Springfield, Illinois
Lincoln Medical Center
Axel hated the goddamn IV pole that had to follow him everywhere he went. He felt like a damn dog on a leash. But Durango’s advice was not something he felt free to ignore.
Someone had finally told him where Abigail was. They wouldn’t tell him how bad her injuries were or if she was going to be okay. He had to be family for that information to be passed to him. But now that he had a room number, he could go see for himself.
He felt like a fool, walking through the hospital corridors in a damn gown—a fucking dress—but at least they gave him something of a bathrobe to cover his bare ass.
After fighting to find her for the better part of four hours, he hesitated as he stood outside her door. What if she didn’t want to see him? What if the injury was worse than he originally thought? What if she was unconscious and wasn’t going to wake ever again? What if . . . what if she didn’t want to see him?
That thought froze him in place, leaving him unable to go forward or turn back. He wanted to see her, wanted to know she was okay. He wanted to see her beautiful eyes, wanted to touch her silky skin. He wanted to hear her voice. But an unreasonable conviction told him that he had lost the right to those things when he allowed them to take her from his arms and put her in the waiting ambulance at the airport.
Axel wasn’t used to lacking confidence. He’d never given a shit what anyone thought; therefore, he didn’t worry about what people might be saying behind his back. It’s easy to be confident when nothing but what you want and what you do matters.
But that wasn’t the case anymore, was it? How did this woman get so far under his skin in such a short time?
A nurse walked by, winking at him as she did, breaking him out of his paralysis. He waited until she left, then pushed open the door, his heart in his throat as he studied her figure in the narrow bed. a wide, white bandage with red and yellow stains covering the area of injury. Her head was bandaged, too, another set of red and yellow stains bright against her pale skin above the area where the gash on her forehead had been. He could see bruises on her arms and more forming on her pretty face, but there didn’t seem to be any surprises. She wasn’t hooked up to a dozen wires, just an IV much like his own, and there were no other bandages. There could have been a few under the sheet, but he could only see the curves of her gorgeous body, not the lumps and other telltale signs of heavy bandaging.
He cautiously made his way to her bedside, not wanting to wake her, but wanting her to wake. He hated this lack of confidence, this uncertainty. But seeing her chest move regularly up and down, being aware of the life still pumping inside of her, did offer him some relief. He needed to see her to soothe his crazy fears that she’d died and no one had bothered to tell him.
Axel pulled up a chair and sat beside her bed, content to just study her face. He sat quietly, his thoughts moving from one thing to the next in quick succession. He remembered watching her sleep last night in that stranger’s house, remembered the peace on her beautiful face. He remembered the fear and panic she struggled to control after that lunatic intercepted her call to 911. He remembered the taste of her kiss, worried about the danger that still existed outside these doors. He knew Durango had men posted discreetly all around the hospital, had spotted a few when he made his way here. But he wouldn’t be content in her safety unless he could be by her side, could see that all was good in her little piece of the world.
He didn’t want to leave her. That was completely new to him.
There had never been a place, never a home or woman, he thought twice about after walking away because he always knew the foster homes, the group home, and the women were temporary. He didn’t know that with Abigail. Or maybe he just didn’t want to believe that with her.
It suddenly occurred to him just how dangerous Abigail could be for him. He’d lived an ordered life, making and meeting every goal he’d set for himself. Although the military didn’t work out the way he’d hoped, he was still on goal to retire by the time he was fifty and settle somewhere quiet and isolated, to have the life of solitude he desired. His growing feelings for Abigail could make his goal unreachable.
Was he willing to give up his plans? Was he willing to risk allowing this woman into his life and turning everything upside down, pulling him out of his comfort zone for something that might not last longer than the conclusion of this case?
And that wasn’t the only thing that held him back. What about his job? What about the danger that followed him everywhere he went? He’d made a conscious choice to never have a family for more than one reason. His job wasn’t always as intense as this past case had been, but there were dangerous moments. He didn’t want to hesitate in a moment that required split-second reactions. And he didn’t want to be like some of his brothers in the military, leaving behind women and children, siblings and parents, who would suffer financially and emotionally after their deaths.
Abigail moaned as he wrestled with his thoughts. He leaned forward and picked up her hand, draping it gently over his open palm.
“Hey, sleepyhead,” he said softly.
Her eyes flitted open, confusion burning in them for a long second before she could focus and discern who he was. Then she smiled, a soft smile full of pleasure.
“Hey.”
“How are you feeling?”
She licked her lips, running her tongue slowly over her full lips. She turned and looked down at the bandage on her leg, her fingers brushing the bandage on her head.
“Sore,” she muttered. “And thirsty.”
He reached over and poured a cup of water with one hand, still holding hers with the other. There was a straw and he managed to get it up with a little wrangling with his teeth. He held it up to her lips and watched her sip, watched her eyes slide closed with relief.
“Better?”
“Much.”
He set the cup down and lifted her hand to kiss her fingertips. “I was worried. They wouldn’t tell me what was going on with you.”
“I’m sorry.” Her eyes flitted to the IV pole behind him. “What about you? Are you okay?”
“Yeah. They’ve just decided I need IV antibiotics because they didn’t appreciate my home remedy for this cut.” He touched the side of his head where he had a bandage like hers. “And my boss pretty much told me if I didn’t stay and let them do it, I was off the case.”
“Is there still a case?”
He sighed, leaning down to kiss her fingers again. “I’m sorry. I should have stayed behind and made sure things went well.”
“What do you mean?”
“The hitman was gone when the recovery team got there to bring him in. We don’t know where he went.”
“Oh.” Her eyes flashed with fear, but not like he expected. She moved against the pillows. “It’ll be awful to have to stay around here with you.”
He thought she was serious for a split second. But then she smiled at him.
“You’re not in a hurry to get back to the farm?”
She started to sit up, reminded of something she’d forgotten. She cursed softly, a sound that would have been amusing if the circumstances were different.
“Don’t worry. We’ve got a team on the ground near there. I’ve asked Durango—my boss—to send someone over and check on the animals. The police should be at Mrs. Philip’s house, too.”
She settled back down. “I could call someone to stick around until I get out of the hospital.”
He squeezed her hand lightly. “You won’t be able to go back until this guy is found. We’ll move you to a safe house after the hospital, keep you under guard until we know this is over.”
“A safe house? Can’t I just stay with you?”
It was an opportunity. The second such opportunity she’d laid in front of him. He took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“You’re a client of the company I work for, Abigail. Our personal relationship can’t happen while I’m still on the clock.”
Abigail looked away for a second. “Okay. I understand.”
He ran his hand slowly over her palm. “The thing is, Abigail, I think we got carried away in a stressful situation. And now that the worst is over, now that we’re no longer fighting for our lives, I think it’s better if we part ways. I mean, I’ll still be around until this guy is found, but—”
“But you’ve got all those other women you need to get back to, right?”
He could hear the anger and the tears in her voice. He wanted to take it back, to explain that he’d never done this sort of thing before, that he’d never felt this way about a woman before. But he couldn’t allow himself even that small sliver of vulnerability.
You let someone in just a teeny bit and you hand them the power to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to build. He couldn’t allow that.
“That’s right,” he said softly.
She pulled her hand from his. “Then I guess you should get to it. Don’t want to waste any more of your time.”
“Abigail—”
“Leave, Axel,” she said in a very low voice. But her chin was shaking, tears creating a fine sheen over her beautiful eyes. “Just go.”
He nodded, pulling himself up with the IV pole.
“Take care of yourself,” he said as he paused in the doorway.
She wouldn’t even look at him.