life. I rested the top of my head against the window and stroked my flat stomach again, wishing I’d been more careful. Monty had warned me—he’d fucking warned me—but I’d been too arrogant to listen.

What was I going to do?

“It’s not the end of the world, you know,” Troy said softly. The hopeful way he spoke made me want to punch him. “A baby isn’t going to change anything.”

“For you, maybe,” I shot back. I did my best not to snap, but I was nauseous, and hungry, and afraid. Troy wasn’t carrying this child, his life wasn’t going to be forever impacted by it, and his freedoms weren’t going to be taken away. All he’d have to do was sign the checks and call on holidays and birthdays. What was a few-strings attachment for him was an all-strings attachment for me. “For me, it’s a really big fucking deal.”

Some of the happiness on Troy’s face vanished. Guilt spread through my chest and rose up my throat, leaving me as sick as I’d felt this morning. Maybe if he understood where I was coming from, he wouldn’t feel so upset. “We’re talking about a baby, Troy. A real-life, living, breathing, diaper-soiling person. A person who’s going to grow into an adult. A—”

“I know what a baby is,” Troy said calmly. “I also know that, no matter what, I’m not going to leave you to raise it alone. Even if you want nothing to do with me anymore, I’m going to be there for that child. I’m going to be the best father I can be… and if you let me, I’m going to be the best partner I can be, too.”

No.

No, no, no.

No.

I closed my eyes and turned my head to rest it against the window, wishing I could jump out of the car, roll down the bank, and disappear. Troy wasn’t the man I’d imagined him to be when I’d met him at nineteen years old, but that didn’t change the fact that he was my client. Our relationship was strictly professional. I’d only let him sleep in my bed last night because…

Because…

I curled up against the door and tried not to think about it. Troy was a client. I was the one who was confused. I’d let feelings cloud my better judgment, and now we were in too deep. I had feelings for him, yes, but to go from client and service provider to fathers? To life partners? It was so sudden and jarring, it made my head hurt.

If he kept talking, I wasn’t going to be able to hold myself together. Right now, I didn’t need commitment—I needed time.

“Take me home, Troy,” I whispered. “I don’t really want to talk right now. All I want is to go home.”

“Robin…”

“Please.” I’d wanted to sound stern, but my voice broke. I was falling apart at the seams, and nothing was going to stitch me back together but time spent reflecting on what I needed. It was a conclusion I needed to come to alone.

Troy frowned and said nothing after that. We returned to my apartment, and I mumbled a goodbye before I escaped from the car and hurried inside. I had feelings for Troy, but because of them, I’d made a mistake that was going to change both of our lives. That was my burden to bear, and for now, it was one I needed to bear alone.

Loneliness didn’t help. I spent the first few hours lost in cyclical thoughts, obsessing over the same small details until my head throbbed and my heart ached. There was no way out of this. The kind of mistake I’d made wasn’t a mistake that could be undone or forgiven. There was another life involved now, and whatever I did, I had to think of it in addition to myself.

But the more my mind kept spinning, the less certain I became.

What was the best way forward? Options unraveled before me like balls of yarn batted across the floor. I could take the baby and go back to Maine, to Mom, and live a normal, quiet life with a child who’d never know his father. I could focus on work and reclaim my spot next to Monty as one of the heads of Rent-a-Dom, guaranteeing my child an easy life with occasional visits from his father. I could stay with Troy and play the perfect partner, whatever that would mean…

I huffed a sigh and wilted onto the couch, settling so my head rested on the arm, and my legs were stretched across the cushions. Right now, I was too unfocused and fearful to come to a solid conclusion. If I made a decision now, without having taken the time to step back and look at the bigger picture through several critical lenses, I was going to regret it. But at the same time, time was ticking. I’d left Troy on uncertain terms, and I knew it had to be eating at him not to know what I felt. He’d made a declaration of love and faithfulness, and I’d shut down on him.

I really was a piece of work.

With too many options to sort through, fearful and unable to focus, I called the only person I was sure could help—my rock and my cool source of reason, Monty.

“To what do I owe the pleasure of your call, little brother?” Monty asked upon answering.

I scrunched my nose. “Little brother? I’m not all that much younger than you, you know.”

“But you are still younger.” Monty chuckled, but he sounded distracted. Was something going on in his life, too? “I hope you’re calling about dinner plans. I was just thinking about sending you a text to ask if you’d go out with me this weekend. There’s a great—”

“No.” I hadn’t meant to cut him off, but I couldn’t let him ramble on, either. Feeling guilty, I added, “I’m sorry. I… I’m actually going through something really, really big right now, and I need you to help me figure it out. I didn’t know who else I could call.”

“Oh.” Monty’s voice was graver than before, burdened with the unknown. “I’m here for you. What is it?”

One beat passed, then two. At last, I let out a shuddering sigh and said, “I’m pregnant.”

