Text message received at 8:04 a.m.: Where are you?
8:32: Are you okay?
8:46: Text me back right away—I’m worried about you. P.S. Sorry I was a bitch.
Emma wondered if anyone had ever explained the idea behind text messaging or sleeping in on a Saturday to Jess. She didn’t think so, otherwise her sister wouldn’t assume the worst when Emma didn’t respond right away.
Rolling to her side, she sat up and swung her legs over the edge of the bed, glancing at Ash sleeping soundly. He was too gorgeous, sprawled across the sheets, one arm overhead and his sculpted back facing her, and she reached out and touched his shoulder gently before getting up. The night before had been both amazing and terrifying. She’d put everything out there. And now all she could do was wait. Wait for him to feel things as much as she did. And hope that eventually he would.
Grabbing the robe, she slid her feet into a pair of slippers and went out onto the deck. Closing the door as softly as possible, so as not to wake him, she dialed Jess’s number.
“Are you okay?” Her sister answered on the first ring.
“Of course I’m okay.” She leaned over the deck rail, staring at the snow-covered mountains in the distance. She used to love it there. She’d spent so much of her life there. She’d missed it the last three years, and the dull ache in her chest hadn’t disappeared completely. She shivered in the cold mountain morning air and tightened the robe around her.
“So where did he take you?” Jess asked, sounding nervous.
“Breckenridge.”
Silence.
Emma waited, feeling her irritation with her sister rise to an unhealthy level with each ticking second of nothing. “Okay, great talk, Jess. I’ll text you once we get back.”
“Wait!”
She did reluctantly.
“You’re not there to compete, are you?”
She felt her chest tighten. She’d never fully understood her sister’s problem with her snowboarding days. And sure, she’d suffered a terrible injury, but did that mean she could never snowboard again? While she wasn’t certain she would ever be ready to try, Jess’s constant criticism and butting her nose in where it didn’t belong only made Emma want to.
“No,” she said finally. And she hoped they wouldn’t be going near the competition slopes. Asher had yet to mention anything about the tour, and while she wasn’t fool enough to think he hadn’t realized the events started today, so far he’d been smart enough not to broach the subject.
Though they hadn’t done much talking about anything.
“Good.” Jess sounded relieved. “So…what are you doing there?”
Emma sighed, her exasperation too much. “Crazy passionate sex. Bye, Jess,” she said, disconnecting the call at her sister’s surprised gasp.
The patio door opened behind her as she slid the phone into the pocket of her robe, hearing the ping of yet another text. No doubt from her sister. One she wouldn’t be reading. She was desperate to enjoy the rest of her time there. In a few weeks, Ash would be fully healed and back on the ice…and she needed answers before then.
“Let me guess—Jess?” Asher asked, coming outside and wrapping his arms around her waist. He’d put on pajama pants, slippers, and nothing else, and his bare arms around her were immediately covered in goose bumps, but felt warm to her touch.
She nodded. “She thought you kidnapped me.”
“I did,” he said, kissing her neck.
His appetite was insatiable, but so was her own. The simplest touch, kiss, feel of his breath on the back of her neck sent her hormones into overdrive and made even more of a mess of her heart.
Staring off toward the mountains, she cleared her throat. She had to know. “So…question.”
She felt him tense and her stomach turned. No doubt he thought she was going to pull a girl move and start a conversation about their relationship, demand answers and force him to talk about feelings. She’d let him off the hook on that for now.
“Why are we here?” she asked instead.
He turned her around to face him and his expression was worried. “Not buying the winter getaway angle?”
Her heart fell. “No.” Damn, it was about the tour. “The Winter Tour?”
“I just thought we’d check out the competitions. There’s a lot of great talent here this weekend.” He paused. “Maybe even do a little snowboarding…you, not me, obviously,” he said with a slightly nervous-sounding laugh.
She looked away.
“It’s been a while since you’ve been on the slopes, and you can’t say you don’t miss it.” He rubbed her arms and crouched to look into her eyes.
She swallowed hard. How often had Ash repeated the same sentiments, trying to encourage her to get back out there? He really wasn’t giving up on this. “I’d rather not.”
“Oh, come on. Just because you don’t compete anymore doesn’t mean you can’t watch. I still watch every NHL game even though I’m not playing.”
She cocked her head to the side. “Hardly the same thing. You know you’re going back to it.”
