~ Olivia ~
It’s been two weeks since we started the eating together thing. Tonight I’m going to the store so I’ve tried my best to cover the scars with some make-up. I feel guilty that Mason is buying all the food.
Seven months have passed since the accident, and I feel horribly ill with nerves. Will people stare?
I’ve even curled my hair so half of it hangs over the scarred side. I look in the mirror and for a moment I can almost imagine that there are no scars hiding under my hair and layers of make-up.
I grab my bag and walk to the front door. It feels like every step I take weighs a ton. My chest is so tight and every breath feels like it’s being forced into my lungs. I’m afraid of the world outside my door.
I know I have to do this. I have to start going out again. The rational part of me knows this, but the damaged part of me fears being rejected by a world I once loved.
Although I’ve paid most of my student debt, I still have some left. I no longer get the amazing salary I got from the hospital, and I don’t have a huge nest egg to live off. I can’t go back to Aunt Lucy, either. It’s not that she won’t have me – I just have too much pride to go crawling back to her. I still want to succeed on my own, but the problem is that I don’t know how to do that anymore.
Maybe I can find a job where I don’t have to interact with people something at night where I can hide behind closed doors. There has to be something out there for someone like me.
Slowly, I reach for the door and unlock it. I turn the knob at a snail's pace, and my heart starts to thump heavily in my chest. The door clicks open and I start to suck in deeper breaths.
“I can do this,” I whisper, willing myself to find my courage.
I close my eyes and with the next heavy thump of my heart, I yank the door open. I don’t know what I expected but the quietness that greets me is somehow not it.
I glance at Jane’s apartment and can’t help but think that she has not once offered to help with something since the accident. Mason was the last person on this planet that I expected anything from but for some reason he’s the only person who seems to care.
It’s a weird thought … Mason caring about me – him being compassionate about anything really. I never took him for the considerate kind but in his own quiet way he cares so much.
The fact that he is actually concerned about me - a stranger who has done everything in her power to avoid him - gives me the courage to walk to the stairs. The thought of his generosity while I pushed him away makes me walk down the stairs and out of the building for the first time in a month.
I keep my head low as I briskly walk to the Walmart that’s only a few blocks away. It’s just after eleven pm and the streets aren’t busy, for which I’m thankful.
I make sure my hair is covering my face as I get to the Walmart and then I slip inside. There aren’t a lot of people and I let out a sigh of relief as I start to walk up and down the aisles. I have to admit that it’s actually nice being out of the apartment. I have never been the introvert type and staying locked up in the apartment is starting to drive me insane.
I get all the ingredients to make steaks, mashed potatoes and coleslaw. When I get to the check-out line to pay for everything a man catches my eye. My eyes widen with shock when I realize it’s John Brown. For a moment I watch as he pays for some beer and when he’s done and starts to walk away from me, I leave my stuff right there and go after him.
My heart starts to beat wildly as I follow him into the night. Thoughts flash through my mind of the awful things I want to do to him to make him pay.
I follow him all the way to a house and long after he’s gone inside, I still stand there, shaking with emotion. I now know where he lives. I know where he buys his beer. I can watch him while I plan my revenge.