Chapter Eleven

The first stop he made after leaving the Key West airport in his rental Jeep was to see Marcus at the Hemingway Museum. He found a spot to park in the visitor’s lot, then made the short walk to the employee entrance at the back of the sprawling estate. Once inside, he managed to catch Marcus just as he was hurrying from his office to give another tour of the property to a group of visiting authors.

“Hey you,” Marcus said with a smile so warm and genuine it could have lit the room with light.

Tessler smiled back while he appraised the dark, unruly curls on Marcus’s head—curls he had vast memories of clutching when Marcus was on his knees. Now, when he thought of tangling his fingers in a man’s hair, he pictured short spikes of dirty-blond hair that tickled his palm when they kissed and belonged to Mason. That damn kiss was never far from his mind. Even now, after how many days? Incredible how that one moment had marked him so and made as much of an impact as it did.

Marcus’s hand gripped the back of Tessler’s neck and pulled him to his chest. “You look tired,” he whispered against Tessler’s temple, “and you still haven’t given me a proper hello.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry,” Tessler said and wrapped his arms around Marcus’s back. “It was a long flight, and I’m bushed.”

Marcus pulled back and seemed to study Tessler’s dark eyes for a moment too long. The scrutiny had Tessler on the verge of squirming, and he had no idea why. “I’ve got back-to-back tours and a meeting with staff afterwards, which means I can’t get away for several hours,” Marcus said, “but you’re welcome to wait in my office until I get back if you want.”

Tessler’s gaze dropped to his feet. “Thanks, but I think I’ll go get settled in the cottage, then maybe try and catch the sunset down on the beach.”

The backs of Marcus’s fingers ran along his cheek. It was a familiar touch, one that Tessler once would have leaned into like a preening cat, but now he felt himself gently easing away. The movement was so subtle it could only have been sensed by someone as tuned into him as Marcus was. It wasn’t a shock when Marcus then gripped the back of his neck again and gave him a slight shake.

“Are you okay?” Marcus asked when their eyes finally connected again.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Tessler answered. “Just stressed from work.”

“Well, then you’ve come to the right piece of paradise,” Marcus said. “Go get yourself unpacked, and I’ll meet you at the cottage after I finish up here. Sound good to you?”

Tessler forced a smile onto his weary face and nodded. “I’ll catch you later then.” He started to walk away when Marcus called out his name. He stopped and turned around to face him in the hallway.

“It’s really good to see you,” Marcus said.

“You, too,” Tessler replied, but the words felt hollow to his own ears.

He was still thinking about that as he pulled out of the parking lot. None of the usual feelings stirred inside of him when he saw Marcus. Why was that? The chemistry they had in the past was palpable and always burned fiery hot. He could remember those few years when he’d arrived for vacation and met Marcus at the museum. They’d been so excited to see each other that they couldn’t bear the thought of waiting until Marcus finished work. Tessler had Marcus bent over his desk and his cock fully embedded in his ass less than five minutes after they’d kissed hello. Another time, Marcus had straddled Tessler’s lap, and they’d fucked in his swivel chair before Marcus had to hurry back to work to narrate another estate tour.

It was always spontaneous and fun, and Tessler would be counting down the days until he could see Marcus again. But this year? This felt completely different, and he was filled with an odd mixture of emotions. Some of it he wasn’t quite ready to put under the microscope, but he knew he’d have to soon enough. There seemed to be a distinct lack of heat this time when he saw Marcus, and he knew Marcus had sensed his distance. No goosebumps skittered across his skin at the sight of him nor was he aching to taste his mouth. What did that mean? After three or four years, was he no longer attracted to Marcus? Was that even possible?

Marcus still looked the same, with lean muscles earned from miles of running on the beach rather than working out on gym equipment. He had the whole “hot professor” appearance down pat with pressed khaki pants that hugged his round ass, polished loafers, and a collared polo shirt with the museum logo on the chest pocket. The eyeglasses he sometimes wore to read only perfected the casual elegance that Tessler had found solace in for years. And as time had rolled on, Marcus had merely managed to become more attractive, so why now had Tessler felt an unsettling amount of indifference when he first laid eyes on him or felt his caress today?