He raised one eyebrow.
She shook her head violently. If he suggested she enter the competition, she was packing up her shit and leaving him there on the mountain alone.
“Okay, okay…relax.” He paused, looking squirmy as though there was more he wasn’t saying.
“What?” She folded her arms across her chest and waited.
“Your old coach is here.”
Her eyes widened. “How do you know?” Had he gone so far as to check the listings on the events? She hated that Jess was right. This was his exact reason for bringing her there.
His only reason?
Disappointment crept into her chest. So much for thinking he’d been thinking about the two of them…away together to figure things out. So far, things had only gotten even more complicated.
“I saw his name listed as a judge on the website. He doesn’t have any athletes competing in the events.”
Her heart fell even more. Her former coach had given up coaching a few months after her accident. The day she’d officially retired, so had he. But he was still an active participant in the snowboarding community. She hadn’t seen him since the day she left the hospital, but like her family and Ash, he’d been there every day to visit while she was recovering.
Coach Jarvis had been like family to her. Her coach for more than ten years, he’d helped her rise through the ranks and secure her place on the Olympic team. She knew he partially blamed himself for her accident, but she didn’t.
She’d known the weather conditions had been terrible, and she’d taken the chance anyway. Against his warnings. Her accident had been her fault alone.
“What do you say?” Asher asked, looking hopeful.
It would be nice to see Coach Jarvis…Reluctantly, she nodded. “Okay. We can go to today’s events and see Coach Jarvis. But I’m not snowboarding, and one word about me competing and I’ll kick your ass,” she said, only half-joking.
Asher was nodding eagerly. “That’s all I ask.” He pulled her into him.
She placed her hands on his bare chest and leaned back slightly to look at him. “Just one day, then we forget about the competition and spend more time in the hot tub.”
“Deal,” he said, kissing her forehead.
And maybe finally do some talking.
An uneasiness filled her, and her stomach was in knots. If Jess had been right about Asher’s intentions for the weekend, was it possible her sister was right about more?
* * *
The historic mining town was ready for the holiday season with its streetlights boasting large white and silver snowflakes and the storefront windows competing for the most elaborate Christmas display. Winter wonderland themes, gingerbread themes, and Santa and his elves were everywhere she looked. As a kid, visiting Breckenridge with her family, she’d thought it was the North Pole—certainly the most magical place she’d ever been to during the holidays. At night, the view of the village was truly spectacular, illuminated in white lights, the shadows of the mountains giving the valley a warm, cozy feel. Right now, the sidewalks were bustling with families enjoying the early morning festive events and skiers and snowboarders getting ready for the day’s competitions. Shopping bags and snowboards passed on either side of Emma and Asher as they made their way toward the base of the mountain where the tournament was being held.
Of all the places she’d competed, Emma had loved Breckenridge the most. The beautiful village with the variety of challenging slopes made it the perfect combination of adrenaline-seeking fun and relaxation. Tourists and locals blended together in a big, friendly community, where everyone shared a passion for the outdoors and winter sports. And it had been close enough to Glenwood Falls for her family to make the trip to watch her compete, though it was usually only her mother who did.
She took a deep breath, sucking in the cold breeze as she scanned the familiar surroundings through her sunglasses. She knew every inch of the resort by heart. She had practically grown up there, staying in the cheapest lodges, three to a room…no one caring about having to take turns sleeping on the pull-out sofa, as long as they were able to get some sleep before hitting the slopes again the next day.
She’d been lucky to rise above the other competitors in her group. They’d all been talented, daring, amazing snowboarders, but she’d had that little extra spark of drive and determination that had given her the edge.
As much as it pained her to be there, it also felt like home. An odd combination of emotions spiraled through her as they approached the ski school, where the competitors checked in for the events. She expected to see some familiar faces, and she hoped she could handle whatever emotions arose. No one had been able to believe she’d simply walked away four years ago. Most of her friends had tried coaxing her back, but had given up when her fear had started to creep into their own spines, shaking their confidence. Seeing them now might be hard.
No one wanted to be around someone who reminded them of their mortality, their limitations, the possibility that they could fail or worse…
Oblivious to her inner turmoil, Asher squeezed her hand and smiled as they continued along the crisp, snowy path. “See, I knew you’d be okay once you got here.”
That’s what he thought?
His own excitement was written all over his handsome face. “This is so great.”
If he said so.
