He looked so fierce as his warm body pressed her to the snowy ground. Not that she wanted to complain. She liked feeling him on top of her. If only they were in his house instead of outside lying on the cold ground.
“You better…” His voice became low and soft. “Theresa. Just tell me.”
The look in his eyes didn’t portray he wanted to know because he was a cop. His eyes said he wanted to know because he cared for her. That just made her not want to tell him even more. What would he do?
“Do you think by ignoring me I’ll just forget it?”
“I just don’t…it was nothing. Honest.”
He scoffed. “Just like when your brother comes to your house drunk—” His face became hard as granite. “Did he do this?” The anger drifted out in heavy waves.
“No!” She couldn’t let him think her brother did this. Her eyes closed as she said, “I went to drop off his car and his roommate was the only one home. He grabbed my arm and when I pushed him to get away, I lost my balance and fell. Hit my cheek against the sidewalk. He didn’t hit me.”
His gloved hand brushed her cheek. “Open your eyes.” She listened, popping them open slowly, surprised to see the anger gone and replaced with tenderness. “He still caused this. He still touched you.”
“But—”
He put a finger to her lips. “And I know you. You just want me to let it go and do nothing about it. That’s a really difficult thing to ask of me.” He pulled his finger away, kissing her with an aching gentleness. “I also don’t want to argue with you. I just want to enjoy this day. Because I haven’t had this much fun in such a long time.”
Since Cynthia. That wasn’t hard for her to decipher.
“Don’t try to hide something like this from me again.”
“I wasn’t trying—”
“Don’t lie to me ever again either.”
He had her there. She did try to hide it from him.
“I’m sorry. Maybe you should just take me—”
He silenced her again, this time with his lips. She was more than okay with that. She didn’t want to hear him say, “Yeah, maybe I should take you home.” Her eyes drifted close as the kiss went from slow and tender to hard and passionate.
Then, suddenly, his lips disappeared. The loss of his sweet lips was heartbreaking. She couldn’t explain why. Nor could she open her eyes, afraid to see what look would be in his eyes this time.
“Let’s chop down this gorgeous tree. Then I’ll feed you some lunch.”
Her eyes opened wide at the tone in his voice. He actually sounded happy. The shimmer in his eyes confirmed that. What happened to his anger from moments before? She doubted he would officially drop the subject. Maybe for now, but she knew he’d bring it up again.
“Unless you want me to take you home.” He started to back away.
“No.” Her quiet plea had him sinking back into her, his lips grazing hers once again.
“Then let’s get chopping or I’m never going to stop kissing you.”
She honestly wouldn’t mind that. His kisses got sweeter and sweeter each time. He rolled to the side and stood up, offering his hand to help her. One quick yank and she stood close enough to feel his hot breath running down her spine with delicious intent. She wanted to say screw the tree and run to the house as fast as they could to the bedroom. The sharp glimmer in his eyes said he was thinking the same thing.
“You better stop looking at me like that, Theresa.”
She tried to smile coyly. “Like what?”
His hand glided to her back, pulling her snug against him. “You know.” He kissed her again, another soul-crushing kiss that melted her heart and made her feel like she was flying high up to the sky.
She felt the reluctance as he removed his lips and stepped away. Her body tingled from his kisses and her heart was now one big puddle of goo.
“Now stop looking at me like that. We have a tree to chop.”
She went with another coy smile, then burst out laughing as he made a motion as if he was going to attack her with more kisses. A small chuckle left his lips as he bent down to where he had tossed the ax. It was the most beautiful sound in the world. She decided right then, she would get him to smile and laugh so much today, his face would hurt in the morning. Because every time he did, he became more alive. As if he were truly happy. Because there were times she didn’t think he had any happiness left. Not since Cynthia died.
Her mood started to dip at that thought as he bent down to his knees and started swinging heavy chops to the bottom of the tree.
Would he ever love her as much as he loved Cynthia? Their love had been timeless. Everybody in the town knew they were the perfect couple. The kind of couple everyone strived to be. He did everything for her. Always making her feel like the queen she deserved to be treated like.