Tessler was sitting in the warm sand in front of his private beach cottage when Marcus arrived at dusk. He had his knees drawn up to his chest and arms wrapped around them, and was so deep in thought he barely noticed his presence. The sun had just dropped, basking the beach and water in its final remnants of color with magical hues of blue and pink. Marcus dropped down onto his ass beside Tessler and bumped their shoulders together.

“I missed the sunset,” Marcus commented.

“You did, but there’ll be another one tomorrow,” Tessler said, his eyes still not meeting Marcus.

“Did you eat?” Marcus questioned.

“I made a sandwich a while ago,” Tessler said and inhaled deeply. “I can make another, if you’re hungry?”

“No, I’m good,” Marcus replied. “We ate during our staff meeting.” Marcus pressed against Tessler’s shoulder again in an attempt to get a reaction out of Tessler. “Talk to me. What’s going on with you?”

Tessler leaned back and set his hands into the sand behind him for support. “I honestly don’t know,” he answered truthfully.

“You seem … different,” Marcus said. His fingers toyed with the short, dark hair on top of Tessler’s head, smoothing it even though it wasn’t needed. “Things okay at home?”

Marcus’s hand absently stroked down the back of Tessler’s head and onto his shoulder, then he set his chin onto Tessler other shoulder closest to him. He used his fingers to turn Tessler’s face to him, and their eyes finally connected. The ache inside Tessler’s chest grew. He felt no heat. No burning desire for this man who had been nothing but a wonderful friend and lover to him for the past several years.

“You know you can tell me anything, and it stays between us,” Marcus whispered.

“I know, and I appreciate that,” Tessler said. “You’re the only friend I’ve ever trusted with my truth.” Marcus’s fingers returned to the back of Tessler’s head and stroked. He closed his eyes from the touch, as if he knew what came next and was bracing himself. His eyes were still closed when he felt the first brush of Marcus’s lips across his, then the gentle press before he felt the tip of his tongue slide along the seam looking for entrance into Tessler’s mouth. Such a simple gesture which they’d shared possibly a thousand times before, but now? It felt completely different to Tessler, and the warmth he once felt from this kind of intimacy tasted a little bitter.

Why does this feel like cheating?

It wasn’t as if he and Mason had staked a claim on each other, for chrissakes. They’d kissed. Big fucking deal. No one had proposed marriage or spoken sacred vows to be forever faithful to the other. So why was Tessler so reluctant to share a kiss with his long-term fuck buddy? He had no clue, but that’s exactly what he was feeling. Reluctance. He pulled out of the kiss before Marcus’s tongue had made it completely inside his mouth and set their foreheads together. After drawing in a deep breath, the words were suddenly tumbling from his mouth.

“I’ve met someone.”

Three simple words that seemed to echo across the water like he’d spoken them into a microphone. Marcus sat back to put space between them, but there was no anger or sadness in his expression. Frankly, Tessler didn’t even see all that much surprise in Marcus’s face.

“Tell me about him,” Marcus requested.

“You’re not upset to hear this?” Tessler asked.

Marcus grinned and shook his head. “Why would I be?” he countered. “You’re a gorgeous, intelligent man and worthy of someone so much better than me. The fact that you’ve returned to me, year after year and for as long as you have, I feel nothing but blessed. I have no regrets about the time we’ve shared together, and I know you feel the same.”

“Zero regrets,” Tessler agreed. “You were … exactly what I needed.”

“Likewise,” Marcus replied. “You made me feel young and so desired. It had been a long time since I’d felt alive in that way. I’ll always love you for giving me that.”

“You make it sound like you’re eighty years old,” Tessler teased.

“I think you’ll agree I have a few years on you,” Marcus said and laughed. “I sometimes felt I was taking advantage of you.”

