Anson
She’s warm and wet down there, I didn’t know what to expect. I’ve read about it, even watched movies, but I hadn’t had the chance to touch a woman down there before so I didn’t know what to do. I just hope she likes the way I move my fingers against her, hope she likes the way I kiss her lips and neck.
I don’t want this to end quickly, but I know that we could be caught and she feels like she might be ready.
“Are you ready?” I ask because I need her permission. I want to know that she’s in this with me, that the need fills her too.
That she wants me back.
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?
“Anson Blake, I am sure. More than sure,” she pauses to moan breathily, “Please,” she asks.
I kneel on the bed and help her slide her panties down her hips, she unhooks her bra which I am immensely grateful for because I don’t think I would’ve gotten it off her easily. I start to pull my briefs down but her hand over mine causes me to pause.
“Can I?” Lyrik asks me as she kneels on the bed too.
Our faces meet and instead of answering her, I kiss her. I plunge my hand into her hair and my tongue into her mouth. I throw every ounce of hesitation away in the kiss.
My self-doubt drowns between her lips.
My love escapes with each breath she pushes out.
Need consumes me with every swipe of her tongue.
Her hand slides into my briefs and she touches me, her hand envelops me gently and it’s more than enough to end this all right now. “I don’t think this will go on too much longer, I won’t be able to hold back. I wanted your first time to be the best so I’ll apologize now. I’m sorry Lyrik that this won’t be the best first time in the history of losing virginities, but I promise if you end up wanting to do it again, you will have the best second time in history.”
“It’s already the best first time, nothing can ruin that.”
“Thank you, for tonight, for giving yourself to me, for everything,” I tell her. Wanting her to know how much this moment means to me, how much I love her without actually saying the words.
“Thank you, too, for it all,” she replies right before pulling my briefs to my knees. I push myself off the bed, out of her grasp and let them fall to the floor. She tosses a condom my way and I manage to catch it, she falls onto the bed on her back completely naked and she’s simply breathtaking.
I slide the rubber over myself, place one hand on the bed near her shoulder while directing myself inside of her. “I think it might hurt you at first, but it should be okay after that. I’ll pause once I’m in. Let me know when you’re fine. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Okay,” she whispers.
I move slowly, sliding myself in. It feels tight, so tight and warm. She envelops me, I push forward breaking her barrier, then stop. I don’t move. I freeze in place breathing heavily. Forcing myself to not pull out and push back in, the feeling of her wrapped around me is all consuming.
It’s heaven.
My own kind of heaven.
I trace her jaw with my fingers, “Are you okay? I’ll stop if you want.”
“No. No, I’m fine. It’s fine, keep going.”
I kiss her.
I kiss her with all of me.
All of my love. With everything I’ve got I meet her lips, swirl my tongue inside of her mouth.
I pull out, then thrust back in.
My mouth doesn’t leave hers. My hands hold her neck, my fingers run through her hair.
I touch all of her and she touches all of me.
This would be the time that I tell her I love her.
But I don’t. I can’t.
It would change everything.
It would change us more than sex would.
We can both walk away from this knowing that it doesn’t go anywhere. That this stays right here, in this moment of time.
We know that sex is all it is. Emotions are out the window. This won’t change us.
Won’t change our friendship. We won’t let it.
But confessing my love for her, telling her that she’s the only person in the world that I care about, it would change us irrevocably.
I wouldn’t chase music because I’d want her love more than songs, more than our melody.
She wouldn’t chase nursing school because she’d want my love more than helping people.
Telling her that I love her would change our entire world, our present and our future would suffer.
Right now, isn’t our time.
Maybe one day we will have a time that I can confess that I want to spend the rest of my life loving her, but tonight isn’t that time.
Tonight, is about loving her with my body, about caring for her in a way that I might not ever be able to do.