Of course, Cynthia wasn’t the nicest person on the planet. She had a mean streak. Not as bad as Marybeth, but if she didn’t get her way, watch out. But the devotion she always saw from Aidan, he didn’t see the malice below the surface. He saw the queen before his eyes.
She wanted to feel like a queen. To have a man look at her with such love and devotion, like the most prized jewel in the world. Just like Cynthia.
How could she compete against her? Not that she should have to. Cynthia was gone. Never coming back. That was the problem. She couldn’t compete with a dead woman with a memory so flawless.
Ha! What was she thinking? Love? He didn’t love her. Probably wasn’t even close.
But for her, she could feel the love for him slowly seeping in. Every time he flashed a rare smile, more and more love slipped in. It scared her. Because only one person would get seriously hurt.
Her.
“What’s the matter?” He started to stand up when she stopped him with one hand in the air.
“Nothing. I…” Her eyes darted to the tree that he had chopped halfway already, yet standing as if it were never touched. “I’m just wondering if I should stand on the other side. I don’t want the tree to go toppling to the ground and get ruined or something.”
His fierce frown said he didn’t believe her lie, which it clearly was up until the point she said it. Now she wondered if it would get ruined.
“It’ll be fine. It’ll be heavy when it drops and I don’t want you to get hurt anymore than you already are.” He turned back toward the tree and kept chopping away.
Way to go, Theresa. Just like that, she put a damper on the mood. He worried way too much about her getting hurt. She didn’t think she’d even get a scratch from the tree, but by the rigidness in his posture, she didn’t think he’d budge on his decision. If he didn’t want her near as he hacked away at the tree, he wouldn’t let her get near.
A slow smile grew. She liked this small protective streak of his. She never dated a guy who acted like this.
“Now you’re smiling. Before you were frowning. What is it now?” The wrinkled lines in his forehead said he was still concerned, yet the glimmer in his eyes said he wanted to smile.
“Nothing.”
“It’s always something with you. It’s never just nothing.” The corner of his lip curled up.
“You look like a sexy lumberjack right now.” Her hand whipped to her mouth for saying something so…flirty.
He chuckled, then focused his attention back to the tree.
Well, mission accomplished. She made him laugh once again.
So maybe she’d never be as perfect as Cynthia. She still managed to make him a little happy. Right now, that’s what mattered. With that firmly in her mind, she let the worry of Cynthia drift away as he chopped the tree down with ease.
Besides the few times he stopped to make sure she was alright with her constant frowning then smiling, he chopped until the tree fell down with one big swoosh. The loud crunching sound as it hit the ground made her flinch. “I told you so,” sat on the tip of her tongue, because she couldn’t imagine based on the sound that some of the branches didn’t break. The tree was far from perfect, but she didn’t want him to have a really pathetic looking tree.
He went to stand by her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder, pulling her close. “That was a lot of work. My dad normally does the chopping. I never realized how sore my arms would be.”
That surprised her. He made it look so easy. That wasn’t the only thing that surprised her. “You never chopped a tree down with Cynthia?”
His entire body went stiff immediately, then his arm fell to his side. “No. I didn’t.”
Once more, she ruined the good mood surrounding them.
He didn’t turn her way, his eyes transfixed on the tree. “I didn’t think this through. I can’t drag that back the entire way home.” He swiveled slowly, the light in his eyes filled with darkness. “Let’s go back home. You can warm up while I grab a sled and get this tree out of here.”
All she could do was nod. She didn’t want to argue with him. He clearly wanted to pretend to be happy when he was anything but.
Yeah, there was no way she could compete with a dead woman. She didn’t even want to try. Because she had no clue how to compete with Cynthia. She hated when the light in his eyes died.
❄
Aiden tried to stop the dark emotions from taking over. He really did. Dragging the heavy tree from the middle of the woods to his back porch helped the gloomy mood dissipate slightly. The first sight of Theresa’s beautiful smile as he opened the sliding door to grab a quick moment of warmth made some of the misery slip back in.