The happier and more at ease he was, the more edgy and anxious Emma felt. Couldn’t he tell this was hard for her? Being around everything she’d walked away from. She fought her annoyance toward him. He was trying to do something nice for her. Something he thought she needed.
She squeezed his hand as they entered the ski school.
Inside, signs directed competitors to the appropriate check-in desks based on their last names, and behind a row of tables, contest administrators confirmed attendance and handed out competitor numbers and tour bags with supplies and swag from sponsors. To their right a large banner announced that the previous year’s gold medalist was in attendance as a guest competitor, and her mouth went dry.
Emma had been on that poster once. She’d been that gold medalist, smiling happily, wearing her team colors proudly. She’d once been the source of local pride and the competitor to beat.
Now, she was there, terrified to strap on a snowboard to attempt the bunny slopes.
Pathetic.
Allowing him to drag her here had been a mistake. Walking away, moving on, was easier when she avoided situations like this. Being there now was bringing out an odd sense of longing that she hadn’t expected to feel. She didn’t like it.
“Come on, let’s ask if anyone knows where we can find Coach Jarvis,” Asher said, fighting his way through the crowd to the information desk.
Head down, praying no one noticed or recognized her, Emma followed.
No one did.
And that was unexpectedly a knife through the heart. Had she been away that long? Had she not left any sort of mark on the snowboarding community? She shook the thoughts away. She wasn’t a champion anymore. She didn’t deserve any praise or recognition for her previous feats. There were new, stronger, better competitors rising in the sport every day. No one cared about her anymore. Nor should they.
“Hey, we’re looking for one of the judges. Frank Jarvis,” Asher told the young girl at the desk.
“Sorry. Competitors aren’t allowed to…” The pretty blonde’s voice trailed as she glanced up and her eyes widened at the sight of Ash.
Right. He was recognizable.
“Oh my God. You’re Asher Westmore,” she said.
He nodded. “Yes I am. I’m not competing…We’re not competing,” he corrected, moving her forward. “This is Emma Callaway. She was a former competitor and champion and an athlete on Frank’s team. We just wanted to see him to say hi.”
The girl, wearing a dark blue one-piece ski suit with sponsorship logos on the front, tore her gaze from Ash to nod at her. “Yes. I remember you.” Her tone was ice-cold.
Emma searched the girl’s face, but she didn’t recognize her. Had they competed against one another in the past?
“Of course you remember her,” Asher said as the two women just continued to stare at one another. “She was a three-time Breckenridge champion.”
Unfortunately the girl was eyeing her with disdain. “She was also the competitor who dropped out of the freestyle at the last minute two years ago, eliminating our division for lack of entrants—meaning I wasn’t able to compete either that year.”
At that moment, Emma would have welcomed real daggers to the chest instead of the ones coming from the young girl’s eyes.
Shit.
Asher frowned as he turned to look at her. “You were back here to compete two years ago?”
Shit, shit, shit.
She clenched her jaw. “Let’s just go. I’m sure we can find Frank on our own,” she said, though she was in no hurry to find her old coach anymore or to run into any more people from her past. She longed for the privacy of the resort. And the hot tub and Champagne…
No doubt if this girl remembered her only for the mess she’d created two years ago by dropping out, for her loss of courage, others would, too.
Asher continued to stare at her, waiting for an answer or an explanation.
He was getting neither. At least not right now, right there in front of this girl. “Can we please just go?” she said.
The girl behind the information desk sighed, ignoring Emma as she told Ash, “Frank’s over at the preliminaries station, helping to check equipment.”
“Thank you,” Asher said as they walked away.
Emma’s legs felt like jelly beneath her, and her mouth was like sandpaper. Her hands shook slightly at her sides and her stomach was in knots. She’d never told anyone about her embarrassment there two years before, and now the man she loved knew what a failure she actually was.
Agreeing to come to the competition grounds had been a mistake.
Outside she headed back toward the rental vehicle, but he stopped her. “Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Because I chickened out.”
“What happened?”
“I don’t know, Ash. I got up there for the trial run and I hadn’t slept the night before and the conditions that day were shit…” Excuses. All excuses.
“Well, try now,” he said, jumping far too eagerly at the chance to use this new information against her.
“No.”
“Come on, Em. If you came back here after the accident, it means you haven’t let this go as much as you claim to.”
