Volker
I smoke three cigarettes in a row without saying anything. There’s an unfamiliar emotion knotting my gut.
Fear.
Somewhere along the way between wanting to possess her and just wanting her I forgot the risk that comes from too strong an attachment to another person. That they might one day be ripped from you and you’ll be left bleeding. That she might be left bleeding. I can’t even tell myself that she knew the risks when she returned my kisses and shared my bed. I chose this life for her. It’s my duty to see that she comes to no harm.
It’s not myself I fear for. It’s Evony.
People like Heydrich are dangerous, more dangerous than they first seem. He’s not as clever as I am. He’s not nearly as patient. Patience and cunning make a Stasi officer. But he is ambitious, and covetous of my position. And he hates me. I remember the anger burning in his eyes as I told him he’d never advance in the Stasi and I made him salute me. Maybe if I hadn’t taken such delight in humiliating him after the bakery raid none of this would have happened. But I never feared retribution. I know how to look after myself, and I didn’t know then how much this young woman sitting quietly before me would come to mean to me, and how the old fear would stir again. That I could lose her. That I might be unable to save her.
My one thought now is to keep her safe and remove Heydrich as a threat. How much does Heydrich know? How much does he suspect? The fear rises afresh in my chest as I look at Evony’s tense, lovely face. It’s not her that Heydrich wants, ultimately. It’s me. But he will tear her apart on his way to me and once he realizes how much this will devastate me he’ll make me watch as he grinds her into the dirt. The perfect revenge.
If he knows. I think through the possibilities, and it’s bad, but it’s perhaps not yet dire. “It may be all right. Your contact may know who you are, but they don’t know that I know that they know who you are. They don’t know that I know about any of this.”
Evony presses the heels of her hands into her eyes, as if she’s unable to bear this convoluted train of thought. “I can’t do this tonight. If you’re not going to throw me into prison then I’m going to bed.”
As she moves past me I catch her around the waist and she looks up into my narrow, heated gaze. “You are the most confounding, devious young woman I’ve ever met and I assure you in my line of work I’ve met a great many.”
Her eyes go wide, and then understanding dawns on her face. “You’re proud of me.”
I laugh softly. “Yes, my clever girl. All that you did, right under my nose, for weeks? And do you know why I’m not angry?” I press my lips against her ear and whisper, “Because with all the evidence you had against me you never betrayed me.”
She softens in my arms and a shiver goes through her. “But I’ve been working with your enemies.”
“And yet you never told them a thing.” I kiss her hungrily. I know I’m right. She had everything she thought she needed to get away from me and yet she couldn’t do it.
“It wasn’t for you,” she says desperately, pulling away. “I was waiting until I heard something about my father.”
I run my thumb over her swollen lower lip. “Sweet girl, you mustn’t tell me lies, and you must forget about your father. I’m sorry, but he’s gone. He’s fled, or he died that night. I searched the prison records and I didn’t find him.”
“You looked for him? You never told me that.”
“Of course I looked. And if I’d found him I would have told you because it would have been one more weapon in my arsenal to make you stay. You wouldn’t leave East Berlin if your father was imprisoned here.”
Evony considers this, and then shakes her head unbelievingly. “Honestly, are there no depths to which you won’t sink?”
“None. And do you know why? Because you’re mine. Because I’m going to keep you, no matter what.” I take a deep breath, searching her eyes. I wanted to coax the words from her first, the same way I coaxed her lips to mine, her body to yield beneath me. But I can’t wait any longer. “And because I love you.”
She whimpers and her fingers tighten on my lapels. “But I’m trying to escape you. I’ve tried again and again to get away from you. I’ve sneaked behind your back, nearly betrayed you, almost had you thrown in prison. Why do you love me?”
“Because it’s not me you’re trying to get away from and it hasn’t been me for a long time. It’s East Berlin you hate. It’s the Stasi you hate. I’m what you want.” My voice is whisper-soft against her mouth. “Come to my bed, Liebling. There’s no reason why not now. I want you in my arms all night. I want you as mine.”
“You want me, the traitor?”
“I want my Valkyrie. My battleground flower. My indestructible girl. Your love is hard won.”
“I haven’t said that I—”
But I stop her lips with my own. I won’t have her telling me she doesn’t love me. I don’t want her lies. I will have the truth from her lips, and soon. But for now I’ll have it from her body.
I scoop her up and carry her to my bedroom. There’s no biting, no scratching, no swearing at me. Her lips are soft and panting as I undress her, her breasts heavy in my hands, her curved hips warm and soft to my touch. I pick her up and settle her naked in my lap as I sit on the edge of the bed, stroking her, plucking her nipples. Her clit is swollen and slick to the touch as I rub it in tight circles, watch her face flush, her eyes close. She tips her head back, offering to me the long, creamy column of her neck.
When her cries reach a crescendo she reaches down between her legs and fumbles at my trousers. Her movements are clumsy because I don’t stop stroking her hard nub of pleasure and she’s close to coming. When she frees my cock she strokes its length in her small hands, pressing her face into my shoulder, lost in the sensations coursing through her. Then, licking her lips she raises herself up a little and positions my length at her sex. She bears down slowly, inch by inch, piercing herself slowly, tight and delicious around me. I hold her waist, watching the movements of her hips as she starts to rock. Her arms wrap around my neck and her mouth is against mine as she rides me harder and faster, eager to come, needing to work out all her stress and confusion on my hard length.
Whimpering my name over and over, she reaches her climax, her body locking around mine and skin heating like a furnace. She stills and goes limp, but I haven’t finished with her. Still inside her, I lift her up and turn around so that she’s on her back on the bed. I thrust hard, deeply, needing to feel her all the way to the hilt. She holds onto my uniform jacket, watching me with desperate eyes as I pound her hard, keeping a tight hold on myself even though I’m on the verge of coming as I can see she’s close and I want to break with her.
“Reinhardt, I—”
She wants to say something important but she breaks off and kisses me instead. Then she moans, long and loud, and I let my body go, finishing with long, hard strokes as she tightens and clenches around me, the sensations breaking over us.
When I withdraw she clings to me tightly though she hides her face in my chest as if overcome with shyness. I hold her close, stroking her cooling skin. And I smile, kissing her temple. She loves me. I’m still wearing the uniform that she hates so much. This is how I know.