How could he be happy? Why did this simple task make him feel pleasure more than he ever did with Cynthia? He felt guilty as hell.
“Do you need help getting it in the house? Let me—”
“I got it.” With those abrupt parting words, he walked back outside. His fingers were frozen to the bone, even with heavy gloves on his hands. He could’ve used a few more minutes inside, but seeing her happy face was just too much. What was he doing? Why did he invite her over? Should he be feeling happy when Cynthia was gone?
How did he get the tree inside without dragging it across the floor? Tons of pine needles would sprinkle all over his floor.
Minutes passed. Maybe only seconds. He didn’t know how long he stood there, his eyes zoning out as he stared at the tree, not really thinking about how to get it inside. Just staring.
When a soft hand landed on his shoulder, he wanted to forget about the tree, go inside, and do things he shouldn’t even contemplate, let alone fantasize about.
“Did I do something wrong? Maybe I—”
He clamped a gloved hand over hers as he turned toward her. “You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Why does it feel like it? If I said something—”
“You didn’t say anything wrong.”
Things said about Cynthia shouldn’t bother him so much. That wasn’t on her. It was on him.
She smiled gingerly. “Can you stop interrupting me?”
He wanted to match her smile. He wanted to pull her into his arms and kiss her breathless. “I can’t help it.” Kissing her would be a dangerous thing right now so close to the house, but he couldn’t resist wrapping an arm around her waist and pulling her closer. “You get this cute little frown when I do.” A corner of his lip curled up. “Not that I’m doing it on purpose or anything.”
The air became thick and heavy with desire. Even with the cold, sharp wind biting into their faces, he could feel the passion filling up between them.
But nothing could happen. Not yet, anyway. He should take it slow. What was he thinking? Slow? He shouldn’t be thinking like that at all.
Letting his arm drop, he took a step back before his common sense fled and he whisked her inside to his bedroom. His gaze fell on the tree. Then he turned to her with a silly grin, hoping to clear away the gloomy mood that was slowly eating him alive.
“Maybe I do need a little help.”
“Yeah, maybe.” She chuckled as she positioned herself at one end of the tree as he moved to the other.
“Wait. I pulled out the tree stand, but I didn’t situate it where I wanted it. We should figure this out before we drag the tree inside.” He laughed, somewhat lamely, because he was clearly not prepared for any of this.
“I set it near the corner of the living room, close to the fireplace. You’re lucky you have a fireplace. It will make everything look so beautiful.”
She was the beautiful one. He wanted to say that with other tender comments.
Cynthia’s face flashed before his eyes. He turned his head to the ground, blowing out a deep breath.
“That was highly inappropriate of me. I shouldn’t have moved it. I’m sorry.”
His eyes whipped to her gorgeous face, cursing himself inside for putting the sad frown on her face. “No. I appreciate it. That’s a great spot.” He tried to shake off the bad thoughts one more time and lifted his end. “Let’s get this puppy inside.”
She offered him a weak smile and grabbed her end. Within less than twenty minutes, they had the tree inside, in its stand, and situated just right in the corner of his living room. His house was starting to look like he wanted to enjoy the holiday this year. He did. Sort of. As long as he had Theresa to share it with. Otherwise, the holiday would feel lonesome and bare. He really didn’t want to feel that way.
Sure, he had his family to spend the holidays with. His mom loved Christmas. But it wasn’t the same. He didn’t get a giddy, silly feeling in the pit of his stomach when his mom smiled. Only Theresa managed to do that.
His mom had tons of questions this morning when he stopped by her house to ask for some decorations. When Cynthia died, he donated most of her stuff, which most of the Christmas decorations were hers, to the surrounding shelters and donation centers. All of her other belongings, he gave to her family. She thought she had picked out nice, elegant stuff to fill their home with joy. Every time he looked at it, he saw snooty and stuck up instead. He hated it all.
When he walked into Theresa’s house, her simple things had filled his heart with the holiday spirit. With a little joy.