She tried to move around him, as people started to stare, but he blocked her path. She didn’t like the twisting in the pit of her stomach suggesting there might be some truth in his words.
“You deserve a shot at this again. You were great once. You could do it again.”
“Asher, shut up,” she said a little too loudly. Her head hurt and she just wanted to get away.
Surprise made his lips clamp together. But only for a split second. “What’s holding you back? We’re here anyway. Competitors drop out at the last minute all the time…”
Like she had.
She shot him a warning look but he pressed on.
“I’m sure Frank could get you appropriate gear quickly. The freestyle is two days from now, if you hit the slopes now and practice…” The excitement rising in his voice made her want to vomit. “Even an old routine would blow this place up…”
“Asher, stop!”
He did and sighed. He studied her for a long moment. “I don’t get why you’re so afraid.”
Really? He couldn’t understand her hesitation to try something that had almost killed her? Something she’d been certain she didn’t need anymore until she was standing there among the buzz of competition? “Because I could have broken my neck and never walked again. Giving up this ridiculous sport while I could still live an able-bodied life seemed like the best option for me, okay?” she said coldly. Her gaze went past him as several competitors stared a little too long, obviously recognizing them…or maybe just Ash. Either way, having this argument right there on the street only increased her irritation. “Can we go back to the resort now?” At this point, she wasn’t sure they could salvage the rest of the weekend but she was willing to try. As long as he stopped this ridiculous conversation.
He didn’t. “Just try.”
He was seriously obtuse. “I told you, I’m done with snowboarding,” she said, her anger rising. Hadn’t he promised not to bring up the idea of her competing?
“You’re just scared. I get it. But this is your chance, Em…”
“I don’t want a chance at this again, Ash.” She pulled away from him, an ache in her chest at the look of disappointment on his face. “I left this behind. I’m moving on…” Was he not hearing anything she said? The more she repeated herself, the more conflicted she felt. If he believed so strongly that trying again was the right thing to do, could he be right?
“At the University of Florida?” His tone was cold as he said it. “Busting your butt for a career that won’t make you happy?”
He had a lot of nerve to make that assumption. “How do you know what will make me happy?”
“Because I know you. You and I are the same. We thrive on the competition, we feel alive when the adrenaline takes over. We work our bodies to breaking points, then push even further.” He lifted his sunglasses over his hat to look into her eyes.
She was grateful for her own dark lenses as tears threatened. She shook her head. “That’s not me anymore.” Damn, she wished she sounded more convincing.
Asher’s jaw clenched. He stared at her, his chest rising and falling in a deep sigh. “Where is the girl who won gold at the Olympics? The one who broke speed records three years in a row? The one with the medals and trophies she’d once been proud of? This was your life, and you’ve been hollow without it.”
She was hollow without him. Why the hell couldn’t he realize what she had—that there was more to life. “I grew up, Ash. This sport was never something that was going to last.” Just like hockey for him. “I want a different life.” At least she thought she did. Her suddenly conflicted heart betrayed her.
He stared at her as though he didn’t know her. As though she were suddenly a disappointment.
Breaking every last piece of her heart.
“Don’t you ever want more?” she asked, hating the note of pleading in her voice. If he couldn’t figure out that there was a life outside of the arena on his own, what chance did she have? What chance did they have at a future if he continued to put hockey first?
“More than what?”
“Hockey. Life on the road. Putting your body through hell every night. Never settling down…This injury proves you’re not the invincible person you think you are. Someday you won’t be able to keep up.”
He stormed toward her and gripped her shoulders, forcing her to meet his gaze. “Do not put your fears and insecurities on me. Just because you’re no longer brave enough to go after what you want doesn’t mean I’m rolling over and playing dead. This injury is nothing. Your injuries were nothing. You recovered, and you could have been great again.” He released her and his gaze lowered to their feet. “I guess that’s the difference between us.”
A lump formed in her throat. What was he saying? That she wasn’t the person he’d thought she was? The kick to the gut made her ill.
“You can’t allow fear to hold you back from what you want,” he said, an obvious attempt to soften the blow he’d just delivered.
Too late.
“You have to go after what you want.”
His words resulted in a slightly bitter laugh escaping her. Go after what she wanted? Like when she’d pushed her fears aside and told him she loved him, only to be met with no response? Yeah, ’cause that had worked out so wonderfully for her.