“Robin…”

Now that I’d said it, I couldn’t hold back anymore. I clutched the phone to my ear and curled up on the couch, feeling small and afraid. “It’s Troy’s. I… we… it’s complicated, and I was stupid, and now… now I’m going to have his child, and I don’t know what to do. I didn’t want this to happen, but I was so caught up in the fantasy that I didn’t even… I didn’t even try to use protection with him. And now I’ve gone and fucked everything up, and I don’t know what to do anymore.”

Saying it out loud felt nice, but I hated the weakness in my voice. I was better than that.

“Robin…”

“I’m such a mess,” I murmured. Hopelessness prickled beneath my skin and irritated the shit out of me, but I pushed it aside and did my best to keep a level head. I’d already snapped at Troy—I didn’t want to snap at Monty, too. “What do I do? I didn’t want any of this to happen, but I can’t take it back now that it’s done. I’m pregnant, Monty. I’m not… I’m not ready. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing.”

“You could end the pregnancy,” Monty suggested.

“No.” I couldn’t get the word out of my mouth quickly enough. I’d only just learned that there was a life growing inside me, but I already knew that I didn’t want it to end.

“Hmm…” Monty’s voice took on the contemplative, teasing tone it usually bore. “You didn’t even need to think about that one. Are you sure you don’t know what you’re doing? Because it sounds to me, when you answer so quickly, like you have a plan.”

The hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. “Just because I know that I want to keep the baby doesn’t mean anything.”

“Sure it does,” Monty continued. “It shows some degree of foresight. You’ve decided that you’re willing to take responsibility for the new life you’ve created, and you’ve already devoted yourself to its cause. You have your foundation. From there, all you need to do is stack the bricks one by one until you finish the job.”

I hated how easy Monty made even the most challenging things sound. “It takes a lot of work and time, you know, to put a brick house together. It’s not easy.”

“Very few things in life worth doing are easy,” Monty said. “Hold on one second.”

The phone beeped, putting me on hold, but before it did, I heard Monty say, “Choke on—”

When the call beeped again, connecting me directly with Monty’s phone, I was too stunned to say anything right away.

“Now, where was I?” Monty asked. “I’d just told you that very few things in life worth doing are easy, right?”

“Are you in a session right now?” I asked, astonished. I knew that from time to time, Monty took on clients, but I hadn’t expected him to answer his phone while he was dominating someone.

“I might be,” Monty said, evasive as always. “But even if I am, a conversation with you is more important to me than tending to the needs of any lowlife, filthy pig.”

He was in a session—no doubt about it. I made a face. “Monty, gross.”

“Hey, you’re calling to ask for help after you let your sub knock you up. I should be the one calling you out.”

I supposed he had a point.

“So, here’s what I want you to do.” Monty kept his voice even and his tone kind. “Start looking at the bricks you have on hand, and if you want to include them in your future or not. Ultimately, it’s up to you, but the choices you make will affect the structural integrity of the life you build for yourself. What do you want to do about Troy? Your position within Rent-a-Dom? Your relationship with your family? Start there. Even if you can only decide on what you don’t want, you’ll be a step closer to knowing what bricks you have left to build with, and what kind of a future you can make with them. Does that make sense?”

“Yes.” I uncurled and lay flat across the couch. “I’ve got to call him, don’t I?”

“I think you should,” Monty agreed.

“I was kind of an asshole to him, the last time we spoke,” I admitted. The guilt I’d felt in the car returned. “He was trying to comfort me, but I was too busy shutting down and freaking out to hear him. Do you think that he’ll forgive me?”

“I don’t know.” Monty paused for effect. “I guess it depends on if you’re sincere or not, doesn’t it?”

The statement caught me off guard, and I struggled to reply. After a few failed attempts to find words, Monty chuckled.

“I’m going to take it that what I just said might have helped you find your way.” Monty paused. “I’m glad. If you need any more help, you know you can call me back, but for now, I’m going to have to let you go. While it’s sudden, and frightening, and new, I know what whatever you decide will work out for you in the end. You’re the man who gave up everything so he could to help Mom when she was sick, and you still managed to come out on top. No matter what choices you make, or where life takes you from here, I have confidence that you will succeed.”

The heartache I’d been carrying lessened. I managed a smile. “Thank you.”

“You’ve got this, Robin,” Monty promised. “And if you don’t, then you know that we’ve got this. I told you when you came back to Vegas that I’d take care of you. I wasn’t lying. If you need me, I’m here for you. I will always be here for you. Mom is, too.”

“I’m here for you, too,” I replied, choked up. “I’m here for you and Mom, always.”

“Text me about whether you’re on for this weekend,” Monty added. “We’ll talk again soon.”

“See ya.”

The conversation ended, but the effect it had had on me remained. Monty hadn’t given me an answer, but he had helped direct me toward making the best possible choice. No matter what bricks I used to build my future, I would still be whole. Having a baby would change my life, but it wouldn’t end it. In the end, everything was going to be okay.

I pulled up my contacts list and dialed Troy’s number. I wouldn’t put off our talk any longer. If I was going to make an informed choice about my future, I needed to know where he stood, and if our bricks could slot together.