His mother gave him a few ornaments for the tree, the ones he made himself growing up. She also gave him an extra tree stand they had and one set of lights, which wasn’t enough to cover a tree. He had to stop at the local hardware store that also sold Christmas decorations and stocked up on everything else he needed. Bernie, the owner, had given him a strange look, but smiled as he rang everything up.
It probably was odd of him buying tons of Christmas supplies. Last year had been the first time he spent Christmas alone. Mostly alone. He made an appearance at his parents’ house, for their sake. The rest of the time, he wallowed in his self-pity and asked Chief Duncan for more hours to work.
Decorations? He didn’t bother with something he deemed trivial. Not to mention, he didn’t own any decorations.
Now he did. Now he found the task fun and delightful. He had Theresa’s help to make it look as wonderful as her house.
“It looks great.”
He glanced at her. She stood close to him, her hands clasped together in front of her with an adorable smile on her face. He agreed. It looked great, and so did she.
“It’ll look even better after we decorate it. I’m starving, though. How about you?”
Her face turned a bright red as she nodded. “I hope you’re not upset. I felt weird just waiting in your house doing nothing. That’s why I moved the tree stand, and I also made some sandwiches. I hope that wasn’t too forward of me.”
He broke her hands apart and slid his fingers to intertwine with hers. “That was thoughtful of you. I didn’t think this day through.” He pulled her closer. “I feel like I keep mucking everything up. Saying things…ruining the mood.” He turned his head down, yet squeezed her hands for strength. “I want you, Theresa. You fill me with happiness when I feel like I don’t deserve any. I really like the feeling you give me. I just…I don’t know how good I’m going to be at a relationship.” He slowly lifted his head, meeting her gaze. “I want to try, though.” He grinned. “I hope that wasn’t too forward of me.”
She bit her bottom lip as a tender smile graced her face. “That is the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me.”
“I find that hard to believe.”
“Believe it. You think you’re not going to be good in a relationship. I’m a novice. I rarely date. I’ve never been in a serious relationship like you—” She looked appalled. “I don’t mean to bring her up. I know how much she meant to you, and here I am, making you feel horrible.”
Something must’ve flashed on his face for her to say that. Maybe she saw sadness, as if he missed Cynthia. He’d call it more like guilt.
Cynthia liked to control him when she was alive. He’d be damned if she continued to control him in death. It was time to start pushing those damaging thoughts of her out his mind and keep them out. It’d take all the strength he could muster, but he’d do it. Especially right now.
He dropped her hands and grasped her face as his mouth connected with hers. Her lips opened to him, moaning delicately. She moved closer, molding to his body. His hands brushed across her cheeks and through her hair, then made a smooth path down her arms and to her waist. A delicious shiver rushed through her, giving him the courage to keep moving this moment forward. He wanted her. Badly. He was going to have her. No more messing around and skirting his feelings.
He cupped her ass and lifted. Theresa took the cue and wrapped her legs around his waist. Her body felt perfect against him.
Breaking the kiss, he sent a trail of kisses from her mouth to her ear, where he lightly nibbled before whispering, “Can I show you my bedroom? I don’t think I gave you the full tour of my house.”
Her hot breath against his neck teased him mercifully. “I’d love a tour.”
He planted a kiss in response and started to walk out of the living room. She kept her head tucked between his neck and shoulder. She said she hadn’t been in a serious relationship and rarely dated.
As he walked into his room, he bypassed the light. The sun was shining brightly through his window. He opened the curtains every morning, enjoying the scenery and the sunlight that poured through. He liked to imagine it could fill up the parts of him that were so dark and empty. Most days, it failed.
He laid her on the edge of the bed, his hard arousal pressed tightly against her body, and leaned over her with his lips close to hers.
“Do you want this? We can stop now and just go decorate the tree.” He brushed her hair back. “You said…you haven’t dated much. Have you ever…” Wow. This conversation was more difficult to talk about than he realized. He felt like an idiot. But he needed to know. He’d never pressure her into something she wasn’t ready for. Hell, he wasn’t sure he was ready to be with another woman.