“I think I’ve taken enough chances that haven’t quite panned out the way I was hoping for one weekend.”
“Emma…”
Moving around him, she headed down the street. Quickly, through the crowd of blurred faces and away from him.
* * *
Damn. Asher ran a hand over his stubble at his chin as he watched Emma storm away.
“That was smooth.”
Turning, he saw Frank Jarvis standing right next him. “Hey, Coach,” he said, extending a hand to the man.
He took it with a shake of his head. “Still no luck getting her back on a board, huh?”
Asher’s gaze returned to her angry, disappearing figure down the street. “Nope.” He didn’t get it. She obviously still wanted to compete if she’d come back the year after her accident. And he knew she could be great again if she tried. Allowing fear to hold her back from something she loved, something she was passionate about, was not the Emma he knew.
“Let me buy you a drink,” Frank said, nodding toward the Mountainside Ale Brewhouse just as a waitress illuminated the open sign in the window and set out the curbside daily menu.
“It’s ten a.m.”
“Right. We’re getting a late start. Better hurry,” the older man said, slapping Asher’s shoulder and heading toward the pub.
Asher shrugged and followed the former snowboarding legend. Emma had probably left him stranded miles from the resort by now anyway. At least he hoped that’s where she was headed, and not straight back to Glenwood Falls. In all their years as friends and lovers, he couldn’t remember an argument with her.
It sucked. He hadn’t meant his words to come out as harsh as they had. He just couldn’t understand her unwillingness to try. The Emma he knew had never let fear hold her back.
Her words about the chance she’d already taken, telling him she loved him, had made him feel like an asshole. The last thing he’d wanted was to hurt her or upset her by bringing her here this weekend. Yet, he’d done both.
A drink actually didn’t sound like a bad idea. He usually avoided alcohol during the season, but well, he wasn’t playing. And he probably wouldn’t be for a while, seeing as how he’d just pissed off the only woman who cared enough to help him recover quickly.
Inside the dimly lit pub, it took his eyes a second to adjust as he removed his Oakleys and hat from the top of his head. Like everywhere else in Breckenridge, the place was covered in Christmas decorations, reminding him of just how close the holiday was. He’d been hoping to do his shopping in the village and that Emma would help him buy and wrap gifts for his family…
He shook his head. Man, he relied on her for so much.
Sliding into the booth, he reached for a drink menu.
“Don’t bother looking. I know exactly what you need,” Frank said as the waitress approached.
The woman, who looked about eight months pregnant, was wearing a large black T-shirt with the pub’s logo on it over a pair of red-and-green-striped leggings. She grinned upon seeing Frank. “Didn’t I just kick you out of here a few hours ago?”
Fantastic. The man had turned to alcohol in his retirement. He wondered if the competition officials knew one of their judges would more than likely be a little tipsy on that day’s judging panel. And hadn’t Frank been checking equipment that morning? Ash shifted uncomfortably, as Frank laughed. “Can we get two of my usual?” he asked.
The redhead nodded, her Christmas tree–shaped earrings dangling back and forth. She smiled in Asher’s direction, but her question was directed at Frank. “You sure your friend can handle your usual? He looks like a lightweight,” she said with a wink.
Lightweight? Him? Frank was at least three inches shorter and forty pounds lighter. What the hell kind of drink did the guy order for them?
Frank eyed him, then nodded. “Don’t let the baby face fool you. This is one of the NHL’s biggest brawlers.”
Hardly. Asher shook his head. “You know what, maybe I’ll just have a coffee.”
“He’ll have what I’m having,” Frank told the waitress.
She winked at him again as she walked off toward the bar.
“So, tell me what you did to piss off our girl.”
Too much. He ran a hand through his hair. “Pushed her too far, I guess.”
“Well, you got her to come to Breckenridge…that’s a feat in itself. Being back here can’t be easy on her.”
Asher leaned on his elbows. “I just found out she came this far on her own two years ago.” How had he not known that? Why hadn’t she told him? He could have tried to be there for her, encourage her, help her get back to what she’d once loved. The fact that she felt she couldn’t tell him annoyed him. Like the Florida thing.
Frank nodded. “I saw her name on the competitors list that year…”
“She just needs to try,” Asher said.
“Does she?” Frank sat back in the booth and interlaced his fingers on the table in front of him.
“Yeah…I mean, she can’t just walk away.”
“Why not?”
