I grin when I realise where we’re going, back to my happy place.
My hair is hanging loosely over my shoulder and I pull a hair tie out of my bag, wrapping it around my wrist while I weave a braid then tie it off. I notice Carter watching me from the corner of his eye, “What?” I ask.
He shakes his head, “Nothin,’ you’re just, you’re something else, Chance Haynes. And I’m pissed with myself for waiting so long to claim you.”
I can’t stop the smile his words cause, “I told you already, better late than never. The past is gone, you’re here now, we’re here now, just let it go.”
He nods, “I know,” Carter says, then he goes quiet.
But it’s more than that, he’s so still, like he’s somewhere else, “You want to talk about it?” I ask, reaching over the centre console and wrapping my hand around his neck, playing with his hair as he drives.
I feel a shiver roll down his spine, and he looks at me, grinning, “I love having your fingers in my hair,” he says, “I want to talk about you, what are your plans after graduation?”
Shuffling around in my seat, I get comfortable, while still tickling his neck, “I’m going to work with my brother, Hux. He’s going to mentor me, and I’m crazy excited about it. Hux can teach me so much, he already has, but to be fully submerged in the industry with him,” I sigh happily, “Dream come true,” I explain.
“What’s he mentoring you in, exactly?” Carter asks.
I smile thinking about my brother, “Have you heard of the photographer, Hadley?”
Carter thinks for a minute, “I think so, he takes pictures of ordinary things but in a way that makes them beautiful. That guy?”
My smile widens, “Yeah, that’s him. That’s my brother,” I say, feeling so much pride for my incredible big brother.
Carter parks the car then turns to me, “That guy is your brother? No wonder you’re so into photography.”
I nod again then slide out of my seat and start down the track to my happy place, “Yep, he’s my biggest inspiration. Hux gave me my first camera, and my path became so clear, I could see my whole future.”
“I wish I had that kind of certainty,” Carter mumbles behind me.
Walking backward, so I can see his face in the glow of my phone torch, I watch him carefully, “What do you want to do?”
Just then I stumble on an above ground root, and Carter grabs me right before I hit the ground. His big arms wrap around my middle as he holds me close, “Be with you,” he says against my lips, “That’s what I want to do, it’s all I’m certain of right now. Everything else is chaos, but not you. I’m meant to be with you, that’s the only thing I know for sure.”
I swallow hard, his eyes are boring into mine, and there’s no trace of the cocky football god looking down at me. This guy is vulnerable, exposed in a way I’ve never seen him before, so open, so raw.
My trembling hand cups his cheek, “Carter,” I pause, at first I think to warn him against hurting me, but he won’t, I can see it in his eyes. Pressing my forehead to his, I breathe him in, his crisp peppermint scent calming my out of control nerves, “I’m yours,” I whisper.
He sighs in relief, squeezing me tighter, “You’re mine,” he affirms, “All mine.”
I can feel his heart pounding against my chest, he’s still on edge. “What is it? Talk to me,” I urge.
Instead of answering me, he leads me to the chairs under the fig tree, then goes in search of the battery pack for the twinkling lights, switching them on, and returns to the chairs. He sits in one, then tugs me down into his lap, my back to his chest as he begins to stroke the small sliver of bare skin at my waist.
I relax back into him, curling one of my arms back around his neck, tickling it and the hair at the base of his skull. He sighs in contentment, then he speaks, “My father wants me to play football, go pro. But I don’t. I never have, and he knows it. But it doesn’t matter what I want. It never has. And until now, I’ve been the model son, doing what was expected of me in almost everything. But I can’t do it anymore,” he says quietly.
“What do you want?” I ask, keeping my voice quiet, like his.
His hand flattens on my stomach, and his warmth seeps into me, “To fight,” he says simply.
I pause, thinking before I speak, “I don’t know what that’s like, my parents support me in my choices, they have never forced their will on me. I can’t imagine what you must be going through. All I can do is tell you what my Papa told me, he said ‘When making any decision, no matter how big or small, consider the consequences. You can never undo what has been done. So, you need to be able to live with the outcome. Because in the end that’s what defines you. We are the sum of our actions.’”
Carter is quiet for a few minutes, “Your old man sounds like he knows a thing or two,” he murmurs against my cheek.
I nod, “He does, he’s the best man I know, apart from my brother.”