Her eyes were lit up with pleasure. Her mouth poised with a sweet smile. Her body felt made for his body.
He might not be ready, but he wanted her so badly it just didn’t matter. Theresa always made him feel lighter, more free. If he was going to move forward with a woman, it’d be with this beautiful woman in his arms.
❄
He wanted to know if she was a virgin. Talk about embarrassing, but oh so necessary to know. She was an adult. She could have an adult conversation, especially if they were about to have sex.
Sex with Aiden. Yes, please.
She giggled as that thought rolled through her mind.
His lip curled into a tiny grin. “Something funny?”
“No. I just want this to happen…and trying to remind myself I can have this conversation.” She chuckled again, even though it wasn’t funny. It was a very serious question he attempted to ask. She appreciated he thought to have this talk before going any further. “I’ve done this before.” Her eyes turned away, because now she was embarrassed. “It’s been a while.” A pause. “A long while.”
A gentle hand moved her chin so she was looking directly into his eyes once more. “Me, too. I haven’t been with anyone since…and even before she…it’s been a very long time for me, too.”
His eyes clouded over with sadness. She did it again. Or maybe he just loved Cynthia so much he couldn’t help but think about her all the time. Did he even want to do this? Who would he think about? Her or Cynthia?
“Maybe we should…”
His jaw clenched, the muscles in his cheek twitched like crazy. “I want this. I want you. Nobody but you. I…shit.” He pushed away from her and walked out of the room.
Well, that went from passionate to ice-cold within less than five minutes. How did it go so wrong? Maybe it was never meant to go right. He just loved Cynthia too much to want her.
She slowly sat up and glanced around his room. A very sparse room. A bed, a dresser, and the curtains on the windows. That was it. No pictures. No knickknacks. No nightstand. Nothing. Strange.
His house was clean and put together well. He had pictures of his family out in the living room. So why did his bedroom look so bare?
It’s not like she was going to ask. She didn’t even want to ask for a ride home. She wished she lived in walking distance. It would make things easier. Because right now, she couldn’t even find the nerve to stand up and go find him.
What a coward.
She bent her head, fiddling with her fingers, trying to forge the courage to get up and walk out of his room.
“I’m ten kinds of an idiot. I told you I didn’t know what the hell I’m doing here.”
Her head jerked up to see Aiden standing in the doorway. His eyes portrayed so much agony. She had no idea how to erase that.
“I’m sorry I screwed it up.” She shrugged, unsure of how else to apologize.
He closed his eyes as he shook his head, then his gaze fixed on her as he stalked to her and knelt down. He grasped her cheeks within his hands. “You didn’t do anything wrong. I did. I mucked this up.”
“But—”
He pulled her toward him and kissed her. A deep, long kiss that contrasted with his sour mood. Did he or did he not want her? She was so confused. The kiss continued to confuse her as it wrapped her into a tight cocoon of bliss. His lips slowed, bringing the kiss to an end. Leaning his forehead against hers, he whispered, “I can’t talk about what I want to. It’s hard. But I want you to know that you didn’t do anything wrong. I want you and only you. Although, I ruined the mood. Why don’t we decorate the tree, eat lunch, and see what happens. What do you say? I…” He pressed his lips lightly to hers. “I’m not ready for you to leave.”
“I don’t want to leave either. If you’re sure you still want me here, I’d love to decorate the tree.”
“I do.” He backed away slowly and stood up, then held his hand out. “The tree won’t look good without your magical touch.” He produced a small grin.
She could still see the melancholy in his eyes, but she appreciated the effort of his grin. His smiles always made her stomach flip flop like crazy. Offering a small smile in return, she took his hand and followed him out of the room.
Yeah, the moment was ruined. It didn’t mean the moment couldn’t be revived later. Who knew what would happen after they ate and decorated the tree. Even if she didn’t make it back to his bedroom, she was happy. She didn’t want to rush him into anything.
When they finally had sex, if they made it that far, she only wanted one thing on his mind.
Her.