Was the man playing devil’s advocate, or did he truly believe that Emma should give up her passion? The coach may have called it quits and resorted to judging and drinking, so maybe that’s where he was coming from, but Emma wasn’t a quitter.
“Because she was one of the greatest female competitors in the sport.”
Frank leaned forward. “And she retired that way. She didn’t keep competing after she knew she only had one way to go. Asher, professional sports have a way of making an athlete feel immortal…but only when they’re on top.”
He shifted in the booth. He could relate to that feeling, sure. At thirty, his own career was soon going to be on the decline.
“But the inevitable downward spiral can be devastating,” Frank continued. “Emma walked away at the right time.”
“But…”
Frank held up a hand. “Her injuries had broken not only her body but also her spirit. Without that driving spark that Emma had before her accident, she would never have stood on those podiums again, and that would have crushed her more than the fall.”
Asher was silent.
“Right now, she was once the best and she has no reason to feel like that ever had a reason to change…Let her have that,” he said as the waitress returned.
The man’s words had him conflicted as hell. Was he right? It was a tough concept for Asher to grasp. He planned on playing hockey until they kicked him out and he wore out his last set of blades, whether he was the star or not.
Didn’t he?
“Here you are. Two mocha peppermint lattes with a vanilla swirl and double shot of espresso with a candy cane stick on the side,” the waitress said, placing two steaming, frothy mugs in front of them.
The scent of coffee, chocolate, peppermint, and a hint of vanilla reached his nose and Asher relaxed a little. “This is your usual?”
Frank raised his mug and grinned over the steam. “It’s ten o’clock in the morning, man.”
Asher laughed wryly as he picked up his own mug, thinking maybe the coach was right about more than he’d been ready to give him credit for.
He owed his best friend an apology.
Shit, he owed her a hell of a lot more than that.
* * *
“Is there anything I can help you find?”
Emma turned to the salesclerk inside the boutique in the village with a forced smile. “No, thank you. I’m actually just killing time,” she said. Two hours since storming away from Asher, she’d yet to clear the argument from her head or rid herself of the uneasiness in her stomach. They never fought. So this odd feeling of not quite knowing what to do next had her wandering aimlessly through the village.
“Well, if you need anything, just let me know.”
“Will do. Thanks,” she said, browsing the Christmas ornaments on the wall of the shop. Every store she’d wandered into was playing Christmas music, and their displays and décor were warm and inviting, a reminder that the holiday was just a week away. Each store had similar products—Christmas ornaments, scented candles, body lotions in beautiful packaging, cozy knitted scarves…
She was barely seeing any of it, replaying Asher’s words.
Can’t let fear hold her back.
She could if it meant not getting her heart broken. She’d put her feelings for him out there and had gotten nothing back.
She wouldn’t be making that mistake with regard to her former career. She’d thought the risk had been worth it for Asher.
His insistence over her competing again confused her. He’d been there through the days following her accident…he’d been there in the years since. He had to know she’d really moved on. Maybe he just didn’t want to accept that. It was as though he couldn’t see her for more than just the pro athlete she’d once been.
Her chest ached and the pain deepened as her eye caught an ornament of a cute couple—him carrying skates, her carrying skis—with the caption “Our First Christmas Together.”
God…she’d been hoping.
Moving away from the taunting wall, she noticed a selection of snow globes in a glass display case. She wondered if Ash had bought anything for his mother for Christmas yet.
Probably not. Every year they all received New Jersey Devils logo gifts he’d obviously purchased from the arena gift shop…about two weeks after Christmas.
The globes were beautiful, and she knew Beverly had a collection of them…
Not her problem.
Asher could do his own damn shopping.
Still, she lingered at the display case. “Excuse me,” she asked the clerk. “Can I see this snow globe?” Sigh.
The young woman, wearing a gingerbread-themed smock over a red turtleneck, gingerbread men earrings dangling from her ears, approached with the display case key. “Sure. Which one?”
“Um…the one with the family having a snowball fight.” Three little boys and a girl. Just like the Westmores. Beverly would love it for the collection.
“This one just came in, and there was only one. It must be your lucky day.”
Hardly. “Yeah, must be.”
The salesclerk carefully removed it from the case and handed it to her. “It’s so beautiful. It plays three different holiday songs, and the base lights up from the bottom as it rotates,” she said.