“I was at least twenty-two or twenty-three when we first slept together,” Tessler defended. “You know my history and all the partners I’d already had. You can’t possibly consider what we did as taking advantage of me.”

“I was a much older man,” Marcus explained.

“Again, you know my personal history with the age gap in the men I tend to go for,” Tessler replied, “and I would hardly call fifteen years being much older,” Tessler added.

“It’s seventeen years difference,” Marcus corrected. “I should be ashamed of myself, but I’m not.”

Tessler started to laugh, a deep throaty laugh that had him holding on to his sides. “Good, because we did nothing either of us should be ashamed of. I’ve done far worse and you know it.”

“Some of what we did might have been illegal in certain states,” Marcus said with the lift of one eyebrow.

“That was the best stuff.”

“Yeah, it was pretty fucking great, wasn’t it?” Marcus agreed. They settled down again and grew quiet, until Marcus asked, “So, will you tell me about this man you met?”

“You really want to hear about him?”

“I most certainly do,” Marcus said. “I want to make sure he’s good enough for you.”

“And if he isn’t? What then? Will you fight for my honor or something chivalrous?” Tessler teased.

“You’re wise beyond your young years,” Marcus spoke. “I have no doubt you’ve found a wonderful man who will worship you, but I want to hear you tell me about him.”

“I barely know him,” Tessler said, “but I have a nice feeling about him. Does that count?”

“It definitely does,” Marcus said and smiled warmly. “What’s his name?”

“Mason.”

“Hmmm, that’s kinda close to sounding like Marcus, so when you’re in bed and screaming out my name ...”

Tessler pushed Marcus over into the sand and pinned his arms above his head. “There’s been no screaming—yet, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping to change that status soon. If there ever is any screaming, I’ll be sure to get the names right.”

“You’d be wise to do so,” Marcus said and chuckled. “Wouldn’t exactly set a good example in a new relationship if you used your ex-lover’s name.”

Tessler rolled to the side of Marcus in the sand. “I wasn’t your only lover all these years, was I?” he whispered his question. “I mean, you did hook-up with others when I wasn’t here.”

Marcus turned his head and held Tessler’s gaze. “There were a few over the years,” he admitted. “That was our agreement, and I trust you did the same. Correct?”

“Yeah, mainly hook-ups here and there,” Tessler explained. “Nothing serious.”

“But you think there’s a possibility things with Mason could become serious?”

“Perhaps. I don’t honestly know where his head is at with this, but Jesus, that kiss,” Tessler said, then realized what he’d said out loud. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say that.”

Marcus lifted himself up onto an elbow and stared down at Tessler stretched out beside him. “You never have to worry about what you say to me,” he said. “You’re not hurting my feelings. Even after all this time I’ve known you, I wasn’t deluded to think I was your “forever man.” I’m truly happy you’ve found someone.”

“It probably won’t lead to anything,” Tessler scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Certainly not, if you go into it with an attitude like that,” Marcus said.

“I go back and forth with it,” Tessler said. “Sometimes I think I’d really like to have something with Mason, but then I think, who am I to drag him into my life with all the shit I have going on?”

“He’s not an author or in the book business, is he?”

Tessler shook his head. “No, he’s a former Marine now doing personal security,” he said. “He got hurt on their last job and has been recuperating from a bad leg injury. He goes to the gym across the street for physical therapy.”

“Is that where you met him?” Marcus asked.

“We actually met in the coffee shop below my apartment.”

Marcus made a humming sound. “When you say former Marine, all sorts of sexy images pop into my head.”

“He’s gorgeous, for sure, and he’s an older dude, too,” Tessler added and then laughed. “It’s weird to be telling you stuff like this.”

“Why’s that? Above all else, we’re good friends,” Marcus confirmed. “So, why don’t you describe him to me?”

“Jesus, where to start?” Tessler said and sighed.

“How about you start by describing that kiss?”