Emma stared at the children playing inside. It would make the perfect gift for Beverly. Despite her annoyance with Ash, there was no way she could leave the store without it. “I’ll take it.”
The salesclerk beamed, taking it from her and going to the register. “Are you here on vacation or as part of the tour?” she asked as she wrapped it in paper before sliding it into a box.
Emma swallowed hard. More like an unwelcome trip down memory lane. “Vacation,” she mumbled.
“The competitions are great. If you have time, you should definitely check them out,” the young woman said, ringing in the sale.
Emma nodded politely as she paid for the snow globe. Could she watch them? Already, just being there was making her doubt her own resolve to having moved on. What would it feel like to watch other competitors, with Asher’s words plaguing her? “Thank you,” she said, taking the bag.
“Merry Christmas,” the clerk said as she exited the store.
She zipped her coat higher as she headed down the sidewalk, back toward the ski hill where she’d ditched Asher. She had to find him. She couldn’t make him walk back to the resort on his leg. At least the therapist in her couldn’t.
Her cell phone rang in her coat pocket and she stopped on the corner to answer it. “Hello?”
“Hey, Emma?”
The sound of Sean Whitney’s voice made her heart race. She’d yet to send him an email regarding her decision to wait until September enrollment. Even in her anger that morning, she still believed waiting was the best thing. “Yes, hi, Sean.”
“Am I catching you at a bad time?”
“Um…I’ve got a second.” She lifted her scarf higher around her neck as the shade of the building blocking the midday sun made the temperature drop by several degrees.
“I haven’t heard back from you yet, and I don’t mean to pressure you, but I’m going to need an answer about the early enrollment,” he said, his voice breaking up slightly in the less than ideal reception in the valley.
She sighed. He deserved an answer, and she felt terrible for having put him off this long. “I really appreciate your patience. Unfortunately, I think I’ll have to stick to my original timeline of a September start date next year.”
He cleared his throat. “Emma, unfortunately, the September acceptance letters went out two weeks ago. The program is full for the fall. I honestly expected you to join us in the new year. That’s the spot reserved for you.”
Her heart fell. September was full. It was January or nothing.
“Oh…”
“Of course, your name can be added to the course waiting list, but there’s no guarantee.”
“Not like January.”
“Exactly. Sorry, if I’d known sooner…”
“No, please don’t apologize. It’s my fault for taking so long to decide.” She hesitated, biting her lip. Her gaze fell on the mountain, and from the distance she could see the competitors warming up for that day’s events. She watched the multicolored figures swishing down the slopes, the fresh, perfect-condition powder tearing up behind their boards.
“January is fast, I know…but why wait?” Sean continued in her extended silence. “We’d love to have you here.” Anyone could detect the double meaning in his tone. His obvious interest was one of the things actually making her choice that much harder.
Why wait? Her gaze was still locked on one of the reasons—the big, terrifying mountain that despite her claims to the contrary still had a hold on her.
“Can I think about it? Just for another day or two?” she asked.
Sean hesitated for a long moment. “Well, okay…but I need to know by Monday.”
Two days away.
“If you don’t want the opportunity, we will have to give it to another candidate,” he said.
God, he must think she was so ungrateful for this chance. She knew other potential candidates would have jumped at this without hesitation. Especially now that September wouldn’t be an option for her. She’d be looking at postponing her new future career plans by a year or more. Her hesitation and indecision were crazy. “Thank you so much, Sean. I really do appreciate this, and I will give it serious thought and let you know soon. Tomorrow, not Monday.” She couldn’t keep him waiting any longer than that. She couldn’t keep herself waiting longer than that.
“Do that. I’d really enjoy working with you.”
Yes, he’d said that already. “Great. Thank you again.” She disconnected the call, then almost immediately hit Redial on the Florida number. She knew what she wanted to do. And too much of her decision so far had been based on something—someone—she wasn’t entirely sure was a safe bet anymore. The last few weeks had been a roller coaster of emotion through this journey with Ash.
She loved him. He was still not ready, or was unwilling, to make the same commitment.
And whether he did eventually or not, she refused to put the rest of her life on hold while she waited.
She was accepting the open spot in January. Decision made, she felt a weight lift from her chest.
Replaced by something else.
As she stared at the slopes, a new sensation filled her—one she couldn’t quite define.
She knew one thing. Before she walked away permanently, before she embarked on her new path, she had to conquer her fear of that mountain.